Neutral Crossdressing: An Alternative

Hi Marie,
I greatly appreciate your article. In fact, I've read it twice, and I can recognize many of the comments in myself. With my wife's approval, I wear camisoles and panties daily. Occasionally, I wear nighties to bed with my wife—she likes the feeling. Makeup is less frequent; the last time, my wife said she thought I looked good.

Many thanks for sharing!
xxx
Jamie

Marie Claire I like this article because it challenges the notion and concept about clothes and their “tag” whether it be male/ female or masculine / feminine or whatever fluidity there may be. Interesting enough there is still the stigma of a man wearing a dress. I have about a dozen dresses and I wish I could wear them more often. As for now my SO will not have anything to do with it so I’m left to wear my under garments while in dram. Hopefully unisex clothes might catch on. I’m sure there are some things already in that category. In the meantime I’ll continue to wear my dresses a few times per month.

Thanks for this article, Marie Claire. I often lament that I cannot wear feminine clothing without the risk of societal shunning.

So I have never gone out of my house anywhere close to fully dressed. But I do go out in knee highs, panties and a cami nearly every day. And recently I’ve begun wearing women’s jeans out of the house, and on rare occasions, I’ve worn a bra outside. I also wear light makeup and neutral lipstick outside daily.

I will now and then wear print or brightly colored shirts in male mode, especially when traveling, sometimes with feminine accessories like thin cuff bracelets or a purse-style backpack.

I guess, as I think about it, expressing my feminine side in these ways is important to me, even if I am not in a position to dress fully in public.

I have been doing this publicly for what seems like a century now.

But, I read stories of Larry “Sissy” Goodwin, the onetime airplane mechanic, military veteran, and rodeo cowboy, and when I found out he was an open crossdresser, you didn't have to look female to wear female-looking clothing. Guess what else? In the 1970s, Larry began to wear feminine clothing in public. What guts it took to stand against the norm.

His bravery gave me the guts to wear my female clothing openly for over twenty years.

Maybe someone on CDH should a story on Larry “Sissy” Goodwin. If you did some research on him. You might be surprised on what you will read about him.

Hippie

In my role as a woman, I often wear men's clothing or clothing that are unisex. I love turtlenecks for example, which apparently were originally intended for men, until women made them their own, with lots of succes. I put on make-up, wear a wig, but I personally don't need a padded bra to feel like a woman. I want to feel like a man dressed as a woman, if that makes sense. To each his own, you just do what is necessary.  🙂 

I'm fortunate in that I'm retired, maybe not so fortunate to be widowed but the combination does provide me with a lot of lattitude. Plus, at my age, my GAS factor of what others think is quite low. I do love to dress, I'm prone to fancy 50's type styles, in fact this Saturday night I have a new poodle skirt outfit I can hardly wait to wear. I normally go out to a local club twice a week, way over what the normal cis woman wears now days, always a skirt or dress, stockings, 4", sometimes 5" stilettos, my ears are pierced and I love shiny bling, always class, and I also go out full Jennifer to local restaurants for dinner every other week with a friend. Yes, this is in the south, the so called "bible belt', but actually we're not as uncivilized as people like to believe. But except for those moments, when I go out like grocery shopping or Lowes I do, as Marie suggests, tone it down. There are many women's clothes that are pretty generic, jeans, tops, even blouses that are still feminine but not obvious. I've found that for the most part, men are pretty oblivious to what anyone is wearing around them, unless it's an attractive women which will catch their attention. Even with earrings and painted fingernails, most men are oblivious. Women, on the other hand, are much more observant, even noticing that, well, that "shirt" buttons from the wrong side, the cut of the neckline of that tank top, and they rarely miss painted fingernails and earrings. But I've also found that except for a very few, and I mean VERY few, women are far more accepting. I've yet to have a negative experience, even if I'm stopping to help a women get something down from a high shelf or picking up a heavy bag. They'll usually just ignore me, some just smile and nod, some actually will stop and chat awhile, many encouraging. I think most of us who have been around awhile, a long while, are still stuck in the fears and shame that we've been programmed with for just about our entire lives. This fear and shame is so powerful that there are cases when a person has even committed suicide just because of the fear of being outed. This is fear more powerful that the fear felt in actual combat, so powerful is the generations of social programming we've been subjected to. But we are in the 21st century now and times have really changed. Even people who are going to the same corner church where their parents and grand parents and great grand parents have gone, maybe all still go, now realize that no matter what they've been told before, we're all God's children. They see us now on the internet the media, on the sidewalks and in the restaurants, and we're no longer this unknown scary enigma. Yes, for a short while there our image was tarnished by some overly made up clownish drag queens who encroached upon the lives of the children, something that common sense tells us should never, ever be done. There's probably nothing more effective in creating a backlash than to get between a mother and her child. But for the most part that's settled down, and now they see us, the feminine side of us, just trying to be who we feel we are, minding our own business, no longer viewed as a threat. I don't mind being recognized for who I am any more, I try to be a good example, a good representative for us. It's really not hard, if you want to be accepted, you have to be acceptable. You stay away from the children, you act like a responsible adult instead of a twit, mind your own business, and other people will mind theirs. Even here.
Hugs,
Jennifer

