To my lovely ladies,
I pray you are having a blessed weekend. This week’s Crossdressing Success story is a journey that starts in a darkness that most in our community have been touched by. Many times in my life I have been depressed, and the road ahead looked hopeless with nothing but desolate peaks and dry desert ahead. But it gets better!
If you are depressed and considering harming yourself please reach out to get help, you can find your local suicide hotline and support online at organizations dedicated to the transgender community. Laura’s Playground runs a chatroom dedicated to helping those in our community through their darkest hours.
Take a moment and love yourself. You are beautiful and wonderful just as you are! I know you may not see it right now. Wherever you are on your journey, you may look at yourself with regret, or disgust, or forlorn. Don’t listen to the betrayer inside you. You were born to be who you are. Please, dear, open your heart to yourself – you deserve love, you are precious!
Read Samantha’s story as she tells us about the light that has brought hope to her life.
I’ve dealt with depression in one form or another since my early teens. It got so bad at times I thought about killing myself, more than once. A couple of months ago I actually tried. Sleeping pills & a bottle of Tia Maria..I was going to also take what what Anti-depressants I had left (I’ve only been on them for about 6 months), along with any over the counter meds I could get from my cupboard.
Thankfully this attempt was unsuccessful.
I was going to try again..but beforehand I reached out to the local Mental Health Team. I’m so glad I did, because that gave me the opportunity to open up about my Gender Dysphoria. For the last several years I’ve been Cross dressing. Presenting myself as a women felt so natural..so right. Once I started to talk to someone about these feelings, I realized what I had to do…had to..because I can’t go back to how I was..the alternative is unacceptable to me.
I want to live my life. I’m currently having regular appointments with a counselor at a local Gender Diversity Centre. They are so supportive! I’m so optimistic about the future now. I know I’m still in the very early stages of my transition..I’ve only just told my brother. he admitted that it was a lot for him to process, but he still supports & loves me :-).
I have a doctors appointment on Thursday, & I’m going to inform him of my status, & intentions. I came into the world almost 36 years ago physically male. For the LONGEST time, my one over-riding feeling, has been one of not being entirely as I should. I never could figure out, where exactly this feeling came from. Until now. Social Media has played a big part in my own realizations. I’ve come across some truly inspiring people, on things like YouTube (e.g. Grishno) I still need to have conversations with the rest of my family, friends, my employer. My life is obviously undergoing some massive changes, & there will undoubtedly be obstacles along the way. But this is something I feel that I really DO have to do. I cant go back to how I was…& truth be told, I wouldn’t even if I could :-). Best wishes Samantha x.
Samantha, thank you for sharing the deepest part of yourself. I know the depths of the despair you have faced, and the shining light that beckons you. As I managed to escape the darkness for a brief breath of light I wrote something to myself that I still read from time to time:
When you stare at the black abyss and feel like you can’t try again – hold on.
When your world collapses and your heart breaks – hold on.
When your hands hurt and your eyes have cried too many tears – hold on.
The deepest and coldest dark is about to usher in the light of dawn.
I almost let go, too, but it’s worth it. I promise. To hold on.
Because the night whispers lies that will be soon laid bare.
More Articles by Vanessa Law
- Win a Free Makeup Prize Bundle from Jecca Blac
- A Few Changes in Our Family
- I Want to Live Like That
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness
- Scholar Program – Transwomen’s Social Support for Medication Adherence
Latest posts by Vanessa Law (see all)
- Win a Free Makeup Prize Bundle from Jecca Blac - March 11, 2022
- A Few Changes in Our Family - April 15, 2021
- I Want to Live Like That - August 29, 2020
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness - March 22, 2020
- Scholar Program – Transwomen’s Social Support for Medication Adherence - April 6, 2019
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yes thank you very much for your wonderful story my sister Samantha I too can fell what it is like to go with out the support for the longset time but now I do have e some support form some of my FACE BOOK FRIEDNS and some friends but we sisters need to stick together so we can help eatch other out so thank you Samantha for your story
You will need support from counselors,friends,family,and co-workers. You just ignore the rest,and live your life. I think we all go through the depression stage,and we must realize to be happy for ourselves,and also realize that we as women was this way when we were born. Why else would we want to dress as females at such a early age,and not be happy less we do this. Love yourself for who you are,and not what people want you to be. Kisses, Charlotte Deneice
yes I could not agree more with you and thanks sister we sisters have to stick together
Thank you all for the lovely comments, & thank you Vanessa, for giving me the opportunity to share the beginning of my journey. As of this week, I’ve got my 1st Electrolysis appointment on Friday, & my Doctor seemed to really appreciate the Transgender Well Being & Healthcare information, I was able to give him, from my Counselor (last weekish).
Love your strong and i am changing my transgender and be girl. My family disowned me and i am getting help and seeing cousler and psychiatrist and doctor and help with my depressed and crying lot
Be brave for the darkest hours are almost behind you I know.most of my life I knew that although I was born a male the heart ❤ told me I am a woman.i will soon make that big step and become one my heart tells me this is the right thing to do
<3 Jamie Lynn - best wishes dear!
I dunno–I used to throw out platitudes & advise folks to get help & think I was “Helping” –Not so sure nowadays–My wife was a nurse & volunteered with a suicide hotline for many yrs–I thought I knew a whole lot about depression & even mental illness because we shared Everything–We really were a great couple–I helped with giving her confidence to do Anything & she did the same for me –But since she died in May—My advice to people & the tons of advice she gave to others -seems like it’s useless for myself– People always came to Her/I… Read more »
I don’t mean to be a downer—However—this is my life right now–