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This topic contains 127 replies, has 94 voices, and was last updated by  Autumn Valiant 1 month ago.

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  • #207419
     Keilani Johnson 
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    my biggest and worst fear would be the first one you said being out and about having fun and being recognized by someone who knew me but didn’t know that this was a part of my life I’m not worried about them out in me because I know how I am and I can definitely go word forward and chop people down very quickly without even having to curse I can make people feel very small but yes going out seeing someone that I know and being recognized yeah that scares the living hell out of me it’s never happened though thank God. 💋💋

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  • #200976
     D Giambattista 
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    This is not about fear but rather lack of fear.  As I was headed home for some reason I thought I might like to tell my downstairs neighbors about my cross-dressing, maybe show them a picture.  Am pretty certain they would be accepting, they have the blue and yellow bars stickers on their cars.  Just sort of thought I’d like to let them explicitly know that I’m cool with their orientation here in conservative Texas (probably somewhat less conservative here in the Dallas suburbs), though I’m sure they know it implicitly by all the liberal Obama and Sanders and Beto stickers on my wife’s bumper.

    Well wouldn’t you know, when I got home at 9:30pm to go upstairs to our apartment, one of my downstairs neighbors was outside her door, and we had a brief conversation.  Cat’s out of the bag now, and I don’t give a flying rat’s patootie.

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  • #200918
     April (Pacific Princess) 
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    I feel for you ladies who are worried about being exposed.  That used to be me.  I was petrified that people I knew would see me.  And I only ventured out in public on Halloween or to costume parties.

     

    However, a few years ago I was lucky enough to have gotten through a suicide attempt and come out the other side with an IDGAF attitude.  I no longer fear who knows, possibly because I have learned to no longer base my worth on the opinions of others.  Luckily my family has been accepting and I have also found that if I present myself in public as if I truly am April – no fear, then others seem to accept me too.  If you really believe in yourself then most others seem to believe in you too (of course I am lucky enough to live in a place as open as Seattle).

     

    I wish you all could find the peace within yourselves to present as the person you truly feel you are.

     

    Hugs,

    April

     

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  • #200725
     Alicen Thairms 
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    My main one is being seen by someone I know or by the neighbours.

    I’m just careful when I go out to keep out of sight of the neighbours (if they are in) and go to places where people I know don’t frequent.

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  • #196697
     K Swim 
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    Just that, being out in public. I keep vigilant to who might see me eyeballing women’s swimsuits while I am walking around the fishing and camping sections at Dick’s Sporting Goods.

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  • #194979
     Anonymous
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    I have gone out twice. Both times I was very careful. My biggest fear is seeing someone that I know and they expose it on social media.

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  • #193382
     Rachel Plain 
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    In the current political climate in the US, I fear getting attacked by those who buy into the Industrial Hate Complex that some of our leaders sell.

    That’s my fear here in Australia too. For years I’ve been happily out and about with nothing more than the odd funny look (always smile back nicely) or passing comment. But there’s a definite climate brewing where it’s considered OK to have a pop at people who are ‘different’, and I have a nagging worry that one day it will be me on the receiving end.

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    • #200583
       D Giambattista 
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      My biggest worry is tripping in my heels and falling.

      Ha you beat me to it!

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  • #192532
     karley delaware 
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    So far I go out semi-femme in shorts, showing a little more leg than regular guy shorts, a pony tail, maybe an ankle bracelet hidden in my thick socks and wear perfume.  My biggest fear is violence.  I have experienced  “stares” by guys. By themselves, that’s all they do, as they are really cowards. In groups, that is the fear, as they may feel more powerful and  act on their hate. I have taken an urban self defense course, and carry weapons (legal), such as a very bright flashlight, keys on a short stick, a linoleum cutter, a monkey fist.  When out and about, I always avoid groups of guys loitering and sometimes think  strategy of how I can use my surroundings as a defense.

    karley delaware

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  • #192149
     Terri 
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    I first went out in public enfemme in either 1979 or 1980. I remember going to a department store and having a store detective following me around the store. I remembered teenagers making catcalls. Im really the type of person that I really dont care too much about what strangers think. I live in New Yorkon Long Island. I really feel that most people are too busy with their own lives for them to concern themselves with what im wearing. If i get a look i just smile and go about my business. I can’t get out that often due to family commitments. I just enjoy the times i get out.

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  • #191981
     Tina Thompson 
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    In the current political climate in the US, I fear getting attacked by those who buy into the Industrial Hate Complex that some of our leaders sell.

    It happened here in my town last year, and it made the national news.  Two women were arrested for attacking a mid-transition transgender woman for daring the use the bathroom that matched her presentation.  She was hospitalized and they were hauled off to the nick.

    Even though I can fight back if I need to, I’d really prefer not to ever get into that kind of a situation.

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    • #192002
       Donna James 
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      The politics of hate seems to be taking over everywhere, it looks like we in the UK will soon have a bigot with with blonde hair in charge soon like you. Keep up the fight. Your pictures are fab by the way.

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  • #191958
     Rachel Williams 
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    Vanessa, my worst fear would be getting found out by someone who only knows me in drab mode.  The embarrassment would be too much for me to handle.

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  • #184692
     Kira 
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    Vanessa, I think you summed it up for me.

  • #183827
     Patty Phose 
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    Getting outed and getting the crap beat out of me has always been a concern.

  • #183778
     Kacie 
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    This is a great question. I would have to say originally my greatest fear of going out in public is worrying about what others might think about me. But the more I go out I realize that one, I don’t care what people think and  two, no one has bothered me to the point that made me feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to be me, and this is what it’s all about… being me! On one particular day I went out to an art museum and shopped at my favorite woman’s clothing store (side note, I go in there quite a bit in my male mode and go to know one of the workers there whom I’ve shared photos of the real me so I feel very welcome shopping there regardless of my appearance). I’ve done this before in the past but on this particular day I  did some shopping at the mall, which I’ve never done dressed and then picked up dinner at my favorite restaurant. It honestly made me feel like there is nothing stopping me from going out the way I truly want to present myself. A few weeks later, my spouse and I went to a zoo in another city. I must admit there were a few butterflies but once we got out of the car I had this feeling of look out world… here I come! I look forward to that next opportunity to get out and be me. Who knows… my place of employment may be that next frontier!

     

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  • #183698
     Rose Turner 
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    Having someone I know spot me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!

  • #182442
     Lucinda Hawkns 
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    my most fear of going out in public is my 21 year old son seeing me dressed up for 1, then having neighbors and friends seeing me dressed up. but then how can they tell its me when they are a distance away from me? they cant see my Adams apple! i am all dressed up pretty and passable as much as i can. i am a thin person and when dressed up i look like a female. but the fear is all in our mind and just afraid what will happen will people tell that i am a male dressed up as a female? what will they think and say? its like the question why is the grass green?   i was watching T.V and they had a parade with the l.g.b.t walking proud in  i believe it was Buffalo N.Y, nothing was bad about it and they are proud to walk the streets.     its the generation that has to learn that we all are human and have our own way, either x dressers or gay or trany, lesbian, bi.   who cares we are human just like every one else, except we like to dress up, date men , date woman, big deal we are happy, we are not weird, freaks,  or any other word they can think of. there are people that don’t care what we do and then there are people who start trouble, calling us names.   sticks and stones and brake my bones but names will never hurt me. i am proud to be a x dresser and love every min of dressing up as a female, it helps me with being depressed and panic attacks with out the drugs. when i don’t dress up i feel sick, not happy depressed. when dressed up i feel 100% happy and free, for going out i would have to be careful and go places where no one can see me. even tho wife knows she has set her bandies, but lets me dress up when our son is not home, i have more female cloths then wife does and even wear them more then she does, i even under dress at times when its cold out.  so if you plain on going out be careful and enjoy your feminine side in which all men have but have not found it out yet some have and GOD bless then. the older we get the more we find our feminine side.  i have read just about all the post and do agree on most of them, having a bra on is price less, dressing up is price less also and simulating feeling. getting to feel what real woman go though when dressing up and walking in heels. just don’t walk in dirt with heels you will sink and brake a heel or fall. have a great time being the real person you should of been and be careful and also enjoy the fem side.

