Dear Readers,
I’m excited to introduce you to one of our lovely Ambassadors, Codille Benton. If you’ve been on the Crossdresesr Heaven forums recently you’ve no doubt seen her around and chatted with her. She touches on something I’ve heard many ask before, can you be happy crossdressing without transitioning, or is full transition inevitable?
She chose the image of a phoenix rising to represent her rebirth – a very fitting and beautiful representation of discovering your woman inside.
Codille is a shining star of Crossdresser Heaven, and this is her story.
Codille – Happy as a Crossdresser Without Transitioning
Hello World, I want to introduce myself so you know who I am, an insight into Codille. I am a MTF Crossdresser and I have gone through some major personality mental calibrations over the last year and instead of feeling conflicted between my male persona and Codille, they have really finally after thirty years merged/unified and become just ME. My name here is Codille and as some of you have read my profile or know me through chatting, I have been married to a wonderful, amazing, understanding and supportive woman for almost 21 years. I know I am blessed here as this is not the case for many crossdressers.
My wife has known both sides of me since right before I proposed 23 years ago. I have three great and precocious kids, all of whom are teens. My kids don’t know about Codille yet; as we, my wife and I, are working on dealing with how to tell and handle the extended family and friends’ dynamic of that before we tell the kids. The two youngest are going to have little to no issue, the eldest is a question mark.
What is wonderful as you probably understand, I a little over a year ago became whole when ME and Codille just became ME. I love my female persona of Codille but use it now more of a screen, protection for my family, and to put others at ease. Codille has been part of me for almost 32 years now so ME and Codille are now two sides of the same coin and interchangeable in my head depending on how I feel moment to moment. Unlike where some are before making the decision transition, I am truly a MTF crossdresser and heterosexual with no desire or feeling of the need to transition fully to a woman.
Also it being, no matter your sexual orientation you are, if you still feel like you are male, it is ok to crossdress and express who you are and it society that is going to need to catch up like it is slowly with the transgender community?
Friends and Crossdressing
I am fortunate to have a tight circle of friends including my wife that know I CD, all 5 are all women. I haven’t had the courage at the age of 45 to tell the guys yet, as I said I am working on that. One of my confidants is in the process of transitioning and talking with her, I can understand what she is feeling and comprehend but not empathize. Another in my circle is Bi-sexual and has gone from straight to lesbian to BI, needless to say she has gone through her own journey. So I have a wide spectrum of sexuality in my group of friends.
One of the reasons I think I can relate to such a variety of individuals is in that I have such a great blend of both the male and female psych, that I can grasp where they are coming from. My wife though not CD, or have any interest, has these traits as well, the blend of female and male psych. I believe this is why we are such kindred spirits, sort of like yin and yang. So I hope that was not TMI but gives you a little insight into one of your Ambassadors on Crossdresser Heaven and why I can do what I do, listen, be supportive and be a friend. That and 25 years in personnel management skills doesn’t hurt any, LOL.
I want you to know ladies that you have someone on your side that really feels both sides and is not conflicted, and that it is possible to have balance between your male and female side and you can feel complete and at peace with ALL of you. I look forward to chatting with you on the site. Feel free to message me and say “Hi”!!
Hugs,
Codille Benton
P.S. If you would like to be featured on Crossdresser Heaven, please submit your crossdressing success story. If you’ve already shared on the forums it’s okay to repurpose what you wrote. I’d also love to hear from ladies who are crossdressing without transitioning, and happy in both genders.
Codille, thank you for your insight.I too am happy with my two selves ! I feel that it is so helpful to combine your two halves into one person . I struggled for years over who i was then after my divorce and living on my own i let Pippi take over my feeling for a while . It helped me figure out how i wanted to live my life . I dont crossdress all the time but i do allow myself my femm time to keep my balance .
my name is Angela and I have been crossdressing now for 50 years ,I have always felt like I should have been a female I just recently started stepping out going into stores in women clothes and I feel good doing it a little scared and concerned about being called freak.
