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    • #4219
      Vanessa Law
      Managing Ambassador

      When I first started crossdressing my worst fear was that I would run into someone I knew and they would recognize me.
      That was followed closely by a full on outing and scene in a public place.

      Neither of those ever happened – it’s amazing that what we fear sometimes never comes to pass.

      What is your biggest crossdressing fear?

    • #35778
      Anonymous

      Mine would have to be getting stopped by a police officer for one and getting found out by the public would mortify me I would only go out 9pm time when it gets darker so as not to draw attention to me as in other messages i do not look like a girly girl in the face but pass in a dress.

      • #138831
        Terri
        Duchess

        Paige, I was a police officer for 20 years in NYC. First of all as far as I know there are no laws against cross dressing. There were some years ago but not now. If you do get stopped by the police while driving just give him your license, registration and insurance card. If he asks you why are you dressed like this you say whatever you feel. I have been stopped a couple times and never had a problem and i didn’t tell him i was retired PD.

        • #760818

          Terri,
          In my misspent youth I too was it part of the local PD and realized that I would either be killed or become an alcoholic if I stayed in the job! so I resigned. There are no laws against cross-dressing.
          Under the DSM 5
          (Diagnostic statistical manual) of mental disorders, CD is not a treatable or mental abbreviation of any kind
          I too have grown children long time out of the house is that I have anxiety still to disclose my full time cross-dressing behaviors these days. I am retired and therefore have no colleagues that I fear to recognize me nor do I really give a damn about a neighbor or two who might see me going to the mailbox in my skirts or dresses or trimming some bushes and a pencil skirt. Most of the anxiety and fear that I felt I had generated in my own mind as none of those anxieties have come true under many circumstances where I’m fully dressed in them and out in public enjoying myself immensely.
          I a man named Jackson Browne a famous musician in a couple of his songs I want to quote some lines here to make the point; ” I’m aware of the time passing by I’m told that it all ends in the blink of an eye”, And,
          ” I’ve been wondering what happened to the changes that love would bring, were they just wishes of some faithful dreams”.
          Terri, and all the ladies here on this site, The time is NOW, its slipping away; if you want to feel pretty, be seen in femme, in public, there is NO BETTER time than.now. go ahead and risk what you really want to do; head held high, take command of the room, or the stroll in the park, or visit to the local cafe, in your prettiest fashion!
          Hugs
          Stephanie Browne
          I did!

      • #193383

        I’ve been stopped by the police whilst dressed, for a random breath test. The officer didn’t even blink at the disparity between how I looked on mi licence (full beard and dashingly handsome) and the gorgeous girl in the driving seat of the car 🙂

        I recently got caught on the train without a ticket (not intentional, and a long story), which meant a grilling by the inspectors in front of the other passengers. That was a great way to draw attention to myself 🙂

        • #405188
          Anonymous

          OMG. I would have just died right there. LOL. Thanks.

    • #35788

      I guess my biggest fears are that I will be called names by people because it will be obvious that I am not a female and I just know that I would look so strange being dressed up as a female unless I had a female friend that would do my make up and help me transform into what and who I am supposed to be.

      My second fear is that where ever I am out and about as a female that someone with hatred in their heart would beat me down and maybe even kill me for being transgender. I do live in Montana and there is no way in hell that I would ever go out in public dressed in female attire even though I want to so badly.

    • #36089
      April (Pacific Princess)
      Ambassador - Editor

      6 months ago my answer would have been a lot different, but now there is very little that I fear about going out. I guess I only really have 3 fears now, and if I had to list them in order from least to worst they would have to be:

      1) Running into one of my children when I am out dressed. They are all adults, but I didn’t really crossdress when they lived in the house, and they don’t know about April (at least I think they don’t).
      2) Being stopped by the police when I am driving. I am such a good girl when I drive.
      3) Being physically assaulted. That’s the one that I am always very careful about. Seattle and its surrounds is generally a pretty tolerant place, but I make it a point to always be aware of my surroundings.

      Other than that, nothing really. And I know that I don’t pass when you get close. Although I am not that tall and I’m fairly thin, my face will give me away upon close inspection, and my voice ain’t fooling anybody. 🙂

      My wish is that all of you can have as much pure fun and joy from dressing that I do!

      April

      • #94998

        As April pointed out, one of her worst fears is assault. I have come to realise that while the motive of the perpetrator might be different, this is a fear for all women. Maybe if everyone wore a dress the world would be a more understanding, gentler, better place. Just saying that we must all be vigilant and lookout for one another.

        • #95089
          Ilona
          Lady

          Hello Rhesa. I like the idea of everyone wearing a dress, so the world becomes a more understanding, gentler, better place. I think one of the main reasons why I began cross-dressing was because I preferred a gentler, more feminine life rather than an aggressive, macho one. Sometimes, I’m the only one wearing a dress at my LGBT meetings and I am in the unusual position of being the most glamorous person in the room.

    • #36177
      Anonymous

      I think you nailed it Vanessa. Its the fear of being recognized and outed that girls like us fear. It was certainly my fear at first. As often said the worse fear is fear itself.

    • #37425

      Mine is being recognised as a man. And being ridiculed for that. Being accepted as a woman is important to me and to do that, I need to pass in every way. I can’t do that at the present time. So, it’s a lonely part of me. I accept that though. I love being a woman. I am lucky to love that part of me. Wonderful clothes, comfortable underwear, make up and choices every day about all the things that make me feel like the girl I have always wanted to be. A female. I wouldn’t change that for anything. And these forums as so helpful.

      Joanne

    • #39728

      As someone  that spends a good deal of the time dressed, my only fear has always been having some kind of accident, and need medical attention. Well a few years back that happened, ambulance, Fire Brigade, ER etc….turned out I really had nothing to fear.

       

       

      • #46598
        Ilona
        Lady

        Last year, I was taken to hospital and was given a gown to wear. One of the nurses saw I was wearing a pair of pink panties and smiled. I have just come home from hospital and I asked to wear a nightdress, instead of pyjamas. I enjoyed spending 6 days en femme in public and I was a bit upset about wearing trousers again. The experience has helped me tell people that I cross-dress. Most people have been supportive and my decision to be more open has helped me feel better about myself.

    • #39739
      Patty Phose
      Duchess

      My biggest worry is tripping in my heels and falling.

    • #46601
      Ilona
      Lady

      I had a talk with someone from the Beaumont Society this morning, as I am worried about how people will react to me if I wear a skirt or dress in public. The basic advice was not to draw attention to yourself and that it is safer to walk around a crowded town centre during the day than to walk around an industrial estate at night. Choose clothes that many women are wearing, rather than pretend to be a fashion model or wear a ballgown to visit a local market, as more people are likely to look at you. I wish you luck on your public walks. I am on the same voyage and I have asked a friend to accompany me when I embark on my first en-femme day in public.

    • #48191
      Anonymous

      The first part of the venture out of my neighborhood scares me the most; while 9 times out of 10; I’m not likely to run into anyone I know…it’s the 1 out of 10 that worries me.  As I listen to those more experienced I know it’s probably not worth letting it hold me back.

      Kim

      • #91523
        Patty Phose
        Duchess

        I was out dressed last summer in a short blue dress, shiny tan pantyhose, blue platform heels, blonde wig and mirror sunglasses. I had stopped at the  Post Office to drop off some mail. It was the usual somewhat nervous to scared to death feelings about getting out of the car and being seen. Then again, I’m wearing a short dress, shiny pantyhose and heels looking to be noticed. It’s a strange contradiction but such a thrill and rush.

        There was some people around. Without a doubt, I was the best dressed and most feminine looking female there as well as the tallest. I dropped my mail off. Then I stayed in the lobby a few minutes looking at some of the postal info. I put an info card in my purse and walked back to the car. I don’t know who noticed me but I’m sure some did.

        Next stop was the ATM. I parked, pushed past my usual nervousness to paralyzing fear, got out of the car and began walking towards the ATM. Walking towards me was someone I know. My first reaction was to say hi and chat a bit. Immediately after that thought was “oh s***”. I was so nervous. I just put my head down looking in my purse. We just walked past each other. I didn’t look up or turn around to see if he was looking or staring at me. When I got to the ATM, I was too nervous to use it. My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding. I decided I was just going to leave. I fumbled in my purse like I wasn’t finding my ATM card. I turned around and noticed my friend was not anywhere to seen. Thank god. I drove back home. That was enough being out as Patty for the day.

        The next time I was going to see this person I was nervous. I was looking for different behavior and dreading the “what the hell were you doing?” or similar question. Everything seemed the same as always. Very friendly and affable. No pulling aside for an”I want to ask you something” moment. Everything was fine like always and continued to be.

        I’m sure he noticed that tall blonde girl in the short dress, shiny pantyhose and heels but didn’t realize it was me.

    • #48193
      Ilona
      Lady

      I went to a LGBT meeting on Friday. The people were friendly and nobody made any comments about my purple dress. I went to lunch with one of the members and was wary about removing my jacket as it would reveal my dress top, but nobody was bothered. Similarly, I was doing some voluntary work on Tuesday; the manager has allowed me to wear a dress or skirt instead of trousers. Nobody else was in the gents when I changed into a black dress and only one customer seemed bothered when he saw me wearing a dress. The deputy manager said it was a nice dress, but nobody else made any comments and I quite enjoyed sitting with my legs under a table. Tomorrow, I intend to wear a dress when I visit the hospital, where some of the nurses helped me gain confidence by letting me wear a nightdress instead of pyjamas. I am still feeling nervous about being so open, but I have received more encouragement from people than I thought I would.

    • #48480
      Rose
      Lady

      [quote quote=48191]The first part of the venture out of my neighborhood scares me the most; while 9 times out of 10; I’m not likely to run into anyone I know…it’s the 1 out of 10 that worries me. As I listen to those more experienced I know it’s probably not worth letting it hold me back. Kim [/quote]

      This. So much this. I’m taking my first real foray out in public as Rose this coming weekend. And I’m jumping through proverbial hoops to make sure I look “normal: the 40-50 feet from my front door to my car. (I’m only jumping through proverbial hoops; I’m not limber enough for real hoop-jumping. 🙂 ) I’m sure someday I’ll look back on the Mission: Impossible levels of stealth I’m looking at taking Saturday afternoon. But for now, it’s what I need to do to comfortably get out of my neighborhood before I can fully “transform” into Rose.

      • #48718
        Jennifer
        Lady

        As someone who just ventured out fully dressed for the first time in years … my biggest concern was the neighbors. We have an attached garage, so actually I didn’t have too much to worry about. Besides, we don’t really socialize with any neighbors (my wife and I are both introverts) so even if anyone saw me, no one is going to say anything to my face.

        For anyone else that may be scared … If you have a wig and makeup on … even if you do the crappiest job of makeup … no one will recognize you. Context matters. Because people aren’t expecting you to be dressed as a woman with makeup on, they won’t be looking for it.

        As for other fears, like the police or being assaulted, I guess I take basic precautions and go to mainly well populated areas and stores that are primarily for women. When driving I am hyper conscious of not speeding and obeying all traffic laws.

        • #49095
          Anonymous

          Thanks! “Dipped my toes in the water” without this today.  Got home from work early; wife was out, slipped on my high heels and ventured out to our mailbox and picked up the mail…broad daylight…didn’t see neighbors…assuming they didn’t see me either…but if they did and noticed…should I care?

          Small steps…

          Kim

           

    • #48728
      Anonymous

      Don’t worry Rose. We all have to do that sort of thing at least once. It gives us something to look back on, years down the track, to laugh at.

      You’ll be fine.

    • #48920
      Terri
      Duchess

      Many of the girl’s posts state that one of their fears is being stopped by the police.  I have been going out a long time. I have dealt with the police a few times over the years while dressed. The first time was the s scariest.  I think it was the first time I was returning home dressed. I made a sharp turn and skidded on some gravel. I had been at a party and had a few drinks. The officer was shocked when I handed him my drivers license.  At the time I was a police officer.  I knew if I was legally drunk   or at least impaired.  I didn’t tell him I was a police officer,  but talked to him poliently and asked how to get on the expressway.  No, I didn’t tell him I was a police officer.  This was about 1980. From then on I only had soda if I was driving.  Today most police officers have seen TG’s. My advice is be polite and truthful. I retired over 20 yrs ago.

      Terri

       

      • #143617

        @Terri, I have had that happen 3 times so far.  I could swear it was a DWEF, Driving while en femme.  I had not been drinking any of those times.  The first was because I was going the wrong way up a one way alley, it wasn’t well marked.  The cop started by calling me sir, I was polite and gave him all of my paper work.  He didn’t even cite me.  The second I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I was sitting at a stop light and a drunk hit another car and caused it to hit me.  I tried to drive away but realized my car was too damaged and I would have to be towed.  I pulled over to the side as a lot of drivers did as it was a pretty bad accident.  I waited in my car with the windows up, it was at night.  A few people came by asked if I was okay, I would nod my head, I don’t think they figured it out.  Then a fireman showed up at my drivers window, so I had to roll it down.  He was cool and about 5 seconds into the conversation I could see he got it.  The expression on his face was priceless but he was nice and once he knew I wasn’t hurt he went away.  Then the police came up to my window.  Thank god it was a female cop, I had to get out of the car and get my paper work out again.  My nails were polished and I was in a fairly short skirt.  But the cops were nice to me and took my statement.  The third time I was just driving home from a friends house.  I saw the cop next to me at a light checking me out.  I drove fine and thought he would go away, but no he lit me up and pulled me over.  I was really dolled up that night and terribly scared that things might not go well.   After he asked me like three times if I was drinking and gave me the eye test, he let me go telling me one of my two license plate lights on the rear of the car was out.  None of it was fun, but you are right, the best thing to do is be polite and cooperate.

    • #48953
      Anonymous

      I am a police officer, but I crossdress in my ttime off. I have stopped other crossdressers many times. I understand their fear and always compliment them for their bravery.

    • #49030
      Ilona
      Lady

      I’m finding it easier to be dressed in public. Yesterday, I went along to an event for older LGBTs at London Friend. Despite a few women who turned up, I was the only person wearing a dress and nobody was bothered. The front door is mainly made of glass, so I sat in a corner away from the door, but I don’t know if any of the passers-by were bothered.

      I am asking people if I can wear a dress or skirt when I attend an appointment. So far, no one has refused, but I have had some negative feedback from a couple of friends, one of whom is very uncomfortable with the idea of me cross-dressing. While I would like to spend more time dressed, I realise that there are limitations and that not everybody accepts it.

    • #49175
      Anonymous

      I live in a small city. It’s not tiny, but it’s not too large, so running into someone you know isn’t all that hard to do. Then there’s also  the fact that most of the people I know believe that men wearing women’s clothing is “disgusting” or “It’s sinful”..I guess I’m most afraid of losing this image of myself that I created not only for them, but also my family.

    • #54293
      Isabelle
      Lady

      If I were to say that I don’t have any fears, that would not be honest. Meeting someone I actually know and who only knows me in my homme format does not overly scare me and might even be a relief !!! What is scaresome is the risk of being accosted by some “hodlum” who decides that a cross-dresser is in fact akin to a tart and “out for a good time”. I live most of my time in the suburbs of Paris and so far have not had any scares like that but the thought always lurks under the surface.

    • #54341

      Hi girls. Mine is being seen by someone i know. I work as a nurse in my local hospital so i am scared of meeting an ex patient or even worse someone i work with. Its difficult enough being a man in a very female dominated enviroment but being a crossdresser i think would be even harder. All these fears do get me down as i love being Rebecca and would dearly love to do it more ir full time even.

      • #264353

        Rebecca Jones,

        I was a bit shocked seeing your name, because it is my dead wife’s name. It brings back fond memories. Stay strong Rebecca, like my wife was, and I’d wager she’s kicking the devils butt every day she’s down there. 🙂

    • #54460
      Ilona
      Lady

      I wore a dress for an interview for a mental health group. The interviewer has invited me to visit a local park and said I can wear a dress. This will be the first time I have met someone outside, while en-femme. There are no toilets in the park, which is quite open, so I shall probably be openly wearing a dress when I leave my flat and travel to the park. I hope I don’t meet any of the other tenants on my journey. I shall take a pair of trousers in my bag, just in case. I can let you know how I get on.