I wouldn't consider a sports bra a last resort by any means. I wear one daily & it's very comfortable, I much prefer it to a normal bra. As I have a bit of "natural" filling anyway, along with some padding it fits my needs nicely, big enough to satisfy me without being unusually big, at least no-one has ever said anything anyway. Along with various other women's undergarments & even blouses & ladies trousers (these are pretty easy to wear out as they don't stand out at all without close inspection) I can go about my day without any awkward explanations & then get properly dressed once I get back home. Skirts & dresses, while being favourites of mine are purely for "in-house " use. It would be great if the "rules" were a bit more in line with what ladies can wear without controversy but I guess that's just the way it goes.

I had been under dressing for years. But once I was caught, not realizing one should not wear pantyhose along with some pants or jeans. If one is in a quiet room a rubbing or swishing sound can be distinctly heard when walking about. Women, it seems, are very aware of this sound. I was busted!

Nice article, Marie Claire. I appreciate it. Good ideas to think about. It is an option that I must evaluate. My male clothing is very manly, practical and boring, but that's the way I prefer to look out of home on daily basis. Not a big deal for me. Now I answer your questions.
1) Do you have the courage to go out on the street dressed as a woman?
Not all the time. I finally rounded a week ago, go out for the first time and I just love it. I have fun. So I can say yes, but not in my country. There are reasons I won't go into now, but I never say I won't drink that water, especially when I have been delighted by the taste of the first few tips.
2) Have you ever worn men's clothing with a fit, fabric or color considered feminine?
Not really. The most that I have done is to wear pink, lavender or fuchsia men's clothing.
3) Do you like the result or the process more when you dress as a woman?
I love the results. I still have work to do but I feel fine. Being Gisela Claudine is really fun. It makes me feel extremely good. But I also enjoy the process, especially last week as depilated my body, I did my nails, make up and get dressed.
Earlier Tuesday I went berserk and spent a lot of money in cosmetics because I wanted to look pretty my first night out.
The race against time, feeling useless at some moments, was a bit stressful and I got tangled up in my manuals, but then I put the papers aside, let the pressure vanish and prepared to enjoy the process. I think I made it and it gave me great feelings.
In the end my first night out was fabulous in pleasant company. Since then everything grew even better.
Gisela

Okay girls, my turn!

- Do you have the courage to go out on the street dressed as a woman?

I am an intersex trans woman, legally a female. I dress in my clothes each and every day

- Have you ever worn men's clothing with a fit, fabric or color considered "feminine"?

When I was in high school, being quite feminine and considered to be gay, I was the first person to wear flared slacks or bell bottoms. I also wore polyester shirts with puffy sleeves, frills down the buttons and they were pink, magenta, and blue with pink floral pattern. My hair was a long shag.

- Do you like the result or the process more when you dress as a woman?

I actually enjoy both very much! I have always loved doing my makeup, my nails, my hair, my earrings and wearing very feminine clothes. I am told by many that I have exquisite taste, good sense of color, and that I'm a classy lady! I get to enjoy the result of that process throughout my day, every day!

Big hugs,

Ms. Lauren M

Great Article Marie!

Dressing in a more neutral fashion is definitely a great way not to attract attention and really helps build confidence.

– Do you have the courage to go out on the street dressed as a woman?
Yes, but in a more neutral fashion. I tend to wear women's jeans with women's button down "man style" shirts. Shoes can be women's sneakers (thank you New Balance for making sneakers in large sizes) or boots with a small heel. In the warmer months, I'll trade the shoes for sandals. Sometimes, I experiment with light makeup.

– Have you ever worn men’s clothing with a fit, fabric or color considered “feminine”?
Only on the golf course. No one will ever question a guy for wearing bright yellow slacks with a Barbie pink shirt while on the golf course. Other than that, all of my "feminine" clothes are from the softer side of the store.

– Do you like the result or the process more when you dress as a woman?
I enjoy both the process and the result when I can take my time and put it all together properly. Most of the time I feel rushed and don't enjoy the process and the end result is less than stelar.

Dear Marie Claire,

Already at the age of five or six I realised I had the mind and soul of a girl and that it had suited me much better if I had been born with a body to match that. However I had no idea of either the concept of being transsexual, as it was called back in the early 1970s, the possibility to transition between genders, or the social stigma attached. At eleven I started secretly wearing my mother's old skirts and dresses to visualise the girl within, and one way or another I continued crossdressing in the closet for 37 years, always wishing to let the girl out in the open but not daring to take the step.

The tipping point was being diagnosed with Parkinson's disease 2012 at age 47. Initially my life went downhill very fast, or at least it felt that way, and I understood that if I should ever be able to explore life from a female perspective it had to happen soon or she would never have a fair chance to be. A little over two years later I left my cozy hotel room in a rural Swedish small-town to face an early winter blizzard in search for a place there a lady could have a decent dinner.