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  • #182355
     Michelle Heart 
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    Well being found out is at the top of my list. I be all need some kind of support group to help us through difficult times.  I  marvel at all my sisters who have the courage to break through the bonds that have kept real freedom of expression bound to the norm of society. I  am 61 years old now and I have kept my crossdressing almost completely private, my son who was on drugs had started stealing from me and found my stash of shoes, I love shoes, dresses,  etc. And then he started using it against me in a malisiouses way. I ended up loosening visitation with the only one person who was important to me,  my granddaughter.  My crossdressing has not hurt a single sole, but it was a place I loved to escape too. I want to go out in public but I am afraid.  I want my makeup to look just righti am overweight and I feel uncomfortable being large. I love my heels and I can’t walk gracefully in them. Bless you all I love your stories. 💋💘

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    • #182635
       April (Pacific Princess) 
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      Michelle – So sorry to hear about the troubles with your son.  I am also 61 and have only started dressing again the last 3 years.  I am lucky that all of my kids seem to be accepting, and my youngest daughter even goes out with me.  I know it can be frightening going out, but it is also so liberating.  Knowing that I can truly be myself when out has been a wonderful thing.  I hope your son comes to realize that you are hurting no one and that all he is doing is depriving his daughter of a loving grandfather with his behavior.  I am sad for you, and hope that it gets resolved.  Be strong hon.

      Hugs,

      April

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    • #182426
       Lori Stark 
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      I want to go out in public but I am afraid. I want my makeup to look just right. I am overweight and I feel uncomfortable being large. I love my heels and I can’t walk gracefully in them. Bless you all. I love your stories.

      Michelle – What a beautiful and touching post! Do things your own way, at your own pace. Practice at home in your heels — there is no rush. There is no right way or wrong way, and you will always find love and acceptance here.

      Luv,
      Lori 💋

      PS: I’m so sorry about your experience with your son. Drugs are a scourge and while they may change a persons behavior — they don’t change who you are. Remember the high ground is forgiveness.

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    • #182365
       Tabitha B. 
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      Michelle,

      Your story touched me deeply. I’m sorry to learn about the division between you and your son, and how it has interfered with your relationship with your granddaughter.

      However, let me relate a funny story about walking in high heels that may bring a smile to your face. A few years ago, I was walking from my car on a gravel parking lot to get into a club. Two men were standing just outside of the club talking: and I was doing my best to inconspicuously walk past them and into the club. Well, just a few steps short of my destination, one of my heels got tangled up with the loose gravel, and I fell right down on my knee with my mini skirt flying! The two men immediately rushed over to me and asked if I was alright. With my best bravado, I simply stated that the only thing hurt was my pride! 🙂

      I wobbly got up on my heels and wobbly walked into the club. But you know what? A couple of drinks and about an hour later, I had forgotten all about the incident and was having a good time! So you keep on perfecting your walk in heels safely at home, even if nowhere else!

      Hugs,

      Tabitha B.

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  • #178955
     Trinity 
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    I have been making myself over for the better part of 25 years now at least 1 time a month and I have only been out it public to a park, well 2 parks I went with my daughter and 2 year old grandson . The first park had a lot of traffic and I was so worried people would notice I was a male so after about 10 mins we left and went to a park where no one was. It felt good to be out and about but I also felt better that no one was there.

    Next week we are going to head to a lgbt bar. My goal is to pass as a woman but my fear is I will not and embarrass myself, I have looked in my closet many times now and nothing I see looks like something to wear most of what I have is form fitting or very dressy and 4” heels or mini skirts…. I am so worried I will just fail for my first time truly out in a public place.

    I am not going out to pick up someone either as I am married to a wonderful woman but yet I want to pass as a woman …. by next weekend I will chicken out and all my worrying will be for nothing any way.

    maybe I am meant to be a home bound weekend woman… who knows. So as you can see I have many fears.

     

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    • #208223
       Autumn Valiant 
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      Trinity I have to know…. how did it go at the LGBT bar ?
      Don’t leave me hanging !
      As far as passable goes, your profile pic is definitely passable and as someone said recently….. I wish I remembered who…… if you don’t see yourself as passable you need to see yourself as acceptable.
      -Hugs
      Autumn

    • #182647
       Anonymous
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      Trinity, I used to worry I would see someone who knows me as a drab man, that i would not pass as a woman. Then I began to admit to myself that I am a transexual and I am proud to be one, and that I want others to know me as one. So now i go out of my way to greet those i know so they too can say they know a transexual woman. Odd too, they usually dont know it is me walking up to them. So much for being afraid somone we know will see us.

      julie

  • #174420
     Tiffany Alexis 
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    My biggest fear…my 5 year old getting into my stuff and bringing my soon to be ex wife a pair of my panties and saying “hey mom look what I found in daddy’s room!”

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  • #174394
     April (Pacific Princess) 
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    I no longer fear going out.  I am careful where I go, but I don’t fear being seen.  I actually don’t care who knows anymore.  And it has been liberating.  What I have found is that most people are open and welcoming.  I am open with them and they treat me well.  I have rarely encountered a hostile attitude, and if I do then I just leave.  There are so many people that are accepting and loving.

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    • #200877
       Annie Potts 
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      Inam going out for the first time next week. I have a makeover scheduled at Macy’s and the an appointment with the personal shopper. I have a new wig, very pretty yellow dress and some adorable sandals. I also have new unmentionables and a signature fragrance (Versace). I am confident. I will smile. I think I look pretty good. I will see what happens. Thanks April for your story. I totally agree with you.

  • #174389
     Anonymous
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    I suppose for myself as an full time out and about TS..my greatest fear would be violence, I still have that Bravo attitude with no physicality to back it up..It’s a sobering thought.

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  • #172833
     Diane McG 
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    Fear of the unknown is a very real thing.  But, most of the horror is just in our imagination.

    I no longer fear being found out.  Most people are accepting and even curious.  As long as my responses are open and positive, others feel free to accept me.

    I wear women’s clothes almost 24/7 while presenting as a man. I even help lead worship at my church dressed this way.  I smile no matter what people say about it, and all is good.  We love each other and have fun with it. I’ve shared about my enfemme times with some of the ladies, no problem.

    I got my ears pierced and even the pastor had a positive comment!

    In a group setting, one fellow (a Lutheran minister) said, “Those look like women’s shoes!”  I said, “That’s because they are!”  He said, “I don’t care.”  Wow.

    I’ve  prepared myself for chance encounters with the neighbors when going out enfemme.

    I find that if you are not defensive, people are comfortable with you, even if they don’t approve.

    It always amazes me how little disapproval I encounter.

     

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  • #170147
     Ilona 
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    I have recently had problems booking events on Meetup. An event organiser said she had used her name to book my place for a pub quiz team. I asked if I’d have to wear a flowery dress. She said “Yes and a blonde wig.” I liked this idea, even though she was joking. As some team members have made mildly transphobic comments, I’ll wear my sad rags on Tuesday as I’m afraid of being rebuked and rejected in a noisy pub.

    • #177897
       anne-marie 
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      Probably a good idea Ilonna but its a darned shame the phobics comments are stopping you wearing the flowery dress and wig. Hope you enjoy the quiz though. I love em.

      Take care

      Anne-Marie.

       

  • #170048
     rebekka moore 
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    Another “close call”.  Was in hybrid mode, gurl jeans tapered at the ankle, panties, cammie (under my shirt), very opaque hose and my gurl loafers.   Me and the SO were at a grocery store and we are in line and there ahead of us is an old acquaintance I had not seen in years, and someone I would have never thought I would run into in my neck of the woods (but came to realize he does live in our town!).

    He said “hey (my guy name) how’s it going, long time no see!”  Goodness I almost froze, but composed myself.  Luckily for me, my SO and our shopping cart was between he and I, so I hide behind the cart as much as I could.  I kept my gaze directly to his eyes, so as not to let him “stray”, and possibly realize what I was wearing!  Forgetting completely to introduce him to my SO!  Just kept the small talk short, but I was trying not to give myself away.

    He finished checking out and went on his way.  I was relieved, but now I have to think about the possibility of coming across him again, in a more “exposed” environment.

    Ugh!  It can be stressful to be a gurl!

