I was surfing the web one day for similarities relating to my own lifestyle and commonalities to my past, present and perhaps future when I came upon a site called “Cross Dresser Heaven.” As curiosity would have it I clicked onto it and began reading a couple of stories. I was amazed and kept reading. Here at CDH were so many others describing their lives, their lifestyles, their fears, their happiness of being a cross dresser and I said to myself “wow this is cool stuff”. I have joined other sites regarding cross dressing, drag, transgender and the likes but there was something about this site that reached out and grabbed me. I looked through the photos and there before my eyes were so many others that share the exact same commonalities as I. Immediately I thought to myself that I needed to be a part of this community so I began filling in the blanks. But then I stopped because I suddenly had another thought, what if I’m not accepted because my experience or lifestyle goes a little deeper than what I had read so far.
I thought it would devastating to be turned down and we all know of rejection and the effects it can have on us so, being a little paranoid and apprehensive, I discontinued filling out the form. Then yet another thought came to mind and that was that if cross dressing only was a way to be a member and a part of the site then I would just claim to be a cross dresser and nothing else. As I mentioned earlier, my lifestyle and experience goes deeper because I’m also a raging drag queen and I’m gay. From what I had thus far I wasn’t seeing anything regarding drag queens or being gay. No instead I was seeing cross dressers that were married to the opposite sex so how could I possibly fit in when I’m also a drag queen and gay? Yep my mind was then set on just lying and play the part of a CD so I could join and become a part of. Well to begin with that thought was not going over to well because I had already played the part of lying and trying to keep who I am a secret and it didn’t really work out in the past and I was miserable. Did I really need to be dishonest again just to fit in and join a site or community? “No” was my answer, for I have come too far.
My past is full of lies and deceit and I never want to do that or be that again. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen; to be turned down by whoever made the decisions? It was then that reminded me of when I first began cross dressing (I don’t really like that title or phrase but it is what it is). I wouldn’t lie I would accept whatever rejection came, I’m a big girl, right, and I have made it through just fine being honest, so why go against everything I have accomplished now just to be a part of something that I didn’t even know was real. Hell for all I knew it was just another site someone created online to make money from. A lot of online sites we find today are just that. After we create a profile and fill in our information we’re then asked to pay for membership. Plus I had seen that part of CDH, so I wasn’t really ready to spend the time doing that in addition to lying just to be part of something.
However, all I had to lose was being told no and that would be that, but after I finished creating a profile and was in I immediately began to feel a part of it. There were all the stories I related to, the photos of others looking content, happy and proud to be wearing what they wanted to wear. I decided I would at least give it a try so I posted a few pics of me just cross dressed and in full drag attire. It was soon that I began getting compliment, friend requests and talking in chat which, by the way, I didn’t know the rules of. I’m one of those people that says what’s on my mind and figure if anyone don’t want to hear what I’m saying they should not listen and that’s that. I have never been one to abide by many rules. All my life I broke rules instead; at school, at home, in traffic, wherever I was. It’s now worth saying that because of some very adverse consequences I now do try to follow rules. Anyway to wrap this up I just wanted to say that I’m grateful I was and am accepted in this community. It’s an awesome place to be a part of. I’ve met a lot of people here that I truly adore. I have been welcomed in so many ways as well as made so many friends. I feel the need, anytime or anywhere I feel welcome and get so much out of something, to give back or contribute to the cause. In my case I created two different clubs: Transista’s and Transsista’s Love & Romance to give back. I contribute in every way I can with hopes that someone will get something out of what I write or say from my life story. Cross Dresser Heaven has become so important to me that it’s became my second home so to speak. Signing in has become part of my morning regime. I love it here and I’m here to stay. All that’s left to say is that I’ve come to know that “A Little Dab’ll Do Ya” to begin your day!
Jackie, a.k.a Wild Child.
More Articles by The Author
- The World We Live In
- I Am Jackie
- Walking Into The Light, Part 3
- Walking Into The Light, Part 2
- Walking Into the Light