I do not only step out in the streets in female attire, but have proudly presented myself as a confident, stylish woman of class and elegance in nearly all social settings including visiting the doctor's and the dentist's, shopping at every kind of stores from goodwill second hand to the high end fashion palaces, commuting to work and working several days a week in full female presentation for over three years.

I have never worn male clothes in feminine styles. Instead I started wearing women's skin tight stretch jeans together with tops and blouses that were not overtly feminine in style and gradually stepped it up when I didn't get any reactions whatsoever. I came out to everyone at work in 2018 and was totally accepted, yet waited untill May 2021 before entering the office in full female presentation wearing a flower print skirt and a white Jersey top with a deep neckline accentuating a modest clevage.

I used to like both the process of transforming myself into my female persona, as well as being seen as a woman and interacting with people as Marianne. It all came very easily and naturally to me and I became very adapt doing my makeup in different styles. Depending on the occasion I could be anything from a soccer mom, invisible in the crowd, to a stylish woman of wealth and class, dressed to impress going out for dinner.

Unfortunately every good thing must one day come to an end. Last summer I realised I had gone too far too quickly for my wife to be able to handle and it nearly came to cost me my marriage. Simultaneously the symptoms of my illness had become so severe that I was struggling keeping an acceptable female presentation. So forced by powers out of my control I am now merely back in the closet. After nine years of flying freely.

Ellen Marianne Tornander

Hi Marie Claire, I take a different approach. I am more often than not "stealth dressed," dressed in women's clothing that looks close enough to men's clothing, although if you looked closely you could see the difference.

I'm almost always in panties (except for wax days when I have to wear boxer briefs, which you could consider as a microfiber tight fitting boxer panties with an extra pouch in front). I don't wear a bra unless I'm wearing breast forms (or planning on it later). I'm wearing women's skinny jeans, and a woman's almost-androgynous tee shirt. There might be a V neck that's a bit too much for a man, or the material is thinner, or just more of a nylon material, or a split at the hem between the front and back, or a richer color than men typically wear. But no one has ever said anything to me. My socks are women's low rise socks, or tights, and I have women's shoes that look plain enough to be men's shoes.

I do have to choose my panties based on whether I am going to the gym at work or not. If I'm going to the gym, I'll wear a solid color, and I usually take a corner locker, especially if I'm wearing a thong. I have learned to further hide my panties by bending slightly so the shirt covers part of them as I am changing. The same goes for wearing tights; I can only do it if I'm not going to the gym.

I'm too hard on my nails to consider using fingernail polish, even clear. (I chipped my nail within the first day going to Keystone.) I'm not interested in wearing toenail polish, partly because I don't want people looking at my feet (they're not my best feature), and partly because I take my socks off regurlarly for a Pilates class.

Depending on the season, I have worn a woman's cardigan or a woman's jeans jacket.

One time I tripped on a curb and gave myself a "shiner" (black eye). For the next week I wore a bit of makeup to tone down the bruise.

Last month I had to take an MRI after work, so I wore women's leggings, and put a minimal amount of stuff (license, cash, credit card, health insurance card, car keys and phone) into a fanny pack (leggings have no pockets). I wore this to work that day, and because there was no metal zipper, I didn't have to change into a gown to get the MRI, just remove the fanny pack.

Do I go out dressed as a woman? Yes, fairly often. I have been going for a walk en femme around my block (about a 3 mile trip), particularly on the weekends for about 5 years. I'm occasionally in a dress, more often in a skirt and top. I even have an ankle length quilted coat that I can wear in winter. I've cut back the last year because of illness, but hope to start up again.

Have I worn feminine style men's clothing? No, I wear andryogynous styled women's clothing.

Do I enjoy the result or process when I dress up? I'd have to say I like the result better than the process. When going out for a walk locally, I might just put on a touch of beard cover, and the wig frames my face and changes me. If I'm going out somewhere fancier, I will spend more time with makeup. I'm OK doing that, but I enjoy the results more than the work I have to put in to get there.

No to the first two questions but a definite yes to the third. Thank you for asking and for your advice.

Dear Marie,

I have crossed that bridge, going to work enfemme.
I did it slowly by gradually adding more and more feminine articles through many years.
Pierced ears, eyeliner, mascara, painted nails, neutral tunics with Jeggings, etc.

It was often very obvious that I was wearing women's clothes. Men, of course, were standoffish, but women gave me lots of compliments. I finally came in to work one day fully dressed wearing a white top and orange skirt, white heels.
By that time, nobody was surprised at all. Men laughed when I walked up to them and it took them a minute to realize who I was. It was not ridicule, just complete surprise.
I pass very well and was immediately accepted by all the women.

I honestly think it was a relief for everyone. It was now a subject out in the open and no one has to "walk on eggshells". I encourage questions and have open discussions. People are just very curious.

It was a big step forward and I'm so glad that I took it. I'm also lucky to work in an accepting environment.

Thanks for your article.

Lisa