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  • #169940
     Anonymous
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    My biggest fear would be that I would never want to be anywhere else ~~!!!  Once I knew I could pass in public, I would constantly be in public, clubs, shopping, etc, and SO would have to be there so there would be NO ‘private’ events while out in public………..know what I mean ?

    Mikki

  • #169547
     Rene 
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    wow, good question! I really don’t fear being recognized too much,  I think I decided long ago that though being discovered would be embarrassing it would also be liberating, nothing to hide anymore. The thing that scares me the most is getting into an accident or the car breaking down. I dread the idea of having to call roadside assistance or fill out a police report or deal with any one of the countless crappy things that can happen when you leave your door.

    • #169554
       Terri 
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      Rene, all those things you feared happened to me. I have been going out on and off since 1979. Nothing happened. I think my insurance agent found out I was dressed as a female but never said anything about it. Sometimes our biggest fears are reall not anything to worry about. When I go out as Terri I concentrate on having a good time. Of course I’m careful.

  • #169520
     Kelly Terry 
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    I’m deep in the closet and while I have been out in the open it hasn’t really in public since it never been a public place or so (walk paths around park late night and so on) but in my mind I have created a list of fear levels.
    (Wife knows and see me all the time so that is not on the list)

    • 6 – Someone see me in distance – not really an issue since they probably can’t see anything
    • 5 – Someone see me a bit closer – still not really an issue since they probably don’t see that it’s a man that wears that dress/skirt and heels.
    • 4 – Someone see me close enough to recognize me if they knew me – not to bad since we hopefully never meet again. I guess store clerk would fit this but I never been in a store dressed.
    • 3 – Someone I know (close or acquaintance) see and recognize me – now we have a problem. Never happened but besides that I maybe could explain it with some excuse it would possible be releaving to leave the closet.
    • 2 – Our kids see me – a bit like above but I would probably not even try any excuse and I kind of hope it will happen but have promised my wife and my self that I won’t purposely forget my heels out or risk discovery to much.
    • 1 – Finally, the biggest fear – some of our kids friends see and recognize me as “it’s XXs dad dressed as a woman”. I would expect our kids have some problem in school then and that was always my biggest fear since it wouldn’t be much I could do about it. Now they are grown up and way beyond school so this fear is not as high.

    I have had 6,5 and 4 but never beyond that.

     

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  • #152056
     stephanie plumb 
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    Being recognised by someone who knows me is the obvious one.

    But although my wife knows, she doesn’t know how into it i really am or how extensive my wardrobe is. If she knew i go out in public when walking the dog it would be game over.

    My greatest fear is that i will die suddenly or later in hospital or be killed in an accident. My wardrobe would  be discovered eventually and i will be outed to wife and children without having the chance to try and explain.  I worry that my children’s  memory of me will be tainted for the rest of their lives.

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    • #153277
       *skippy1965(Cynthia) 
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      Stephanie-even if you never decide to tell them in person, if you are truly worried about discovery after death, you might try writing a note to them explaining everything and reassuring them of your love and keep it with your things.. That way if/when it does happen, at least you will have explained it and who knows-writing it all down might eventually lead you to share it wit them in person before then. Just my thoughts!
      Cyn

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    • #152157
       April (Pacific Princess) 
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      I understand your fears Stephanie.  My children are all grown and out of the house, but I was still scared to death before telling them.  However, my worst fears never came to pass.  Maybe it’s because my children were raised in an open, fairly liberal environment, or that a close childhood and college friend of my son’s came out as trans a few years ago, but all three of my children have accepted April, and my youngest daughter actually goes out with me (although it is odd having her call me “dad” at times when I’m dressed 😉 )

      Even my wife is slowly coming around.  At first she couldn’t stand seeing me dressed, but after 3 years she doesn’t mind and actually has gone out with me once when I was dressed and shopped with me.

      I would never pretend to know your own family enough to anticipate how they would take your revelation, but perhaps it might be better to open up to them while you have a chance to tell them on your own terms and in your own way.

      I hope it works out for you.

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  • #151995
     Anonymous
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    My biggest fear was being recognized, outed, or having to speak. I don’t really worry about the first two things anymore, but I still haven’t spoken to anyone while dressed yet. Maybe someday soon, spring is coming up soon hopefully.

  • #151529
     Anonymous
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    This happened just last Oct

    so my gf leaves town for 5 days, our deal is I am not supposed to go out dressed in our hometown

     

    anyway, I step uotside heading to my car and hear a door slam behind me. Crap, its Kate the biggest blabbermouth in the Apt complex and a friend.

     

    Ih well, its over right?   Nooooo

     

    i go to McDs drive thru just to get a diet coke. Nothing can happen right?  Noooo

    2 cars behind me is my girl friends sister in law looking right at me. Did she notice me? Shes never said anything if so

     

    also inside was a waitress from our fav restaurant looking my way.  Shes never said anything either

     

    oh well.  Im good w it

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  • #150326
     April (Pacific Princess) 
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    I suppose getting stopped by the police is a bit of a fear; not that I care who finds out, I just don’t want to get pulled over by a cop if he happens to be a gun toting neanderthal.  Or get thrown into a men’s jail cell when dressed.

    But in general, my only real fear these days is that I will be inappropriately dressed for the occasion, or that I’ll get a big run in my stocking.  It helps to get to be of a certain age (61), and having also come through a suicide attempt makes me see how pointless all my worrying has been.

    Once I opened up and let my joy at being April come through, 99% of all the people I’ve met have treated me wonderfully.

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  • #150312
     Jena Oakley 
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    My fear is that some kids will make a video and it will go viral-maybe recording from behind whilE I’m walking. Then the cats out of the bag once my face is captured

    I do not fear for one second being targeted by some guys trying to do me harm. I actually wish this would happen. Please let this happen. I would love to take care of them. I would talk them through it then as they are trying to recover, I would have a heart to heart. Being calm through the whole ecxperience then call the local dispatcher to let them what happened and where I disposed of there pistol or weapons.

     

    -JO

    • #152062
       Ilona 
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      Hello Jena.

      I’m confused about your comments on February 4th.

      Your worst fear is that some kids will make a video that may go viral and capture your face. I can understand this.

      Meanwhile, you want to be targeted by some guys trying to do you harm and to take care of them. Apart from the possibility of being severely harmed, how do you think the media would react? I suspect that your face would appear in the media. Unfortunately, not all the media is LGBT friendly and if the incident resulted in a court case, don’t be surprised if a lot of your personal details would be revealed, leading to ostracism from some of the people you know. It would be good to have a heart to heart with reasonable people, but it would be better not to get into a confrontation with prejudiced people, especially those with pistols or other weapons.

      Take care

      Ilona

  • #146104
     Jennifer Green 
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    Being seen by somebody I know.  I have had a few close calls in life, one time I was at a gas station and my neighbor pulled up. Fortunately, she did not recognize my car, in fantasy I wish she would have. She was really really hot and thoughts I played out at times with her 😉 Overall I think I would not be recognized, enough of a difference plus I don’t think anyone looks at someone and says, that kinda looks like …. wait a minute.

    • #146160
       Terri 
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      One time i was dressed driving on a one lane parkway and i see my brother driving 2 cars in front of me. There was no place to pull over. Luckily he didn’t see me. He would have definitely recognized my car. As soon as i could i pulled over .

  • #145765
     johanna lynch 
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    beign

    recognized

  • #143690
     Caty Ryan 
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    As with other posts, physical or sexual abuse. Which is why I’ve hardly ever been out at night. There is a pub here in Melbourne that has regular CD nights. I’ve checked out the location and its all a bit too insecure for me..

    I’m not fussed about a stranger “clocking” me. Just smile and keep walking. Yes the perennial “flock of teenage girls” in a shopping mall would be a worry, but if I turned on them and yelled “Security” that should slow ’em down a bit

     

    Caty

     

  • #143391
     Anonymous
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    I keep my feminine side hidden from my family and friends who wouldn’t understand.  My worst fear when going out is that something will happen to me that would result in any of those people finding out.  If I got in injured in a car accident, for example.

