I am a genetic female in a relationship with a crossdresser, and I came to Crossdresser Heaven to try to understand him better and learn how to be the best partner I can be. I learned quickly that for a crossdresser, finding a supportive partner is a challenge, to put it lightly. Many relationships are either full of secrets or end as a result of a partner coming out as a crossdresser. Forums, chat room and articles on this site have been incredibly helpful to me as a partner, and I wanted to add my voice to the conversation for others like me, who come here trying to sort out how they feel.
I won’t go into too much detail about how my partner and I met. It’s a crazy story, and the details can be found in my profile. My partner’s ex-wife knew about his desire to dress and was not supportive. When we got together, he wanted to be upfront about his desire to dress and told me very early on. I don’t think that he even really knew to what extent these feelings were a part of him because he’d never really had the chance to explore his femme side. This definitely came as a surprise to me, but I’m pretty open-minded. I took some time to ask questions, do some research and examine my feelings. My first thought was, is he gay? Does he even want to be with me? The answers were a definitive no and yes. Then I wondered if he would want to transition someday, and what that would mean for us. I’m straight, so how could I be in a relationship with a woman? He assured me he was not interested in transitioning and that he liked both sides of his personality. I mean, he is a drag racing, muscle car building, military man who curses like a sailor – he didn’t want to give any of that up.
I made the decision that this wasn’t a deal breaker for me, and I just wanted him to be happy. I bought him makeup and pretty dresses, and he bought a wig and breast forms. This is when the “pink fog” set in, which I think is hard on all partners, even ones who are initially supportive. For a while, it seemed like all we ever talked about was dressing, and I was still just trying to wrap my head around it. To say I was jealous of his femme side sounds absurd, but I was giving my affection to him and her, and I felt a little neglected. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel the first time I saw him fully dressed. I couldn’t imagine my masculine guy in a dress and makeup. On a weekend visit at his house, we got him all dolled up, and WOW! It was so much fun! I have to say, he as a she looked absolutely beautiful. And while I’m not generally attracted to women, I found that really didn’t matter, because I looked into her eyes, and still saw the same person, my soulmate.
I can’t think of a time that I’d ever seen my partner as happy as that first night that he got to really feel like a she, and so I started to wonder if perhaps he really is trans, and just wasn’t ready to accept that yet. Would he tell me in a year or five or ten that he wants to transition? This was the hardest part of the entire experience for me, and at the heart of why I wanted to share our story. He said he will never want to transition, and I will take that at face value, but I know in my heart that if he did, I’d still be there for him, or rather, her. My partner is my soul mate, I know this to my core. Coming to this conclusion brought me so much peace about the whole situation. I realized that I had been harboring this lingering fear that he really wanted to be a woman, and then we couldn’t be together. I had lost him once and didn’t want to lose him ever again. By deciding that I would accept my love as a man or a woman, I was able to truly open my heart to this experience. Sometimes love is enough to overcome any obstacle, and sometimes it just isn’t. As a partner, this is your journey too, and you must be honest with yourself and your partner about the kind of future you are willing to live with to stay together.