crossdressing without transitioning

Dear Readers,

I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?

She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.

Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.

Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning

Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.

My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.

What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.

Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?

Friends and Crossdressing

I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.

One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.

I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!

Hugs,
Codille Benton

P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.

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Codille Benton

I am a MTF Crossdresser for 30+ years. I am looking for some good friends and support as I try to take my first steps out the door.
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  1. Profile photo of Shannyn Ford
    Shannyn Ford 1 day ago

    Very uplifting story Codille. I just joined at 42, and am much on my own jury. My wife doesn’t get it, however. I hope to learn from this site to bring Shannyn to the fore and fully enjoy ALL of me!

  2. Profile photo of Beginner Moor
    Beginner Moor 1 month ago

    Wonderful story – I’m just starting out and have bought some wonderful clothes which look great with some very high red heels but I’m struggling with makeup – any advice

    • Profile photo of Codille Benton Author
      Codille Benton 1 month ago

      Welcome and check out the Forums area. There are more make up tips in there the you can imagine!!

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/forum/help-crossdressing-fashion-beauty-and-makeup/

      Hugs,

      Codille

    • Profile photo of Lisbeth Lacy
      Lisbeth Lacy 1 month ago

      Practice . practice.. patience patience. There are lots of YouTube videos tutorials that are extremely helpful. And remember when doing makeup applying less is better. A lot of new transgirls start off applying way to much and up looking like they are wearing a mask.
      If you are striving to be passable and go out in the public, feminizing your voice is essential. You can perfectly apply makeup, the perfect wig or natural hair, the perfect body shape, but when you open your mouth to speak and your masculine voice comes out, no matter how passable you are, you will be seen as a loser dressed as a woman. So be sure to learn how to speak as a real woman and the mannerisms as you learn about makeup. To authentically present yourself as a woman if requires more than makeup, and wearing a dress.

  3. Profile photo of Carla Jones
    Carla Jones 1 month ago

    What a wonderful story. Thank you for telling it. I was always happy crossdressing but things have changed a little. My doctor has me on a medication that reduces my testosterone to shrink a part that is causing some issues. One of the side effects is possible breast growth and that side effect is working on me. I love the effect so much that I do not need forms anymore. So my story is changing with me.

    • Profile photo of Codille Benton Author
      Codille Benton 1 month ago

      Thank you! I am glad Carla you have crossed my path on your way down your Journey! Best of luck and let me know if you need anything!

      Codille

  4. Profile photo of Regina Shaw
    Regina Shaw 3 months ago

    I have been dressing in womens clothes since I can’t even remember. I was about 9 years old when I first wore my moms slip and have been wearing womens clothes in hiding ever since. I am now 55 years old and just can’t do it any more. I am just not happy and have made my first ever order of womens clothing for myself. My wife has let me dress up in her lingerie before to role play with each other and even sent me off with some when I went out of town to work so I could wear it to bed at night. Just the other night she gave me a dress to wear,I was like oh YES. I have some beautiful long brown hair I have been trying in some new styles but I am so new to doing it all and am so scared that she will see my order before I get it. I don’t know what to do? I am so happy as a woman now that I know that’s what I am and want to be even if it takes a while to blend into it. I am so excited but scared at the same time and happier than I have ever been before. She will know soon enough since I have started the process of changing my hormones to estrogen. I hope I am doing right? Love you girls. I just joined and the love in here is just great. But I love my wife of 24 years so much.I would never ever leave her.I am a lesbian all the way for her. What do I do?

    • Profile photo of Codille Benton Author
      Codille Benton 1 month ago

      Regina,

      Everyone’s Journey is different. You will find the right path for you. Have faith in what your heart is telling you. Make smart decisions. And know there are A LOT of girls here that are here for the same reason and are ready to help and be helped!

      Hugs,

      Codille

  5. Michelle 3 months ago

    My wife has known about my crossdressing since before we married. She does not encourage me or participate in any way. I keep my body and legs smooth shaven; and would love for my wife to encourage; even better; order me to wear sheer nylons on a regular basis for her inspection, seeing as I keep my legs so feminine. Thus; I would enjoy a dominant side to her nature. She could even tease me about my crossdressing; calling me her feminine ” bitch husband”. Also; I’ve always had fantasies and thoughts of my wife having an intimate relationship with another man. I’ve had these feelings since before we were married, but could never tell her, as I never thought she could be open-minded or accepting enough to include them in our marriage. Maybe too little; too late.

    • Profile photo of Codille Benton Author
      Codille Benton 1 month ago

      Michelle,

      This is quite different than my experiences so I am not going to be of much help here. The good news is there are 10000 other members on the site and I am sure there are some that are in a similar situation to you. Best of luck, and check out the forums first. You may find some kindred spirits there!!!