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  • #143388
     Bobbi 
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    “Dude Bros” are my biggest fear!  They constantly have to prove how “manly” they are, & would think nothing of beating up on girls like us.
    Being forced into a sexual situation is another big one.
    Sorry, I had to modify this.
    My ABSOLUTE biggest fear, is car trouble in a small backwards thinking town!
    I NEVER want to be in that situation!  I’d simply call the motor club, & have the car towed to the next big city,  & follow in an Uber  (I don’t care how far it is!!).

    • #145388
       Kelly Vandiver 
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      Bobbie omg I have had car troubles in okc while out in the town.  I was soooo scared but the cop and tow truck driver was so nice!  Got me.out of the road and the tow truck driver carried my stuff from the car to my room.  The people making funny of me at the hotel didnt bother me as much as being starnded!

       

  • #141119
     rebekka moore 
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    I’m finding this varies a lot, my fears that is.

    This morning I’m able to dress a bit more again (in hybrid/stealth mode), as most of our holiday company has left.

    I put on my very skinny jeans this morning, in a wonderful burgundy color, that I had not worn in a while.  Tights underneath.  They are shorter than I recall and after the holidays, a little tighter than I remember!  HA!  But seriously,

    Wearing my booties too but my tights do show.  I went out this morning and one person (whom I didn’t mind noticing) noticed and smiled.  My SO however is just waking and will see me eventually.  We are also going out shopping for (male) shoes today as I need some, and I still intend to keep my tights on.

    My fear is what my SO might say or even thing in private (to herself) about how I look today.  I guess that is a constant fear however.

    It’s tough for us gurls to feel so good dressed, with that underlying and fearful feeling.

    It’s like a cake that has great frosting on the outside, but the filling is not so great!

    Love and Hugs to you all!

    Rebekka

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  • #141102
     Jennifer Love 
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    My worse fear going out in public is being seen and recognized.  After hitting bottom due to health issues I have finally landed in a decent place and many local friends.  I am a respected man in my community and if my secret got out it would be more or less the end of the world for me.

    My friends would not be able to handle it, I would be akin to being a leper.   I would likely be ridiculed and isolated.  I would be hurt as I hurt those around me.  So when I do go out it is almost like a spy thriller, barely missing getting caught while I try to get me and my things out of town.  I have to plan my get away.  I only go out to a safe place, a gay bar, about 20 miles away.

    I am lucky enough that I have a gay friend who lets me get dressed at his place before going to the club.  But even at the gay club it can happen.  I was there one evening watching the show and I notice a cute girl in the audience and recognized her as a bar tender from one of my local bars.  Thank god she did not see me.

  • #140726
     Rose Anna Papa 
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    Faint
    Around twenty yaers ago I still have the habit to go out dressed.
    I did not have  this extra 50lbs, I was not yet married, I work shifts 4 to 5 days a week and I was free out out of workplace at time others are on workplace. But my dad just passed, I lost career chances, and I had to leave the town where I worked for ten year: only option was come back to my home town.

    One day I was kissing my first male after dating him for almost an year. We know each other since we were at college and we liked to talk a lot since then. And nothing else. He was working in another nearby town as a doctor. That day I was nicely dressed with a black polka white dot dress, dark grey matte pantyhose and my first ever knee-high boots. My maquillage ability was not yet at its best so a dear woman made her best on me.
    I have spent hours of a lovely afternoon walking talkinf and laughing in city gardens. I feel myself soft, ready to be eaten as a nice pie showing its best shape and colour in shop window. So we sat on a bank and we have our first kiss. shy kiss on lips, with our shy breathing. Kiss after kiss we start exploring lips surfaces, find teeth and met eachother tongues.

    And then while staring at him I fainted. It was told me. I still have no memory of this detail
    In those months I fainted,with not found reasons, dozen of times.
    My dear doctor solve the situation with prompt proper reactions as lifting my legs.

    It was such a fear to reach hospital crossdressed when fainted, that even if faint events disappear in just some months, a year perhaps, I have not crossdressed in public since then.

     

    • #140730
       Ilona 
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      Hello Rose Anna Papa. I find hospitals to be one of the safest places to cross dress. I ask staff before attending an appointment and nobody seems that bothered. In 2017, I was an inpatient in a hospital. I asked if I could wear a nightdress instead of pyjamas and enjoyed being cross dressed in public for 6 days. I have ‘come out’ to several people and wore a dress to chair a meeting. I try to take into account the views of others; some friends have not been happy to be told that I cross dress and I am worried about the reaction of relatives.

      I am worried about the possibility of being seen by someone I know if I cross dress in public. The media often treats cross dressing as a joke, so I wouldn’t want to appear in an article that could be read by people I know. I’m not worried about being cross dressed in hospital and I have told a GP that I cross dress.

  • #139888
     Laura Lovett 
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    Physical or sexual abuse.

    I am not as fit as I was, and it’s a while since I attended Tai Kwon Do classes.

    Apart from that, nothing. I feel only excitement and a feeling of continual satisfaction, bursting out and a real love for and interest in things and people around me when dressed – it’s like being properly alive.

  • #139872
     Morgan Staar 
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    Being recognized by someone from school…Its one of the reasons I go to all the events at my BF’s school and  not mine..

    Morgan

  • #138869
     Fiona-Ann Moss 
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    Hi Vanessa. Ohhhhh! my biggest fear going out in public? well, ive still that treat yet to come, so I shall treat this from a hypothetical point of view. I shall list my biggest fears in numerical order from 1 to 5, 1 being the worst, 5 being the least.

    1. Just going out of the door!

    2. Anybody seeing me!

    3. Somebody I know recognises me.

    4. Very public places such as shops, parks, pubs etc.

    5. Passing (or not passing in my case).

    I think the scenarios above are probably what put a lot of people off at first. Of course as you pointed out, they may never happen, but its fear of the unknown, just like many activities we do, completely unrelated to dressing femme. Its human nature to worry and say ‘what if such a thing happens’ but dressing femme is a powerful emotion and activity, eventually, true grit determination grabs us by the waist and pulls most of us out of that door!

    Fiona xxx

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  • #138866
     Ashli Kleier 
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    Texas does not have a non-discrimination law, so the LGBT community is fair game to anyone.  I am out practically everyday.  My biggest fear is being physically assaulted.  i have learned to walk carrying my keys in my hand, checking my car.  I also carry pepper-spray and a small taser.  Fortunately, I never had to use them.  I have been stopped by police for having a tail-light out.  He was professional and courteous and asked me what pronouns I preferred.

    Ashli M. Kleier

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  • #138855
     Olivia Livin 
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    I’m not as shy as i once was. Most peoples opinion of me don’t carry the weight they used to and strangers can think what they like, but living in a smaller community most people that actually know me also know those that are close to me. I feel that I as an individual have the right to make choices that make me happy, so long as those choices don’t infringe on others rights it shouldn’t matter to them. I’m a big girl now who can for the most part defend my own choices and get my point of view accross one way or another if I feel its worth doing. My concerns arise from what might be said to, and the affect on their relationships due to association, for my children and those close to me who whether they support my choices or not are put into the uncomfortable position of trying to defend me. Because of my love and respect for them, and their right to happiness I am forever careful of my exposure to this judgemental world we live in. I’m all for showing others that we are here and don’t need to be feared as freaks but i choose to do this away from home where it is less likely to affect my loved ones.

  • #138779
     Lea 
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    Like many of you, when I’m dressed, I find myself more cautious about who is around me and on guard for any negative, potentially risky reactions. I never feel this way as a guy, something about my female persona feeling a little vulnerable.

    My other fear is running into in-laws or co-workers.

  • #138721
     Bekke 
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    I am so afraid of being caught, that the thought of someone I know seeing me, except one gf that knows, and someone recording me, and it ending up on the net for others to view.

  • #119768
     Jean C 
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    I have no fear any more.  My wife went on a 4 night coach trip break to Torquay with a girl friend on Monday mainly aimed at the over 60’s age group, Tuesday she was taken ill and after an operation is still now in Intensive Care in an Induced Coma.  I came down Tuesday evening and I’m staying in her hotel room with said old people.

    I have dressed in hybrid mode all woman’s clothes including bra, makeup, all nails painted and earrings, only male thing is a shirt with all buttons undone.  No one has said anything negative, just asked how my wife is doing.  Even her friend who does know I dress said I looked pretty even though I needed to shave and was not wearing a wig.

