Crossdressers Need to be Seen to be Accepted

A few weeks ago I wrote about what it would be like if crossdressing was normal. The sad truth, is that we aren’t doing what is necessary for crossdressing to become accepted in society. We are relying on the transsexual community to advocate for us. We are relying on the LGB community to include the transgendered in their activism and fight for equality. In short we are content to remain in the shadows until our battle has been won by someone else.

When crossdressers hide in the shadows we weaken our cause

When we nervously buy our clothes and makeup over the Internet we rob the world of a chance to know us. When we dress in private without telling, noone can see our beauty. When we keep to ourselves out of shame and guilt we give others a reason to believe we should feel shame and guilt.

Crossdressing through the three stages of acceptance

A few days ago my wife and I were talking about the three stages of acceptance in society:

  • First you believe you are worthy of discrimination
  • Second you believe you are worthy and no longer accept discrimination
  • Finally you are worthy. The idea that you could be discriminated against seems ludicrous

Society takes many generations to move through these stages. Even with all the great work done by the feminist movement last century, woman haven’t achieved the final stage. The Democratic primary highlighted that sexism is still alive as chauvinistic pigs held up signs at Hillary Clinton rallies proclaiming “Iron my clothes”.

For a second, imagine a different world. Imagine a world where the idea that our daughters could be discriminated against seems strange. An anecdote from history, about as applicable to today’s times as the Latin language. Imagine a world where white and black alike are not just judged by the content of their character, but to think someone would do otherwise evokes laughter.

Woman, people of color and our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters have moved into the second stage. Unfortunately most crossdressers are still in the first stage. Too afraid of what they’ll lose to move on.

I understand (intimately) the guilt and shame that go along with crossdressing. I understand the fear of telling a loved one. I understand. I was there, sometimes I still am.

Be the change you want to see in the world

The distance between accepting ourselves and being accepted is generations. Perhaps even centuries. It has been said that we create the reality around us. That our expectations of what will happen are often fulfilled. Like attracts like.

If you believe in a world where we are worthy – be worthy. Today. Nothing will so powerfully reverberate through the universe as your proclamation:

I am who I am. Worthy of love and respect. I accept myself, and others accept me because I accept myself.


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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.

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Matt Just4therecord
4 years ago

I’m fine being a closet crossdresser, always have been, love sneaking feeling, my wife is fine with it, she doesnt say much, she doesnt seem to get into as much, but doesnt mind watching 2 guys go at it either, I dont dress very often, it’s more a taboo sexual thing for me.

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