      Hugs,

      Codille

  6. Profile photo of Tissy
    Tissy 4 months ago

    You’re a star Codille…

    I too have a very special wife and 2 kids. My youngest was recently told by my wife that Daddy loves to dress as a woman and wear make up. My daughter’s reaction was amazing…”Well, Daddy is still Daddy and I can now help him do his make up, plus he is old and he should do what makes him happy, as you can’t make yourself happy when you’re dead”!! I was blown away, she’s 8 and a half…Our oldest is nearly 19 and she’s known for some time, even though I’ve never dressed up in front of her, she’s seen my clothes, lol…

    She also said that she will help me with my make up etc!! The only difference is that my wife wants me to be more of a woman and she’s said that she wants me to act and LOOK more like a woman..She said and I agreed wholeheartedly that I will start HRT…I was so worried that my wife was doing this just for me, she swears she isn’t at all!

    So, when I get back from working away in June I will have a whole new life at home..We’ve been busy buying new clothes and my wife is picking loads out for me too…Including some new bras for what she hopes will be right for my new breasts! I told her that it is unlikely that I will develop anything to speak of as I am in my mid 40’s!
    I said that I will likely only get A-B cup at the very most…She said she is happy with that, and so am I…It’s more about feeling more feminine, but I worry about the mood swings…then again I cry at the drop of a hat and always have done..Lol.

    If anyone has any hints or tip regarding what’s to be expected, I’ve obviously done a lot of research on the subject and neither of us has taken this decision lightly…It’s a very exciting step though for both of us and our relationship.

    Love and hugs to all

    Tissy

    • Profile photo of Codille Benton Author
      Codille Benton 3 months ago

      Thanks for the great response and good luck with the next step on your Journey!!!!

      Codille

      • Profile photo of Tissy
        Tissy 3 months ago

        Thanks sweetie..

  7. Profile photo of
    Steph 4 months ago

    A great and very helpful story Codille. Thank you.
    Steph

  8. Profile photo of Elissa
    Elissa 5 months ago

    Codille,
    I just want to thank you for sharing your story. It is very insightful to me and I know it will help and encourage other to be who they are on the inside! I too still have issues with how and who to tell when it comes to friends and family. I for one am afraid of loosing long term relationships due to this. I am beginning to believe that if people haven’t been able to figure out I am different then maybe they never really paid attention to who I am. Then again maybe they did but choose to ignore it. I am almost to the point where I am about to say that if you cannot except me, all of me, for who I am then maybe we shouldn’t be friends anyway. I haven’t quite gotten there but am close.

    Hugs and best wishes on your continuing journey!
    Elissa

    • Profile photo of Codille Benton Author
      Codille Benton 4 months ago

      Elissa,

      It took me a long long time to have this change. If you go to my profile, you will see since I wrote this a year and a half a go things have massively changed with my relationships in my life. With family, children and friends. Crossdresser Heaven has helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. And like you I look at people and go if you didn’t nice I was different you weren’t paying attention. My wife calls me the wife of the couple, as I micromanage everything and have all the emotions and have passed those to my kids. On the Flip side I am the strong presence of the two of us, but neither of us are what you would call shy. She is the nurturer, and I am the hammer. but when the day is done you look at the 2 of us and I see myself 60% male/ 40% Female and she is 60% Female / 40% male when it comes to “typical” characteristics. I can list a ton of examples.

      At some point you hopefully will get to the point that you will go, these people are the ones that need and should now I am CD. These I don’t want them ever to know and the rest I don’t care one way or another and then start figuring out how to balance and make that all work. Not Easy. I have 2 people left I NEED to tell and I am scared to death. After that, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Good luck on your journey and drop me a line. I would love to talk!!!

      Codille

  9. Profile photo of
    Margie 5 months ago

    That was so well written and says much about the person you are Codille. We share things like long term family, wife who knows and accepts and understanding our own person. I’ve thought and thought but I’m not sure transitioning, at my age, early 70’s, would be the right thing. I prefer femme but … oh well! I’m still content.

    • Profile photo of Codille Benton Author
      Codille Benton 5 months ago

      Thanks Margie and yes it looks like we do have quite a bit in common.

  10. Profile photo of
    Stefanie 5 months ago

    That’s it! That’s what some of us are US
    heterosexual males that like the clothes the style the sexy ness
    We re just us
    And we re ok

    • Profile photo of Codille Benton Author
      Codille Benton 5 months ago

      Yes it is Stefanie, just one part of the giant Crossdressing bowl, but we all do it with style…… or at least try too!

      🙂

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