    No one cares these days, I thought I would have met a lot who would have questioned how I dressed, but nothing.  You are who you are, they see I love my wife and that is all that matters.

    I hope I don’t close this thread as no one has posted since I post about my current dress in this thread: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/so-what-are-we-wearing/

    Jean

  • #119755
     rebekka moore 
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    Great question and comments as usual on CDH!

    My biggest fear has been running into someone I know, or being hassled by someone I don’t know, in that order.

    I’ve never been out fully dressed, but go half and half, wearing womens jeans and shoes, which seem to be pretty obvious to most.  I’ve run into one person I know (recently), but I don’t think she really noticed anything.

    I just try to be very careful, and keep a look out over my shoulder.  That is about all I can do.

    I’m really heartbroken for those who have had worse experiences, but know we are always here to listen.  It’s not much, but certainly a good outlet for us all.

  • #119602
     Anonymous
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    Getting physically or sexually assaulted for dressing like a woman, or being mugged. As someone who has been victim of sexual assault/abuse/molestation and rape, these are huge fears… i sometimes still greak out some times in public thinking someone is going to assault and rape me again… other than that, probably running into friends or family! Ive been caught by a couple girlfriends wearing their clothes and heels, and its scary! Lucky both times they were ok with it, and even told me they didnt mind if i dressed as a girl, a few times it even crossed over into our sexual activities, which was super freaking hot!!! My last one liked to pretend we were lesbians!

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  • #103106
     Danielle Pink 
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    In all honestly, my worst fear is the public itself. Most people judge what they don’t understand. Also everybody has video camera in their cell phone where they can just record you for no reason. But other than that, I’m comfortable dressing up at home in private. An when ever pride day rolls around. Then I can just go out and be myself.

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  • #100870
     Hananiah 
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    <p style=”margin: 0in 0in 10pt;”><span style=”color: #000000; font-family: Times New Roman;”>Not all countries are alike. When I lived in the US I went out many times. But now I am a Missionary working in Central America where I have been for 15 years now. I am in a 3rd world country where being gay carries a longer prison sentence than murder, and all crossdressers are considered gay. If a crossdresser is discovered out something bad usually happens to her. Just recently a crossdresser school teacher had her throat slit when she was found out. The police did nothing because they consider it good for her. I know another young grossdresser who was beaten several times for going out in public. She finally died this past year at age 22, they called it a suicide. Even police get involved in the beatings. And so a crossdresser must stay in the closet, or risk her life. It is sad how things are in some of these 3rd world countries. Not at all like the US.</span></p>
     

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    • #100871
       Ilona 
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      Thanks Hananiah. Your information is the saddest I’ve read on Crossdresser Heaven. A doctor said that if I wore a dress in my local area, I would be at risk. I don’t want to be beaten up, but the idea of being killed for wearing a dress is frightening. I hope you keep safe and can wear whatever clothes you want.

  • #98185
     Martha Lou 
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    As far as being recognized, none of my friends would know me dressed as a woman. I also look so much younger.

    My fear would be forgetting my voice and using my male one. I have sort of a high pitched voice and have feminized it quite a bit.

    The other would be an incident  would happen where the police would be involved, like an accident, an attack by someone or being a witness to a crime.

    I feel pretty safe when I am a woman but……….

    • #98195
       Terri 
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      Many of the replies on this forum express a fear of being dressed and have a incident involving the police. I am retired law enforcment and as far as i know there is no law against being crossdressed. In the early 60’s there were laws against it, but not now.My advice that if you are stopped by a police officer is to answer his questions truthfully and you shouldnt have a problem.

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      • #100132
         Julie Shaw 
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        I have ventured out more and more over that last 2 years – mostly thanks to 2 female friends.  They have challenged me and supported me on a few outings.  We 3 have been to a casino, a few restaurants, a dance club (gay bar, but still), we even went to the next big city over and spent a night in a motel.  All of this while in Julie Mode.  I now venture out alone – day or night – but much like visits to the Ladies Room, I prefer to go in a group!

        Julie M Shaw

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  • #98182
     Helena 
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    The fear of being recognized, easily. I’ve only been out a few times, and an incident at a local park two weeks ago almost made me give up on hopes of going out further at the time, but I just chalked it up to just that one incident and vowed I would not let that affect me. I am getting restless about being closed off, and I took  a pretty good step last night in making the effort to go out more.

  • #97334
     Anonymous
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    I just came out to my wife as a cd a cpl months ago. She’s still getting use to it. At 1st I told her I didn’t want to go out in public, but now that I’m getting more confident, I would like to stray from the house at night to somewhere that isn’t crowded ( just to build more confidence). She isn’t ready for that yet. She’s more scared that someone might judge her for being with me. She doesn’t like shopping with me for girl things, so I’m kinda forced to shop online. I did go out one day and buy a cpl of dresses without her and I could see ppl staring at me at times. I was so nervous. I’m made up a story that it was for my wife when asked if I needed help by an employee. They were very nice and made me feel like they believed me and there was no judgement. I think my wife will eventually warm up to going out and will take me out in public for a girls night. I grew up where I live and I’m definitely afraid I’ll run into someone I know. But the excitement of going out in public is really getting to me, and I’m not sure how much longer and can feel like an animal trying to be free of a cage.

  • #96281
     sandy powell 
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    I am not sure what to say, I have been on the road  while dressed only twice in my life. Every time I loved the excitement of being fully dressed and made up while I drove around town but the fear of being seen by my neighbors made me stop

  • #96274
     Amber Lynne 
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    I’ve never been in public yet other than Halloween when its ok to be someone else.. But even then I turned alot of heads and had people look at me different and that totally freaked me out.. So now iam scared to take that real first step

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  • #96265
     Amanda Patrick 
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    Hi Everybody,

    I definitely had to reply to this Question. My worst fear would be meeting some one that I knew. Well it happened just last week but I think I handled it well. I was visiting another City   for a pub night with some other CDs and TG Folks. Since I had not dressed fully in a while I decided to stay an extra day and walk around the City Dressed and enjoy the Experience. Well I was out in the afternoon for a walk. I was standing Looking at the advertising in a store front. I turned to start walking again in the direction I was going and Who is walking in the direction toward me ? ( My Brother In Law ) I am Guessing Here. But maybe 10 to 15 Feet away from me. At first I felt the Anxiety Quickly. But I calmly turned to my side and looked over to the opposite street. Well as calm as one could be. I waited for him go by. and then turned and started to walk in the direction I was going. I did not turn around to see if he was looking back. Since I was going back to my room anyways That is were I kept on going to. Of course it is normal to wonder if He made me. But I don’t think so as my glasses are a darker shade in the daylight and the bangs from my wig were over the lens at the time and I was completely in Fem and turned to the side at that Moment. It is funny but it shook me up a little and at the same time it did not.

    I was thinking well if I am outed.  Then I am outed. fear and relief in some ways. But I should mention I did wait till nearly dark to go out and have a bite to eat. But after that I still walked around the City some and I did stay dressed. Nothing was going to change that. I don’t know if was made or not. part of me cares and part of me doesn’t. I never mentioned it to my wife. I just don’t want her to worry about it. my brother in law probably would not care anyways. he is pretty open mined. It is just I would rather do the outing of my self My on my terms. In the end I guess it did not effect me that much as I stopped and did girl shopping on the way home the next day.

    Hugs, to all.

    Amanda

     

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  • #95985
     Taryn Michon 
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    I have never been out in public dressed as my “alter ego”; however, last month or so, I drove around the block late one evening dressed in a cute white top with tight blue jeans and white wedges. I was nervous because of the fear of being pulled over so I drove cautiously and I made slight mistake by going five over and was passed by a sheriff deputy, although that’s my normal speed my heart raced. I would like to go out one evening because my dress game is on fleek but I need to work on my make up game. I cannot seem to find the right shade of concealer, but I have just about everything else.

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  • #95215
     Lucinda Hawkns 
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    i went to a cross dressing meeting one year, was all dressed up with male cloths over them, went to meeting place, put on my make up and perfume and heels, then walked out of truck to meeting place, i was in wrong room and no one said a thing, when i knew i was in wrong room i found the right one and walked in and was greeted with open arms

  • #95183
     Karen Miller 
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    When I first went out I was petrified of being recognized in public…have come to realize that with wig and makeup you’d have to really look close to have an idea that it was me.  Also have gotten to the point where it wouldn’t be the end of the world if someone did!

