Life is a wonderful journey of discovery and marriage is a path along this journey. One where you get to learn more about yourself than just about any other time in life. Being transgendered is another path along that journey, one that is often times marred with the shame of crossdressing and the embarrassment of wearing women’s clothes.
I’ve spent most of my life coming to terms with my my desire to wear a bra and stockings, to dress and express myself as a woman. I’ve been through the shame of crossdressing, religious zeal for "righteousness", purges where I’ve said ‘Never again!’. I’ve also been through times of delight, transgendered indulgence and a feeling of wholeness. Through this experience I’ve learned to accept myself, and most of the time to overcome the shame and embarrassment of being a crossdresser – to live my life regardless of what society thinks.
But I recently made a fairly big mistake. Like a buffoon I overlooked my wife’s feelings – I forgot that she is also embarrassed by my crossdressing. While I’ve had many years to learn to overcome the stares and snickers – my wife is new at this. While I’ve had to overcome my crossdressing shame to live as who I am inside, my wife is doing it out of love for someone else.
The other day while we were out I was happy to indulge my crossdressing urges. We’d spoken about the plans for the trip before we left, and while we were out it didn’t occur to me that she would feel embarrassed as people watched me learn how to apply makeup.
One thing every husband knows (or should know!) is that when your wife says nothing is wrong, you better believe there is something wrong. It took a while for me to find out just how embarrassed she was, but when I finally did, lets just say that she "let me know in no uncertain terms".
In my eagerness to shield myself from the stares and snickers of others, I had accidentally shielded myself from the fears and concerns of someone I love dearly. I had focused on my wife’s support and encouragement, and forgotten that she has fears and concerns that are equally as valid.
I think there are two things I would do differently next time. Firstly I would make sure to pay attention to the subtle (and not to subtle) cues my wife sends me about how she’s feeling. A few minutes of crossdressing bliss is not as important as caring about your wife’s feelings – and showing her by doing things differently. Secondly I would ask her if there are certain things she’d rather I do alone. It’s tempting to spend every waking moment with your spouse, but there are certain things that are better experienced separate from each other.
Honey, I’m sorry for not considering your feelings. I love you.