Crossdressing at my first esprit

My transgender journey so far has been a slow path to self acceptance. Every now and then something along my path acts as a catalyst that helps me more quickly and more fully become who I am. I know from speaking with many of you that the first time you plucked up the courage to wear woman’s clothes was a momentous occasion. For me it was no less, and that moment almost 27 years ago sticks out in my mind.

Through the years this has been followed by purges and denial, buying my own clothes, and dressing fully as a woman at home for the first time. Each time I broke through my previous limitations I felt a feeling of freedom, peace in my soul and I could hear the person I truly am sing louder.

I’ve shared with you my first time crossdressing at a Tri-Ess meeting. . This was followed by my first time out in public outside the meeting room, to my first time out in the “non-alternative lifestyle” public. All stories I still need to share with you lovely ladies.

Telling someone else for the first time, telling my wife and – just recently – telling my mom. I’m still working through the emotions of that last one, and am not ready to share all the details just yet. Telling my closest friends, and going about regular every day activities as a woman.

EnFemme Style

Beginning therapy – first for the mind, then to make my body reflect my soul – has been a long time in the making , a giant leap towards self acceptance. This coming week I will attend my first transgender conference, Esprit.

I know that many ladies attend a transgender conference early in their journey – you can probably comment better than I how this helped shape your path through gender identity. For many the first conference is a time of extreme nervousness , it’s the first time you can spend many days in a row as a woman, for some the first time out to a non-transgender public. You ladies are braver than I was back then.

As I think about Esprit I’m filled with a spirit of anticipation and excitement. I’m eager to learn about the next steps on my journey, and meet people who can help me along the way. I’m looking forward to all the new friend’s I’ll make – I also can’t wait to meet woman I’ve been in contact with over email for a few weeks now.

By the time you read this it will probably be Sunday evening. I’ll be registered for the conference, checked into my room and experiencing the sights and sounds of Esprit. If I can get an Internet connection I’ll try to share some of the fun with you dear ladies. If you’re going to the event drop me an email to let me know (thanks Robin!) so we can meetup.

Speak to you soon!


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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.

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Petra Bellejambes
Petra Bellejambes
13 years ago

Good luck Vanessa, cannot wait to hear how it goes for you!

13 years ago

I have never gone to any meets yet but I should. Its always fun to meet others like yourself and gain insite and encouragement. My best friend is post op so she gives me lots of ideas and help.

13 years ago


Do to the fact that i am handicaped i cannot do any fast everything hass to been done slow,for I have help and no way to get to any place or become who I am because of all of this. being on a fixed income does not help in any way. Who is out there that is willing to help.

Thank you

13 years ago

Acceptance of the society for the things that we choose, esp. if it is not acceptable to all maybe really slow. But as long as you you are happy, and you're not doing any harm to anyone, so be it. I hope that soon you will receive the acceptance that you are longing for. Anyway, good luck.

13 years ago

Vanessa, I know you are having the time of your life at Esprit. I have been twice and could not have ask for a more fun loving, compassionate group to be with. My first time there was the first time I had contact with other cd's. I had no idea there were so many of us, and basically have the same story to tell about how we have arrived at this point in our lives. The buying, the purging and the guilt, we have all been there. I wish I could be there for your graduation so I could see… Read more Β»

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