Codille, Very nice story told and impressive ! I have been dressing on and off for many years since was 13. Have been married twice and divorced twice not because of my cross dressing though. For the last Seven years I have been dressing mostly evenings I have been out a few times mostly evenings also. I, do wear undergarment during my male mode during the day. I, find that only a few will accept my cross dressing so I only tell a few. Since I am a older CD and due to medical reasons I could not transition. Being… Read more »
Hi–is there a place where a parent could go to get advice to help a teenager who came out as transgender just months ago? She is pushing strongly to begin hormone treatments but I just don’t know what to make of it. I have been reading posts throughout this forum and it’s so heartening. I would do anything to smooth out the rough spots for my Kate, but I also suspect that there’s only so much a mom can do or even should do. . . Would any of you dear ladies have advice for me? Most sincerely, Kate’s Mom… Read more »
Carrie-try contacting Denise -she has a lot of god information-as a matte of fact I’ll pass on your user info to her. She is very nice and can help answer your questions! I am happy to talk with you about my own journey(PM me anytime!) but she is better for the medical questions!
Cyn
Hiya Carrie, I pushed a wrong button it seems while replying to this, so this is my second attempt. Firstly, I have not raised a trans child, yet I know of several who have and are. I’m a transwoman myself, who at the tender age of 50 made my full transition, six years ago. A child who is trans is of course completely different than an adult who is trans….yet in many aspects the same. Much the same as a non-trans child and non-trans adult are different yet the same. There are just so many questions to ask you, if… Read more »
Article Update: I want to clarify something that I don’t quite think I put enough emphasis on in the original article. Do we all dream of being able to magically change into a beautiful woman and look stunning in you favorite outfit of choice at one time or another, I think so, but that doesn’t mean you or I want to be a woman full time. I am a straight heterosexual man and have no desire to transition at all and never have. It was the topic of the article but I didn’t really spell it out very well. What… Read more »
Codille, I think we all dream of having an out of body experience once in our transitioning lives. And I use the term " Transitioning " loosely to describe any and all of us who at one time imagined ourselves as actually being female. We dress to become that spirit, we feed that flame that is in our souls. We want to feel the silk and satin and it stirs up feelings that others simply cannot comprehend. These feelings make us unique. Like you, I am a cross dresser and could never imagine myself making the choice of becoming 100%… Read more »
Thanks Codille for your article, it certainly puts alot in perspective. As a closeted panty wearer, I was always curious as to weather or not I had a “label". Nice to know I don’t need one, and can just enjoy the journey.
Hi girls, I have been a MTF crossdresser for 51 years. I have been married for 48 years and my wife and I have 3 wonderful children, 9 grandchildren. I began crossdressing 3 years before I met my wife. In that 3 years I often wondered where this wonderful world of crossdressing and being Brianna would take me. I thought about what direction did I want to go. Was I happy just being a MTF crossdresser or did I want to go for total transition. I dated a few other women before I met my wife and some I told… Read more »
I think we are Kindred Spirits, Brianna!!!!!
Thank you Codille. I believe you are right. Our stories are very similar in many ways.
Love
Briana
You are truly blessed to have an understanding wife. I too have a wife, who understands my need to be my true self. I’ve shown her my childhood pictures, of me wearing dresses. This helped her to understand my life long need to cross-dress, and my dream of one day becoming the girl that I should of been at birth. Rossalynne
Having an accepting partner I think is an amazing gift!!!
yes you are truly blessed to have a wife that understands you and be on your side when in need of a friend to talk to like two females. i have been cross dressing for about 30 years on and off, but since the loss of my parents and the internet, plus my fem side wants to come out more then ever. i have finally learned to adopt to my fem side and me. daughter knows of my cross dressing but that’s all, she does not know i dress up almost every day. wife wont see me or help me… Read more »
Lucinda, That statement can’t be more true. CD individuals seems to be the last in line for acceptance from society as a whole. Interracial couples, then gay and lesbian couples, now transgender transitioned individuals have all fought extremely hard battles and society has either accepted or began to accept these differences. Then there is the MTF crossdresser, and I point that group out in particular for a reason. Changing clothing styles in the womans business sector has made male looking clothing an acceptable norm. You can go down any street in any city with even the smallest business district and… Read more »