The untold story of Lily-Rose

Hi, all lovely ladies at Crossdresser Heaven. I’ve only been a member for a short time. I’ve been learning so much about myself. I’ve never considered myself being transgender, until now, even though I’ve been transgender all my life. Now I’m proud of it. It’s such a lovely feeling to walk around with a big smile on my face. Luckily, nobody has asked me why I’m smiling; what shall I answer them? I will just tell them I feel good!

There’s so many pieces falling into place. I started dressing up at my grandma’s when I was about 4 years old. There’s even a photo of me, from that occasion, somewhere. When I was around 10 and I was home sick, I locked myself in in my parents’ bedroom and put on my mother’s nylon stockings and bra and something I don’t remember over that.

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At first my dressing was in my mother’s clothes and then when I got my own apartment, I bought the clothes that I loved for myself. From mail order to eventually going to the stores myself, it was a little bit scary worrying at what the salesperson might say about a boy buying woman’s clothes? I soon learned that they didn’t say anything and let me buy without any questions.

Not so long ago I bought a skirt and the saleswoman asked me if I wanted to try it on, I was so startled about being asked. “Me, No,” I said and paid for the skirt and left. I should’ve said, “Yes Please.” How would she had reacted if I’d said that.

All my life, it’s been easy to have girls as friends. Until I was 12, I think most of my friends were girls. As a teenager, I found it difficult to get girlfriends. They loved me as a friend, but not as my girlfriend. I continued to have plenty of girls as friends, sometimes very good friends, you know like really best friends, but nothing closer.

When I was 18, I was very much in love with a girl, but the same thing happened there as well. Eventually, I did find a woman with whom I fell in love with. When we moved in together, I tossed away all my women’s clothing. Just before I threw them away, she found a plastic bag with worn out stockings and asked what that was in front of her children. I managed to explain to her that I had them for polishing shoes, which in fact they are very good at.

It went well for a while with me not dressing up. We were married for around 17 years. I missed dressing up, so I started borrowing her clothes when I was alone at home. I went abroad to work for 6 months. While I was there, I bought women’s clothing again. That went well because nobody knew me. I took all the clothes home with me and thought I’d hidden them well. My wife found out and all hell broke loose.

At the time I somehow managed to rescue our marriage, but it was never the same again and eventually we got divorced (I don’t know if it was because of me crossdressing.) I began to buy women’s clothing again, only this time more seriously. I have more women’s clothing than I think most women do. I’m not at all interested in looking and buying male clothes and have never been. I can look at women’s clothing for hours and even buy fashion magazines.

I wasn’t off the hook yet. I was foolish enough to take photos of myself in a ball gown with my phone. I deleted the photos but forgot to erase them form the folder “erased.” My son, 20 at that time, wanted to copy the photos from my phone. Now, for the second time all hell broke loose when he saw in the ball gown. Somehow, I managed to ease his mind, and I had to promise to “never do it again”. We all know my obedience with that promise. We are still talking, though I think that he suspects that I am still dressing up.

Now, I look back at my life and understand why I was like that, me being just friends with the girls. Somehow, I think they saw me as a woman, in essence maybe. The term transgender did not exist where I lived in the 1970’s and 80’s. We were called transvestites and not in a kind way. I have come to terms with being transgender. Of course, I realize now that I’ve always been transgender. I really like it because that’s who I am!

I’ve learned to differentiate between gender and sexual preference. I consider myself to be a MTF Transgender who is attracted to women only. At first, it was a very weird feeling. I thought “transgender lesbian – can you really be that?” But after a lot thinking and looking back and analyzing my life, it fits perfectly.

I wonder if my friends would understand the real reason that I have lost a lot of weight lately. It’s because I want to fit into a dress on order from the internet; I’m I bit too large to at the moment. Do all girls behave like this?

This is my way of coming out, sharing it with you. I believe there’s more to come now that all pieces have fallen into place. I want to get better at doing makeup and to learn how to dress for going out either alone or with others to accompany me. My greatest wish would be to find a woman who would accept me. It might take pure luck to find such a woman.

