Nearly every crossdresser Iâve had the privilege to meet since I joined Crossdresser Heaven has expressed at least some level of insecurity about their femme side. Why do I need to dress? Am I weird? Will I find someone who can love and accept me? Itâs unfortunate that our society has forced so many beautiful women into the closet because we canât accept something new or different. Itâs completely understandable though why crossdressing can cause major insecurities. As Iâve been getting to know more genetic girls in a relationship with a crossdresser, Iâve found that we have a unique set of insecurities ourselves, aside from the typical insecurities many women in a relationship feel.
The perception of femininity that a crossdresser has if often much different than that of genetic females. Weâve grown up entirely female, so the allure of all things feminine is sometimes lost on us. Sure, most of us like to get dolled up and feel pretty, but it isnât something that permeates our thoughts and daily lives as it does with many crossdressers. Our partners put a lot of time and effort into presenting themselves beautifully, and some of us partners wonder if weâre girly enough. Do our partners mind that we donât always embrace our femininity? It sounds backwards, doesnât it? But the idea that the genetic female in the relationship is insecure about not being feminine enough for our femme loving partners is a frequent topic of discussion among us partners.
There are other insecurities too, that are harder to share with our partners, because they stem from us not understanding crossdressing, as hard as we may try. We donât know how our relationship will change when we find out about our partnerâs femme side, and it can be scary. They may do everything right and make sure we know they love us but itâs hard not to worry that their feelings for us will change because our relationship dynamic has changed so suddenly and drastically. Itâs not a fair thought to have, but itâs one that almost all of the partners Iâve talked to have had. Perhaps itâs the feeling that weâve invited another person to join our relationship. We havenât, of course, that femme persona was always there, we just didnât know about it, but we donât have any other frame of reference for no longer being the only woman in our relationship.
While discussing this in the Significant Other forum, another SO said something that has allowed me to reframe how I think about this particular insecurity. Sheâs given me permission to share her thoughts. When responding to a member who was questioning whether their partner will still love them and want to be with them, she said âHe dressed before you knew and you are the one he desires. He dressed when you knew and you continue to be the one he desires. Dressing makes him who he is and you make him feel loved so does dressing really change that love and commitment you have with each other?â I felt like a lightbulb in my head (or perhaps my heart) went off! My partner knew about his femme side when he fell in love with me, so why would his feelings for me change just because I know about her now? If anything, wouldnât him being able to share this special part of himself just make his love for me grow?
One of the things I love about this community is the way we can share with and challenge each other. My challenge to you, whether you are a crossdresser or you love one, is to keep in mind that for all the insecurities you have, your partner probably does too. These may never go away, but if we donât talk to each other about these kinds of things, we may miss a perspective that can help us feel just a bit more secure in ourselves or our relationship, and that can bring great comfort.
Â
More Articles by The Author
- The Insecurities of Loving a Crossdresser
- To the Partner of a Newly Outed Crossdresser
- Deciding That Love Matters Most
*Trisha Anne
Latest posts by *Trisha Anne (see all)
- The Insecurities of Loving a Crossdresser - June 24, 2018
- To the Partner of a Newly Outed Crossdresser - June 10, 2018
- Deciding That Love Matters Most - March 14, 2018
Thatâs so beautiful. I told my wife everything before we got married, and she accepts me more than I do. I feel that the truth will set you free as has me. It took a lot of guts to tell her but I wanted to marry her and I thought she should know before we get married. Now we share face masks and do each otherâs nails and hair. I am living a dream
I so appreciate what you said here. I just joined today. I met my boyfriend online two months ago and he was up front about everything before we met. I’m so glad he was honest with me because he is the most amazing man I have ever known. I tell him he is beautiful all the time, but I am the first woman he ever told and he is very insecure. I want to do all I can to support him. You give me hope. Do you have any advice or words of wisdom for me?
*Trisha Anne, as a man with a significant feminine side thanks for looking as to what makes men who crossdress dress to express their feminine side. I was just recently reminded of something I said in High School 49 years ago, “I would wear a skirt all the time if I could.” The greatest thing is men fear the stern rebuke of other men via the MASCULINE Gestapo and society in general. So men end up crossdressing as women or transition to become a woman. Likely because they cannot wear skirt in public as a man and can as a… Read more Âğ