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In November last year, I wrote an article called ‘The Evolution of Lucy’, telling my story from the last few years. In it, I mentioned my first venture out as Lucy in December 2022. As a result of that, several girls asked me to write about the event, and so finally, here it is.
I did briefly make it out in October 2022 to a drive-thru Starbucks, but I didn’t class this as my first trip out as I’d not done what I set out to do, which was to go inside. I began to make plans for a “real” trip out. In the run-up to Christmas, I’d be on my own as my wife would be away collecting the mother-in-law for the holidays. This became my planned time to venture out.
I decided that before this date I needed to return to Starbucks, this time going inside to get used to being seen out before attempting anything more adventurous. Sure enough, I headed back there sometime in November, but when I arrived, I completely froze and went through the drive-thru again. I drove home on something of a downer.
As the December weekend approached, my confidence levels were plummeting. I had plans to park at a shopping area on Saturday afternoon and walk around, maybe going for a coffee. I wanted to repeat the process on Sunday somewhere else.
Would I or wouldn’t I though?
As my wife headed away on that appointed Saturday morning, I had tasks to do during the morning and planned to go out in the afternoon. Well, the afternoon came, and I found more and more tasks to do. It was almost 3 pm, and I realised I was leaving things to run a little late.
I decided to test the water by going to Starbucks again, (see if I had the confidence to go shopping on Sunday.) For the third time, I headed to Starbucks. As it was a December afternoon, it was turning dark by the time I arrived. I got out of the car, stood nervously for a moment or two, and then just went for it and walked in. To my delight, the place was fairly quiet. Two tables were occupied, and no one was at the counter.
With a slightly shaky voice, I ordered a latte and a muffin. The girl behind the counter was perfectly fine with me. As it was Starbucks, she asked my name for the coffee; for the first time ever, I gave my name as Lucy out loud.
At a table, I removed my coat and sat down. I was wearing a purple cord skirt and some matching woolly tights, (as I have quite hairy legs.) I became more confident as time went on. As people came in, it didn’t concern me. I had plans to go to a Next store where there were some shoes I’d been viewing online that were in stock.
I was usually happy picking women’s shoes and clothes from racks and buying them in drab, but had never taken the opportunity to try anything on. It was 4:30, Next was 20 minutes away and open until 5:30. Why not just go in and try them on? So that’s exactly what I did…
The store was in a busy retail park. It was dark outside by the time I arrived. I strode inside confidently and wandered around browsing the ladies’ items. When I’d previously done this in drab, I always felt a little odd, but this felt wonderful.
I eventually found the shoes and sat down to try them on. They were Mary Jane style shoes. I had to concentrate when fastening up the buckles, so I didn’t sit with my legs wide open. After all, I was a lady in a skirt!
Walking around a little, they seemed to fit, but the tights I wore were far thicker than the ones I would normally wear. This left me with a dilemma as to whether to buy them. I resolved to put them back and return the following day wearing sheer tights. I left the store empty-handed and drove home.
I couldn’t believe what I’d got up to! I’d “only” intended to go out for a coffee, but felt as if I’d done far more than that. When I arrived home, as it was dark, I just exited the car in full Lucy mode and went into the house. I changed, but stayed in Lucy mode all evening, and overnight.
The following day, I needed to be out all morning meeting some friends for a dog walk, and it was in boy mode until lunchtime. As a result, once again, it ended up being later than intended to get ready to go out.
This trip was to another town centre with a mostly outdoor shopping area. I wanted to get a gift card for someone for Christmas from a coffee chain called Café Nero.
It was quite a vile day with strong winds and rain. I wore trousers so I could wear sheer tights to try on the shoes. I’d had the foresight to buy Lucy an umbrella but decided that the strong winds would make it redundant, so I had to wear my normal waterproof on top.
I arrived at the open-air car park and set off into town. When I reached Café Nero and looked in through the window, I was horrified. It was extremely busy, and there was quite a queue at the counter. My confidence drained, and I made to walk away. I stopped, looked up at the rain, and thought, “What the Hell” and I walked in.
I made my way to the counter not making eye contact with anyone. The queue was particularly slow-moving, but eventually, it was my turn. I ordered coffee and then remembered the gift card. I asked, in what I hoped was a softer version of my usual voice, but they were sold out.
I chose a seat at the far end of the café, with my back to the wall, to see everyone. I took off my waterproof, put down my handbag, and sat down. While I drank my coffee, I noticed two ladies at a table in front of me. The younger one had her back to me, and the older one faced me. She glanced at me every so often. I’d meet her eye contact and she moved her gaze back to her companion. I was feeling quite confident again by now.
After a while, I looked at my watch, time to get to Next before they closed. The shopping area was quieter, and the echo of my fast-moving block heels was the only sound I heard as making my way back to the car park. I made it to Next with 15 minutes to spare. I strode straight to the shoes and tried them on again. Like Cinderella, they fit perfectly!