    • #91300

      I am afraid of using the bathroom I don’t know which one to use where I feel comfortable. So I try not to drink, and only smoke pot ( which is legal here). Pot makes me feel at ease and more open to talking to people. But I still talk in my normal deep voice and try not to talk feminine.

    • #91431
      Anonymous

      My worst worry used to be that a member of my family would see me, but the family has drifted into different ways and I don’t go to the areas where they might be. I am a member of a TG/TV group at the VA hospital and most of the VA staff are very supportive.

    • #91469
      Anonymous

      Getting arrested.  Book in photos are published here.

    • #91534

      My biggest fear now is still using the ladies restrooms in public places like a mall.  Although I do my best to blend in for my age (55), I have little desire to use the men’s room and get assaulted.

    • #91729
      Ilona
      Lady

      I’m sorry that I forgot to tell you how I got on in a local park. I met my colleague from the mental health group and got changed behind a few trees. It was a windy day and I had problems keeping my straw hat and wig on. At one stage, they fell backwards off my head, but nobody in the park seemed to show any concern, although a couple of children gave me some funny looks. I think my colleague was right about the time we met. If we’d met an hour later, some of the children from local schools may have visited the park and I would have been more apprehensive. I got changed again behind the trees before leaving the park with my colleague. It was an enjoyable experience, but since then, my public en-femme experiences have been inside buildings.

    • #92030

      Hi Terri,

      My worst happening was after I got used to dressing I bought myself a beautiful high waisted white satin corset, it was hook back and boned with 6 suspenders. At the Mall I was took short and had to go into the female toilets. It was a warm day and I wore just a tight sweater, skirt, stockings and heels and I felt really secure and as I came out I went to the mirror to put on the usual lippy. Suddenly, a woman came up behind me in the mirror and said “excuse me dear, your sweater has caught up in the top of your girdle”. I was so shocked and just mumbled “oh thank you” tugging the sweater down over the corset top. I think I blushed all the way home. Have you had any experiences like that?

    • #92351

      Being, laughed at.

    • #92365

      The first time out, I went clubbing. At 1:30 I was driving home, when it dawned on me, that I didn’t have anything to take the makeup off. I had to go to another town to find a place to buy whatever I needed. I also had no idea, what to get. I parked my car, and sat there for maybe a minute, wondering what people might say. Even though, it was going on 2:00, there were a lot of cars parked there. I went in, and walked up to the cashiers counter, where a young man was at, and asked him where I could find items to take my makeup and nail polish off. He looked at me, and never batted an eye, and told me what isle to go to. At that point, all the nervousness left me, and I felt alive.I knew I had to get nail polish remover, and found that with no problem. Then I was looking for something called wipes, and couldn’t find them. During this time, customers walked by me, and if they saw me as a man, there was nothing said, and not even any stares. Then a lady who worked there, came up to me, and said, “Excuse me mam, you look lost. May I help you?” I turned and looked at her, and told her what I was looking for. She said, “Oh, you’re in the wrong isle. Follow me.” We walked three isle’s over, and she picked up a pack of wipes, and handed them to me. Then she said, “I love your blouse, where did you get it?” I told her, she thanked me, and we parted. After paying, and leaving, I got in the car, and sat there for a couple minutes, smiling. That smile, lasted all the way home. Ladies, did I feel good…

    • #92422

      I keep reading, that many of the girls, are afraid to be stopped by the police. Why??? If you are not breaking the law, there should be nothing to worry about. If it’a against the law, where you live, to dress in female clothes, then yes, you should be afraid. The only thing I can think to be afraid of, would be, if they thought you were hooking. I hope, this helped some. All of you, stay PRETTY…

      • #92938
        Isabelle
        Lady

        Hi everyone and many thanks to Veronica for this reminder. Depending on where you live, and I live in the Paris region in France, there is usually no law against going out dressed as one wishes, as long as there is no indecent exposure nor soliciting involved. So courage prevailing, there should be no fear of being pulled over by the police for the sole reason on being dressed as a girl/lady.

        I am probably a fairly lucky girl (not such a young chicken any more) because here, I can pretty much live my life “en femme” and do all the usual things one would do such as everyday shopping, clothes shopping, going to the local street market, cinema, theatre, shooting off down-town on public transport for exhibitions and shows, in short a normal life and all as a lady.

        I read also that some of our girl friends on CDH do fear being seen by the neighbours. I too had that problem initially here in the residential block where I live. After mulling it over for a while, the solution ultimately was quite simply to invite all the nearby neighbours to cocktails at my place. They were able to meet Isabelle, the ice was then broken and now there are no hang-ups either for me or for them. If I am honest about it, once I had sent out the invitation, I really was nervous about it but in the thrall of organising the cocktail, planning my dress and make-up, all was forgotten and the evening went off really well …. a huge relief actually to throw off the shackles. A dash of carefree thinking, a huge dose of courage, and now I often go out with the neighbouring girls and ladies to dinner or just for drinks and so on in our local neighbourhood.

        I guess in the end, it all comes down to how we think others will perceive us and our fears probably originate there. My friendly advice, and I do recognize that we all have our own specific circumstances, by simply acting normally as if there were nothing amiss, then we will be perceived as normal and will just blend in.

        Hugs to all

        Isabelle

    • #92946
      Anonymous

      My worst fear is to be recognized as a man. I have gone out as Adeline twice now and the second time I got what I perceived to be stares from a couple of women in the grocery store.  I also worry about being stopped by the police while driving. On the other hand when someone addresses me as madam or miss, it makes my day.

    • #92949
      Misti
      Lady

      Yes getting pulled over or having an accident.. But locking my self out of the house or car is up there. I did lose my ID at the TV bar once, some how I got it back. Once I was actually shopping near a neighbor 20 miles away, heard her voice and had to turn away quick. So fear of being recognized by someone also is on the list.

    • #94074
      Anonymous

      My worst fears out in public would be bumping into people I know, I feel so beautiful and sexy in my clothing and I think my body works in girls clothes, but I’m scared I might bump into somebody I know, or someone might approach me and highlight that I’m a guy dressed as a girl. Since first dressing as a girl, all I’ve wanted to do, is go out to shops and try on other girls clothing. It would be amazing.

      I once walked along the road while ‘en femme’ and some people looked at me, the odd person passing in their cars as well and I said to myself “they know!” so it was a little scary for me. But I want to do it more, do it again.

    • #94726

      Vanessa, I think that is my exact fear.  That I will be recognized and someone will out me to my parents, kids and job and my life as well as my wife’s life will come crashing down.  I know from some other incidents that me being recognized is very slim but still remains my biggest fear.

      Sara

    • #94751
      Ilona
      Lady

      One of the people in my LGBT group is very convincing and I haven’t seen her being ‘read’, because she dresses her age. I would like there to be more equality, so that a man wearing a dress is not considered to be more unusual than a woman wearing trousers. In the UK, there have been several programmes about whether trans-women should be able to use women’s toilets, as some women feel they would be at risk. As far as I know, there are no cases of trans-women attacking women in women’s toilets, but there are cases of men attacking trans-women in men’s toilets. As I suffer from various abdominal problems, the problem of toilet use is a major factor about my going out dressed. Which toilets do I use if I feel desperate?

    • #94995

      I long to go out in public… I probably will in another city (as I plan). Vanessa, you asked about our biggest crossdressing fear… My worst fear is dying! I am in the closet, and I do not want people in there looking through my stuff! My 19 yr old daughter is gay, and I don’t even want her to know!!

    • #95081
      Edie Majeski
      Baroness

      Surprisingly, I never had a strong desire to pass as a women in public. I have done it and always felt uncomfortable simply because I’ve never been able to master a convincing women’s voice.  I did most of my passing when I was married. My wife would insist, which I found odd considering I knew she didn’t really like me crossdressing, taking a drive to the fast food place as two girls. She would drive, a I be the passenger. Sometime she became so nervous that I would have to drive back home: not an easy task when you’re wearing spike heels.

    • #95183

      When I first went out I was petrified of being recognized in public…have come to realize that with wig and makeup you’d have to really look close to have an idea that it was me.  Also have gotten to the point where it wouldn’t be the end of the world if someone did!

       

    • #95215

      i went to a cross dressing meeting one year, was all dressed up with male cloths over them, went to meeting place, put on my make up and perfume and heels, then walked out of truck to meeting place, i was in wrong room and no one said a thing, when i knew i was in wrong room i found the right one and walked in and was greeted with open arms

    • #95985
      Anonymous

      I have never been out in public dressed as my “alter ego”; however, last month or so, I drove around the block late one evening dressed in a cute white top with tight blue jeans and white wedges. I was nervous because of the fear of being pulled over so I drove cautiously and I made slight mistake by going five over and was passed by a sheriff deputy, although that’s my normal speed my heart raced. I would like to go out one evening because my dress game is on fleek but I need to work on my make up game. I cannot seem to find the right shade of concealer, but I have just about everything else.

    • #96265

      Hi Everybody,

      I definitely had to reply to this Question. My worst fear would be meeting some one that I knew. Well it happened just last week but I think I handled it well. I was visiting another City   for a pub night with some other CDs and TG Folks. Since I had not dressed fully in a while I decided to stay an extra day and walk around the City Dressed and enjoy the Experience. Well I was out in the afternoon for a walk. I was standing Looking at the advertising in a store front. I turned to start walking again in the direction I was going and Who is walking in the direction toward me ? ( My Brother In Law ) I am Guessing Here. But maybe 10 to 15 Feet away from me. At first I felt the Anxiety Quickly. But I calmly turned to my side and looked over to the opposite street. Well as calm as one could be. I waited for him go by. and then turned and started to walk in the direction I was going. I did not turn around to see if he was looking back. Since I was going back to my room anyways That is were I kept on going to. Of course it is normal to wonder if He made me. But I don’t think so as my glasses are a darker shade in the daylight and the bangs from my wig were over the lens at the time and I was completely in Fem and turned to the side at that Moment. It is funny but it shook me up a little and at the same time it did not.

      I was thinking well if I am outed.  Then I am outed. fear and relief in some ways. But I should mention I did wait till nearly dark to go out and have a bite to eat. But after that I still walked around the City some and I did stay dressed. Nothing was going to change that. I don’t know if was made or not. part of me cares and part of me doesn’t. I never mentioned it to my wife. I just don’t want her to worry about it. my brother in law probably would not care anyways. he is pretty open mined. It is just I would rather do the outing of my self My on my terms. In the end I guess it did not effect me that much as I stopped and did girl shopping on the way home the next day.

      Hugs, to all.

      Amanda

       

    • #96274

      I’ve never been in public yet other than Halloween when its ok to be someone else.. But even then I turned alot of heads and had people look at me different and that totally freaked me out.. So now iam scared to take that real first step

    • #96281

      I am not sure what to say, I have been on the road  while dressed only twice in my life. Every time I loved the excitement of being fully dressed and made up while I drove around town but the fear of being seen by my neighbors made me stop

    • #97334
      Anonymous

      I just came out to my wife as a cd a cpl months ago. She’s still getting use to it. At 1st I told her I didn’t want to go out in public, but now that I’m getting more confident, I would like to stray from the house at night to somewhere that isn’t crowded ( just to build more confidence). She isn’t ready for that yet. She’s more scared that someone might judge her for being with me. She doesn’t like shopping with me for girl things, so I’m kinda forced to shop online. I did go out one day and buy a cpl of dresses without her and I could see ppl staring at me at times. I was so nervous. I’m made up a story that it was for my wife when asked if I needed help by an employee. They were very nice and made me feel like they believed me and there was no judgement. I think my wife will eventually warm up to going out and will take me out in public for a girls night. I grew up where I live and I’m definitely afraid I’ll run into someone I know. But the excitement of going out in public is really getting to me, and I’m not sure how much longer and can feel like an animal trying to be free of a cage.

    • #98182
      Helena
      Lady

      The fear of being recognized, easily. I’ve only been out a few times, and an incident at a local park two weeks ago almost made me give up on hopes of going out further at the time, but I just chalked it up to just that one incident and vowed I would not let that affect me. I am getting restless about being closed off, and I took  a pretty good step last night in making the effort to go out more.

    • #98185

      As far as being recognized, none of my friends would know me dressed as a woman. I also look so much younger.

      My fear would be forgetting my voice and using my male one. I have sort of a high pitched voice and have feminized it quite a bit.

      The other would be an incident  would happen where the police would be involved, like an accident, an attack by someone or being a witness to a crime.

      I feel pretty safe when I am a woman but……….

      • #98195
        Terri
        Duchess

        Many of the replies on this forum express a fear of being dressed and have a incident involving the police. I am retired law enforcment and as far as i know there is no law against being crossdressed. In the early 60’s there were laws against it, but not now.My advice that if you are stopped by a police officer is to answer his questions truthfully and you shouldnt have a problem.

        • #100132

          I have ventured out more and more over that last 2 years – mostly thanks to 2 female friends.  They have challenged me and supported me on a few outings.  We 3 have been to a casino, a few restaurants, a dance club (gay bar, but still), we even went to the next big city over and spent a night in a motel.  All of this while in Julie Mode.  I now venture out alone – day or night – but much like visits to the Ladies Room, I prefer to go in a group!

    • #103106
      Anonymous

      In all honestly, my worst fear is the public itself. Most people judge what they don’t understand. Also everybody has video camera in their cell phone where they can just record you for no reason. But other than that, I’m comfortable dressing up at home in private. An when ever pride day rolls around. Then I can just go out and be myself.

    • #119602
      Anonymous

      Getting physically or sexually assaulted for dressing like a woman, or being mugged. As someone who has been victim of sexual assault/abuse/molestation and rape, these are huge fears… i sometimes still greak out some times in public thinking someone is going to assault and rape me again… other than that, probably running into friends or family! Ive been caught by a couple girlfriends wearing their clothes and heels, and its scary! Lucky both times they were ok with it, and even told me they didnt mind if i dressed as a girl, a few times it even crossed over into our sexual activities, which was super freaking hot!!! My last one liked to pretend we were lesbians!

    • #119755
      Becka
      Lady

      Great question and comments as usual on CDH!

      My biggest fear has been running into someone I know, or being hassled by someone I don’t know, in that order.

      I’ve never been out fully dressed, but go half and half, wearing womens jeans and shoes, which seem to be pretty obvious to most.  I’ve run into one person I know (recently), but I don’t think she really noticed anything.

      I just try to be very careful, and keep a look out over my shoulder.  That is about all I can do.

      I’m really heartbroken for those who have had worse experiences, but know we are always here to listen.  It’s not much, but certainly a good outlet for us all.

    • #119768
      Jean C
      Lady

      I have no fear any more.  My wife went on a 4 night coach trip break to Torquay with a girl friend on Monday mainly aimed at the over 60’s age group, Tuesday she was taken ill and after an operation is still now in Intensive Care in an Induced Coma.  I came down Tuesday evening and I’m staying in her hotel room with said old people.

      I have dressed in hybrid mode all woman’s clothes including bra, makeup, all nails painted and earrings, only male thing is a shirt with all buttons undone.  No one has said anything negative, just asked how my wife is doing.  Even her friend who does know I dress said I looked pretty even though I needed to shave and was not wearing a wig.

      No one cares these days, I thought I would have met a lot who would have questioned how I dressed, but nothing.  You are who you are, they see I love my wife and that is all that matters.

      I hope I don’t close this thread as no one has posted since I post about my current dress in this thread: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/so-what-are-we-wearing/

      Jean

    • #138721

      I am so afraid of being caught, that the thought of someone I know seeing me, except one gf that knows, and someone recording me, and it ending up on the net for others to view.

    • #138779
      Lea
      Lady

      Like many of you, when I’m dressed, I find myself more cautious about who is around me and on guard for any negative, potentially risky reactions. I never feel this way as a guy, something about my female persona feeling a little vulnerable.

      My other fear is running into in-laws or co-workers.

