I have never written an article during my time at Crossdresser Heaven nor had I experienced anything like the event I briefly attended last week. Attending the Keystone conference has changed my perception of our community, and my place in it.
I made the decision to attend this event based on a need to finally meet some CDH members with whom I forged friendships with over past year. I told my SO my intention and eventually, after some tough conversations, reluctantly she gave me the ok to go.
The trip was a few hours drive and I felt like a condemned man watching the clock tic down before his execution. The closer I got the more nervous I became. Even as I arrived, I drove in circles around the building before realizing I had come this far and I needed to go inside to at least say hello to the people I had spent the last year baring my soul to.
Sitting in the lobby in male mode waiting to meet a friend I felt like an intruder, but I could see a diverse crowd of people simply going about their business without anyone taking notice of me or each other, besides offering a kind smile as they passed.
Eventually I was greeted by some Crossdresser Heaven friends, only one of which I ever met in real life before, however, I immediately felt a degree of comfort. One of which was kind enough to give me access to her room so I could prepare. I had a lunch appointment and only about 30 minutes to get ready, so I hurriedly did my makeup and got dressed, I didn’t look my best, but I knew I was among like-minded people here, so maybe I was going to be ok.
My outfit and makeup were specifically chosen because I was going to dinner that night in public for the first time and I wanted to blend as best I could. I received a few compliments on how I looked and this put me even more at ease. A half hour after being amongst the crowd, I realized some things. At first I felt that all eyes were on me, as if someone was going point out how cheap my wig looked. The reality is at something like Keystone, it’s ok to present how you like to present yourself. No one is going to criticize you, even if inside you feel you don’t quite measure up. The shocking thing to a newbie like myself was the lack of reaction I received from others. I could look them straight in the face and introduce myself without feeling self-conscious about my appearance.
After lunch I attended the CDH meetup which was wonderful. I enjoyed meeting the members of our site, especially the administration personnel who do the thankless job of keeping us safe here on CDH. My only regret was not taking pictures and not talking to everyone in attendance.
Once again I was welcomed and made to feel like I belonged by everyone I encountered. This was becoming a trend. Next was checking into an offsite hotel and I was already dressed so why not just check in as Melanie? So I did, and I had no issues with the clerk or anyone else I came across. This was a big first for me as it is for any cross dresser. It was scary but I survived unscathed, and frankly proud of myself.
I returned to the Sheraton just in time for a bus trip to dinner. I had a nice time speaking with some lovely Crossdresser Heaven ladies. We simply exchanged stories and enjoyed each other’s company. All the while I was becoming more and more comfortable with myself and the people around me.
After returning to the hotel, I sat in the bar for a couple of hours striking up conversations with some truly awesome people. I felt free to ask them questions about themselves. I felt free to express myself and the best part was the fact that I felt safe enough for the first time to be Melanie outside of my home.
The next day I returned to attend a presentation by a an author whose book helped me accept myself as a non-transitioning cross dresser. It was enlightening and I enjoyed it but by this time I needed to get on the road to return home. I was physically exhausted and emotionally spent. So I said my good byes and sadly packed Melanie away and returned home.
I am going to treasure my first time at Keystone because of the people I met and the acceptance that was given to me. Of the many things I learned during my twenty-four hours at Keystone one stands out in my mind. You will be accepted at something like this, regardless of where on the journey you are.
If you have ever felt alone or wondered if you had a place where you could feel at home, without being judged and are willing to let your hair down a bit, Keystone might just be what the doctor ordered. As a Crossdresser Heaven friend told me, “Meeting others and expressing myself is my therapy”. For a first timer like me I found that statement true more than I can possibly explain.
Thank you for taking the time to read my article about my first cross dressing event attendance at Keystone. Please feel free to send in any responses to either my article and my questions posed to you below:
- Have you ever been to a cross dresser convention and was your experience similar to mine?
- Would your wife or SO not allow you to go to a cross dresser event like Keystone and what would be their reasons for you not going to one of these events?
- Would you have those reluctant feelings of not entering the hotel or building where the event was held like I had and could you overcome those feelings and finally just walk right into the building where the event was held?
Sincerely, Melanie
Great article Melanie. Brings back memories of my first Keystone. I’ve always said to others here Keystone or any conference like it is a great place for a first time out in public or whatever your level of experience is. Thanks for sharing. Hugs….
I agree 100% Sam! There is no better place to present your femme self for the first time.