     

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  • #95081
     Edie Majeski 
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    Surprisingly, I never had a strong desire to pass as a women in public. I have done it and always felt uncomfortable simply because I’ve never been able to master a convincing women’s voice.  I did most of my passing when I was married. My wife would insist, which I found odd considering I knew she didn’t really like me crossdressing, taking a drive to the fast food place as two girls. She would drive, a I be the passenger. Sometime she became so nervous that I would have to drive back home: not an easy task when you’re wearing spike heels.

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  • #94995
     Sicily Piccinni 
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    I long to go out in public… I probably will in another city (as I plan). Vanessa, you asked about our biggest crossdressing fear… My worst fear is dying! I am in the closet, and I do not want people in there looking through my stuff! My 19 yr old daughter is gay, and I don’t even want her to know!!

  • #94751
     Ilona 
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    One of the people in my LGBT group is very convincing and I haven’t seen her being ‘read’, because she dresses her age. I would like there to be more equality, so that a man wearing a dress is not considered to be more unusual than a woman wearing trousers. In the UK, there have been several programmes about whether trans-women should be able to use women’s toilets, as some women feel they would be at risk. As far as I know, there are no cases of trans-women attacking women in women’s toilets, but there are cases of men attacking trans-women in men’s toilets. As I suffer from various abdominal problems, the problem of toilet use is a major factor about my going out dressed. Which toilets do I use if I feel desperate?

  • #94726
     Sara Marie Franklin (SMF) 
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    Vanessa, I think that is my exact fear.  That I will be recognized and someone will out me to my parents, kids and job and my life as well as my wife’s life will come crashing down.  I know from some other incidents that me being recognized is very slim but still remains my biggest fear.

    Sara

  • #94074
     Anonymous
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    My worst fears out in public would be bumping into people I know, I feel so beautiful and sexy in my clothing and I think my body works in girls clothes, but I’m scared I might bump into somebody I know, or someone might approach me and highlight that I’m a guy dressed as a girl. Since first dressing as a girl, all I’ve wanted to do, is go out to shops and try on other girls clothing. It would be amazing.

    I once walked along the road while ‘en femme’ and some people looked at me, the odd person passing in their cars as well and I said to myself “they know!” so it was a little scary for me. But I want to do it more, do it again.

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  • #92949
     Misti 
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    Yes getting pulled over or having an accident.. But locking my self out of the house or car is up there. I did lose my ID at the TV bar once, some how I got it back. Once I was actually shopping near a neighbor 20 miles away, heard her voice and had to turn away quick. So fear of being recognized by someone also is on the list.

  • #92946
     Adeline Johnston 
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    My worst fear is to be recognized as a man. I have gone out as Adeline twice now and the second time I got what I perceived to be stares from a couple of women in the grocery store.  I also worry about being stopped by the police while driving. On the other hand when someone addresses me as madam or miss, it makes my day.

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  • #92422
     Veronica Raines 
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    I keep reading, that many of the girls, are afraid to be stopped by the police. Why??? If you are not breaking the law, there should be nothing to worry about. If it’a against the law, where you live, to dress in female clothes, then yes, you should be afraid. The only thing I can think to be afraid of, would be, if they thought you were hooking. I hope, this helped some. All of you, stay PRETTY…

    I live in La Mesa, Ca. which is 10 miles east of San Diego.

    Veronica Raines

    • #92938
       Isabelle 
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      Hi everyone and many thanks to Veronica for this reminder. Depending on where you live, and I live in the Paris region in France, there is usually no law against going out dressed as one wishes, as long as there is no indecent exposure nor soliciting involved. So courage prevailing, there should be no fear of being pulled over by the police for the sole reason on being dressed as a girl/lady.

      I am probably a fairly lucky girl (not such a young chicken any more) because here, I can pretty much live my life “en femme” and do all the usual things one would do such as everyday shopping, clothes shopping, going to the local street market, cinema, theatre, shooting off down-town on public transport for exhibitions and shows, in short a normal life and all as a lady.

      I read also that some of our girl friends on CDH do fear being seen by the neighbours. I too had that problem initially here in the residential block where I live. After mulling it over for a while, the solution ultimately was quite simply to invite all the nearby neighbours to cocktails at my place. They were able to meet Isabelle, the ice was then broken and now there are no hang-ups either for me or for them. If I am honest about it, once I had sent out the invitation, I really was nervous about it but in the thrall of organising the cocktail, planning my dress and make-up, all was forgotten and the evening went off really well …. a huge relief actually to throw off the shackles. A dash of carefree thinking, a huge dose of courage, and now I often go out with the neighbouring girls and ladies to dinner or just for drinks and so on in our local neighbourhood.

      I guess in the end, it all comes down to how we think others will perceive us and our fears probably originate there. My friendly advice, and I do recognize that we all have our own specific circumstances, by simply acting normally as if there were nothing amiss, then we will be perceived as normal and will just blend in.

      Hugs to all

      Isabelle

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  • #92365
     Veronica Raines 
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    The first time out, I went clubbing. At 1:30 I was driving home, when it dawned on me, that I didn’t have anything to take the makeup off. I had to go to another town to find a place to buy whatever I needed. I also had no idea, what to get. I parked my car, and sat there for maybe a minute, wondering what people might say. Even though, it was going on 2:00, there were a lot of cars parked there. I went in, and walked up to the cashiers counter, where a young man was at, and asked him where I could find items to take my makeup and nail polish off. He looked at me, and never batted an eye, and told me what isle to go to. At that point, all the nervousness left me, and I felt alive.I knew I had to get nail polish remover, and found that with no problem. Then I was looking for something called wipes, and couldn’t find them. During this time, customers walked by me, and if they saw me as a man, there was nothing said, and not even any stares. Then a lady who worked there, came up to me, and said, “Excuse me mam, you look lost. May I help you?” I turned and looked at her, and told her what I was looking for. She said, “Oh, you’re in the wrong isle. Follow me.” We walked three isle’s over, and she picked up a pack of wipes, and handed them to me. Then she said, “I love your blouse, where did you get it?” I told her, she thanked me, and we parted. After paying, and leaving, I got in the car, and sat there for a couple minutes, smiling. That smile, lasted all the way home. Ladies, did I feel good…

    I live in La Mesa, Ca. which is 10 miles east of San Diego.

    Veronica Raines

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  • #92351
     Veronica Raines 
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    Being, laughed at.

    I live in La Mesa, Ca. which is 10 miles east of San Diego.

    Veronica Raines

  • #92030
     Gina Fuller 
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    Hi Terri,

    My worst happening was after I got used to dressing I bought myself a beautiful high waisted white satin corset, it was hook back and boned with 6 suspenders. At the Mall I was took short and had to go into the female toilets. It was a warm day and I wore just a tight sweater, skirt, stockings and heels and I felt really secure and as I came out I went to the mirror to put on the usual lippy. Suddenly, a woman came up behind me in the mirror and said “excuse me dear, your sweater has caught up in the top of your girdle”. I was so shocked and just mumbled “oh thank you” tugging the sweater down over the corset top. I think I blushed all the way home. Have you had any experiences like that?

  • #91729
     Ilona 
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    I’m sorry that I forgot to tell you how I got on in a local park. I met my colleague from the mental health group and got changed behind a few trees. It was a windy day and I had problems keeping my straw hat and wig on. At one stage, they fell backwards off my head, but nobody in the park seemed to show any concern, although a couple of children gave me some funny looks. I think my colleague was right about the time we met. If we’d met an hour later, some of the children from local schools may have visited the park and I would have been more apprehensive. I got changed again behind the trees before leaving the park with my colleague. It was an enjoyable experience, but since then, my public en-femme experiences have been inside buildings.

  • #91534
     Ashli Kleier 
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    My biggest fear now is still using the ladies restrooms in public places like a mall.  Although I do my best to blend in for my age (55), I have little desire to use the men’s room and get assaulted.

    Ashli M. Kleier

  • #91469
     Dee Writer 
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    Getting arrested.  Book in photos are published here.