    • #138855

      I’m not as shy as i once was. Most peoples opinion of me don’t carry the weight they used to and strangers can think what they like, but living in a smaller community most people that actually know me also know those that are close to me. I feel that I as an individual have the right to make choices that make me happy, so long as those choices don’t infringe on others rights it shouldn’t matter to them. I’m a big girl now who can for the most part defend my own choices and get my point of view accross one way or another if I feel its worth doing. My concerns arise from what might be said to, and the affect on their relationships due to association, for my children and those close to me who whether they support my choices or not are put into the uncomfortable position of trying to defend me. Because of my love and respect for them, and their right to happiness I am forever careful of my exposure to this judgemental world we live in. I’m all for showing others that we are here and don’t need to be feared as freaks but i choose to do this away from home where it is less likely to affect my loved ones.

    • #138866

      Texas does not have a non-discrimination law, so the LGBT community is fair game to anyone.  I am out practically everyday.  My biggest fear is being physically assaulted.  i have learned to walk carrying my keys in my hand, checking my car.  I also carry pepper-spray and a small taser.  Fortunately, I never had to use them.  I have been stopped by police for having a tail-light out.  He was professional and courteous and asked me what pronouns I preferred.

    • #138869

      Hi Vanessa. Ohhhhh! my biggest fear going out in public? well, ive still that treat yet to come, so I shall treat this from a hypothetical point of view. I shall list my biggest fears in numerical order from 1 to 5, 1 being the worst, 5 being the least.

      1. Just going out of the door!

      2. Anybody seeing me!

      3. Somebody I know recognises me.

      4. Very public places such as shops, parks, pubs etc.

      5. Passing (or not passing in my case).

      I think the scenarios above are probably what put a lot of people off at first. Of course as you pointed out, they may never happen, but its fear of the unknown, just like many activities we do, completely unrelated to dressing femme. Its human nature to worry and say ‘what if such a thing happens’ but dressing femme is a powerful emotion and activity, eventually, true grit determination grabs us by the waist and pulls most of us out of that door!

      Fiona xxx

    • #139872
      Anonymous

      Being recognized by someone from school…Its one of the reasons I go to all the events at my BF’s school and  not mine..

      Morgan

    • #139888
      Anonymous

      Physical or sexual abuse.

      I am not as fit as I was, and it’s a while since I attended Tai Kwon Do classes.

      Apart from that, nothing. I feel only excitement and a feeling of continual satisfaction, bursting out and a real love for and interest in things and people around me when dressed – it’s like being properly alive.

      • #228323
        Anonymous

        Wow, I wrote that back in January!

        I nailed that one.

        Didn’t realise it gets better and better, stronger and stronger – I wouldn’t describe it as a rush, but it’s a higher state of consciousness for sure.

        And other people just get more interesting.

        Amazing!

        Love Laura

    • #140726

      Faint
      Around twenty yaers ago I still have the habit to go out dressed.
      I did not have  this extra 50lbs, I was not yet married, I work shifts 4 to 5 days a week and I was free out out of workplace at time others are on workplace. But my dad just passed, I lost career chances, and I had to leave the town where I worked for ten year: only option was come back to my home town.

      One day I was kissing my first male after dating him for almost an year. We know each other since we were at college and we liked to talk a lot since then. And nothing else. He was working in another nearby town as a doctor. That day I was nicely dressed with a black polka white dot dress, dark grey matte pantyhose and my first ever knee-high boots. My maquillage ability was not yet at its best so a dear woman made her best on me.
      I have spent hours of a lovely afternoon walking talkinf and laughing in city gardens. I feel myself soft, ready to be eaten as a nice pie showing its best shape and colour in shop window. So we sat on a bank and we have our first kiss. shy kiss on lips, with our shy breathing. Kiss after kiss we start exploring lips surfaces, find teeth and met eachother tongues.

      And then while staring at him I fainted. It was told me. I still have no memory of this detail
      In those months I fainted,with not found reasons, dozen of times.
      My dear doctor solve the situation with prompt proper reactions as lifting my legs.

      It was such a fear to reach hospital crossdressed when fainted, that even if faint events disappear in just some months, a year perhaps, I have not crossdressed in public since then.

       

      • #140730
        Ilona
        Lady

        Hello Rose Anna Papa. I find hospitals to be one of the safest places to cross dress. I ask staff before attending an appointment and nobody seems that bothered. In 2017, I was an inpatient in a hospital. I asked if I could wear a nightdress instead of pyjamas and enjoyed being cross dressed in public for 6 days. I have ‘come out’ to several people and wore a dress to chair a meeting. I try to take into account the views of others; some friends have not been happy to be told that I cross dress and I am worried about the reaction of relatives.

        I am worried about the possibility of being seen by someone I know if I cross dress in public. The media often treats cross dressing as a joke, so I wouldn’t want to appear in an article that could be read by people I know. I’m not worried about being cross dressed in hospital and I have told a GP that I cross dress.

    • #141102

      My worse fear going out in public is being seen and recognized.  After hitting bottom due to health issues I have finally landed in a decent place and many local friends.  I am a respected man in my community and if my secret got out it would be more or less the end of the world for me.

      My friends would not be able to handle it, I would be akin to being a leper.   I would likely be ridiculed and isolated.  I would be hurt as I hurt those around me.  So when I do go out it is almost like a spy thriller, barely missing getting caught while I try to get me and my things out of town.  I have to plan my get away.  I only go out to a safe place, a gay bar, about 20 miles away.

      I am lucky enough that I have a gay friend who lets me get dressed at his place before going to the club.  But even at the gay club it can happen.  I was there one evening watching the show and I notice a cute girl in the audience and recognized her as a bar tender from one of my local bars.  Thank god she did not see me.

    • #141119
      Becka
      Lady

      I’m finding this varies a lot, my fears that is.

      This morning I’m able to dress a bit more again (in hybrid/stealth mode), as most of our holiday company has left.

      I put on my very skinny jeans this morning, in a wonderful burgundy color, that I had not worn in a while.  Tights underneath.  They are shorter than I recall and after the holidays, a little tighter than I remember!  HA!  But seriously,

      Wearing my booties too but my tights do show.  I went out this morning and one person (whom I didn’t mind noticing) noticed and smiled.  My SO however is just waking and will see me eventually.  We are also going out shopping for (male) shoes today as I need some, and I still intend to keep my tights on.

      My fear is what my SO might say or even thing in private (to herself) about how I look today.  I guess that is a constant fear however.

      It’s tough for us gurls to feel so good dressed, with that underlying and fearful feeling.

      It’s like a cake that has great frosting on the outside, but the filling is not so great!

      Love and Hugs to you all!

      Rebekka

    • #143391
      Anonymous

      I keep my feminine side hidden from my family and friends who wouldn’t understand.  My worst fear when going out is that something will happen to me that would result in any of those people finding out.  If I got in injured in a car accident, for example.

    • #143690
      Caty Ryan
      Baroness

      As with other posts, physical or sexual abuse. Which is why I’ve hardly ever been out at night. There is a pub here in Melbourne that has regular CD nights. I’ve checked out the location and its all a bit too insecure for me..

      I’m not fussed about a stranger “clocking” me. Just smile and keep walking. Yes the perennial “flock of teenage girls” in a shopping mall would be a worry, but if I turned on them and yelled “Security” that should slow ’em down a bit

       

      Caty

       

    • #145765

      beign

      recognized

    • #146104

      Being seen by somebody I know.  I have had a few close calls in life, one time I was at a gas station and my neighbor pulled up. Fortunately, she did not recognize my car, in fantasy I wish she would have. She was really really hot and thoughts I played out at times with her 😉 Overall I think I would not be recognized, enough of a difference plus I don’t think anyone looks at someone and says, that kinda looks like …. wait a minute.

      • #146160
        Terri
        Duchess

        One time i was dressed driving on a one lane parkway and i see my brother driving 2 cars in front of me. There was no place to pull over. Luckily he didn’t see me. He would have definitely recognized my car. As soon as i could i pulled over .

    • #150312

      My fear is that some kids will make a video and it will go viral-maybe recording from behind whilE I’m walking. Then the cats out of the bag once my face is captured

      I do not fear for one second being targeted by some guys trying to do me harm. I actually wish this would happen. Please let this happen. I would love to take care of them. I would talk them through it then as they are trying to recover, I would have a heart to heart. Being calm through the whole ecxperience then call the local dispatcher to let them what happened and where I disposed of there pistol or weapons.

       

      -JO

      • #152062
        Ilona
        Lady

        Hello Jena.

        I’m confused about your comments on February 4th.

        Your worst fear is that some kids will make a video that may go viral and capture your face. I can understand this.

        Meanwhile, you want to be targeted by some guys trying to do you harm and to take care of them. Apart from the possibility of being severely harmed, how do you think the media would react? I suspect that your face would appear in the media. Unfortunately, not all the media is LGBT friendly and if the incident resulted in a court case, don’t be surprised if a lot of your personal details would be revealed, leading to ostracism from some of the people you know. It would be good to have a heart to heart with reasonable people, but it would be better not to get into a confrontation with prejudiced people, especially those with pistols or other weapons.

        Take care

        Ilona

    • #150326
      April (Pacific Princess)
      Ambassador - Editor

      I suppose getting stopped by the police is a bit of a fear; not that I care who finds out, I just don’t want to get pulled over by a cop if he happens to be a gun toting neanderthal.  Or get thrown into a men’s jail cell when dressed.

      But in general, my only real fear these days is that I will be inappropriately dressed for the occasion, or that I’ll get a big run in my stocking.  It helps to get to be of a certain age (61), and having also come through a suicide attempt makes me see how pointless all my worrying has been.

      Once I opened up and let my joy at being April come through, 99% of all the people I’ve met have treated me wonderfully.

    • #151529
      Anonymous

      This happened just last Oct

      so my gf leaves town for 5 days, our deal is I am not supposed to go out dressed in our hometown

       

      anyway, I step uotside heading to my car and hear a door slam behind me. Crap, its Kate the biggest blabbermouth in the Apt complex and a friend.

       

      Ih well, its over right?   Nooooo

       

      i go to McDs drive thru just to get a diet coke. Nothing can happen right?  Noooo

      2 cars behind me is my girl friends sister in law looking right at me. Did she notice me? Shes never said anything if so

       

      also inside was a waitress from our fav restaurant looking my way.  Shes never said anything either

       

      oh well.  Im good w it

    • #151995
      Anonymous

      My biggest fear was being recognized, outed, or having to speak. I don’t really worry about the first two things anymore, but I still haven’t spoken to anyone while dressed yet. Maybe someday soon, spring is coming up soon hopefully.

    • #169520
      Kelly Lee
      Duchess - Annual

      I’m deep in the closet and while I have been out in the open it hasn’t really in public since it never been a public place or so (walk paths around park late night and so on) but in my mind I have created a list of fear levels.
      (Wife knows and see me all the time so that is not on the list)

      • 6 – Someone see me in distance – not really an issue since they probably can’t see anything
      • 5 – Someone see me a bit closer – still not really an issue since they probably don’t see that it’s a man that wears that dress/skirt and heels.
      • 4 – Someone see me close enough to recognize me if they knew me – not to bad since we hopefully never meet again. I guess store clerk would fit this but I never been in a store dressed.
      • 3 – Someone I know (close or acquaintance) see and recognize me – now we have a problem. Never happened but besides that I maybe could explain it with some excuse it would possible be releaving to leave the closet.
      • 2 – Our kids see me – a bit like above but I would probably not even try any excuse and I kind of hope it will happen but have promised my wife and my self that I won’t purposely forget my heels out or risk discovery to much.
      • 1 – Finally, the biggest fear – some of our kids friends see and recognize me as “it’s XXs dad dressed as a woman”. I would expect our kids have some problem in school then and that was always my biggest fear since it wouldn’t be much I could do about it. Now they are grown up and way beyond school so this fear is not as high.

      I have had 6,5 and 4 but never beyond that.

       

    • #169547
      Rene
      Lady

      wow, good question! I really don’t fear being recognized too much,  I think I decided long ago that though being discovered would be embarrassing it would also be liberating, nothing to hide anymore. The thing that scares me the most is getting into an accident or the car breaking down. I dread the idea of having to call roadside assistance or fill out a police report or deal with any one of the countless crappy things that can happen when you leave your door.

      • #169554
        Terri
        Duchess

        Rene, all those things you feared happened to me. I have been going out on and off since 1979. Nothing happened. I think my insurance agent found out I was dressed as a female but never said anything about it. Sometimes our biggest fears are reall not anything to worry about. When I go out as Terri I concentrate on having a good time. Of course I’m careful.

    • #169940
      Anonymous

      My biggest fear would be that I would never want to be anywhere else ~~!!!  Once I knew I could pass in public, I would constantly be in public, clubs, shopping, etc, and SO would have to be there so there would be NO ‘private’ events while out in public………..know what I mean ?

      Mikki

    • #170048
      Becka
      Lady

      Another “close call”.  Was in hybrid mode, gurl jeans tapered at the ankle, panties, cammie (under my shirt), very opaque hose and my gurl loafers.   Me and the SO were at a grocery store and we are in line and there ahead of us is an old acquaintance I had not seen in years, and someone I would have never thought I would run into in my neck of the woods (but came to realize he does live in our town!).

      He said “hey (my guy name) how’s it going, long time no see!”  Goodness I almost froze, but composed myself.  Luckily for me, my SO and our shopping cart was between he and I, so I hide behind the cart as much as I could.  I kept my gaze directly to his eyes, so as not to let him “stray”, and possibly realize what I was wearing!  Forgetting completely to introduce him to my SO!  Just kept the small talk short, but I was trying not to give myself away.

      He finished checking out and went on his way.  I was relieved, but now I have to think about the possibility of coming across him again, in a more “exposed” environment.

      Ugh!  It can be stressful to be a gurl!

    • #170147
      Ilona
      Lady

      I have recently had problems booking events on Meetup. An event organiser said she had used her name to book my place for a pub quiz team. I asked if I’d have to wear a flowery dress. She said “Yes and a blonde wig.” I liked this idea, even though she was joking. As some team members have made mildly transphobic comments, I’ll wear my sad rags on Tuesday as I’m afraid of being rebuked and rejected in a noisy pub.

      • #177897

        Probably a good idea Ilonna but its a darned shame the phobics comments are stopping you wearing the flowery dress and wig. Hope you enjoy the quiz though. I love em.

        Take care

        Anne-Marie.

         

    • #172833
      Diane McG
      Lady

      Fear of the unknown is a very real thing.  But, most of the horror is just in our imagination.

      I no longer fear being found out.  Most people are accepting and even curious.  As long as my responses are open and positive, others feel free to accept me.

      I wear women’s clothes almost 24/7 while presenting as a man. I even help lead worship at my church dressed this way.  I smile no matter what people say about it, and all is good.  We love each other and have fun with it. I’ve shared about my enfemme times with some of the ladies, no problem.

      I got my ears pierced and even the pastor had a positive comment!

      In a group setting, one fellow (a Lutheran minister) said, “Those look like women’s shoes!”  I said, “That’s because they are!”  He said, “I don’t care.”  Wow.

      I’ve  prepared myself for chance encounters with the neighbors when going out enfemme.

      I find that if you are not defensive, people are comfortable with you, even if they don’t approve.

      It always amazes me how little disapproval I encounter.

       

    • #174389
      Anonymous

      I suppose for myself as an full time out and about TS..my greatest fear would be violence, I still have that Bravo attitude with no physicality to back it up..It’s a sobering thought.

    • #174394
      April (Pacific Princess)
      Ambassador - Editor

      I no longer fear going out.  I am careful where I go, but I don’t fear being seen.  I actually don’t care who knows anymore.  And it has been liberating.  What I have found is that most people are open and welcoming.  I am open with them and they treat me well.  I have rarely encountered a hostile attitude, and if I do then I just leave.  There are so many people that are accepting and loving.

      • #200877
        Anonymous

        Inam going out for the first time next week. I have a makeover scheduled at Macy’s and the an appointment with the personal shopper. I have a new wig, very pretty yellow dress and some adorable sandals. I also have new unmentionables and a signature fragrance (Versace). I am confident. I will smile. I think I look pretty good. I will see what happens. Thanks April for your story. I totally agree with you.

