Happy Being Me – Crossdressing Without Transitioning

crossdressing without transitioning

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?

She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.

Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.

Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning

Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.

My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.

What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.

Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?

Friends and Crossdressing

I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.

One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.

I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!

Hugs,
Codille Benton

P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.

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Codille Benton

I am a MTF Crossdresser for 30+ years. I came to CDH in April of 2015, Looking for Friends and Support just like everyone else, as I was looking to take my first big steps out the door. That seems so long ago thanks to the members of this site and their love. I am very active participant and I also the Manager of the site, which began as a blog by Vanessa Law. What I think Vanessa asking me to manage the sites means... I have been dressing for a while so I have a lot of things to offer others, I am organized and I REALLY like talking to people 🙂 If you haven’t read all my profile, I welcome you to please do so, it gives you a pretty good idea of who I am. Here is the link something that will tell you more about me. https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/crossdresser-without-transitioning/ There have been more than a few personal updates to this as well in the responses. A Sequel article is in the works as well as a lot has changed in two years, but here is the beginning. If the link doesn’t work check under the in the stories section at the top of your profile page, mine is the one with the Phoenix image, so just about all about me can be found in those two places. Also I am an open book and will answer almost any question posted to me. I welcome to a whole new world, that you can be you, no judging just friendship, helpful tips and lots support. As for the site, the ladies are amazing and friendly. Almost no question will not be answered (Just keep it tasteful), by someone who has been there where you are in some way. I have met some incredible ladies that just want someone else that is a crossdresser to talk to and be a friend. You will feel at home immediately. If you want to jump right in write your profile and let people your journey, if you want to stick your toe into the water first, go to the forums link, and go to the new members page, just say hi and then browse all the great insight these wonderful women have already put there. Just so you know all of the post are from people like you and me, not some expert, but women that all are looking for answers or just someone else to talk to. We also have a for the pride of your part of the world. We are a growing community so if you don’t see a group link listed for your specific country, link up with the next closest. Trust me the site is growing fast enough we will be adding more groups as soon as there are enough people you won’t be by yourself. So follow this link and find ladies in your area: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/ As for me, I also have been asked to give guidance, again that whole I have been dressing a while thing, but I too am looking for some HELP as I certainly don’t have all the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything CD. So I want to say HI!!!!!! Thanks so much for accepting my friendship request and I look forward to talking with you soon!!! Hugs, Codille Benton Managing Ambassador and Friend
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  1. Heathre Trinkoff 3 months ago

    Is there a younger girl that will hold my hand and go thru this transformation with me I live in new jerset Heathre please get in touch with me

  2. Ken 4 months ago

    I don’t mind it much any more as much in the past I still like wearing pantys most of the time they are comfort thing for me. Sometimes a nightgown in sleep but other than that no wigs or bras but who knows I’m 56 been doing it for 30 some years it normal to me .

  3. Beth Satine 5 months ago

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am jealous of your situation. It must be nice to have a solid support group. It can get lonely when nobody knows.

    Beth

  4. cathy stevens 5 months ago

    I enjoyed reading all the comments. I can sure relate. Just got back from Walmart wearing short shorts bra and a top. No one really noticed one way or the other. I guess next I will do my makeup and wig and see what happens. I lov

  5. Yasmen Drew 6 months ago

    I don’t get a chance to dress how I wish I am growing my breasts I wish for a D cup I love bras and panties and stocking I am happy being me I like being with transsexual and cross dressers I also like kissing men that’s me and I am happy

  6. Khloe West 6 months ago

    Know that I have been on and off absent for long periods, but can’t believe It’s the first time I’ve read this tonight!

    Brilliant read!

    Like you? No desire to fully transition. It would gain me nothing. I also have a supportive wife that “knows” – despite getting to THAT point at the tender age of 51 as a side swerve into a ditch that was she and I playing a prank on HER FB pals that had utterly unexpected consequences.

    I may get around to “submitting that success story”, but that might be a mini-series in itself – lol!

