I want to live like that

The last few months have been a difficult time for me. People I care for turned away from me, and those I thought were friends cast themselves against me and sought to harm others I care for.

When we are beset by hurtful words and harmful actions it is easy to respond in kind. You see the enemy charging towards you and draw your sword, ready your shield. Your blood starts pumping as you reach deep into your self-righteous anger to unfurl a battle cry.

Yet with any battle the outcome is certain – both combatants will be wounded, the body and heart forever scarred through the altercation. And when the fighting is over and the righteous anger has cooled even the victor will be haunted by ghosts of their aggression.

Indeed battle – especially with those you once cared for – can only end in defeat.

This morning I was listening to a song by Sidewalk Prophets called ‘Live Like That’. In the chorus they sing these words as they refer to a radiant and perfect creator:

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do points to you

Whether or not you believe in a god, or a Christian God this is a powerful exhortation to our better nature. That our thoughts, and words, and actions point to something more glorious, offer a glimpse of something more perfect.

I want to live like that.

At times in our community we come across others we disagree with – those who despite walking the transgender path are different from us. It can be appealing to cast them as an enemy to be defeated. Even as I bring my former friends in the transgender community to heart who wish us harm, it is tempting to feel ill will towards them.

I encourage you, as I encourage myself, to find love and compassion. The transgender journey is hard. One of the hardest I know. They bear hurts, and challenges, and scars too. Even amidst hurtful words and hurtful actions, they are still our family.

I pray their path is blessed.

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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.
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Amanda Lavender
Active Member
1 year ago

I like your post and I like this site. I am a Christian and I struggle with this thing that I do all the time. I feel so conflicted, I know that I am a man but, I love my feminine side too. I want to live like that too. I want to be better. I have compassion for all of you on here because I know that most of us are going through the same thing.

Rosalind Christine
1 year ago

Thank you Vanessa for sharing your heart with us. Sometimes even those we thought were supportive change up on us and their rejection hurts, it simply makes room for true friendships to develop, grow, and nurture us.

1 year ago

Vanessa I rarely post but your words motivate me because you are so fundamentally important to us all. Please be strong and know that you have our support. Don’t let the ‘slings and arrows’of fake people affect you. You are better than they are and you have created a place of solace and hope for so so many people. You are utterly awesome, please don’t stop.

Samantha Duncan
1 year ago

This really hits home with the struggles we face.

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