  • #91431
     JessicaCross Johnson 
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    My worst worry used to be that a member of my family would see me, but the family has drifted into different ways and I don’t go to the areas where they might be. I am a member of a TG/TV group at the VA hospital and most of the VA staff are very supportive.

  • #91300
     Tanya Denali 
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    I am afraid of using the bathroom I don’t know which one to use where I feel comfortable. So I try not to drink, and only smoke pot ( which is legal here). Pot makes me feel at ease and more open to talking to people. But I still talk in my normal deep voice and try not to talk feminine.

  • #54460
     Ilona 
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    I wore a dress for an interview for a mental health group. The interviewer has invited me to visit a local park and said I can wear a dress. This will be the first time I have met someone outside, while en-femme. There are no toilets in the park, which is quite open, so I shall probably be openly wearing a dress when I leave my flat and travel to the park. I hope I don’t meet any of the other tenants on my journey. I shall take a pair of trousers in my bag, just in case. I can let you know how I get on.

  • #54341
     Rebecca Jones 
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    Hi girls. Mine is being seen by someone i know. I work as a nurse in my local hospital so i am scared of meeting an ex patient or even worse someone i work with. Its difficult enough being a man in a very female dominated enviroment but being a crossdresser i think would be even harder. All these fears do get me down as i love being Rebecca and would dearly love to do it more ir full time even.

  • #54293
     Isabelle 
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    If I were to say that I don’t have any fears, that would not be honest. Meeting someone I actually know and who only knows me in my homme format does not overly scare me and might even be a relief !!! What is scaresome is the risk of being accosted by some “hodlum” who decides that a cross-dresser is in fact akin to a tart and “out for a good time”. I live most of my time in the suburbs of Paris and so far have not had any scares like that but the thought always lurks under the surface.

  • #49175
     Anonymous
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    I live in a small city. It’s not tiny, but it’s not too large, so running into someone you know isn’t all that hard to do. Then there’s also  the fact that most of the people I know believe that men wearing women’s clothing is “disgusting” or “It’s sinful”..I guess I’m most afraid of losing this image of myself that I created not only for them, but also my family.

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  • #49030
     Ilona 
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    I’m finding it easier to be dressed in public. Yesterday, I went along to an event for older LGBTs at London Friend. Despite a few women who turned up, I was the only person wearing a dress and nobody was bothered. The front door is mainly made of glass, so I sat in a corner away from the door, but I don’t know if any of the passers-by were bothered.

    I am asking people if I can wear a dress or skirt when I attend an appointment. So far, no one has refused, but I have had some negative feedback from a couple of friends, one of whom is very uncomfortable with the idea of me cross-dressing. While I would like to spend more time dressed, I realise that there are limitations and that not everybody accepts it.

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  • #48953
     Anonymous
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    I am a police officer, but I crossdress in my ttime off. I have stopped other crossdressers many times. I understand their fear and always compliment them for their bravery.

  • #48920
     Terri 
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    Many of the girl’s posts state that one of their fears is being stopped by the police.  I have been going out a long time. I have dealt with the police a few times over the years while dressed. The first time was the s scariest.  I think it was the first time I was returning home dressed. I made a sharp turn and skidded on some gravel. I had been at a party and had a few drinks. The officer was shocked when I handed him my drivers license.  At the time I was a police officer.  I knew if I was legally drunk   or at least impaired.  I didn’t tell him I was a police officer,  but talked to him poliently and asked how to get on the expressway.  No, I didn’t tell him I was a police officer.  This was about 1980. From then on I only had soda if I was driving.  Today most police officers have seen TG’s. My advice is be polite and truthful. I retired over 20 yrs ago.

    Terri

     

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    • #143617
       Jennifer Love 
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      @terri, I have had that happen 3 times so far.  I could swear it was a DWEF, Driving while en femme.  I had not been drinking any of those times.  The first was because I was going the wrong way up a one way alley, it wasn’t well marked.  The cop started by calling me sir, I was polite and gave him all of my paper work.  He didn’t even cite me.  The second I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I was sitting at a stop light and a drunk hit another car and caused it to hit me.  I tried to drive away but realized my car was too damaged and I would have to be towed.  I pulled over to the side as a lot of drivers did as it was a pretty bad accident.  I waited in my car with the windows up, it was at night.  A few people came by asked if I was okay, I would nod my head, I don’t think they figured it out.  Then a fireman showed up at my drivers window, so I had to roll it down.  He was cool and about 5 seconds into the conversation I could see he got it.  The expression on his face was priceless but he was nice and once he knew I wasn’t hurt he went away.  Then the police came up to my window.  Thank god it was a female cop, I had to get out of the car and get my paper work out again.  My nails were polished and I was in a fairly short skirt.  But the cops were nice to me and took my statement.  The third time I was just driving home from a friends house.  I saw the cop next to me at a light checking me out.  I drove fine and thought he would go away, but no he lit me up and pulled me over.  I was really dolled up that night and terribly scared that things might not go well.   After he asked me like three times if I was drinking and gave me the eye test, he let me go telling me one of my two license plate lights on the rear of the car was out.  None of it was fun, but you are right, the best thing to do is be polite and cooperate.

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  • #48728
     Anonymous
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    Don’t worry Rose. We all have to do that sort of thing at least once. It gives us something to look back on, years down the track, to laugh at.

    You’ll be fine.

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  • #48480
     Rose 
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    The first part of the venture out of my neighborhood scares me the most; while 9 times out of 10; I’m not likely to run into anyone I know…it’s the 1 out of 10 that worries me. As I listen to those more experienced I know it’s probably not worth letting it hold me back. Kim

    This. So much this. I’m taking my first real foray out in public as Rose this coming weekend. And I’m jumping through proverbial hoops to make sure I look “normal: the 40-50 feet from my front door to my car. (I’m only jumping through proverbial hoops; I’m not limber enough for real hoop-jumping. 🙂 ) I’m sure someday I’ll look back on the Mission: Impossible levels of stealth I’m looking at taking Saturday afternoon. But for now, it’s what I need to do to comfortably get out of my neighborhood before I can fully “transform” into Rose.

    A Rose by any other name...

    @}~}~~~

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    • #48718
       Jennifer 
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      As someone who just ventured out fully dressed for the first time in years … my biggest concern was the neighbors. We have an attached garage, so actually I didn’t have too much to worry about. Besides, we don’t really socialize with any neighbors (my wife and I are both introverts) so even if anyone saw me, no one is going to say anything to my face.

      For anyone else that may be scared … If you have a wig and makeup on … even if you do the crappiest job of makeup … no one will recognize you. Context matters. Because people aren’t expecting you to be dressed as a woman with makeup on, they won’t be looking for it.

      As for other fears, like the police or being assaulted, I guess I take basic precautions and go to mainly well populated areas and stores that are primarily for women. When driving I am hyper conscious of not speeding and obeying all traffic laws.

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      • #49095
         Kim Paige 
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        Thanks! “Dipped my toes in the water” without this today.  Got home from work early; wife was out, slipped on my high heels and ventured out to our mailbox and picked up the mail…broad daylight…didn’t see neighbors…assuming they didn’t see me either…but if they did and noticed…should I care?

        Small steps…

        Kim

         

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  • #48193
     Ilona 
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    I went to a LGBT meeting on Friday. The people were friendly and nobody made any comments about my purple dress. I went to lunch with one of the members and was wary about removing my jacket as it would reveal my dress top, but nobody was bothered. Similarly, I was doing some voluntary work on Tuesday; the manager has allowed me to wear a dress or skirt instead of trousers. Nobody else was in the gents when I changed into a black dress and only one customer seemed bothered when he saw me wearing a dress. The deputy manager said it was a nice dress, but nobody else made any comments and I quite enjoyed sitting with my legs under a table. Tomorrow, I intend to wear a dress when I visit the hospital, where some of the nurses helped me gain confidence by letting me wear a nightdress instead of pyjamas. I am still feeling nervous about being so open, but I have received more encouragement from people than I thought I would.

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  • #48191
     Kim Paige 
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    The first part of the venture out of my neighborhood scares me the most; while 9 times out of 10; I’m not likely to run into anyone I know…it’s the 1 out of 10 that worries me.  As I listen to those more experienced I know it’s probably not worth letting it hold me back.

