I am a genetic female in a relationship with a crossdresser, and I came to Crossdresser Heaven to try to understand him better and learn how to be the best partner I can be. I learned quickly that for a crossdresser, finding a supportive partner is a challenge, to put it lightly. Many relationships are either full of secrets or end as a result of a partner coming out as a crossdresser.  Forums, chat room and articles on this site have been incredibly helpful to me as a partner, and I wanted to add my voice to the conversation for others like me, who come here trying to sort out how they feel.

I won’t go into too much detail about how my partner and I met. It’s a crazy story, and the details can be found in my profile. My partner’s ex-wife knew about his desire to dress and was not supportive. When we got together, he wanted to be upfront about his desire to dress and told me very early on. I don’t think that he even really knew to what extent these feelings were a part of him because he’d never really had the chance to explore his femme side. This definitely came as a surprise to me, but I’m pretty open-minded. I took some time to ask questions, do some research and examine my feelings. My first thought was, is he gay? Does he even want to be with me? The answers were a definitive no and yes. Then I wondered if he would want to transition someday, and what that would mean for us. I’m straight, so how could I be in a relationship with a woman? He assured me he was not interested in transitioning and that he liked both sides of his personality. I mean, he is a drag racing, muscle car building, military man who curses like a sailor – he didn’t want to give any of that up.

I made the decision that this wasn’t a deal breaker for me, and I just wanted him to be happy. I bought him makeup and pretty dresses, and he bought a wig and breast forms. This is when the “pink fog” set in, which I think is hard on all partners, even ones who are initially supportive. For a while, it seemed like all we ever talked about was dressing, and I was still just trying to wrap my head around it. To say I was jealous of his femme side sounds absurd, but I was giving my affection to him and her, and I felt a little neglected. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel the first time I saw him fully dressed. I couldn’t imagine my masculine guy in a dress and makeup. On a weekend visit at his house, we got him all dolled up, and WOW! It was so much fun! I have to say, he as a she looked absolutely beautiful. And while I’m not generally attracted to women, I found that really didn’t matter, because I looked into her eyes, and still saw the same person, my soulmate.

I can’t think of a time that I’d ever seen my partner as happy as that first night that he got to really feel like a she, and so I started to wonder if perhaps he really is trans, and just wasn’t ready to accept that yet. Would he tell me in a year or five or ten that he wants to transition? This was the hardest part of the entire experience for me, and at the heart of why I wanted to share our story. He said he will never want to transition, and I will take that at face value, but I know in my heart that if he did, I’d still be there for him, or rather, her. My partner is my soul mate, I know this to my core. Coming to this conclusion brought me so much peace about the whole situation. I realized that I had been harboring this lingering fear that he really wanted to be a woman, and then we couldn’t be together. I had lost him once and didn’t want to lose him ever again. By deciding that I would accept my love as a man or a woman, I was able to truly open my heart to this experience. Sometimes love is enough to overcome any obstacle, and sometimes it just isn’t. As a partner, this is your journey too, and you must be honest with yourself and your partner about the kind of future you are willing to live with to stay together.

Tags:
36 Comments
  1. Christine V 1 year ago

    Your man is lucky to have you. I wish I could find a woman to be both my lover and my gal pal. It’d be even better if she was close to the same size as me so we could share clothes.

  2. Sara 1 year ago

    He is lucky to have a partner who try’s to understand. My wife said she was ok with until recently I found out she has been struggling with it. I wish she would talk to me about openly. I only dress a couple times a year and always at home alone per her request. It would be nice to share my fem side with her. I think she fears I’m Transgender and bisexual. Even though I’m not. I’m completely happy be a man 362 days a year. How do I get her to believe that?

  3. Cahira 8 months ago

    This is a beautifully written article. I was able to feel true love through words, thank you.

    • Author
      *Trisha Anne 8 months ago

      Thank you for your kind words Cahira. I’m glad my words made you feel how I felt when writing them.

  4. Cassandra 5 months ago

    What a beautiful story! I salute your courage and your love!

  5. Mikki Monroe 5 months ago

    First—-thank you for your service—and his……

    Secondly—you are very unique—-a gift to your BF

    Then—please know that in my case, my wife also totally allows me to expand into this world…..and she wants me to
    express my fem self, and has even suggested once or twice to develop into a b cup……….but I couldn’t do that–too afraid. She will ask me, “how do you feel’—when all dressed, and to ‘let it go’…………and we act out our fem on fem experience without limitations. She has never indicated to me a fear that I want to change anything, been married over 40 years.

    I also have to live a normal life, four grown kids, g’children, and I also am tall, slim, physically fit, with all the man’s hobbies like fishing, hunting, guns, motorcycles and I ALSO have a muscle car.
    If your BF says he’d never want to seek out secret liaisons, or attract men, or whatever, even going out to seek to pass, I’d believe it and let TRUST AND LOVE prevail.

    For me, and most likely for him, the thrill of fem is too good to hide in a closet, and for US, having this dimension to our lives let’s us enjoy BOTH the male AND female expressions, including those intimacies in the bedroom.

    Lastly—–had to say this—–wish you two were our next door neighbors………………..oh, we’re totally monogamous, but having a Halloween party, new years party, valentines party, and Oscars dress up party would be immensely fun !!! AND, I’d plow your driveway if needed for free !!!!!

    Good luck

  6. Joci Jones 4 months ago

    Wow what a wonderful story and to say I blew it with my wife with what you called the Pink Fog
    Is a understatement still with a little love and some tears we
    Have some understanding but not as in the beginning
    Love Joci xx

Leave a reply

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account