Many of both my male and female friends know I’m a Crossdresser. Most embrace it, some tolerate it but only one out of 30 odd have walked away from me. It wasn’t always this way. I felt the need to tell someone but also feared their rejection. I think it came down to that i needed to be honest and wanted to know that they accepted all of me.
It’s not easy and there’s no right way to do it but if you can, the rewards (and peace of mind) are amazing.
Having done some thorough research (an hour on google and wikipedia) I found some pretty kinky photos but more importantly a few pertinent facts and figures. I am going to use a few generalisations and averages to keep this as simple as possible.
As a percentage of population in the Western World (since most of Russia, Africa and Asia would love to imprison or kill us) there are about 3-4% of people who self report they are homosexual or
bi-sexual and 2-5% are thought to be crossdressers.
So if we assume that not all people are willing to admit it and we say 5% of each.
Bear with me.
Since there is a small crossover (80% of crossdressers identify as heterosexual, apparently) we’ll take a total of 9% LBGQTI.
35-40% of people are homophobic. I use this as an indicator since anyone who would be considered homophobic would throw in crossdressers, transgender, and actually anyone not within their definition of “normal” in the same boat.
Almost there.
So if you include our 9%, who we’d assume would not be throwing stones in glass houses and remove the stupid 35-40% that still leaves 60-65% of people who are more than likely going tolerate you if not accept you.
That’s 20-30% better odds than you’d get playing any game at a casino.
If you want to increase your odds women are more than 60% more likely than men to be open to your differences. Throw in a tertiary degree (college) and the odds go up again. If you live in a large city the cosmopolitan identity makes it as close to a sure bet as you’ll ever get.
Yes I know have generalised a bit and rounded up but the reality is you’re not likely to tell a complete stranger (if you do, you go girl!) but these are people you grew up with or trust with your children or with your heart. You know them.
Maybe it’s time to trust them with all of you.
PS Just be ready with the right (for you) answers :
-Do you want to be a woman?
-Do you like guys (sexually)?
-Did you steal my lipstick?
Anyway you get the idea. Also I’ve found a little white lie here and there to ease them into accepting it isn’t a mortal sin.
Sarah
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I love your approach Sarah. I could throw my own statistics in which would slant the figures even more in favour. So far I have managed to hit that target of 60-65% with everyone I’ve told. Those I’ve not yet told are mainly those I’m not close enough to to bother making the effort. Some things we don’t share with others simply because it’s not worth the effort.
Thank you for sharing your story.
And as a ‘plug for business’, your “amazing" wife is welcome to join our Wives and Significant Others group. You should tell her about it. 😉
Thanks Jane,
Your support of these articles really means a lot.
I like your attitude about not worrying about the people who are not worth the effort. Although that does mean the people you do tell are the ones that really matter.
Sarah
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Sarah,
That is an interesting approach. It makes a lot of sense to me. It does make the thinking about being more open easier to process.
MacKenzie
Hi MacKenzie
I know it’s hard to put our emotions down to statistics but if it helps pushing us over the line to being honest with those we care about maybe it’s not a bad thing.
I am glad that this article has made you think a little.
Sarah
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Thanks for writing this article! I’ve estimated for some time that cross dressers make up about 5% of the population. Open gender presentation needs to come back. Some cultures still permit open gender presentation, but in recent history, it has been suppressed by most cultures. (I won’t go into the reasons why it it suppressed to respect the rights of those who who have certain beliefs 🙂 )
Steph, I think 5% is an understatement I believe nearer 35 to 40%
Hi Stephanie,
Thanks for your response to my article. Oh, to dream of open gender representation!
Would be interested to hear your views on this suppression if you get time to private message me. Being Australian and basically an atheist I do not get easily offended.
Sarah
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Open gender presentation
That’s a great concept
That would be great
I m not a full transition cd er
But boy would I like to wear a pretty bra panty set
Skinny jeans heels nice sweater
Light make up
Just me
Hetero male
Love the clothes
It all boils down to one thing: The freedom to be yourself 🙂
I won’t argue the exact percentages but your theory and conclusions are fairly accurate in my opinion. The vast majority of people simply aren’t’ that vested in hating us. So long as we act like the “regular people" that we are, most folks can accept or at lest tolerate the variance in gender expression. Thanks for an encouraging article!
Cyn
Hi Cynthia, Thanks for your response to my article. Yes, I agree the percentages are a little abstract but wanted to err on the conservative side. I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment about being “regular people". I found with most of my friends when,after a lot of discussion, that it was still me no matter what I wore it made it a lot easier for them to understand and accept me. Unfortunately having a one on one with everyone in world would take more time than I’ve got. Maybe we could divide it up… Read more »
Nice article, Sarah.
Not sure about not telling strangers, though. Isn’t that what we all did when we joined CD Heaven?
And thanks for the heads up about the lipstick…. I hadn’t considered that one. 😉
Hugs,
Maxine
Thank you Sarah for that. I guess I’m in a little different spot than I was three months ago. As I commented on a different article, I went through some self discovery in large part due to the incredible environment that CD Heaven provides. I’ve got about nine people in my life that I regularly interact with in terms of personal relationships and then a few of them have spouses. I told one yesterday that I’m transgender and then went further to explain I’m gender fluid. I’m about to have that talk with the other eight. After that, I’m just… Read more »
Hi Dani,
Thanks for response to my article. I hope it helped to give a little courage to move forward.
It really is quite scary telling the people you care about something that could push them away. But it sounds like your self confidence will get through.
I hope you end up with nine open and understanding friends.
Sarah
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Sarah!!! Love your article. Know numbers are just estimates but hell close enough. Agree with the variances which is why even though I love small towns thinking moving back to an appropriate neighborhood (safe) in a large city might work out better.
Hugs,
Donna
Hi Donna
Thanks for your response to my article. I glad it has got you thinking.
I recently moved from a big city to small town/suburb. I want to spend more time as Sarah but the realisation that just one trip out will mean 90% people around will know and I’m still coming to terms with that. Will hopefully be able to write another article about my success story.
Good luck whatever you choose to do.
Sarah
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Thanks Sarah, I guess I am different and have not told any of my friends and don’t plan on it. I have told new people I meet that I am a straight crossdresser. They have a hard time understanding the straight part and I am not having much luck explaining. I used to have a article that explained very well but now I can’t find it. I did tell my wife after we were married for 20 years and she did not except it very well (she passed away 10 years ago) so it doesn’t matter anymore. I had a… Read more »
Hi Christy, Thanks for your response to my article and I’m glad that you thought about it. Yes we’re all different in so many amazing and wonderful ways. I think being able to accept these differences is a lot easier for us who (unfortunately) live near the fringes of society. Google is a wonderful tool to find info about crossdressing and there are many articles out there talking about how most of us hetero. You should maybe point people in the direction of Wikipedia, the source of all knowledge. Most importantly you should do what feel comfortable with. No one’s… Read more »
Friends often do not know how to act around us when we come out as femme and start living as a feminine women would . My experience is that it is better to introduce yourself in small social settings . My wife would invite our close friends only 2 to 4 over to our house for a dinner party . Usually she would let the wives know I would be dressing for the occasion just as they would and to let their husband know ahead of time if they wanted to , but really I was dressing metrosexual or andrgenous… Read more »
Hi Karyn,
Thanks for for sharing your advice and experiences on this matter.
I have seen some of your other posts around this site and have to tell you how lucky you were to find a wife that seemed to know you better than you knew yourself and helped guide you on your amazing journey.
Your courage is an inspiration to all of us. You really are a beautiful woman, inside and out.
Sarah
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