Many Memories and a Couple of Complaints

When I started this column I noticed how I kept using the personal pronoun “I” over and over. I read tutorials about how to minimize the use of “I” in writing but every time I had an idea or thought that trusty little “I” popped up. I just couldn’t seem to navigate around that one little word no matter how hard I tried so I gave up and decided to write this little column about me, myself and I without letting the “I” distract me. So here goes.
In my younger years I would try to recall my earliest childhood memory and it would always be a trip to the beach at about age 2. My brothers were 2 and 4 years older than me so they got to go into the water with my dad while my mother (who couldn’t swim) kept me on the beach. Maybe this is the genesis of the sense of being separated from the males and included with the females. Perhaps my parents felt I was not ready for the rough and tumble of being a regular boy. Later in my formative years as my brothers got shot guns or rifles or motorcycles but there always seemed to be some age or maturity level I fell below and time and again I got excluded from the males, so no firearms or motorbikes for me. My brothers were off hunting or riding dirt bikes while I was left at home with Mom, unarmed and with my trusty bicycle. It’s not like my mother made me wear a dress and help her clean the house but there was a definite separation. As I got older my dad was working more so most of my parental interaction was with my mother by default. In Jr. High and High School I played sports and hung around with the guys and was never what you would consider a sissy or effeminate. I have always been attracted to girls/women except as with most cross dressers it is a mixture of attraction and admiration.
All this is to say I have lots of early memories about life in general but I don’t remember the when the desire to cross dress or to identify in any way with the opposite sex started. It’s like this wonderful desire has always just been a part of me. Sometimes it is a faint memory and sometimes it is like a raging fire but it is ever present. There has always been the isolated desire to try on a pair of panties or a bra or maybe a dress or some other article of clothing but these incidences were so few and far between I would almost forget about them from one time to the next. My wife and I were talking last week and I recounted to her a time during our first year of marriage when she was out of town I painted my nails completely out of the blue. The desire would pop up and then disappear for varying periods that I couldn’t predict or control.
Sometime in my 40’s I started to think about dressing a lot and got really serious about it. I started buying clothes, shoes, makeup and wigs. During this time I dressed about once every two weeks. Most of my early photos were so bad I never show then to anyone. I keep a few to remind myself of how far I’ve. come. My initial attempt at building a wardrobe was probably less than 25% successful. Over the next 2 or 3 years I came to the realization that cross dressing was not something to feel guilty and ashamed about but instead it was an incredible gift. The realization began to sink in that this wasn’t going away this time and it was something I was going to have to deal with from now on. Ever since I started dressing seriously it was always in the back of my mind that at some point I would have to quit. Over time I decided I didn’t want to quit and that I am glad and happy to be a cross dresser. It’s brings me so much joy and is an important part of who I am. This also presented me with the biggest dilemma of my life. Do I tell my wife and if so how?
In the Spring of 2012 we had been to a social event. It was one of those open bar/free booze things and my wife had too much to drink. When we got home I summoned all my courage and pulled up some of my photos and showed them to her. You have to know my wife to appreciate this but her first comment was “you have on too much rouge” instead of “What are your doing in a dress?” It has taken a while but my loving wife has gone from knowing to tolerance to acceptance. We now shop for clothes, makeup, shoes and all things feminine together. Her help and advice have made me so much more confident and happy with my feminine presentation. Everyone has to decide the right thing to do for themselves as it relates to coming out. There are risks and everyone’s situation is not the same. There is no “one size fits all” solution.
A couple of weeks ago I dressed and took some photos on our patio. In some of the photos there were shrubs in the background. In the photos I have on a dress, heels, am completely made up with a wig on and my wife looks at the photo and says “we need to trim our shrubs.” Later we were going through several photos trying to pick one out for something and she comments that I look like a “sissy” in one of them because of the way I’m posed. Now mind you I’m dressed completely as a woman in all of them but in this one in particular I look like a “sissy.” From where I started a few short years ago that’s a complaint I can gladly live with. Maybe I should just trim the shrubs and try to look less like a sissy.

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Suzanne Jeffries

I am a married 50 something cross dresser from the southeast US. I thought about dressing for many years and tried a thing or two like painting my nails or trying on some panties or a bra but never really got serious about it until sometime in my 40's. Since then I have put together a wardrobe, come out to my wife and life is good.

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16 Comments

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  1. Suzanne…thank you for the terrific story. It is very well written and you have great insight and are a gem for others to follow. Yes the word I is a beggar is it not? One tries to pass on experiences but it is so hard with “I” it is impossible not to come off looking like a braggert. Well done.
    Please don’t stop your writing….I love it. Flows so well.
    Kindest regards……

    Lady Veronica – KTI

    • Author
      Suzanne Jeffries 8 months ago

      Thanks Veronica,
      I had fun writing it. It brought back a lot of fond memories and feelings.
      Huggs,
      Suzanne

  2. Sarah Mack 9 months ago

    Thank you so much for the great article I enjoyed reading it very much

  3. jackie May 1 year ago

    Nice story and nice picture, You look very natural. My ex and I loved shopping together. It was “girlfriend” time, just two gals enjoying each others company while shopping. There is no doubt that it brought us closer together and often, good for a few giggles when we got back home.

  4. Delbra Dawn cordry 2 years ago

    you look just lovly

  5. Leonara 2 years ago

    Suzanne,
    Catching up on some articles, I enjoy happy endings . Thank you so much for sharing..
    Leonara

  6. Dianne Baldwin 3 years ago

    Great story you are very lucky to have wife that accept you at who you are

  7. melissa moore 3 years ago

    that is great I really enjoyed the article I am hope full now that my wife will also accept me filly also thanks so much

  8. Abbie Simons 3 years ago

    Love can overcome all things, it is great your wife accepts you for who you are Suzanne and that you were both willing to work on your relationship.

  9. Kayla Jameson 3 years ago

    Thank you Suzanne. In your picture you look so feminine. It gives me hope that I can look feminine too. I gather from your writing that you came to a place where you are relaxed and easy about your crossdressing. Maybe I just need to relax and just enjoy myself. Congratulations on having a wife that will share in all of you. You certainly have given me a lot to think about. Bless you.

  10. Tiffany Anne 3 years ago

    🙂 Great story, thank you for sharing it!

  11. *skippy1965(Cynthia) 3 years ago

    Suzanne,
    What a great story! Congrats on having a wife who tolerates and even accepts you ! I am envious as mine did NOT at all! Would love to see you in the chat room and get to know you better!
    Cyn

  12. JaneS 3 years ago

    Suzanne you’ve nailed it – just trim the shrubs.

    Your wife’s acceptance of who you are is such that she just sees you; not a femme side or a male side, just you.

    My wife is much the same now, to the point where she’ll often call me “Janey” in a light-hearted way no matter what I’m wearing.

    Our shrubs don’t need trimming but when looking at a photo recently, after she was asked to give me some advice on an particular outfit she said “You look good, but you could have tidied up the loungeroom a bit. It looks a mess.” I’ve heard of fading into the background but being usurped by it is a new challenge to face.

  13. JamieLeeChainz 3 years ago

    It is nice to see a good outcome of a story, and nice to see you have a accepting wife as do I.

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