    • #178955
      Trinity
      Lady

      I have been making myself over for the better part of 25 years now at least 1 time a month and I have only been out it public to a park, well 2 parks I went with my daughter and 2 year old grandson . The first park had a lot of traffic and I was so worried people would notice I was a male so after about 10 mins we left and went to a park where no one was. It felt good to be out and about but I also felt better that no one was there.

      Next week we are going to head to a lgbt bar. My goal is to pass as a woman but my fear is I will not and embarrass myself, I have looked in my closet many times now and nothing I see looks like something to wear most of what I have is form fitting or very dressy and 4” heels or mini skirts…. I am so worried I will just fail for my first time truly out in a public place.

      I am not going out to pick up someone either as I am married to a wonderful woman but yet I want to pass as a woman …. by next weekend I will chicken out and all my worrying will be for nothing any way.

      maybe I am meant to be a home bound weekend woman… who knows. So as you can see I have many fears.

       

      • #182647
        Anonymous

        Trinity, I used to worry I would see someone who knows me as a drab man, that i would not pass as a woman. Then I began to admit to myself that I am a transexual and I am proud to be one, and that I want others to know me as one. So now i go out of my way to greet those i know so they too can say they know a transexual woman. Odd too, they usually dont know it is me walking up to them. So much for being afraid somone we know will see us.

        julie

      • #208223

        Trinity I have to know…. how did it go at the LGBT bar ?
        Don’t leave me hanging !
        As far as passable goes, your profile pic is definitely passable and as someone said recently….. I wish I remembered who…… if you don’t see yourself as passable you need to see yourself as acceptable.
        -Hugs
        Autumn

    • #182355

      Well being found out is at the top of my list. I be all need some kind of support group to help us through difficult times.  I  marvel at all my sisters who have the courage to break through the bonds that have kept real freedom of expression bound to the norm of society. I  am 61 years old now and I have kept my crossdressing almost completely private, my son who was on drugs had started stealing from me and found my stash of shoes, I love shoes, dresses,  etc. And then he started using it against me in a malisiouses way. I ended up loosening visitation with the only one person who was important to me,  my granddaughter.  My crossdressing has not hurt a single sole, but it was a place I loved to escape too. I want to go out in public but I am afraid.  I want my makeup to look just righti am overweight and I feel uncomfortable being large. I love my heels and I can’t walk gracefully in them. Bless you all I love your stories. 💋💘

      • #182365
        Anonymous

        Michelle,

        Your story touched me deeply. I’m sorry to learn about the division between you and your son, and how it has interfered with your relationship with your granddaughter.

        However, let me relate a funny story about walking in high heels that may bring a smile to your face. A few years ago, I was walking from my car on a gravel parking lot to get into a club. Two men were standing just outside of the club talking: and I was doing my best to inconspicuously walk past them and into the club. Well, just a few steps short of my destination, one of my heels got tangled up with the loose gravel, and I fell right down on my knee with my mini skirt flying! The two men immediately rushed over to me and asked if I was alright. With my best bravado, I simply stated that the only thing hurt was my pride! 🙂

        I wobbly got up on my heels and wobbly walked into the club. But you know what? A couple of drinks and about an hour later, I had forgotten all about the incident and was having a good time! So you keep on perfecting your walk in heels safely at home, even if nowhere else!

        Hugs,

        Tabitha B.

      • #182426

        [quote quote=182355]I want to go out in public but I am afraid. I want my makeup to look just right. I am overweight and I feel uncomfortable being large. I love my heels and I can’t walk gracefully in them. Bless you all. I love your stories.[/quote]

        Michelle – What a beautiful and touching post! Do things your own way, at your own pace. Practice at home in your heels — there is no rush. There is no right way or wrong way, and you will always find love and acceptance here.

        Luv,
        Lori 💋

        PS: I’m so sorry about your experience with your son. Drugs are a scourge and while they may change a persons behavior — they don’t change who you are. Remember the high ground is forgiveness.

      • #182635
        April (Pacific Princess)
        Ambassador - Editor

        Michelle – So sorry to hear about the troubles with your son.  I am also 61 and have only started dressing again the last 3 years.  I am lucky that all of my kids seem to be accepting, and my youngest daughter even goes out with me.  I know it can be frightening going out, but it is also so liberating.  Knowing that I can truly be myself when out has been a wonderful thing.  I hope your son comes to realize that you are hurting no one and that all he is doing is depriving his daughter of a loving grandfather with his behavior.  I am sad for you, and hope that it gets resolved.  Be strong hon.

        Hugs,

        April

    • #182442

      my most fear of going out in public is my 21 year old son seeing me dressed up for 1, then having neighbors and friends seeing me dressed up. but then how can they tell its me when they are a distance away from me? they cant see my Adams apple! i am all dressed up pretty and passable as much as i can. i am a thin person and when dressed up i look like a female. but the fear is all in our mind and just afraid what will happen will people tell that i am a male dressed up as a female? what will they think and say? its like the question why is the grass green?   i was watching T.V and they had a parade with the l.g.b.t walking proud in  i believe it was Buffalo N.Y, nothing was bad about it and they are proud to walk the streets.     its the generation that has to learn that we all are human and have our own way, either x dressers or gay or trany, lesbian, bi.   who cares we are human just like every one else, except we like to dress up, date men , date woman, big deal we are happy, we are not weird, freaks,  or any other word they can think of. there are people that don’t care what we do and then there are people who start trouble, calling us names.   sticks and stones and brake my bones but names will never hurt me. i am proud to be a x dresser and love every min of dressing up as a female, it helps me with being depressed and panic attacks with out the drugs. when i don’t dress up i feel sick, not happy depressed. when dressed up i feel 100% happy and free, for going out i would have to be careful and go places where no one can see me. even tho wife knows she has set her bandies, but lets me dress up when our son is not home, i have more female cloths then wife does and even wear them more then she does, i even under dress at times when its cold out.  so if you plain on going out be careful and enjoy your feminine side in which all men have but have not found it out yet some have and GOD bless then. the older we get the more we find our feminine side.  i have read just about all the post and do agree on most of them, having a bra on is price less, dressing up is price less also and simulating feeling. getting to feel what real woman go though when dressing up and walking in heels. just don’t walk in dirt with heels you will sink and brake a heel or fall. have a great time being the real person you should of been and be careful and also enjoy the fem side.

    • #183778
      Anonymous

      This is a great question. I would have to say originally my greatest fear of going out in public is worrying about what others might think about me. But the more I go out I realize that one, I don’t care what people think and  two, no one has bothered me to the point that made me feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to be me, and this is what it’s all about… being me! On one particular day I went out to an art museum and shopped at my favorite woman’s clothing store (side note, I go in there quite a bit in my male mode and go to know one of the workers there whom I’ve shared photos of the real me so I feel very welcome shopping there regardless of my appearance). I’ve done this before in the past but on this particular day I  did some shopping at the mall, which I’ve never done dressed and then picked up dinner at my favorite restaurant. It honestly made me feel like there is nothing stopping me from going out the way I truly want to present myself. A few weeks later, my spouse and I went to a zoo in another city. I must admit there were a few butterflies but once we got out of the car I had this feeling of look out world… here I come! I look forward to that next opportunity to get out and be me. Who knows… my place of employment may be that next frontier!

       

    • #183827
      Patty Phose
      Duchess

      Getting outed and getting the crap beat out of me has always been a concern.

    • #184692
      Kira
      Princess

      Vanessa, I think you summed it up for me.

    • #191958

      Vanessa, my worst fear would be getting found out by someone who only knows me in drab mode.  The embarrassment would be too much for me to handle.

    • #191981
      Tina Thompson
      Duchess

      In the current political climate in the US, I fear getting attacked by those who buy into the Industrial Hate Complex that some of our leaders sell.

      It happened here in my town last year, and it made the national news.  Two women were arrested for attacking a mid-transition transgender woman for daring the use the bathroom that matched her presentation.  She was hospitalized and they were hauled off to the nick.

      Even though I can fight back if I need to, I’d really prefer not to ever get into that kind of a situation.

      • #192002
        Anonymous

        The politics of hate seems to be taking over everywhere, it looks like we in the UK will soon have a bigot with with blonde hair in charge soon like you. Keep up the fight. Your pictures are fab by the way.

    • #192149
      Terri
      Duchess

      I first went out in public enfemme in either 1979 or 1980. I remember going to a department store and having a store detective following me around the store. I remembered teenagers making catcalls. Im really the type of person that I really dont care too much about what strangers think. I live in New Yorkon Long Island. I really feel that most people are too busy with their own lives for them to concern themselves with what im wearing. If i get a look i just smile and go about my business. I can’t get out that often due to family commitments. I just enjoy the times i get out.

    • #192532
      karley delaware
      Baroness - Annual

      So far I go out semi-femme in shorts, showing a little more leg than regular guy shorts, a pony tail, maybe an ankle bracelet hidden in my thick socks and wear perfume.  My biggest fear is violence.  I have experienced  “stares” by guys. By themselves, that’s all they do, as they are really cowards. In groups, that is the fear, as they may feel more powerful and  act on their hate. I have taken an urban self defense course, and carry weapons (legal), such as a very bright flashlight, keys on a short stick, a linoleum cutter, a monkey fist.  When out and about, I always avoid groups of guys loitering and sometimes think  strategy of how I can use my surroundings as a defense.

    • #193382

      [quote quote=191981]In the current political climate in the US, I fear getting attacked by those who buy into the Industrial Hate Complex that some of our leaders sell.
      [/quote]

      That’s my fear here in Australia too. For years I’ve been happily out and about with nothing more than the odd funny look (always smile back nicely) or passing comment. But there’s a definite climate brewing where it’s considered OK to have a pop at people who are ‘different’, and I have a nagging worry that one day it will be me on the receiving end.

      • #200583

        [postquote quote=39739][/postquote]
        Ha you beat me to it!

    • #194979
      Anonymous

      I have gone out twice. Both times I was very careful. My biggest fear is seeing someone that I know and they expose it on social media.

    • #196697
      K Swim
      Lady

      Just that, being out in public. I keep vigilant to who might see me eyeballing women’s swimsuits while I am walking around the fishing and camping sections at Dick’s Sporting Goods.

    • #200725

      My main one is being seen by someone I know or by the neighbours.

      I’m just careful when I go out to keep out of sight of the neighbours (if they are in) and go to places where people I know don’t frequent.

    • #200918
      April (Pacific Princess)
      Ambassador - Editor

      I feel for you ladies who are worried about being exposed.  That used to be me.  I was petrified that people I knew would see me.  And I only ventured out in public on Halloween or to costume parties.

       

      However, a few years ago I was lucky enough to have gotten through a suicide attempt and come out the other side with an IDGAF attitude.  I no longer fear who knows, possibly because I have learned to no longer base my worth on the opinions of others.  Luckily my family has been accepting and I have also found that if I present myself in public as if I truly am April – no fear, then others seem to accept me too.  If you really believe in yourself then most others seem to believe in you too (of course I am lucky enough to live in a place as open as Seattle).

       

      I wish you all could find the peace within yourselves to present as the person you truly feel you are.

       

      Hugs,

      April

       

    • #200976

      This is not about fear but rather lack of fear.  As I was headed home for some reason I thought I might like to tell my downstairs neighbors about my cross-dressing, maybe show them a picture.  Am pretty certain they would be accepting, they have the blue and yellow bars stickers on their cars.  Just sort of thought I’d like to let them explicitly know that I’m cool with their orientation here in conservative Texas (probably somewhat less conservative here in the Dallas suburbs), though I’m sure they know it implicitly by all the liberal Obama and Sanders and Beto stickers on my wife’s bumper.

      Well wouldn’t you know, when I got home at 9:30pm to go upstairs to our apartment, one of my downstairs neighbors was outside her door, and we had a brief conversation.  Cat’s out of the bag now, and I don’t give a flying rat’s patootie.

    • #207419

      my biggest and worst fear would be the first one you said being out and about having fun and being recognized by someone who knew me but didn’t know that this was a part of my life I’m not worried about them out in me because I know how I am and I can definitely go word forward and chop people down very quickly without even having to curse I can make people feel very small but yes going out seeing someone that I know and being recognized yeah that scares the living hell out of me it’s never happened though thank God. 💋💋

    • #227872

      The worst fear I have is wear 4 inch high heel and walking up big hills and large stairs

      • #228909
        April (Pacific Princess)
        Ambassador - Editor

        Actually walking UP hills in 4″ heels is great!  Really levels you out.  Walking DOWN hills in 4″ heels not so much.  Last time I ended up taking my shoes off and walking barefoot down the hill. 😉

    • #227881

      Not realising I’ve tucked the back of my skirt into my tights (pantyhose to you North American gals) and walking around with my butt on display!  Oh the humanity!!!

    • #227899
      Aoife
      Lady

      At this point the by far the biggest fear would be my wife seeing me and losing her attraction to me, but growing up it was the idea of having to talk about it with my mom. Luckily that didn’t happen after she caught me once, but I feared it would if she ever did again.

    • #228191
      Lynda C
      Lady

      For the longest time I wanted to go out dressed for a drive in the snow.  I was so worried about getting my car stuck somewhere.  Finally I worked up the nerve.  I had on a tweed knee length dress with a thin black belt, black high heel boots, black leather gloves, turtleneck, and a long wool coat.  I felt great.  The roads were horrible.  I got stuck twice.  It was scary, but a rush in a way.

    • #228312

      Hello Vanessa; Thank you for posting this question. Mine would be the standard; getting assaulted or murdered.

    • #234087
      Anonymous

      Getting stopped by law enforcement. I would most likely have had a drink to bolster courage. Now what? OMG the ID does not match the driver. I’ll leave the possible outcomes to your imagination girls.

    • #234271

      My worst fear would be. Being caught by a neighbour or somebody that recognised me. I am taking more chances now though. I will go out completely dressed as a woman. The other fear is getting stopped by the emergency services. Especially if I was involved in an accident. Being taken to hospital unconscious, being undressed by a complete stranger. Because, this would probably be done by a young nurse or doctor. But, hoping to continue to overcome my fears, the more I dress as a lady.

    • #234353

      I feel like most of the others here stated as well, I have two concerns. I’m known really well in the town where I live and scared that if I seen someone that knew me, I would be outed on social media.

      The first thing to me, is that I run a nonprofit in our City. As I feel if I was seen in public dressed as a woman, I would be outed that would effect my nonprofit cause directly.

      And second, if I was involved in a crash like someone else stated, Police, Fire, & EMS would show up. And yes, i’m dressed as a woman. Oh boy, this isn’t going to end well, As I know almost everyone that works in Public Safety in our County, to include being transported to the local ER, I work there. So, this could be a big problem for me.

      But at the same time, I HATE wearing guy clothes anymore. I had to go to a dinner last week and I hated wearing those boring guy clothes. As soon as I got home, they was ripped off and girl clothes was put on.

      Just my thoughts girls. 🙂

    • #234474
      Anonymous

      It’s been interesting to read what the fear that everyone has. Mine pretty much match a lot of what has been listed. Living in the deep South running into a bunch of pathetic rednecks is high on my list. Same goes for redneck cops. I have been stopped once while in a skirt coming back from a backpacking trip. He made me get out of the Jeep and asked why I have on a skirt. I told him the same reason you are wearing pants to cover my rear end. I then told him it’s a hiking kilt and for some reason he completely changed and asked if it was comfortable. So we discussed why a skirt is more comfortable than pants or shorts for hikes. I didn’t get a ticket but it could have gone the other way too. The other is being recognized by people in my small town. So when I dress up and want to go shopping I have to drive into Atlanta. Still there I am careful about where I go, park and where I walk. I do go to the post office and a few places in my town but not to the mall. I would hate to be seen by my ex wife, she is a racist bitch and a hardcore bigot. She would tell everyone that I and she knows that I am some kind of pervert and watch out being around me. So I am very careful to make sure our path’s do not cross.