Wonderful article. Thank you so much !!
Ty missy! Everything about the experience was so overwhelming positive, I hope my feelings translated into my words missy.
Reading your article brought back so many wonderful memories of so many “firsts”. I’m happy for you!
It was life changing for sure Gabriela. I just wish others could share in the experience!
Thanks for sharing your wonderful experience. I imagine it must really feel like heaven to be among so many sisters who have nothing but support and good wishes. I can only dream of such a place. To answer one of your questions… No, I have never been to an event like Keystone and my wife would never allow me to go out with other CD’s in any form. She has always been a bit possessive anyway and always afraid of me embarrassing her with my dressing. I can only read of other girls experiences here and imagine such a place… Read more »
Thanks for the response Michelle. I wrote this article not only for other cds but for spouses as well, it’s my attempt to lift the vale of mystery around these events. When I presented my wife the list of presentations at this event I could tell she calmed a bit. It’s a safe place to explore yourself among others who have similar feelings. As I said earlier wives are not only welcomed but encouraged to attend, many presentations were closed off for only wives of trans and cds. Education and understanding are our biggest allies on this journey. I hope… Read more »
Melanie-not sure if I had a chance e to speak with you at the CDH get together-so little time and so many members there(about 30-35). Idk didn’t then I apologize. As a veteran of one SCC,3 Keystones. Y soon to be 4th esprit in less than two weeks, and the combined Diva Las Vegas /Wildside last Halloween week, it was great to hear about your first conference experience as well as many others that told me of theirs or that I talked to or hung out with at Keystone last month. I have had the honor and privilege of letting… Read more »
We did not properly meet at the cdh meetup at keystone. I saw you but you were in conversation and I didn’t get the opportunity to introduce myself as I said in the article that’s one regret I have about it. Not going out of my way to say hello to every cdh person I encountered. This is a safe place to open ourselves up and we should make every attempt to support each other. I hope to meet you sometime as well as others who call cdh home.
hi Melanie….i enjoyed reading you reactions on your first keystone experience. like you, it was also my first time to keystone. I have gone out in public many times over the past years, but I can still relate to your feelings as you first went into the hotel. you never forget those “first time" experiences.
i am glad that it was a positive experience for you, and hope that you will come again next year. i certainly would have like to have met you. maybe next year?
hugs jerriekaye
Yes jerrie I echo those sentiments about meeting . We are a small segment of the population and the least we can do is make one another feel welcomed because after all who knows our struggles better than a fellow sister! My cdh friends helped me make the experience as positive as possible and for that I owe a debt to the next crop of first timers! I hope this article is the first step in paying back that debt.
Thank you so much for sharing. This helped to solidify my getting signed up for next year. Thanks again.
That was my goal Sami! I hope you can attend and have a great time like I did.
Hello Melanie sweetheart. I can relate to your article a in many ways. This also was my 1rst. My original intentions were to meet up with a CDH friend for coffee or a drink and then go back home for I only live a couple hours away while the lady I was meeting drove up from Baton Rouge, LA. As time got close to keystone I went and signed up on there site. Then I thought about staying the night so I called the hotel and everything was booked which I figured would be the case but she said she… Read more »
Janice (and Melanie and any others) I can only speak for myself but please the next time so not hesitate to come up and talk to me even if I’m in a conversation- I am always glad to talk to anyone and make new friends , if I am in a deep personal conversation I would let you know and at the least get contact info to get with you later after that conversation was done. I hope to meet even more folks next year!
Cyn
Great article, Melanie! Keystone is a possibility in my near future. We’ll see.
Melinda
Hopefully you will be able to make it at some point. Trust me Melinda you will thank me for giving you this little nudge, you won’t regret it!
I have never been to any event like that. I believe I would have the same reservations as you did. I am happy and truly proud of your courage. I have been in the closet my whole life. Thanks for the inspiration. Have a blessed day and wonderfu life. With love and respect Amber Lynnl
Ty Amber Lynn you are so sweet! I wrote this to inspire others to get out and let their femme sides shine a little. I hope you can too someday!
Thank you Melanie. I love CDH! I have been on a few other CD sites to try and connect with women like myself. None of them produced. I stumbled on this site 3 day’s ago. What a blessing that was. Everyone has been so kind and welcoming. I always wished I had women I could have girl talk with that understand me and are supportive. I feel I have that now. Thank you and all the ladies here. Amber