It is comforting to know that we are not alone in our desire, this need to feel or present as feminine. Whether it is occasionally, regularly, fully, or partially. For some, their fem persona is the opposite of their male persona. For others such as myself, the only difference is in what I am willing to talk about. I am a shy, introverted male, and I’m still a shy introvert wearing a cute dress.
Many of you are like me and have searched the internet for advice and success stories. One of the more frustrating parts; we will find stories that support every desired outcome. You will find the ones with a very supportive spouse, family, and friends. You will find many more with angry, hurt, and confused spouse, family, and friends.
I have told a few people in my life. One friend (female) who I actually saw. One female friend who is just an online acquaintance. They were both positive about it. The one even gave me several articles of clothing. When my wardrobe outgrew the bags it was in, I told my mom. Mostly because she had used my spare room for storage, and I did not want her stumbling on my collection. It went about as expected. She wasn’t happy about it, but it hasn’t changed our relationship.
I have told some women whom I wanted to date. The first one was a long-distance relationship. She saw some pictures. She also seemed supportive. Another I told on our first meeting. It turned out her uncle is a CD. We never met again. The last person I dated I told before we met in person. I did my best to let her decide when she wanted to see any pictures or ask any questions.
It went fairly well. One night she did my makeup. A few weeks later we went to see “Rocky Horror Picture Show.” It was all good, or so I thought. I’m probably like a lot of you in that my desire bounces back and forth between strong and weak. Sometimes, I can go months without dressing. Sometimes, it’s all weekend long as time permits. After the outing, I was in a strong desire mood, and I think pushed it too far. I don’t think that was the only reason for the relationship ending, but it did not help anything.
A few months ago, I had some phone dates with a woman since Covid-19 had everything shut down. I told her and it was a flat-out deal breaker for her. When, if, and how to tell is a difficult decision. What we want today can be completely different than what we want even a month from now, much less years or decades from now. Of course, there are the other factors of being able to pass, our attitude, and to what degree we strive to achieve.
One of the main keys is to first know ourselves. Why we do this. What we hope to get out of it. The other thing is trying to put ourselves in another’s shoes. The chances are she is attracted to masculinity, just as we are to femininity. She is not going to be happy to see her man all dolled up. There might also be and insecurity that she isn’t the pretty one.
How would you feel if you came home and the beautiful woman you fell in love with had her head shaved, a beard, and was doing everything possible to appear masculine? There’s nothing wrong with that either, but we need to be honest with ourselves and consider how it would feel. Would we be turned off? Would we feel hurt that she kept that hidden? Would we be concerned that she wanted to change everything about her life? There is no right, wrong, or even consistent answers.
First, we need to truly know ourselves. Second, we need to seek to be around others that we can fit with. If you are already paired with someone, you must decide which you want more and what are you willing to give up getting it. The only thing that seems consistent is that building a relationship on lies or hopes that she will change do not often work out well. All we can do is hope for the best and seek our perfect fit.