    • #234959

      I will answer this as an observer. My wife and I were in a restaurant when in walked a gal with her husband? right behind her and they headed straight for a far table. He was in full makeup, dress and heels. The thing that struck me was, she looked did not like it, but he talked her into it and nether were having fun.

      That would be my fear is that my SO and I were not having fun.

      • #252284
        Terri
        Duchess

        Danny, I Know exactly what your talking about. I have seen exactly the same thing at Triess Events years ago. The wives would hang out with each other and empathize with each other about their husbands. My analogy is that would I drag my wife to surf fishing or boxing matches? I have accepted that my wife will never participate with this part of me.
        . I know this sounds terrible to some, but itvis true in most of other girls marriages or relationships.

    • #235152

      Hi Vanessa and Thank you. My biggest fear is not for myself. It would be the regret that I would feel if I was having a date with my wife and I got outed by someone. The questions she would have to answer from friends and family would devastate me. But… you know…..she is a very strong person and would probably laugh it off. So maybe my fear is bit unfounded.

    • #235166

      Like many have answered it would be outed by someone I knew. But I also worry about how I look and if it’s enough to “pass.”

      I worry about it so much that it keeps me hidden away wishing to go out. Hopefully I will meet some other CDs someday and maybe feel comfortable in a group versus just and individual until I can gain more confidence.

    • #235212
      Drew T
      Lady

      I feel the same way. I don’t want to risk being caught by someone I know. I also don’t think I’m “there yet” when it comes to being able to pass. I need to really learn how to do my makeup before that happens.

       

      That said, I keep thinking about going out. I’m envious of all you gurls that have ventured out on your own.

    • #239213

      My fears are just like every body else so with that being said  WARING THIS IS JUST A JOKE  THIS JUST A JOKE . Having total mental meltdown on what to wear been arrest for  invoking my right to bare legs with a strapless  a little LBD and stiletto heels  or to smart for being a blond remember this just a joke or  being sucker punched by a woman who think I am her husbands sideline girlfriend now this one is for us 50s retro girls having to call 911 to revive the lady who asked us the name of the doctor who did are breast and we tell her in a voice that sound like Bowzer from SHA NA NA  we got then online from amazon

    • #251998
      Samantha Joan
      Hostess

      Being recognised is probably the biggest one for me. Other that, it’s fear for fear itself.

      For me, it would mean having to  “risk assess” places, times etc. Would have  to make sure that I’m dressed appropriately for the venue, such as a coffee shop. Still need that handbag to look passable.

      Would not venture out on my own so would have to have a friend with me too. Hopefully I can gain support and confidence from the community here.

      Samantha x x

       

    • #252014
      Anonymous

      I had to give this some thought before I could answer. I’m no longer embarrassed by the thought of being outed as as dresser; but I do dread the loss of goodwill and respect of several of my (mostly church) friends and acquaintances, for such a flimsy reason.

    • #252114
      Ilona
      Lady

      As others have said, you need to take care, dress appropriately and, if possible, stay in a group. If you are ‘coming out’ for the first time, I suggest being in a LGBT-friendly venue.

      https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000bgnt is an interesting programme that may indicate possible problems.

      Take care

      Ilona

    • #253047

      I must say that as well. Being found out about but I must say the reward is is so much worth the risk. I am 56 years old and I have been down a long road of going out dressed. I am at a point now that I feel so good about my self inside and out and I am at a point now that I could care less of what anyone thinks about me or says about me and I go anywhere I want wear I feel comfortable and safe. You are not going to change the  haters. Those people hate everyone so no big loss there. I look very classy and  elegant  When I go out and most people mind there own business and could care less about me. With age came the I could care less factor. That is what worked for me. My advice is put your self in safe places because hate crimes are on the rise. For me now at this point of my life I am addicted to going out dressed. Get as much fun out of life because it will be over before you no it. Xxxxx Dee

      • #253559
        Anonymous

        When I was out with a co-worker of mine, her friends, and then saw an older crossdresser dressed up walking down the street near the bars, I was truly admired in how much confidence she had in being a woman and I was truly turned on by it. I think the confidence just comes in the passion and dedication of being a crossdresser. At this point, at 27 years of age, I couldn’t care if anyone recognized from school or wherever because of the strength and passion I feel in crossdressing. I would prefer to go somewhere in mingling (as opposed to DC), like new york for example, but seeing as how I know I am a lovely, sweet, kind, beautiful, friendly crossdresser, I really couldn’t care less at times. I do feel fearful of some of my friends seeing me hoever at times and honestly, I’d show up them up by displaying how many guys I can get on that since I know I am a very gorgeous crossdresser. I love being very pretty and I do everything just to excel in being a pretty crossdresser. I’ve yet to go to bars or clubs yet, but at this point, I want to appear as a crossdresser to the entire world as I have no fear in dressing as a crossdresser. I just go in aggressive and confident as a cross rather reclusive and afraid. I know it’s tough having familiar people possibly see u, but u have to look really pretty, different, and in a way that they dont recognize even if it means to go blonde, sunglasses, with glasse, various hats, etc. That’s kind of my approach in being around in my town since it’s such a small world. Nowadays I just dress and look like a bimbo blonde not only because i’ve alwats been jealous of how sexy blondes look, but it really helps in changing my public appearance really. Usually, I do try to stat awat from the main places, but if u can find a guy to date, maybe then he’d be sure to take of u 😉

    • #253608
      Anonymous

      My biggest fear in public is people turning on me from out of the blue. I get this all the time, and it’s not even due to the fact that I present as a female day after day. It’s what I get as an INFJ as consistently tested in the Myers-Briggs personality matrix. People absolutely hate INFJ’s. They even have online threads and videos to vent their spleen against us. And usually it’s out of sheer resentment when we tell them a truth they don’t want to hear.  Others think we’re spooky, just because we pick up on non-verbal cues more than most people do.

      Such a fear arises from a deeper apprehension: that humans, by denying their divinity, also lose their humanity.

    • #253805

      Losing my keys! The same as my worst fear when dressed as a boy.

    • #257915
      Anonymous

      I took my first trip out dressed in February of 2019..since that time have only gone out for a brief walk around a hotel.  I‘M married and live in a small town so it just isn’t an option to go out here (other than to underdress).  I do travel a great deal so dress in my hotels when I”m on the road.  My first time out was in a hotel in Sacramento and it was thrilling and fulfilling.  By the time I got back to my hotel room I was walking on air.

      What is my worse fear is hard for me to understand.  It could be the fear of someone looking at me and knowing I’m a man in woman’s clothing..but this isn’t logical as I see crossdressers all the time when I travel and think nothing about it.  It could be some remaining embarrassment that has never gone away associated with cross dressing.

      Whatever it is, I have to get past it.  One thing I am changing now is buying clothes more apt to help me “blend in” as opposed to “standing out” for the next time I venture out.

    • #257958
      Anonymous

      someone i know recognizing me, I’ve been to a store very late at night, and the thought of people knowing that you are NOT a Real woman is terrifying, but most just stare and say nothing. I had one woman that was all giggles when i would go to her register. But as i would leave i would hear her yell to the others to come look at me – that guy is in a dress with heels on.

      one time i was out all dress – i was much smaller then – heels, pantyhose, breast forms, dress, wig, nails, makeup, jewelry and some guy walked up to me, and started hitting on me. I told him you know i am a guy i a dress, right?? his jaw fell and said NO i didn’t. then just kept on like it was normal. I really felt like i had passed that day as a woman. And as scared as i was when he walked up to me, i was very comfortable talking with him. Then we just went our separate ways.

      But from then on every one i have seen when i was dressed knew what i was.

    • #257961
      Anonymous

      I’ve never dressed in public.  When I shop, I travel to the new city about an hour away so I don’t run into anyone.  I’m terrified to go out dressed and people immediately know that I am a crossdresser.  I want to make sure I look as naturally feminine as possible before I make my first public appearance.  Hopefully Fall 2020.

    • #260220
      Anonymous

      Something happening that is completely unexpected and out of my control that needs Emergency Services  called. Someone running a stop sign while I’m driving or stepping off a curb and breaking my ankle.  An accidental outing so to speak.

      Jillian

    • #260720
      Anonymous

      I really don’t have a fear in going out in public ever since I started crossdressing. I’m kind of angry and mostly really jealous of girls I used to see and a lot of ex girlfriends I had in my previous life that I want to be a lot more sexy and have more etiquette than them. I had a lot of girls I used to date in high school, but I’m a lot more turned on in dating men and expressingly myself as a woman for once. I enjoy girls, but lately, I stopped myself on all the dating apps and started learning how to be a woman ever since I felt depressed and after a long while, became happy and content learning how to be a woman. It’s my passion for once since it’s the one thing that has a true, honest expression of myself at this point in my life in my twenties to the point that I want to find a guy to date as a woman and honestly, experience it myself in how it feels being treated as a woman in bed than I would as a guy hooking up with a girl in bed. Lately, I’ve been coming to crossdresser forums a lot more because of I feel accepted in society, expressing my secret desire to be a crossdresser more than anything at this point. I haven’t really been content lately, but ever since I started being a crossdresser, I have never been happier seeing as how much I really get jealous of how pretty some of the girls I’ve met and dated, look good in a thong, short skirt, high heels, and a large set of hoop earrings. At times, everytime I see  a girl with huge hoop earrings, I wonder how it feels to be a sexy girl wearing those. I enjoy women, but I’m more interested in being a woman and dating a guy for once from the female perspective. I went to a strip club once and I became very jealous of how sexy those girls looked to the point that I want to be a sexy girl and have an experience of dating a guy as a crossdresser than as some guy for once. I love the ladies, but ever since I started hooking up with guys discretely in college, I felt a need and desire to see how that feels when I dress like a woman since I want to go on dates as a woman than wonder how it feels being a woman.

    • #261039
      Ilona
      Lady

      I suffer from OCD and sometimes suffer from insomnia, due to wanting to be cross-dressed all the time. Today, I went down to the local shops. There weren’t many people around. I went into a community centre, entered the toilets and removed my trousers, placing them in my rucksack. I went to the local chemist and was treated courteously by an assistant who had never seen me wearing a dress before. I don’t know if she noticed. I later went to a health centre and had the same reaction. I walked down to the town centre via a park and decided to buy a woolly hat to cover my bald patch. I later visited the hospital that allowed me to wear a nightdress, instead of pyjamas, for 6 nights. I had a nice chat with the staff. I did some shopping before catching a bus home. I had been en-femme in public for 2 hours in an area near home, talking with a few people who had met me a few times, but not en-femme. A friend had told me that I should go outside my comfort zone. I did so today. Apart from a man giving a funny look in my direction (this may have been nothing to do with me), nothing happened and everyone treated me normally. I’m hoping to have similar excursions in future, including small walks without having trousers in my rucksack, but I’ll have to take care.

    • #262942
      Terri
      Duchess

      An incident similar to that happened to me a few years ago. I was on line at Macy’s paying for a blazer. The cashier commented what a great price I got for it. I had a lovely conversation with her. My voice is definitely male as much as I try to disguise it. Behind me were two mid eastern women with a child in full native garb. I then walked to the ladies room. The ladies followed me. As soon as I got into the bathroom I got in a stall and did my business. One of the women was walking down the floor of the bathroom looking for me. I exited the stall and both women stared at me. I went to the sink washed my hands and left the bathroom. That was the first time i had a negative reaction in a very long time. The women were in shock I think, they never said anything to me.

      • #263145
        Ilona
        Lady

        Hello Terri

        I have decided to be en femme as much as possible, but I can understand your problem with toilets. You could be attacked if you use the gents and be pervert if you use the ladies. There are more unisex toilets than there used to be. I try to use disabled toilets. I am disabled and have gastroenterological problems. I felt that you shouldn’t have been judged by the women who had a child in full garb. Did the child have any choice in the garb chosen?

        If you had seemed critical about the women, there is a possibility that you could have been reported for being racist. We have a long way to go, but I feel that if crossdressers are expected to be tolerant of other people, the other people should be tolerant of us.

        Happy New Year

        Ilona

    • #263205
      Terri
      Duchess

      That was the only time I had an incident in a bathroom. If there is a unisex bathroom I use it. I went to see a few plays and waited online for the ladys room with the rest if the ladies without incident.

    • #263225
      Anonymous

      I have really be pondering this question this morning. Fears are important to me. I recently went through a mental health crisis (I call it a nervous breakdown) where fears were the true center of the catalyst. Understanding my fears is the only way I have been able to find some ground to stand on since.

      After reading all of the great responses, being afraid of being in an accident is no longer one of my fears about going out dressed. I don’t mean to say that everyone else’s fear is diminishable. Those who have had accidents seemed to set my fears aside.

      For me, the remaining fear I have has to do with my job and my area of work. I am a pastor. I am in the United Methodist Church, which does not prohibit transgender pastors from leading churches. But I am in Oklahoma. The number of conservative and uneducated outnumber those who are enlightened to what the church stance is. They still judge by their own boundaries of what is acceptable.

      My fear is a church member dropping by unannounced and me opening the door fully enfemme. That person can unravel a lot of work that I could do because in many cases church members are so emotionally immature that they won’t come right out and ask their questions. They will pretend the best opinion of their pastor. Then they will triangulate the administrative side of the church to work against the pastor. Or worse, gossip and speak out of turn among people to “let them know what kind of preacher” they have.

      Bigotry and emotional immaturity are my biggest fears.

    • #264110

      I don’t want to make someone I know uncomfortable or have them look at me differently.  I am man who likes feeling feminine and dressing pretty.  I guess it’s not important for me to share it with with the people I know.

    • #264113
      Ilona
      Lady

      [postquote quote=264110][/postquote]

      Hello Molly

      I felt the same way until last week. I had a little en-femme walk and it didn’t seem to bother others. I decided to be en femme as much as possible and I’ve contacted various friends to tell them. Most have accepted me, but some are worried about my safety.

      I accept that some people are uncomfortable about me cross-dressing and I realise that I do not have the right to impose it on others. I shall have to wear trousers occasionally e.g. for family events, but I am gradually growing more confident.

      I advise anybody to seek advice before going out in public. I contacted an LGBT switchboard and a Mental Health Helpline. Please don’t put yourself in danger. Have a look at what women of your age are wearing. As somebody else pointed out, women don’t tend to wear ballgowns to go to the supermarket. Also, women in their 60’s and 70’s don’t tend to wear mini skirts, stockings and suspenders.

      Good luck

      Ilona

    • #264295

      My biggest fear is being a victim of a violent crime, either from someone hostile to my lifestyle, or someone wanting to violate a “woman” and choosing me as a target.  I have experienced creepers and overly aggressive males in many venues, much like genetic women.  I like to go where I like when I like and I sometimes forget I am not immune to the bad things any woman, or man, might encounter.

    • #264905
      Anonymous

      Hiya, when I was away at college once I drove in full femme to a city centre car park and had a pleasant stroll around the town. Unfortunately when I arrived back at my car I did not have any change in my handbag to get past the barrier. This meant I had to walk a mile in heels to my student accommodation walking past a few students to get to my room. Wow ! how exciting was that, after changing back to my male self I hurried back for my car feeling elated that I had passed as a girl.

    • #272392

      My biggest fear is getting arrested for beating the snot out of someone who desperately needed it. I not passable but I still go out in women’s clothes. So far I have not been bothered had some stares and compliments though. I was at a store and a cd came in fully dressed and some guy started harassing him in the store. When the cd left the store the guy followed and pushed him in the back. The cd turned a round and hit him with one punch and knocked him out. When I walked out he was still unconscious. I don’t want that to happen.

    • #274785
      Anonymous

      I have only gone out afew times dressed. Always to the homes of accepting friends. I have 2 fears;

      1, my car breaksdown

      2, I stand out because Iv’e made a hash of dressing or doing my make-up

    • #274801
      Isabel
      Lady

      Though I can understand the fear of being attacked, hasn’t been an issue for me as I have only been out during the day and am only ever in public places.

      I can relate to the ‘being outed’ fear that many of you have mentioned, but as I don’t know a great number of people in the area as I recently moved, so this is not my biggest concern.