I have recently “created” my female alter ego Lily-Rose. She has her own apple-id, exists on Facebook, twitter, and Instagram. She even has her own phone number. So much more is instore for this lovely woman, who is me.

 

Lily-Rose

 

 

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Kay Anderson' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
Kay Anderson
3 months ago

Lily-Rose,

Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story!

Hugs,
Kay

Kate
Baroness
Member
3 months ago

Thanks for sharing, nice to hear your feeling much better and heading in a direction you feel good about!

Rozalyne Richards
Active Member
3 months ago

Hi Lily Rose thanks for sharing your story with us x
Being transgender is not looked on as it once was people today are more accepting of it now than they used to be, back in the 1970’s and 1980’s when i was growing up you was considered weird and a pervert if you liked wearing women’s clothing that’s why i and lot’s of people like us kept it the closet x
Well done for coming out to your friends and family i wish i had the courage to come out to mine x
Hugs Rozalyne x

Sandy Jayson
Duchess
Active Member
3 months ago

Thank you so much for sharing your story Lily-Rose. So many of our stories are so similar in so many places. For me my grown kids know but do’t want to see or talk about it. So far Iv’e told 2 of my 4 brothers and they seem to be accepting. One of them has a son who came out as trans about 4 years ago so it would follow he would be more accepting. It is one of my goals to come out to the other 2 in the next few months. My desire is do this face to… Read more »

Abby Daniels
Member
Abby Daniels
3 months ago

Lily thank you for sharing. What a great story. I had the chance to come out when I was very young and couldn’t. Now it will never happen. Love Abby

Abby Daniels
Member
Abby Daniels
3 months ago

Oh sweetie I’m so proud and so happy for you. Also don’t take this the wrong way please but I’m also so jealous. Like I said I had the chance to come out when I was very young and didn’t. That was also early 70s , if that was today with the internet I probably would have. I also totally understand about the dysphoria, it happens to me. I can never transition these days, so when it hits I have to get en femme. Love Abby

Abby Daniels
Member
Abby Daniels
3 months ago

Oh sweetie congrats on the self acceptance. I’m sure the doctors start your transition. I know you will be sooo happy Feel free to hit me up here anytime. Love Abby

Rebecca Leeann Allen
Member
3 months ago

Lily thanks for the story and for been you there are so many on this site that are just like you

Thanks
Rebecca

Diana W
Member
3 months ago

Thank you for sharing your story. I have also been more comfortable around women and most of my good friends through my life have been female. I’m new to being transgender, even though I’m now 52. My wife knows, I came out to her the day after I came out to myself. After a rocky first two weeks she’s fine with me dressing and even wearing makeup, but at this point I’m strictly in the closet with everyone else.

Amy Myers
Baroness
Noble Member
3 months ago

Lily-Rose; Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry to hear your marriage didn’t survive her learning about your dressing. It certainly is something which doesn’t go away, I really believe the need to dress is somehow wired into us. It is so good that you are finally finding yourself after so long. Unfortunately that is also common to so many of us, myself included. For I rather wish that I had found my femme identity sooner in life. Fortunately there is a great deal more acceptance and understanding of trans and gender fluid folks, even if we… Read more »

Amy Myers
Baroness
Noble Member
3 months ago

I wish you well on your journey, Lily-Rose!

Jodi Valley
3 months ago

Hi Lily-Rose,

I loved your story. I am sure many have experienced similar challenges.

Maybe someday you will be able to concur you reluctance to be seen.

It truly is extraordinary to get out in the world as the you.

Be safe.
Luv ya,

Jodi

Carla
Member
3 months ago

Thank you for your story.
Since I came out myself, I’ve realised that although we are so different to each other, we are at the same time so similar. Many of the things you have experienced are common to myself and others. I wish you well on your journey and it fills my heart with joy that you are on the right path and feeling so good about yourself.
Carla x

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