    Aforementioned prank that went sideways to YT “drag makeover” by a pro to modeling and film ops thereafter? It’s kinda’ just never ended. A surreal journey and about fell off me stilettos when I found that Margaret Cho was a Twitter follower of me alt persona.

  7. Jodi Cooke 7 months ago

    Hi,I everyone, just finishing up a 4 night vacation at Branson, Mo. Stayed in femme underdressed out an full femme at the condo. I’m lucky, wife likes helping me “Jodi” with makeup and hair. Only my wife and the nice lady’s on CDH knows what Jodi looks like. For now! Building my confidence to go “out” in full femme. Maybe next time! Lol

  8. Peggy Ann Culpepper 8 months ago

    Thanks Codille for the advice, and being there for us. I am 77 and in the last lap
    of the Datona Five Hundred Race of life. I have been a CD since about the age of 2,
    (part of my trip has been posted elsewhere on this site) most of the laps of life have been
    Very Bumpy Due to what we all have had to contend with because of the views of world.
    Though , we have come a long way from what I had to contend with in the 50’s and 60’s.
    At long last I am able to BE ME, except for the actual going out in Public . Physical handicap
    makes this an impossible dream, but i have have run a good race and it is so good to have everyone on this site to talk to and listen to. Love to All.

  9. Barbi Lynn 8 months ago

    I too am not going to transition. But you said you took over the site two and a half years ago. Where are you on your journey now from when you wrote this originally?

    Barbi Lynn

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  11. James 8 months ago

    There is no reason to be ashamed. You can start out by wearing a Kilt. All men wore shirts
    up until the German industrial revolution took place. The men’s skirts kept getting caught
    in the machines at work so they (Germans) had to figure out how to stop the loose skirt from getting caught in the machinery. The Germans invented pants trousers. This is the only reason men wear pants. You already have built into you to wear a skirt, not pants. I wear a kilt and I wear a skirt. I love to wear a skirt and dress like a woman. It feels extremely good. I love it. I have never ever felt ashamed.

  12. Stefanie Oosthuizen 11 months ago

    Hi Codille. I also prefer not to go over to transition. I am very happy as. Man drrssing like a woman. I have had one bi exsperience and that is where I decided to let Stafanie just be a lesbian and she is happy with that decision. I have never been out of my house as Stafanie. Would probably only make my name ass if I do. Feels just right to keep Stafanie to myself. My wife and kids don’t know that Stafanie exists. Thet know I dress as a woman but thats about it. Thanks fir your article.

  13. Harietta 11 months ago

    As I said in another post, I live in Ottawa, but I dress in other cities so that I can relax. My rationale is that in Montreal, Kingston or even Toronto people may see a man in a great dress and heels, but probably would never know just which man that was.
    My ongoing worry is that Harietta would be discovered and roasted on social media here in Ottawa where I am self employed teaching teenagers for the most part.
    So in other cities I make it a mini vacation and celebrate her.
    And part of venturing out as Harietta is a little risque still, a little like playing hookie from school or work and that adds some excitement.
    My real point is that being relaxed en femme is really a big key to passing. And if you are able, going out somewhere where no one knows your manself allows that.

    • SophyB Phillips 11 months ago

      That is such a brilliant idea. I have often thought of being sophy while I am on holiday, My next will be the one to blaze that trail in Europe, as you have I Canada, well done my dear xxx

      Sophy b

    • Author
      Codille Benton 11 months ago

      Harietta,

      That is how I started out dress, out on the road. then closed and closer to home. I still do dress when out on trips, but not only then now.

      As for Social Media, when I took this position two and a half years ago I made a choice. Even before I was out to my kids, that If the world was to know who Codille was then so be it. So when I talk to companies, sometimes I use my real name sometimes Codille, it depends on who the potential business partner is. But I have gotten to the point where the people I love know, the rests opinions really don’t matter.