      However, my biggest fear is related to this.  I am more afraid of being spotted by someone I know threw a damily member, and the idea that instead of confronting me directly, going straight to my family behind my back.  As most of my family don’t approve of crossdressing or LGBT in general, this would be a nightmare for me.

    • #278400

      Mine would be that my two sons would find out and have nothing to do with me after

    • #278407
      Anonymous

      Like most of the other girls, being outed in public and to my family. There is no way my family would accept this part of me.

    • #278982

      I have seen a number of replies of “Someone will laugh at me,” or “Someone will recognize I am a man,” or “Someone I know will recognize me.”  Although I could probably write more about each of these, I am only going to touch on them briefly from my own experiences.

      Early on, I was laughed at by a stranger.  At first I was humiliated, and it quickly turned to anger.  But I soon recognized that I had every right to be there dressed as I was as she did.  I didn’t let it ruin my whole day.

      I have gone out enough that I’m sure people have on occasion recognized me as a man.  As the saying goes, you are not going to fool all of the people all of the time.  Most of the time they still treat me as a woman, which I say is another way of passing.  I am accepted even if they know.  A few times I have been addressed with the male pronouns even when dressed.  If it is is passing I just ignore it.  If it is continual I will now speak with the person and tell them to either use female pronouns or honorifics, gender neutral pronouns, or skip the pronouns and honorifics altogether.  (Don’t call me sir.  If you can’t call me ma’am, then don’t use anything.)  If I am a a restaurant, I will now go to the Matre D’ if they refuse and ask for a different server and/or a different table.

      A funny thing is that sometimes I am addressed as a woman even when dressed in my normal attire (which is gender neutral female clothing).  This has happened several times, the most recent a few weeks back in the supermarket.  My daughter who was with me (she knows about me as well) said that under different circumstances it would be a compliment.

      With regard to being recognized by someone you know, it probably won’t happen.  The more different you look, the less likely someone will recognize you.  If you use your own hair, you might be more recognizable.  If you use a wig in a different style or color, people will be less likely to figure out the clues, especially if they’re busy with their own lives.  If you are sitting still, they would have more time to look at you.  But if they look like they are staring, shift your eyes away from them.  Give them body language that says their stares are making you uncomfortable.  Their natural reaction would be to recognize they are staring and to look away, going about their business.

    • #280699
      Anonymous

      The first “fear” I had was that my wife would discover; how would she react? unfortunately she caught me dressed and thought I had a “screw loose”, yet she did not see me dressed only all my female clothes all over the bedroom…. since then I am much more careful and when dressed never go out in my home town, but drive at least 30 min to get away. Then I am so confident that I am a “real” female that I no longer notice anyone around…In ten years only once did a young woman make a comment to a shop assistant about me – so I turned away and never visited that shop again…today I go shopping; underwear, bras, blouses, skirts, etc and try in the ladies fitting room + use the ladies toilets; where else should a woman go??
      Once in England, I fell (do not know what happened), but remember two strong ladies grabbed me under my arms and lifted me up, collected my glasses and handbag and pulled me to the pavement and had a good look at my eye which was bleeding after having been cut by my glasses – they suggested me to take me to the hospital which I politely refused as I said I had my car on the parking just beside – not at any moment did they make any indication that they thought I was a “man” which comforted me a lot. I always avoid youth crowds (change pavement or make a U-turn) and always “inspect” if possible the area/town where I intend to go as a female. For a car breakdown, I have a breakdown service phone number on my mobile so I may call instead of beeing helpless with a broken down car. To “test” my female appearence I once went to a shop where I had been client for multiple years (hoping that it would not be the secretary serving me, but the technician) – ofcourse they both came, yet nobody lifted an “eyebrow” so in my opinion I passed?! – or they very very polite. I had to “test” myself by going through immigration and customs… without problem; they did not even ask me to remove my wig!
      What I have learned is to dress like other women and according to the season which seems to be the best solution!

    • #336610

      A great topic this! Isn’t it funny its usually uneducated CIS females that have the Gaul to out you. There breaking at least two rules of female etiquette.

      I am not sure if they are jealous or envious? If they new how much pain that person has gone through to either dress or transition? The answer would be no! They have won nothing and maybe caused a lot of hurt.

      Nothing should stop you from being the person you want to be.

      Being transgender I admire all those that do this and reject the stereotypical so called normal. Everybody’s has been born equal! Give respect and demand respect from others. Walk away from confrontation keep your head up high and say nothing. They have only shown themselves up.

      Love and Kisses to all the girls reading.

      • #360513

        My feeling is that envy does drives a lot CIS women’s negative behaviours. I am not particularly feminine, but I am am still more feminine than half the CIS women in  my town and with better dress sense lol x

    • #339847

      #1.  Is being noticed, as an introverted person naturally any extra attention from others is uncomfortable whether positive or negative.

      #2.  Would be being recognized because I don’t want to have to explain my reasons to everyone.  Although having a supportive wife is fantastic, going out anywhere close to home would increase the odds of being recognized since people are already used to seeing us together

    • #340372

      Some things I fear:

      My son finding out. Not so much for any loss of esteem that I might suffer but that it might affect him and certainly would affect my wife.

      The ridicule and criticism of others.

      Physical injury at the hands of idiots.

      The last two, not so much because I could not take ridicule as I would recognize it as the attempt of the mean-spirited to enhance themselves in their own eyes. And not so much that I might not be able to defend myself. But much more because I fear that I will lose my temper and do something indiscreet and unladylike.

      Araminta.

    • #360572
      Anonymous

      My fears, my mother in law lives one block from us, my wife has several siblings in the area. We are good friends with the lady next door. I don’t think all these people would be accepting. I don’t want to make things messy for my wife right now. I also have concerns about my job. I do wear light lipstick to work, but my managers are old military tough guys and I don’t think being outed completely would go over well for my career. In fact, every female who ever worked at my place has left, I find that very sad. Unfortunately, I need this job right now.

      This subject brings up a lot of deep thought for me. I have lived my life in everyone else’s vision for me. When will be my time?

      I have this story in my mind as I am writing this. This is one of those stories that touches my heart. I recently read this and can’t remember exactly where I read it. This guy came out to his sister that he is going to transition. She started crying tears of joy and said “what took you so long?”

    • #361159
      Anonymous

      My greatest fear in public is dropping a pad while wearing a dress or skirt.  I saw that actually happen to a GG in Home Depot about a month ago.  She handled it well by pretending nothing happened and just kept on walking (toward the woman’s rest room).  I don’t know that I could ever be that graceful.

    • #361161

      I’ve gone out a few times, and here are my fears :

      – I used to go for walks dressed but my biggest fear is the neighbour across the street may recognize me dressed.  Or conversely, they may wonder who the woman was walking out of the front door and then bring it up to my wife.

      – I’ve driven as Wendy as few times, and while I’m not concerned about the police pulling me over, I’m more concerned about the other idiot drivers and encountering road rage.  I find when I drive as Wendy I drive more cautious and follow all rules of the road, and someone may not like that and harrass me for it.

      – along the same lines as driving, encountering vehicle issues, whether it is mechanical or a flat tire.  I would hate to get my good clothes dirty while changing a tire.

       

    • #363230

      I would say that being recognized by someone I know and sounding too male (I have a very low voice) are my two biggest fears.

    • #363233
      Terri
      Duchess

      My biggest fear is meeting a family member while im out enfemme. I had 2 incidents that were close. One I was driving and i saw my brother about 2 car lengths in front of me. I immediately pulled over and waited a few minutes. The other time I was shopping and saw a close friends wife wheeling a baby carriage. We almost came face to face. But i gguess she didn’t recognize me.

    • #363487

      I would have to say being recognized as well as someone wanting to assault me for my choices in attire.

    • #363495
      Ilona
      Lady

      I am also worried about assault. I have had one case of verbal assault with a man calling out “He’s wearing a f***ing skirt”. Last Thursday, a man said, “He’s wearing a skirt and leggings”. I am trying to be more careful by wearing a dark skirt and dark tights and most people don’t seem bothered, but I am very self conscious and I don’t like being highlighted in public.

    • #364132
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador

      Yes, being beaten up would be my worst fear.  The worst feeling would be people laughing and making fun of me.

      Being assaulted by a group laughing at me.  That’s it then.

      Stevie

    • #372046

      I have fears and I have concerns. The concerns I can push through but the fears make me overthink and keep me inside

      Concerns are someone I know recognizing me. My job is out of state, so I will never run across a coworker in my town. My wife is aware and supportive, so I’m not concerned at all about her “finding out”. Our close friends are very progressive and would understand; but I would rather not make it awkward for them.

      Another concern is being “clocked” and someone making a scene. I would just move on from that, go home, regroup, and try again later

      My main fear these days is a “Karen” or a “momma bear” making a scene and calling the police or YouTubing everything. The worst case scenario is some momma bear type calling the police because there is “a pervert running around”. That could very well end in an arrest if you don’t get a level headed officer who asks questions to find out what’s really going on.

      In some places I travel I might be concerned with violence; but my town seems fairly safe. It’s a college town and some college boys can be a little rowdy; but I am generally much less concerned with younger people today because I find they are sooo much more inclusive and accepting than my generation (X!) and earlier.

       

    • #392228

      When I began to dress en femme, just dressing was enough for me to do in the privacy of a motel room. But as time went by I got bored with dressing and being a prisoner in a motel room. As I got into dressing in full makeup, I could see a woman in the mirror and that’s when I began to want to go out as Janine. I had plenty of clothes to choose from so I could look like I am a gernetic girl. I can’t tell you about how many times I got dressed and looked passable but had a fear of leaving the safety of my motel room. The first milestone for me was to go to the soda machine nearby and get a bottle of water then go back to my room. After doing this and finding out that nobody was paying attention to me, I decided to drive around the parking lot and still nobody payed attention to me. Then one day I decided that this is the day that I was going to venture out and go to a shopping center in the city. I was so nervous and scared as I drove to the shopping center and parking my car in the back of the shopping center away from the main entrance. I still remember exactly how I felt when I got out of my car and put the strap of my purse on my shoulder then locked the car and began walking slowly towards the rear entrance of the Macy’s store I could hardly contain myself as I was hearing the sound of my heels clicking on the pavement. I was on a adrenaline high as I continued walking. I could feel the breeze blowing under my skirt and through my hair making my hair bounce and my breast forms were bouncing with every step I was taking. I met some people walking towards me and I just smiled at them as we passed each other. I wanted to turn around to see if they were looking at me but I didn’t. Instead I just continued walking towards the entrance of the store. As I got closer to the store  I saw a potential red flag. There was a construction crew working on the sidewalk and I had to go past them to get to the entrance of the store. I almost turned around and went back to my car. But I thought. I’ve come this far  don’t stop now. So I held my head up and walked right past the construction crew smiling at the men who were working. That was such a scary thing but they didn’t say anything to me as I passed by them That was the thing that told me that I had passed as a female. After passing them I wiggled my butt in case they were watching me but I still didn’t turn around to see if they were watching me and opened the door of the store and went in  .Once inside the store I saw lots of people shopping and I blended in with them without a incident. I was being accepted as a girl shopping and I couldn’t have been happier. After looking around the store for awhile I saw a sign that said. Ladies Room.I stopped in my tracks and stood there wondering if I dare go to the ladies room? After thinking about it I decided Why not,?After all I’m dressed as a female and I’ve always wondered what a ladies room would look I walked to the door and opened it. I wasn’t ready for what I saw. There was two long rows of stalls on each wall. It was so clean and didn’t smell like urine like a mens room dose, I went in and found a empty stall and went into it closing the door and locking it. I was really in a ladies room. I could hardly believe that I was My heart was racing as I sat down on the toilet and relieved myself After I finished I flushed the toilet and left the stall then went to the sinks where I washed my hands and touched up my makeup  then left and went back into the store After looking at lots of clothes and lingerie I decided not to buy anything and left to go back to my car. Again I had to pass the construction workers and did without hardly thinking about it. After I had gotten past them I thought that I heard on of them whistle at me but I didn’t turn around to see if the whistle was directed at  me and secretly I hoped that it was. I want back to my car and drove back to my motel room where I reflected on what I had done. The fear that I had about going out dressed en femme was gone. I knew that I could pass as a female anywhere I wanted to go. I’ve been going out dressed en femme ever since and its still a thrill for me every time that I do it Thanks for letting me tell about getting over my fear of being outed

      Janine

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

       

    • #392265

      My worst fear is to be discovered by my wife. What a paradox, I would so much like her to know and accept me as I am.

      It is probably the fear of losing my wife…

      I think that fear weaken when we are more confident about who we are . It takes time,  the first time I went out I was so scared and excited at the same time, it’s funny because we want to show ourselves to the outside world, but so scared of it…

    • #393238

      Actually I believe you summed up my worst fear perfectly! After coming out to my wife (and 2 daughters) and facing the possibility of rejection and separation/divorce, being called out by someone I know makes me scared enough to keep myself pretty low key for the moment, but I’m getting braver every week.

    • #393331
      Ilona
      Lady

      Hello, Sophie

      I decided to come out to more people in January and February. I feared rejection, but most people weren’t bothered and some were encouraging. One woman is bothered about my male shoes. I have wide size 13 feet and my feminine shoes are a bit uncomfortable after a time.

      One woman wanted to discuss the situation further and one thought it was a fad (even though I’ve had it over 50 years) and wanted me to return to normal. A third shouted and screamed at me and thought I should be supporting her political thoughts (possibly based on conspiracy theories), rather than prancing around in frilly dresses. I eventually stopped the call and I haven’t had an apology, despite my listening to her problems and trying to offer support over the years.

      I have talked with a few people about my cross-dressing. I feel that men should have the same right to wear skirts and dresses as women have to wear trousers. Does your wife wear trousers? If so, perhaps you can discuss the situation by mentioning that, as long as you don’t call her a hypocrite for being a cross-dresser herself.

      I haven’t seen many people during lockdown, but I have attended Zoom sessions while openly wearing a blouse or dress. So far, I haven’t heard any complaints.

      Good luck

      Ilona

    • #393839
      Anonymous

      i guess being caught by someone i know. but its been 3 years now and my secret is still good. my rules.

      1) never use your real name (that includes your email too)

      2) never talk about what you do in your real life

      3) never give out your phone number

      4) never take strangers to your house

      remember you are a girl now and your man life does not exist when your dressed.

      be the women you would want to meet.

    • #393843

      Back in the 1970’s when I was beginning to venture out of the protective area around my mom’s house, I was always afraid of being caught and outed by other kids from school that knew me, especially, as we called them in Jr High school, the goat ropers (rednecks, for big city folks).

      It never did happen though, until I was well into my 20’s.

      PaulaF

    • #394097
      Anonymous

      My biggest fear of going out dressed up in public is that someone would know that I was a man dressed in women’s clothing. That is my main concern that keeps me from stepping out. Also being recognized is another concern.

    • #394120
      Ilona
      Lady

      Hello, Chrissy

      While it would be nice to wear what we like, it is probably better to be safe.

      I wear leggings over my tights and a plain skirt over a dress. In the last few weeks, people don’t seem bothered about me and I would prefer that to the negative comments I got a few months ago.

      Good luck

    • #394690

      [postquote quote=394097]
      Hi darling

      They’re going to know.

      Unless you’re uncannily feminine, people will know – and it depends on the attitudes where you live, but in my experience, in all sorts of places, people don’t care.

      You’re not a threat – quite the opposite – you’re a feminised man. Some people really, genuinely like that.

      It doesn’t bother me that anyone knows – it bothers my wife, so I keep it concealed in my locality, and go somewhere I don’t know anyone…

      Well, I say that… I keep meeting people whilst en femme, and Laura has a whole lot of friends and people who believe in her as a courageous and lovely human being.

      That’s not me bragging, that’s me reporting what people say to me, that’s all.

      Often strangers, who have no investment in my well being, just come up to me and say stuff like that – it’s amazing how nice some people can be.

      Don’t get me wrong – there are small minded idiots, but they are on the decline, and in a minority.

