I have never written an article during my time at Crossdresser Heaven nor had I experienced anything like the event I briefly attended last week. Attending the Keystone conference has changed my perception of our community, and my place in it.
I made the decision to attend this event based on a need to finally meet some CDH members with whom I forged friendships with over past year. I told my SO my intention and eventually, after some tough conversations, reluctantly she gave me the ok to go.
The trip was a few hours drive and I felt like a condemned man watching the clock tic down before his execution. The closer I got the more nervous I became. Even as I arrived, I drove in circles around the building before realizing I had come this far and I needed to go inside to at least say hello to the people I had spent the last year baring my soul to.
Sitting in the lobby in male mode waiting to meet a friend I felt like an intruder, but I could see a diverse crowd of people simply going about their business without anyone taking notice of me or each other, besides offering a kind smile as they passed.
Eventually I was greeted by some Crossdresser Heaven friends, only one of which I ever met in real life before, however, I immediately felt a degree of comfort. One of which was kind enough to give me access to her room so I could prepare. I had a lunch appointment and only about 30 minutes to get ready, so I hurriedly did my makeup and got dressed, I didn’t look my best, but I knew I was among like-minded people here, so maybe I was going to be ok.
My outfit and makeup were specifically chosen because I was going to dinner that night in public for the first time and I wanted to blend as best I could. I received a few compliments on how I looked and this put me even more at ease. A half hour after being amongst the crowd, I realized some things. At first I felt that all eyes were on me, as if someone was going point out how cheap my wig looked. The reality is at something like Keystone, it’s ok to present how you like to present yourself. No one is going to criticize you, even if inside you feel you don’t quite measure up. The shocking thing to a newbie like myself was the lack of reaction I received from others. I could look them straight in the face and introduce myself without feeling self-conscious about my appearance.
After lunch I attended the CDH meetup which was wonderful. I enjoyed meeting the members of our site, especially the administration personnel who do the thankless job of keeping us safe here on CDH. My only regret was not taking pictures and not talking to everyone in attendance.
Once again I was welcomed and made to feel like I belonged by everyone I encountered. This was becoming a trend. Next was checking into an offsite hotel and I was already dressed so why not just check in as Melanie? So I did, and I had no issues with the clerk or anyone else I came across. This was a big first for me as it is for any cross dresser. It was scary but I survived unscathed, and frankly proud of myself.
I returned to the Sheraton just in time for a bus trip to dinner. I had a nice time speaking with some lovely Crossdresser Heaven ladies. We simply exchanged stories and enjoyed each other’s company. All the while I was becoming more and more comfortable with myself and the people around me.
After returning to the hotel, I sat in the bar for a couple of hours striking up conversations with some truly awesome people. I felt free to ask them questions about themselves. I felt free to express myself and the best part was the fact that I felt safe enough for the first time to be Melanie outside of my home.
The next day I returned to attend a presentation by a an author whose book helped me accept myself as a non-transitioning cross dresser. It was enlightening and I enjoyed it but by this time I needed to get on the road to return home. I was physically exhausted and emotionally spent. So I said my good byes and sadly packed Melanie away and returned home.
I am going to treasure my first time at Keystone because of the people I met and the acceptance that was given to me. Of the many things I learned during my twenty-four hours at Keystone one stands out in my mind. You will be accepted at something like this, regardless of where on the journey you are.
If you have ever felt alone or wondered if you had a place where you could feel at home, without being judged and are willing to let your hair down a bit, Keystone might just be what the doctor ordered. As a Crossdresser Heaven friend told me, “Meeting others and expressing myself is my therapy”. For a first timer like me I found that statement true more than I can possibly explain.
Thank you for taking the time to read my article about my first cross dressing event attendance at Keystone. Please feel free to send in any responses to either my article and my questions posed to you below:
- Have you ever been to a cross dresser convention and was your experience similar to mine?
- Would your wife or SO not allow you to go to a cross dresser event like Keystone and what would be their reasons for you not going to one of these events?
- Would you have those reluctant feelings of not entering the hotel or building where the event was held like I had and could you overcome those feelings and finally just walk right into the building where the event was held?
Sincerely, Melanie
Mel….being that this past Keystone was also my first I absolutely loved how you articulated your feelings and emotions. I could totally relate to what you said and believe that after reading your article, you will give some people the confidence to attend their first! You’re just paying it forward. I think I have said countless times, what’s been absolutely wonderful is the people you get to meet. You were the first CDH person I met, both of us in drab and then a few months later as ourselves. I was so happy you made it and I know you… Read more »
Carole you seemed to be quite the social butterfly at keystone, you appeared to be in your element. I’m hoping next time a can be more relaxed and enjoy myself the way you did! Ty for the kind words as well Carole.