      Codille

  14. Gracie 11 months ago

    I hope one day I can be happy being me and not ashamed

    • Author
      Codille Benton 11 months ago

      Gracie Ann,

      That is why you are here. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of, crossdressing is just another part of who you are but only you can make yourself happy! Talk to anyone on the site, we are all here for the same reason…. Friendship and Support.

      Hugs,

      Codille

      • Gracie 10 months ago

        I hope so and I want to I’m just trying to figure out where to start. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it very much

  15. Felishia Lopez 12 months ago

    Thanks for sharing, and your right be who you are on the inside, your mind says one thing but your HEART says what is the truth about you. I Have been a cross dresser for many years at first I would just wear panties then later I tried a bra I fell in love with cross dressing after a while I had the opportunity to dress up entirely as a woman and I was hooked forevermore and I realized that I am a woman I felt so good and it felt so natural that I went out in public and it was as if no one even noticed me another time I had a date and when I am with men who want me I naturally become all woman, deep down I know that I am a woman

  16. Gracie Ann 12 months ago

    I hope i can learn to be happy one day

  17. Terrisa Washbourne 12 months ago

    Hello Codille, I am very new here but very old out there. Haha I’m about you’re age. I find it strange that we grew up in an era with Wham! Boy George, pictures of David Bowie and Mick Jagger in bed together and Rob Hellford walking out of the closet that we are still afraid to express ourselves the way we want. I did 25 years ago whenever we went out to the local bar or night club (so my close friends know) but then like everything you did as a young adult gets put away next to the Hustler, and the Mad magazines cause you had children. I too am faced with the same dilemma of children and parents and in-laws that don’t really know. We have to stop second guessing ourselves, stop trying to force the issue(?). Hi I am Terrisa and I like to drink beer and wear a garter and a dress while I do it. I ain’t hurtin’ no one. I wish you all the best on your endeavour – just remember friends will like you because you are an awesome person and that’s what they will remember.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 12 months ago

      Terrisa,

      Read Down on some of my responses, Some great things have happened since I wrote this. I actually need to do an update!

      Best of luck and welcome, WE ARE THE WORLD, LOL!!!!

      Codille

      • Terrisa Washbourne 12 months ago

        LOL!! So true. Impatience with reading sometimes does get the better of me. Always think things might have been different for me if I a site like this existed back in the old 286 dial-up modem days with the old Orange Monochrome, I digress, sorry 😉 I will read further and thanks for being awesome Princess Codille! Hugs – Terrisa

  18. Dame Veronica Graunwolf 12 months ago

    Hi Codille……long time no hear…..everything OK with you and yours?? Winter is soon to hit here…2 snows already!! I am looking for a fur bikini outfit for playing in snow. Let me know your ok.

    Lady Veronica

    • Author
      Codille Benton 12 months ago

      Lady V,

      Chaos Reigns here, I will drop you a line but instead of the sword I got my son, he tried to take Bambi out with his car instead! Needs to learn to use the right tool for the job!

      CB

      • Dame Veronica Graunwolf 11 months ago

        Hi Codille……..don’t worry about your son and Bambi. Here in Algoma Region more Bambies and Bullwinkles are killed by pick-ups than hunters!! True Fact!

  19. karley delaware 12 months ago

    Thank you for that wonderful post. I have been cd for many years in secret and have no desire to fully transition. Being here has allowed me to better integrate my two sides and not feel guilty or dirty for being Karley.

    • Author
      Codille Benton 12 months ago

      Karley,

      Welcome to CDH and no you are not alone. I have just gone out for the first time for a full make-over with two friends and found a wigs that screamed me. The three of us were out for 7-8 hours and only had one little snotty attitude. EVERYONE else was awesome. More and more I realize that people are the problem, groups of people are because they think they have to be. Be yourself. You don’t have to transition, this female side just is a part of you. Embrace it!!!!

      Hugs,

      Codillle

      • karley delaware 12 months ago

        Thank You again. Planning on posting my picture but have not decided on the outfit. One is a pleated skirt with white blouse, another is cut off jeans with white blouse knotted on the bottom or army green girly hiking shorts with a camisole. Have been working on poses too.

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