So I grew up in kind of a conservative, rural area. Needless to say, any difference was not acceptable, much less challenging the standard ideal of masculinity.
I was one of those kids who was the target of bullying. For whatever reason I didn’t fight back, I just took it. This drove me inwards, and I discovered my friends in books.
I realize now that I formed many of my ideas about life from reading so many different authors with many diverse points of view. Couple that with resenting my peers, and I was ready to challenge the orthodoxy.
The F-word (the other f-word, not the FU word), was bandied about freely. It was the worst to be seen as weak and girly. I became fearful of showing any weakness since I would be attacked by my peers for it.
As I grew older, I began to realize there was more to the world than the little backward town I grew up in. I still was apprehensive to show any weakness, which in those parts was often read as femininity. Now, I realize I’ve always been a mixture of both the masculine and the feminine, as I suspect most people are. It’s a spectrum, not an either/or dichotomy.
Yet, I still can’t come out of the closet. I am so fearful of going out in public “dressed”. I have so much respect for those of us who do so. Maybe someday I will. Some of my family know of my cross dressing habit, others suspect, still others I’m sure have no clue.
It has been a process for me to accept it as a part of myself. In the end I feel that if I am not hurting another, then it is OK. I know that some people can point to an obscure bible verse to condemn cross dressing, but then again there are obscure bible verses that can be twisted to condemn just about anything or anyone you want to dislike.
I have been window shopping on Amazon a lot. When you do that, you come across a few brave souls, men, who model their womanly clothing on their reviews. I have even posted a few myself.
I often go to their profiles on Amazon and sometimes see their other reviews. I am struck that the same guys posting pics of their latest bra and panty set, also have reviews of the latest auto parts or sports memorabilia. These folks will often leave reviews of the clothing they purchase. Some feel the need to justify buying a bra on Amazon because of their gynecomastia. OK, then why did you buy that really lacy girly bra? Others just leave straight forward reviews about how the product worked for them and their particular biological equipment.
I think our society is starting to move past some of the outmoded attitudes of the past. The gay panic defense is no longer accepted in courts as an excuse for violence. Perhaps men will begin to stop fearing being more feminine. I think cis women probable experience the flip side of the coin when they are pressured to be more feminine and to only take on feminine roles. In the end, society is better off when we allow people to be themselves and not be pigeonholed.
When I see many of your posts here, I am heartened and I feel not quite as odd and hope that maybe I’ll fit in.
Gina I love the post. I feel that expressing my feminine side has made my a better man. I am in more aware of my emotional side, I am more caring and loving to my wife. I know how much work a women goes through to look pretty. I can wear nail polish of any color as a guy and feel comfortable doing it. I wish more men could express a more feminine side, the world would be a much better place.
I think we can pick the best of both worlds.
That we can Gina.
I love to wear my nail polish every day. I’ve had quite a few ladies commit on the color.
Kudos to you, I’m not there yet though
I just go with nude colors. Nothing too flashy except when I’m at home
Gina, thanks for this article. No I have never given review of any product on Amazon but I have ventured out in Public for my nails ( mani / pedi) and out to a restaurant for a glass of wine and lunch appetizer. However I know my wife and daughter suspect I’m more feminine and question if I want to be a girl. I giggle and tell them I could never be a girl but deep down inside I say to myself, “but oh would I love to show my feminine side and look like a woman!” I try to… Read more »
,I enjoyed your post. I am still working so I am indulging my fem urges on Amazon, I have bought a whole wardrobe there and I feel safe. Have heard bad things abput Temu so stay away from there. Do not know if any other sites are safe – have not tried them. And too nervous to fem shop in stores. But yes, with the transgendered movement very public, it is okay for us cross dressers to leave the closet and it is encouraging to find that there are a lot of us. Alice Black
I like to use the Amazon lockers. It avoids embarrassing deliveries
I use the Amazon Lockers nearly all the time. I did do 1 order a few weeks ago and had it delivered(some things are too big for the lockers). Thought wife was going to be away but her plans changed. So snuck my stuff in.while wife was asleep(she sleeps late). Had email notification when arrived and it was brought right to my door.
My first comments to an article here and I trust there was a lot of though, feeling, and true life experiences involved. My hat off to you for sharing personal feelings.
Gina I am sending you Angel’s To guide you to your happiness
Gina, Thank you so much for taking the time to share of yourself and your life experiences. Your ability to express yourself is so valuable, and is much needed in the world. I suspect many GM’s are afraid of their feminine feelings and this brings on the bullying tendencies. But, that’s just my opinion.
It’s so easy to hate
To me–Traditional Masculinity is nothing more than Roleplay –
Hi Gina,
Thank you for posting this heartwarming article of you finding your way.
I myself am no stranger to the world of being bullied at school. At one time, I had thoughts that if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I would beat the daylights out of them. However, I soon came to think that I wouldn’t waste my time and instead do something worthwhile, like get to know the girls better.
Going out and about starts with one step, then another and slowly confidence builds.
Aurora Lynnette