Melanie,
Thanks for taking the time to write about your Keystone experience. I’ve read so many positive comments on this event and look forward to attending next year for the first time. Could you tell me the name of the book & author from the presentation you attended?
Dianne
Hi Dianne, keystone is a well run event, with a lot going on. All day there are symposia on every subject from legaly changing your name on your driver’s license to applying eye makeup. But the presentation you mentioned was by Savannah Hauk author of Living with Crossdressing. Dianne it’s a quick read and I found it quite helpful for me and my wife.
Hi Melanie I have not made it to Keystone but it’s going on my list for next year. I have been to First Event in Boston a few times. And the minute I walked in to the hotel and saw all the girls I found my place. Thank you Melanie we’re not alone
That’s great Bobbi, I wish I was as quick as you were to calm down because I wasted alot being nervous! I hope first event was as good for you as this was for me, Bobbi
Melanie, I am so happy for you. It been over 10 years since I attended my first event, but not Keystone. My experience was similar, in that felt comfortable at the event as well as going out on various shopping adventures not associated with the event, and it set me on a path to self acceptance, and feeling comfort as Carla, wherever I was. I was fortunate that my wife also attended and enjoyed it as much as I did. it is something I would recommend to any crossdresser or Trans person, as away to meet others a get a… Read more »
Carla you hit the nail on the head! I think people don’t realize that events like this are for everyone cds and trans people of course but spouses as well! Getting the blessing of wives is difficult but if they educated themselves they would see what folks like us have learned from experience that all are welcomed with open arms!
Let me echo thanks as well for your article! It would be such a rush to be “in Rome and do as Romans do" without any guards up. You expressed very well what I think would go through my mind leading up to that first step outside the hotel room door and the unnecessary reason for such feelings. I need to look into attending next year.
Toodles!
Twilla Ty for your comments and I hope I did a good job expressing my feelings about how great this was for me. My motivation was to get others out of their homes and into a world where their femme selves can be free to shine safely! As you said “when I Rome so as the Roman’s do” and this truly was a place where any one can do it!
Great article, Melanie. I could certainly relate to your feelings. I was at a CD convention quite a number of years ago. But it was far from my first time out in public, so I wasn’t terribly nervous. A GG friend of mine was presenting at the conference, and I attended her talks there over 5 days. My spouse didn’t know about the trip. She was working out of town, and would typically call only once a week, so she didn’t know I went and I didn’t tell her. But I’m not sure if she would have objected, or if… Read more »
Alison thanks for sharing your perspective. As a veteran you were obviously a lot more at ease than I was. Hopefully next time around I will be more relaxed being Melanie and maybe I will get to meet you too. COVID was a concern for me to an extent but luckily I haven’t heard of any one getting sick from the event.
Hi Melanie. Just read your lovely article and it mirrored so much of my first and every experience at gatherings such as Keystone. My first was a Gala on Long Island with Femme Fever and then a bigger one at Fantasia Fair in Provincetown. They are all awesome and so true that the level of candor and comradery is exceptional. No judgements …. just empathy and support. Like you do here for me Melanie… You are a support, truthful and a valued friend.
Thanks Melanie… See you around.
Yes Diane the camaraderie is the best part. Existing in a place where you don’t feel judged is even more freeing than even I expected. Ty for you comments Diane.
Hi Melanie,
I have never been to such type of events but many times out as a woman. Your lovely story surely helps me a lot to prepare myself attending on of these conventions.
Hugs,
Sandra
Hi Sandra, if you have enough gumption to go out in public you will have no trouble fitting in. I had never been in public before and I got over my nerves quickly enough you’ve got a big leg up! Sandra this will be a walk in the park for you , hope you can find a way to make it happen some day. You won’t regret it, trust me.
Melanie,
This was my first Keystone conference also. I attended with my wife for 4 1/2 days.
Amazing.
I planned on going in 2019, but a virus interrupted it.
Sorry I didn’t get to meet you. Maybe in the future.
BobbiJo
Did you enjoy your time at the conference? Bobbijo
Melanie, I certainly did. Check out my posts. I wrote a epic poem or story and posted the last stanza here. The rest of it is personal. I may post it later in its entirely later.
BobbiJo
Hi Mel! This is a wonderful article! You captured well many of the feelings I had about going and about being there for the first time too. There is such happiness to be found in being true to ourselves, and the key to it is being with others who are being true to themselves. That’s what really enables us to feel and do things we have a difficult time with on our own. It’s great to read how you got yourself to make that one last choice you had to make alone, when you were hesitating and driving in circles,… Read more »
Ty Jill. You are a great friend and if I had you with me, I’m sure I would have been a lot more at ease. I know you had a good time but if we were together, we could have enjoyed it even more. Thanks for responding to my article.