While I was walking around in them, a lady came around a corner close to me and looked directly at me. I felt like a rabbit caught in headlights. She just smiled, said Hi, and carried on. I was amazed, there wasn’t a hint of amusement in her face, it was just a very warm smile.
I’m pretty darned sure she made me. I’m also sure that she wouldn’t have smiled at me in that way if I’d been in boy mode. I figured I’d just been treated as a woman by another woman. It felt great!
Eventually, I took the shoes to the counter and paid. The young guy behind the counter was perfectly professional and even wished me a nice evening. Once again, I drove home feeling on top of the world.
So, ladies, it can be done. If the thought terrifies you, it’s quite normal.
As I write this, I haven’t been out for a few months, and the thought of doing it again still terrifies me, but I know for certain that I will.
Lucy x
Magnificent, Lucy! I don't blame you for any of the moments of hesitation, doubt and fear you felt, but I applaud you for having the sheer pluck to overcome them. I don't think I'd be so brave, but never say never. Here's to the next time!
Congratulations Lucy on getting out in the world as your authentic self. It's great that you posted this article as I'm sure that it will serve as encouragement for those who have yet to venture out. As we have found, people are into their own things and don't really notice others. Even if we do get notices, the vast majority of the time there is either no recognition or a positive reaction.
Brilliant, Lucy! Feel the fear and do it anyway (as the book title goes). Huge respect, girl.
Allie x
Lucy, you put your big girl panties on and did it, good for you. I'm still waiting for the full on dress and go out myself but reading your story helps fill in the blanks. Sure I'll be nervous and I might back out but there's nothing wrong with that, just keep going forward and I'll be there and in the end a happy girl enjoying myself just like you!
Sherri
Hi Lucy,
Great article, thanks for sharing! I can relate to the feeling of exhilaration that you feel after your first successful outing. It definitely makes you want to do it again as soon as possible, so its brilliant that you were able to go out again the very next day!
I'm very impressed that you went to buy a coffee and shopping on your first trip out and interact with people. I've been out half a dozen times now but have usually just walked around town and browsed in department stores, trying my best to avoid speaking to people due to lack of a decent femme voice (sometimes unsuccessfully much to my surprise, but that's another story!). A trip to a coffee shop is definitely my next goal, and I'm thinking Café Nero might be the way to go since it usually has gender neutral toilets too 🙂
Hope you get a chance to go out and about again soon.
Amy X
Hi Lucy ...my heart was starting to race towards the end !! A lovely story of your first steps as for me I'm still at the door peering out ! I took one 15 minute walk around where I live it was dark about 6 in the morning but plenty of people around as its near a busy tube station. I was wearing what could be called a secretary look! It felt wonderful but I started to get nervous as it was getting lighter so went home. Once I get make up done it will be a bit more adventurous but at the moment it's like being a plane waiting to make a first parachute jump. All the best and keep us all updated xx
Lucy, wow! Such an inspirational story. I think I can wholeheartedly agree that I would feel exactly the same if I was in your shoes. The nervousness and excitement, but you conquered it…good times. Thanks for sharing.
That’s a wonderful story, Lucy. Thank you. I don’t know that I’ll ever find the courage to go out fully dressed (I don’t think I’d blend well). But if I do, it will be because of inspirational stories like yours.
awesome for you Lucy! going out fully dressed in public certainly a process and taken in baby steps
Thanks for sharing. I've had the similar experience. You dress up to go to one place, and it's so fun you start trying to think of reasons to go to other places. I've had similar experiences where people do double takes or seem to look at you longer than normal. They might even say something, but they're always nice. I think it's normal for people to be curious when, in my case, I don't pass very well, but they're usually friendly about it.
Hi Lucy - I'm so glad that your first experience went well. It very much mirrors my own, tight down to the Starbucks cashier asking your name and you saying it aloud for the first time. All an experience you will remember, relate to others many times and will always find yourself looking to the next time with excited anticipation!
That is wonderful Lucy and having aborted trips is quite normal. But you got out in the car and no mention of the fears that can had just driving around. So your success is another positive for others to follow which is what we like to read.
I get so excited when I go out feminine and girly.
Lucy, this is a great article detailing your first trip out! While I have been out of the house as Sophie I wouldn't consider it a real trip out. It was to go shopping and try some things on in a very private setting. I did drive as Sophie, but the trip was made in the evening and the sun was getting low in the sky. By the time I got home it was almost dark, which was good for not being noticed by other people in the neighborhood.
Despite the sheltered nature of my trip, it was absolutely exhilarating to be somewhere other than my living room as Sophie. Next step is to make a "real" trip out. I have been trying to do this for some time, but the right opportunity hasn't presented itself,