    Kim

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    • #91523
       Patty Phose 
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      I was out dressed last summer in a short blue dress, shiny tan pantyhose, blue platform heels, blonde wig and mirror sunglasses. I had stopped at the  Post Office to drop off some mail. It was the usual somewhat nervous to scared to death feelings about getting out of the car and being seen. Then again, I’m wearing a short dress, shiny pantyhose and heels looking to be noticed. It’s a strange contradiction but such a thrill and rush.

      There was some people around. Without a doubt, I was the best dressed and most feminine looking female there as well as the tallest. I dropped my mail off. Then I stayed in the lobby a few minutes looking at some of the postal info. I put an info card in my purse and walked back to the car. I don’t know who noticed me but I’m sure some did.

      Next stop was the ATM. I parked, pushed past my usual nervousness to paralyzing fear, got out of the car and began walking towards the ATM. Walking towards me was someone I know. My first reaction was to say hi and chat a bit. Immediately after that thought was “oh s***”. I was so nervous. I just put my head down looking in my purse. We just walked past each other. I didn’t look up or turn around to see if he was looking or staring at me. When I got to the ATM, I was too nervous to use it. My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding. I decided I was just going to leave. I fumbled in my purse like I wasn’t finding my ATM card. I turned around and noticed my friend was not anywhere to seen. Thank god. I drove back home. That was enough being out as Patty for the day.

      The next time I was going to see this person I was nervous. I was looking for different behavior and dreading the “what the hell were you doing?” or similar question. Everything seemed the same as always. Very friendly and affable. No pulling aside for an”I want to ask you something” moment. Everything was fine like always and continued to be.

      I’m sure he noticed that tall blonde girl in the short dress, shiny pantyhose and heels but didn’t realize it was me.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #49050
       Paige Turner (NJ) 
      Ambassador
      Registered On: March 26, 2016
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      When I lived in Daytona, I worked nights at the County Transportation Agency in the bus garage. On my day off, (that evening) I went with some friends to a gay club, with a friend who performed in the show, and her husband. After her performance, we were having drinks until the club closed. I became friends with a “girl” who was a friend of theirs. We closed the club, I think it was 2:00 am then, and we all went to Denny’s.
      Wouldn’t you know it, in walks a person from work. He walked straight up to me and smiled and said hi. Then he went to another table and never said a word about it to me, after that.
      You can imagine my nervousness on returning to work on Monday. No one ever said anything.

      Paige Turner

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      • #92370
         Leonara 
        Ambassador
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        Great story Paige…..inspirational for all of us thank you for sharing

  • #46601
     Ilona 
    Participant
    Registered On: November 14, 2016
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    I had a talk with someone from the Beaumont Society this morning, as I am worried about how people will react to me if I wear a skirt or dress in public. The basic advice was not to draw attention to yourself and that it is safer to walk around a crowded town centre during the day than to walk around an industrial estate at night. Choose clothes that many women are wearing, rather than pretend to be a fashion model or wear a ballgown to visit a local market, as more people are likely to look at you. I wish you luck on your public walks. I am on the same voyage and I have asked a friend to accompany me when I embark on my first en-femme day in public.

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  • #39739
     Patty Phose 
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    My biggest worry is tripping in my heels and falling.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #39728
     Cookie JessicaLynn (Irish) 
    Participant
    Registered On: November 21, 2015
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    As someone  that spends a good deal of the time dressed, my only fear has always been having some kind of accident, and need medical attention. Well a few years back that happened, ambulance, Fire Brigade, ER etc….turned out I really had nothing to fear.

     

     

    Smile and the world smiles with you! Live, Love, Laugh! 🙂

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    • #46598
       Ilona 
      Participant
      Registered On: November 14, 2016
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      Last year, I was taken to hospital and was given a gown to wear. One of the nurses saw I was wearing a pair of pink panties and smiled. I have just come home from hospital and I asked to wear a nightdress, instead of pyjamas. I enjoyed spending 6 days en femme in public and I was a bit upset about wearing trousers again. The experience has helped me tell people that I cross-dress. Most people have been supportive and my decision to be more open has helped me feel better about myself.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #37425
     Joanne Johnson 
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    Registered On: September 18, 2016
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    Mine is being recognised as a man. And being ridiculed for that. Being accepted as a woman is important to me and to do that, I need to pass in every way. I can’t do that at the present time. So, it’s a lonely part of me. I accept that though. I love being a woman. I am lucky to love that part of me. Wonderful clothes, comfortable underwear, make up and choices every day about all the things that make me feel like the girl I have always wanted to be. A female. I wouldn’t change that for anything. And these forums as so helpful.

    Joanne

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  • #36177
     Anonymous
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    I think you nailed it Vanessa. Its the fear of being recognized and outed that girls like us fear. It was certainly my fear at first. As often said the worse fear is fear itself.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
  • #36089
     April (Pacific Princess) 
    Ambassador
    Registered On: April 4, 2016
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    6 months ago my answer would have been a lot different, but now there is very little that I fear about going out. I guess I only really have 3 fears now, and if I had to list them in order from least to worst they would have to be:

    1) Running into one of my children when I am out dressed. They are all adults, but I didn’t really crossdress when they lived in the house, and they don’t know about April (at least I think they don’t).
    2) Being stopped by the police when I am driving. I am such a good girl when I drive.
    3) Being physically assaulted. That’s the one that I am always very careful about. Seattle and its surrounds is generally a pretty tolerant place, but I make it a point to always be aware of my surroundings.

    Other than that, nothing really. And I know that I don’t pass when you get close. Although I am not that tall and I’m fairly thin, my face will give me away upon close inspection, and my voice ain’t fooling anybody. 🙂

    My wish is that all of you can have as much pure fun and joy from dressing that I do!

    April

    8 users thanked author for this post.
    • #94998
       Rhesa Williams 
      Participant
      Registered On: March 6, 2018
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      As April pointed out, one of her worst fears is assault. I have come to realise that while the motive of the perpetrator might be different, this is a fear for all women. Maybe if everyone wore a dress the world would be a more understanding, gentler, better place. Just saying that we must all be vigilant and lookout for one another.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #95089
         Ilona 
        Participant
        Registered On: November 14, 2016
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        Hello Rhesa. I like the idea of everyone wearing a dress, so the world becomes a more understanding, gentler, better place. I think one of the main reasons why I began cross-dressing was because I preferred a gentler, more feminine life rather than an aggressive, macho one. Sometimes, I’m the only one wearing a dress at my LGBT meetings and I am in the unusual position of being the most glamorous person in the room.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #35788
     Jaycee 
    Participant
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    I guess my biggest fears are that I will be called names by people because it will be obvious that I am not a female and I just know that I would look so strange being dressed up as a female unless I had a female friend that would do my make up and help me transform into what and who I am supposed to be.

    My second fear is that where ever I am out and about as a female that someone with hatred in their heart would beat me down and maybe even kill me for being transgender. I do live in Montana and there is no way in hell that I would ever go out in public dressed in female attire even though I want to so badly.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
  • #35778
     Anonymous
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    Mine would have to be getting stopped by a police officer for one and getting found out by the public would mortify me I would only go out 9pm time when it gets darker so as not to draw attention to me as in other messages i do not look like a girly girl in the face but pass in a dress.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #193383
       Rachel Plain 
      Participant
      Registered On: July 4, 2016
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      I’ve been stopped by the police whilst dressed, for a random breath test. The officer didn’t even blink at the disparity between how I looked on mi licence (full beard and dashingly handsome) and the gorgeous girl in the driving seat of the car 🙂

      I recently got caught on the train without a ticket (not intentional, and a long story), which meant a grilling by the inspectors in front of the other passengers. That was a great way to draw attention to myself 🙂

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #138831
       Terri 
      Participant
      Registered On: May 17, 2016
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      Paige, I was a police officer for 20 years in NYC. First of all as far as I know there are no laws against cross dressing. There were some years ago but not now. If you do get stopped by the police while driving just give him your license, registration and insurance card. If he asks you why are you dressed like this you say whatever you feel. I have been stopped a couple times and never had a problem and i didn’t tell him i was retired PD.

      3 users thanked author for this post.

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