To my lovely ladies,
I pray you are having a blessed weekend. This week’s Crossdressing Success story is a journey that starts in a darkness that most in our community have been touched by. Many times in my life I have been depressed, and the road ahead looked hopeless with nothing but desolate peaks and dry desert ahead. But it gets better!
If you are depressed and considering harming yourself please reach out to get help, you can find your local suicide hotline and support online at organizations dedicated to the transgender community. Laura’s Playground runs a chatroom dedicated to helping those in our community through their darkest hours.
Take a moment and love yourself. You are beautiful and wonderful just as you are! I know you may not see it right now. Wherever you are on your journey, you may look at yourself with regret, or disgust, or forlorn. Don’t listen to the betrayer inside you. You were born to be who you are. Please, dear, open your heart to yourself – you deserve love, you are precious!
Read Samantha’s story as she tells us about the light that has brought hope to her life.
I’ve dealt with depression in one form or another since my early teens. It got so bad at times I thought about killing myself, more than once. A couple of months ago I actually tried. Sleeping pills & a bottle of Tia Maria..I was going to also take what what Anti-depressants I had left (I’ve only been on them for about 6 months), along with any over the counter meds I could get from my cupboard.
Thankfully this attempt was unsuccessful.
I was going to try again..but beforehand I reached out to the local Mental Health Team. I’m so glad I did, because that gave me the opportunity to open up about my Gender Dysphoria. For the last several years I’ve been Cross dressing. Presenting myself as a women felt so natural..so right. Once I started to talk to someone about these feelings, I realized what I had to do…had to..because I can’t go back to how I was..the alternative is unacceptable to me.
I want to live my life. I’m currently having regular appointments with a counselor at a local Gender Diversity Centre. They are so supportive! I’m so optimistic about the future now. I know I’m still in the very early stages of my transition..I’ve only just told my brother. he admitted that it was a lot for him to process, but he still supports & loves me :-).
I have a doctors appointment on Thursday, & I’m going to inform him of my status, & intentions. I came into the world almost 36 years ago physically male. For the LONGEST time, my one over-riding feeling, has been one of not being entirely as I should. I never could figure out, where exactly this feeling came from. Until now. Social Media has played a big part in my own realizations. I’ve come across some truly inspiring people, on things like YouTube (e.g. Grishno) I still need to have conversations with the rest of my family, friends, my employer. My life is obviously undergoing some massive changes, & there will undoubtedly be obstacles along the way. But this is something I feel that I really DO have to do. I cant go back to how I was…& truth be told, I wouldn’t even if I could :-). Best wishes Samantha x.
Samantha, thank you for sharing the deepest part of yourself. I know the depths of the despair you have faced, and the shining light that beckons you. As I managed to escape the darkness for a brief breath of light I wrote something to myself that I still read from time to time:
When you stare at the black abyss and feel like you can’t try again – hold on.
When your world collapses and your heart breaks – hold on.
When your hands hurt and your eyes have cried too many tears – hold on.
The deepest and coldest dark is about to usher in the light of dawn.
I almost let go, too, but it’s worth it. I promise. To hold on.
Because the night whispers lies that will be soon laid bare.
More Articles by The Author
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness
- Scholar Program – Transwomen’s Social Support for Medication Adherence
- Crossdresser Heaven Site Updates for January 2019
- You Are Enough
- We Can Make It Into Something Wonderful
Latest posts by Vanessa Law (see all)
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness - March 22, 2020
- Scholar Program – Transwomen’s Social Support for Medication Adherence - April 6, 2019
- Crossdresser Heaven Site Updates for January 2019 - January 28, 2019
- You Are Enough - March 5, 2017
- We Can Make It Into Something Wonderful - February 26, 2017