My life began in 1970 at 13 years old.
During that summer I was invited by a neighbor girl to go to their farm with her and her sisters. When we got there, there was a beautiful lake and dock. The girls quickly changed into their bikinis. Brenda, to whom I owe my amazing experience, noticed I had no swim trunks so she handed me a pair of her bikini bottoms to wear. As I remember, I didn’t hesitate to slip them on and join them to swim. I can remember Brenda grinning at me as we all enjoyed the day in the sun. She was 16 at that time.
Every weekend I would be invited to swim at the last moment and it seemed I never had my trunks. Every week Brenda would have a pair of bikini bottoms just for me. It was a great summer and I never felt strange, awkward or self continuous wearing the opposite gender’s clothing. It always puzzled me as to why girls had such colorful clothing compared to what I was wearing.
I would go over and visit her, hang out in her bedroom, she would change and do her girl stuff in front of me like it was nothing. Soon it became just so normal to me. I know now she was struggling with her sexual identity. She never dated any boys even though she was a beautiful young woman. She would ask me to get what she was going to wear out of the closet or drawers and help her. She asked me what I thought about her outfits, how she looked.
One day she asked me if I liked her clothes, panties, bra’s etc. compared to what I wore. I can remember my heart pounding when she said that “Anything I’ve got is yours to try on if you want but I want to try your clothes on too”. I was shaking inside, excited but scared to death. Wanting to but unsure about was it right to do. I too was in my adolescence, puberty and just beginning to explore my sexuality.
I don’t exactly remember how long it was ’til I finally took Brenda up on her suggestion. I only know I was so curious, eager and scared. It happened one evening in her room we were hanging out and she brought it up again, I said ok and she went and got a pair of pink panties and a little matching top with straps, handed them to me, grinned. I was so embarrassed, she told me if I didn’t like how it made me feel, that it was perfectly ok. We were just having some fun. I went into her bathroom took my clothes off and tossed them out the door for her. I can still remember slipping the panties and top on, how great it made me feel inside. How I enjoyed the way I looked. It felt wonderful! I stepped out into the bedroom to find Brenda laying on the bed in my tee shirt and underwear. We both just smiled and began laughing.
I struggled and searched for the real me for several years. Swam in both ponds. Brenda went on to college, found her lifelong partner, struggled with society’s ignorance. She died at age 44 from breast cancer. I will always hold dear to me that summer, those days we spent together and that gift she gave me of accepting myself for whom I am. Not what society, someone or somebody dictated me to be….
Brenda… Pink is still my favorite color forever..