      One of the fears you don’t need is being “read”. It doesn’t matter.

      And it’s not OK for me because I look pretty – that’s the work of Faceapp.

      I look like a 6′ 4″ Garth from Wayne’s World in a dress.

      But it feels lovely – it feels like Laura, and it is Laura to anyone I meet. People get that immediately, and never ask my “real” name. My real name is Laura. As well as my other name 😁

      Love Laura

       

    • #394701

      This topic made me reflect about my inner fears and how jeopardising they have been. Definitively they explain why I feel I’m evolving in baby steps.

      The first group of fears is linked to eviction or losing any career chance I can imagine right now. It’s terrifying to think that being a crossdresser would make me homeless and/or jobless.

      The second one is related to violence against us. Many stories I read about transgenders being assaulted make me feel sorrow for them and scared for me.

      Unfortunately many people around us simply cannot understand that we are just trying to do our best when we get dressed, and it’s far from being harmful against them. They act like we were threats to their lifestyle and want to “correct” us. Sad but true.

       

      xoxo

      Daisy

    • #395221
      Abby M
      Lady

      I guess my primary fears are mostly about those closest to me rejecting me and then not having a support network to lean on. I feel that potentially losing those I love and becoming isolated would further drive me into depression and dreg up past feelings of suicidal ideation. However, as it happens, being in a sense closeted is just as isolating. Another potential factor is retribution at work. I feel like even though there are laws in place to protect the rights of people, harassment still takes place in the office. I often feel that when people introduce themselves, they pretty much say where and what they went to school for or they say their job title and where they work. Opening yourself up to this type of negative behavior at work seems like it could further lead to the loss of a portion of your identity. If the job is toxic though, I guess it is not worth having. I have never really been afraid of physical attacks, I’m 6’4″ maybe 5″ tall. I usually have a serious demeanor that is mistaken for resting bitch face. People usually give me a wide berth. However, dressing in public could take away this perceived menace and led to assault. People mock what they don’t understand and feel the need to prove themselves by causing pain to others. It seems that no matter how I look at it, it is like the Yin-Yang symbol; there is good in bad and bad in good. While being open about my lifestyle could have huge drawbacks, it would definitely free me of negative influences and potentially find people who are more accepting. On the other hand, being open about who I am could lead small minded individuals to harm myself and people I’m with. A real catch-22.

    • #395285
      Anonymous

      i think you think the worst of people. i can tell you when im in guy mode no one give a rats ass about me. no one will come up to me and talk to me. i get in girl mode and people come out of the wood work to talk to me. people i dont even know. guys give me high fives. girls come up to me and talk to me. they want to shake my hand. i prefected the hug move so i get lots of hugs. people want you to know they are find with what your doing. they probably wish they could do it too. i had a guy come up to me and thanked me for what i was doing. he said his son just came out. he probably never noticed anyone like me before. now he knows his son is not along out there by himself. there are lots of people still hiding. probably someone you know, they just dont want to let their secret out yet.

    • #395288
      Ilona
      Lady

      Hello, Abby

      I hope you gradually feel better about yourself.

      I don’t know if this will help, but I recently read about someone who came out at work and was ridiculed by colleagues for ‘wearing women’s clothes). The person went to court and received £140,000 for being discriminated against.

    • #395305

      So at my work there’s a large and outspoken pro-trans group. They have done nice so far by pushing for trans acceptance in the work place. I have talked to them as I work with a few of them in day-to-day stuff, this leads me into the two problems. 1) they have already stated they have no qualms about raising a big enough fuss to get someone fired from a job if they dislike them or what they stand for and 2) one or two of them have also expressed a disdain for CDs and the like, they think they are ‘mocking transwomen’.

      As a result I have a strong and not necessarily unfounded fear that coming out and being found out would possibly lead to me being fired and such.

    • #395578

      [postquote quote=395285]
      Exactly this!

      This is how I experience the world en femme.

      People treat you like some kind of celebrity.

      Not everyone – there are idiots too.

      I hate COVID-19 – it’s hugely reduced my hugs!

      While the fear of stupid violent people is real, for a gregarious and careful cross dresser, it shouldn’t be an issue.

      Choose venues carefully, start off by going to places where you know you’ll be accepted and build up friend networks.

      It’s surprisingly easy to do, as people who are supportive of cross dressing are often from difficult backgrounds too. The mutual support is priceless – give a lot, take only what’s given freely.

      Love Laura

    • #396029

      I personally have no fear any more. My first attempts at going out were pretty bad. I did look like a man horribly dressed up as a woman. That was 14 years ago. I know that because I’ve seen photos of myself and I shudder.

       

      I’ve been going out quite a bit in the last 4 years and my look has got better with each passing year. I’ve also lost weight too which helps. I’m only 5 feet 8 so I think I can pass. But at the end of the day, I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m a man in a dress. That’s doesn’t bother me. THAT said, I do my best to merge in with the crowd. And look good. But never tarty.

    • #399749
      Isabelle
      Lady

      Hello everyone

      I think I can subscribe to the views that basically, as long as I bother no-one, and simply conduct myself as any everyday woman would, then no-one really even blinks an eyelid. I find also in the advancing years that I (we probably) tend to dress more conservatively and therefore blend in. Going down to the street market just today was another everyday event where all the vendors on the stalls call out “bonjour Madame” when I stop to buy anything from them (fruit, veg, cheese, …). It is so fulfilling ! Happily perhaps I do live in continental Europe (France) where we do experience very little antipathy towards the non-binary male-female community, if indeed any at all.

      My only concession to life as a woman on a semi-permanent basis is that where we live, I do not wish for wife to have to suffer any possible risk of stigmatism. As a result, and out of respect for the love of my life, we have the good fortune to own a small secondary residence/flatlet where Isabelle can thrive and live as she pleases. All my neighbours know only Isabelle and not the man ‘underneath’, even if they fully realise there is one there somewhere !

      Keep well ladies

      Isabelle

    • #399937
      Peta Mari
      Lady

      Breaking down in my car. I’d hate to have a break down, while being in full fem.

      • #400180
        Terri
        Duchess

        I broke down once and also had a accident while in enfemme. I also was stopped by the police once and also have gone through some checkpoints. All went well in all those situations. Sometimes you just have to relax and be prepared.

    • #404368

      I am afraid of being seen by anyone I know.  Some won’t accept, some will make fun of me, and others will shoot their mouth off at work.

      I am not passable, right now, and need to work on my self image, of my weight.  So, the weight comments will also hurt.

    • #405187
      Anonymous

      My fear is the same as you pointed out. The fear of someone knowing the real me and not understanding.

    • #405284
      Ilona
      Lady

      Hello, Frankie

      I had a long-term friend who shouted at me after I told her that I’m a cross-dresser. It told her that I didn’t have to put up with this and ended the call. An assertiveness teacher told me that I had done the right thing.

      People who don’t want to know the real you are perhaps people who aren’t true friends

    • #405288
      Ilona
      Lady

      [postquote quote=404368]

      I think there is a basic human rights issue here. Women don’t have to pose as men if they wear trousers. Why should a man be ‘passable’ if he wears a skirt or a dress? You should be able to wear what you like, without being judged. Unfortunately, there are a lot of prudish people out there. They may complain about sexism and/or racism, but may still criticise cross-dressers. It’s wrong

    • #415362
      Carla
      Lady

      We always fear the worst when encountering such big decisions. My biggest fear is having some drunk or idiot making fun and making a scene. I also have a fear of being challenged going to the ladies toilet. It raises the question of why I even want to go out of the family home while I am quite happy dressing at home on a part time basis. The truth is, it’s because I want to feel free and justified in my choice of clothing that makes me feel happy. I would like to try new experiences even though I’m an introvert. I’m afraid of going out but when I venture outside and can be seen from the road I do get a high. I think going with another cross dresser like myself and maybe our partners would help.

    • #445142
      Andria
      Lady

      My greatest fear was when I told my wife and she acted like it didn’t make any difference that I would still be the person she wanted me to be. I tried tell one of my daughters but she doesn’t want to believe it or talk about it. So I guess my greatest fear is busting everyone’s bubbles and doing it.

      • #445185
        Ilona
        Lady

        This is such a difficult issue, Andria

        There are few unisex toilets in the UK. I have heard of transwomen getting abused if they enter male or female toilets. I prefer using disabled toilets. I have a disability and I am pleased that some toilets have notices stating that not all disabilities are visible.

    • #445174

      Darling Vanessa…

      Oh, dear… having to go to the toilet! Where do I go? I know to go to the ‘ladies’ but what if my ingrained reflex is to go ‘men’?

      Love Polly

    • #445212

      I’m closeted, only my wife knows that I crossdress. Going out in public, as rewarding and exhilarating as I believe it would be, also feels like a huge risk that my crossdressing would be discovered by someone else.
      I’m OK if it is a total stranger with no connection to my circle of family and friends (this actually happened to me for the first time on Saturday), but if my family ever found out…….my worst fear is that it would forever change how the people I love feel about me. I care what my family thinks about me – I want (need) them to be comfortable around me and deep down I want them to be proud of me. I believe (rightly or wrongly) that this would change for some of them if they found out that I was a crossdresser.
      A very close second is that I’m afraid that, in the moment of ‘crisis’ that would accompany an exposure, I would not have the emotional strength, composure, and acumen to be able to positively represent our Community – and that would crush me.

      I read something profound once that went something like “…we think we see the world as it is, when in fact we see it as we are.

      Where I ‘am,’ and I’m feeling quite vulnerable admitting this publicly (so please be gentle with me) is a place where in the outside world – I’m not (yet) really emotionally secure about my crossdressing. Because if I were, then I don’t think I’d possess the degree of fear that I do.

      In here (CDH) it’s different. It’s universally accepting and loving, a form of heaven indeed. In here I’m so very proud to be one of you, one of us, and to share openly with you the things like this that I’ve shared with no one else! Out there, if I’m brutally honest with myself and with you, I’m petrified. If my worst fear was realized, someone spotted my out at the mall fully dressed and femme, and they recognized me, and they confronted me (positively, neutrally, or negatively) – I would want to be a good example, able to react and respond in a way that would represent me and the crossdressing Community in a positive, proud, and friendly way. My fear is that I wouldn’t be able to do it, and I’d either curl into a ball or lash out – neither of which would advance a positive impression.

      So sorry about the length of this Vanessa! If anything, please take it as a sign that your vision for CDH has been achieved – I’ve only been here for a week and you all have me spilling my deepest fears already!

      Reading the other responses to this thread has been both comforting and inspiring!

      Marcellette

      • #445952

        What a wonderfully thoughtful response Marcellette. I have no doubt you would represent quite well.

        Best to you Dear,
        Clara

        • #446213

          Clara,

          Thanks for listening, and thank you for the vote of confidence!  I will strive to live up to it – I promise!  Learning from, and being so supported by, people like you is what will make me able to become a good representative for all of us.  I just have to not be so afraid to do my part….and all of you are very much helping me with that.  Thanks again luv!

          Marcellette

      • #445975
        April (Pacific Princess)
        Ambassador - Editor

        Marcellette,

        I empathize hon.  I was petrified to go out for most of my adult life.  We all come to acceptance of ourselves, and what others think of us, at varying times in our lives.  For me it was in my late 50s.  One of the (few) perks of getting old.  Now I no longer fear what anyone thinks, and although I am careful where I go out I don’t worry about my neighbors or friends (although I don’t go out of my way to inform friends I think may not be accepting).  But in any case it needs to be at your own pace.  Never feel pressured to “come out”.  It really is a personal journey.  Just enjoy being “you” when you feel safe and right doing so.

        Hugs, April

        • #446208

          April,

          Thank you so much!  I can’t fully describe the comfort that your reply has given me!  Before joining CDH I was very alone with my thoughts and fears about my crossdressing.  Taking the step to make myself vulnerable, and share openly, in here has been absolutely cathartic – and I’ve only been in here for a week, so what might the future hold!

          I’ll never be able to sufficiently express my appreciation to you any everyone else in here who make this place such a respite where we can feel so loved, UNDERSTOOD, and accepted that we’re able to bolster and develop ourselves in a healthy way, and to recover from the wounds the world (and sometimes ourselves) have inflicted upon us.

          I love you gals, and I love it in here!

          Marcellette

    • #445960
      Anonymous

      No fears, really; I won’t go out Dressed where I’m likely to be accosted or ridiculed, and the only other thing – more inconvenience than fear – would be getting involved in a traffic accident while Dressed.

      • #446096
        Prudence
        Ambassador

        Hi Bettylou. I was, it was minor. And the police didnt come. But it was embarrassing.   lol  Hugs

    • #446079
      Elise Sydney
      Duchess

      Vanessa:  I, as well, fear running into someone I know, mostly my nebby neighbors.  But if I do, I can easily ask what THEY’RE doing at an LGBTQ establishment or who THEY’RE with – my money’s on crickets 😉 🙂

      Love the site!  Love all the girls!

    • #446082
      ChloeC
      Duchess

      I  had to think about this for a while.  Yes, I tend to fear a lot of what has already been related – being outed, being derided, being attacked.  I don’t know if there is a rise in incidents of innocent people being attacked because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or if it’s all the media coverage that hammers things like that home on an almost daily basis.

      It seems now that too many people , glancing out a window or down a street, or wherever in their personal neighborhood, and seeing someone they don’t immediately know (and have a good feeling about !!!!) either decide to take action into their own hands and attack the stranger, or immediately call authorities who then come and because you’re not looking like they think you should, you are questioned in a manner that suggests they already think you’re guilty of something or other. Thanks, but I don’t need that in addition to all the problems I face as a ‘normal’ looking person. It’s a shame we have to be concerned like that, but until we’re no longer considered ‘different’, things like that can happen.

      Yes, I do realize that it’s something that probably seldom happens, but it only has to be once.

      • #446095

        Chloe, I for one believe that the actual numbers of both physical and sexual assaults are actually lowering in most places.  It does seem like that it is actually rising, but one factor in that growth, is that more of us are coming forward to law enforcement than there was when I was coming out in the late 70’s and early 80’s.  Back then, no one really kept stats on crime against our community, unless the victim was very severely injured or worse.  We, as group, tended to retreat back into our safe zones and hid.  I was one of those who reported the first incidence of violence against me, to be met with suspicion and recrimination about my life style, even being told once that is WAS my fault for being where I was and how I was dressed.  So, I retreated.  But that did not stop it from happening again down the line.

        Back then, the ‘stories’ were only half believed or consciously ignored by the media AND the general public, just given passing lip service by those who could have started something positive getting created.  It took almost another 20 years before things began to change.

        Life ‘outside’ has definitely improved almost exponentially and there has been a definite decline in the incidents, but the reporting has increased  at the same time, making it seem more risky.

        Go out, be yourself, have fun and enjoy your life.  With fewer places or people tolerating or ignoring the violence (from simple name calling to physical incidents), we are much safer today than ever before.  In caution, DO NOT let your guard down, but also DO NOT let unseen fears control you.

        PaulaF

    • #446100
      Prudence
      Ambassador

      Hi Vanessa! Being seen out shopping by a friend. I was in a payless store when a friend came in with her boyfriend and another women. They didnt really pay attention, and I snuck out. That was 30 years ago. Today I would probably go and say hi.   Hugs!

    • #464175

      Hi Vanessa and all the lovely ladies, biggest fear, seeing someone i know,plus, being 6foot in stocking feet i always feel that people are looking at me more as i feel as if i stand out from the crowd, but the thrill of being out enfem drive’s me on! Any thoughts, especially from you taller girls very welcome xxx

      • #464191

        I’m 6′ 4″, and take the attitude: If you’re going to stand out, be outstanding.

        Not sure I have achieved that yet, but I always give it my best shot, with attention to detail in my look, actions, voice to some extent – you know, maximise the femme appearance and personality without fully trying to pretend you’re anything other than a man dressed up.

        People get that, and as long as you’re enjoying it and visibly having fun, few will grumble!

        Love Laura

        • #464541

          Hi Laura, thank you for your comments regarding out and about enfem, they will be useful to get my mindset in a better place for confidence levels. Much appreciated love xxx

        • #464546
          Anonymous

          “If you’re going to stand out, be outstanding!”:  can anyone come up with a better view thatn that?  NO!!!  My new raison d’etre!  Thank you – Inga.

        • #590898

          I love that comment “if you’re going to stand out, be outstanding!” I’m 6’6″ and do not have freedom to dress outwardly even at home, let alone out in public. I do dream of that though, and I feel like I would try to keep that attitude. There’s nothing I can do about my height, so I’m better off just enjoying it and even emphasizing it. I very much want to try wearing high heels, so I will be pushing 7 feet. That will definitely get me noticed! I have been admiring Erika Ervin and hope to try to emulate an older version of her if I ever get the opportunity to dress the way I ultimately want to.

          Yay for tall girls!
          Catherine

        • #591781
          Anonymous

          THAT is the attitude to have!

          No truer words have been spoken.

    • #464176
      Anonymous
      Lady

      Guess mine is having a wreck and getting hurt in the wreck. I go out all the time so it’s no big deal. I’m careful where I go. I try to not go to redneck places if possible. The only time someone wondered if I was a guy was at a Walmart. It was a redneck couple and as I walked out she said I think that’s a guy and he said if it is he’s got nice legs. They didn’t confront me but just made that stupid remark. Almost ran into my ex once but I saw her before she saw me…glad I missed that encounter because she is a big time bigot now. I don’t go to bars in my area because being around drunks a happy time can become a dangerous situation at the drop of a skirt. Any fears I manage and try to not let them get the best of me enjoying my life and how happy Sandy makes me.

      Hugs,

      Sandy

    • #464228

      My fear used to be getting caught, but girlfriends before I got married and now my wife showed me that honesty or at least not hiding was the best way to go with a SO. After that, it was being caught by a male co-worker or friend. While that is still true, the bigger fear is being told I look ridiculous. If I were caught but complemented it would be exhilarating!

    • #469709
      Anonymous

      My biggest fear when I go out is people looking at me and automatically pegging me as a crossdresser. Like just knowing that Im a man dresses as a woman. With the idea of judgement from everyone around me.

      But the more I go out and when I get out I realized that nobody really cares. Nobody really pays attention to those around them. I tend to blend in fairly well. I guess it just my natural insecurities as a crossdresser where I still see my male self from time to time and assume people around me can see him too.

    • #473518

      [postquote quote=399937]

      I had something like that happen.  I couldn’t make it up an icy hill and my car slid in a ditch.  My poor car was soooo stuck.  I tried to get it out, but it wouldn’t budge.  The tire just spun.  I had on a dress and high heel boots.  Was a little scary.

      • #701728
        Cindi C
        Lady

        Getting stuck in the  snow in a dress and high heel boots was scary.  Deep down it felt oh so very feminine though.

    • #519386
      Revel
      Baroness

      My worst fear going out in public isn’t just being recognized by people that I know, but after being recognized, the gossip starting. Sadly, cross-dressing is misunderstood in our society, and I don’t want to take the risk, and have ugly gossip around town starting about me. Cross-dressing is beautiful, but gossip can be very ugly. However, I do admire the brave and beautiful sisters that venture out.

      XOXO Rev

      • #590870
        Anonymous

        Not happening!  I’m pretty distinctive – a couple of villagers call me “big guy”. If I ventured out en femme I’d be made in seconds. And the gossip would spread like wildfire. I wouldn’t subject my (non supportive) wife to that.

        I really envy those among you who are petite and naturally pretty. I ain’t either.

         

        Connie

        xxx

    • #590833

      It took a long time to get the nerve to to out dressed. I quickly discovered that even without makeup on most people don’t notice and the rest don’t care. Unless of course you are dressed like Alice in Wonderland but that is another story.

      I was stopped twice by Police and they did not even mention how I was dressed.

      Live your life girls

      Nicole

      • #591739

        I should have added that there was fear and it was of being ridiculed.  That has never happened.  There have been some stares and some pics taken but overall it has been very positive.  Start small with just one piece of female outer clothing and see if anyone notices.  They probably won’t and you should not even care.  The journey is worth it no matter when you start.

         

        Nicole

    • #590842
      Lynda Jones
      Baroness - Annual

      Wanting to fix breakfast I found out no eggs, not wanting to change out of my spanx camo leggings and leopard print top, i added a shirt over the top and hiking boots. Off to the market was planning to dash in and out. Once in the store I figured out NO one was paying any attention to me, felt great to take my time. To top if off I am checking out some one say hello sweetie it’s my WIFE, I wear the leggings all the time around the house she thinks nothing of them. Now that I feel comfortable going out in leggings can’t wait for next trip.

      • #591758
        Lynda Jones
        Baroness - Annual

        Out in my Camo Leggings again, took my wife to work today wearing leggings and short jacket, one of the few things I wear around the house when she is home. On the way home the urge over took me and a stop at the Market was in order. Once again several employees said good morning no one gives a D#$m just smile and carrie on.
        PS I live in the RED neck state of Tennessee

    • #590868

      lots of fears in wyoming, not the friendliest place for us girls

    • #590889

      I feel same as you Vanessa, boy i would love to go out every day as Amanda,but always worried someone i know will recognize me. Just something i need to ge over, have a great day and Happy Holidays.

    • #590914

      Topics like this come up pretty often and they all make me wonder about how many crossdressers are actually wandering around out and about. In all my 57 years I cannot recall ever seeing a person dressed like the beauties I see photos of on CDH and other sites. I am really hoping to see someone who I feel pretty sure is a crossdresser. I look forward to striking up a conversation and complementing her. I would love to tell them how courageous they seem and how I admire them. I just don’t ever see them…

      Puzzled,
      Catherine

      • #590926

        That would be me, honey!!!

        I see (and meet) CDs almost everywhere I go – not many, admittedly, but they’re out there.

        You just need to go to the right places, or be that person. A CD is more likely to make themselves known to a sister!

        Love Laura

      • #591750
        Barb Wire
        Lady

        Good point, Catherine!

        In all my near 60 years, and to the best of my ability to notice, I’ve only met 2.

        I was introduced to a transgendered woman in 1995 and she was lovely! I worked with her SO.

        And the only other noticeable CD/trans person I’ve ever noticed was a very timid lady working in a book store. Once she realized I really was interested in the topic I was investigating, the ice between us melted and we had a nice chat about anything but crossdressing. I hope I left her with the impression that us big dudes are OK too.

        Hugs, Barb 🙂

         

    • #590925

      I noticed that I gave some (hopefully) encouraging responses, but haven’t replied to the question as posted:

      My biggest fear, going out en femme, is that no-one will talk to me and I will spend my entire outing alone.

      I love talking with people, which is the polar opposite of my male side, who lacks self confidence in a very big way – although much less so, having had multiple opportunities to express the feminine side.

      CDing “in public” has been a total revelation to me – like looking at my self in a mirror, and finding that, although there are dark, horrible bits, there’s a lot of light too – and, while en femme, I am at total liberty to express and be that lighter side, even if only for a day or 2.

      It is quite literally liberating – a kind of unshackling.

      But it does take some validation from others – and I find it hard to shake off the almost uncertainty that no-one wants to even look at a 6′ 4″ guy in a dress.

      Luckily, every outing has provided dozens of people who want to congratulate me and make me feel good about myself.

      I just love people!!!

      Love Laura

    • #590959

      I have never liked being in the spot light for any reason. Growing up and to this day if I receive any kind of recognition publicly, I get embarrassed. So being vocally outed would be very fearful for me.

      Hugs, Liara

      • #591752
        Barb Wire
        Lady

        Hi Liara!

        I was like that too most of my life. I froze whenever more than one person looked at me.

        Then… can’t explain it…, but one day I just said, “F-it!”, and kicked the door down! Now I can speak in front of large gatherings and have fun with it! But NOT fully dressed. That’s a whole new level of confidence. I hope to open the drapes on that one day! (Actually, I did recently! Got some claps and whistles too! Oops! LOL! .)

        Love, Barb 🙂

         

    • #591737

      Like most of us, it would be running into someone I know.

      It happened to me the first time I went out in public.  I was testing the waters and looking for a safe place to go. I went to a gay bar that I felt would accept gurls like me.  I did nothing as far as make-up or trying to pass as a female. I did dress in feminine clothing though. I wore a lace top blouse, women’s slacks, and 3″ heels. nothing over the top on this first time out.

      I was walking through the bar when I was shocked to here someone call me by name. I of course ignored it. Then this person walked up to me and questioned me if I was who he thought I was. I of course denied it. and he persisted I was who he thought I was. I continued to say I have no idea who you are talking about. I then proceeded to exit the bar as quickly as I could.

      This person who recognized me was a gay person I had worked with in the past. Thankfully he knew none of my present-day friends.

      Another time I went thrift store shopping wearing a shirt that you could see my bra through if you looked close enough. I was also wearing a pair of women’s slacks and a pair of flats.

      As I was walking into the store, I was horrified to see my wife and daughter walking out. Actually I didn’t see them, they saw me, and shouted to me. Thankfully I was far enough away that she could not see what I was wearing.  I pretended I didn’t hear her and continued to quickly walk into the store in hopes of getting lost in the crowd so if my wife and daughter came back in they wouldn’t find me.

      My wife knows all about my crossdressing and she knew what I was going shopping for. What she didn’t know was that I liked to dress when I go shopping. Also my daughter knew nothing about my hobby. If she would have gotten close she would have seen what I was wearing and most of all she would have been upset that I was letting my bra show.

      I had a change of clothes with me and changed before I got home. My wife only said to me, “Why did you run away?”  I told her I didn’t hear her and that was the end of it.

      Being seen by someone you know is always my biggest fear and I have been caught many times but that will never stop me from doing something I enjoy so much.

    • #591753
      Anonymous

      Having to return!!!
      Am going to make each opportunity special and indulge in some little self saying “ Well Done. Here’s to the next time”

      Anya hugs to you and all your family this Christmas.

    • #591786
      Anonymous

      I would think my biggest fear would be my wife being recognized while she was out with me. When I venture out alone, not too many people I know would recognize me in passing. I think my ability to carry myself as a woman is pretty good; at least that’s what my wife says. She also tells me I look nothing like I look in ‘guy’ mode. I trust her judgement and have completely relied on her guidance. And most people won’t immediately put two and two together in a short split second passing on the street. They’re not looking for me in women’s clothes so they won’t immediately make the connection. At least that’s how I think. I could be delusional but I’m happy with it!
      As I said, my biggest fear would be someone recognizing her while we are out somewhere and thereby recognizing me. And the ensuing gossip amongst people who know us.
      I think the general public doesn’t care a lick, at least in the part of the country I come from, and I’m lucky for that.
      Happy Festivus all!

      • #591810

        kitty, thats exactly the same as me almost word for word,xxxx

      • #592769
        Mandy Wife
        Baroness

        Thank you for that insight. I dont think I ever really thought about me being recognised would cause stress / fear with Penny.

        I have quite a few local customers who I do bump into for a passing “hi” or nod as we walk past and whilst most haven’t met my hubby some of them have.  I always thought my being with Penny made it easier for her, and I think it does, and we haven’t ventured out to the very local shops as she is not comfortable with that, yet, but it does add another dimension to it.

      • #601822
        Isabelle
        Lady

        … and I can fully see myself too in your message. My wife and I go out quite often, with me en femme and we have never yet run into anyone we know. Luckily for my wife rather than for me. Personally, meeting someone I know would almost be a relief for me as it would save me the bother of having to come out to them. If the truth be told, I have already caused such ‘chance’ encounters with a number of people, and there have been no issues to date. How we choose to dress really should not be an issue – it’s who we are that matters most.

        Hugs to all the readers xxx

    • #591795
      Trish White
      Baroness

      For me it was always being clocked. When I first started going out for a walk or shopping I was always very self conscious when men or women stared at me. Right away my first thought was always “shit, I’ve been made” but after awhile I realized that they weren’t staring because they new I was a boy but rather staring because they were checking me out. I was in a hotel lobby one time talking to another CD and this tall good looking man was just leaving the restaurant with his friend, looked straight at me, and said to his pal “She’s cute”. I can’t tell you how good that made me feel and how much of a boost my confidence got. I have never forgot that encounter.

      cheers,
      Trish

    • #591819

      This was a glorious read, a tad long, but so encouraging for someone who is still afraid to go out in public. I see that I just need to take that first step …

    • #592565

      I have some close friends, and most of my family, who are very conservative. My biggest fear is their judgement.
      Everything else I can handle; the strange looks, the assumption that I’m gay, the snide comments…even judgement from acquaintances or neighbors. Those will happen no matter what I do or how I dress. But I’m not prepared to lose my family or my closest friends.

      • #592611
        Ilona
        Lady

        Thanks, Jamie

        I can understand how you feel.

        I came out to most people I know 2 years ago. Most didn’t have a problem, but one person rejected me, saying that she wanted to save the world, while I wanted to flounce around in frilly dresses. Another wanted me to return to be normal and said I was going through a phase; if so, it’s a long phase, lasting over 50 years. A neighbour said that residents had complained about a ‘man walking round in women’s clothing’ and said that he didn’t mind, but I should wear ‘men’s clothing’.

        I haven’t told my relatives. I wore leggings at a family party and the complaint was that I was wearing my gym kit. My stepfather is critical of men with long hair, never mind what they wear. I don’t think he’d accept me cross-dressing. I don’t know how other relatives would react. I don’t want to lose relatives.

        I tend to wear a skirt over my leggings and, while some people notice, I have fewer adverse comments than when I was openly wearing a dress and tights. I prefer to be safe.

        I have had various friends complaining about the coverage of trans issues, such as ‘ biological men’ entering ‘women’s’ toilets or changing rooms or being inmates in ‘women’s’ prisons. There seems to be little sympathy with cross-dressers being attacked in gents toilets.

        Good luck, Jamie

    • #592657
      Anonymous

      Hey Ilona,

      Saving the whole world is too big of a job for me. However, when I flounce around in my mini skirt and leggings, I am doing what I need to do to make myself happy, and save my sanity.

      I’m sorry that you lost a friend over an issue like this, and that she wasn’t apparently able to understand that one has to save herself first, before then reaching out to save others. And, that in an effort to save others, we have to respect what is most important to them.

      You keep going, girl!

    • #592661

      My biggest fear is failure. I know I am not passible. My family would not approve because of their reilgous views on the subject. Past that I don’t think I have the courage to go out in public. I did when I was way younger but, then I had a girlfriend that approved of me. She helped me out . My former wife though, did not approve and hurt my self estem a lot

       

      • #592770
        Ilona
        Lady

        Thanks, Jamie

        I feel that men should have the same clothing rights as women. I have had little reaction when I’ve been openly wearing a skirt and leggings while doing voluntary work.

        I don’t think I pass either, but I don’t think I should look like a woman any more than a woman should ‘look like a man’ when she wears trousers.

        I hope you have a lovely festive season

        Take care

        Ilona

        • #592803

          I completely agree. What I wear doesn’t determine who I am any more than what a person eats doesn’t determine who they are. Sadly though, the world we live in is 100% about appearance. it is shoved in our faces from the time we are born to the time that we die. Models, “celebrities”, TV, and the internet all shove a doctrine into our faces and think that we have to abide by what they want us too. I don’t agree with any  of it. Again sadly that is why we are in the minority. Not enough people are waking up fast enough to change some of the things wrong. Glad I found this site where that does not happen. Hugz and love Girl.

        • #661532
          Davina
          Lady

          Ilona, thank you for saying that. I totally agree. People in Europe seem to be much more receptive to crossdressers than here in the U.S.. However, I notice that is changing, albeit way to slowly.

    • #592846
      Zoe
      Lady

      I have a lot of anxieties. Be singled out i front of a group terrfies me. I fear being centered out.

    • #594146
      Rhonda Lee
      Baroness - Annual

      I have faced many of the situations causing fear for others… many encounters with police, being patted down by security, who surely discovered the fact I was wearing a bra, speaking in public (even delivering a sermon once). All have proved to be positive experiences. I am almost disappointed if I DON’T have an encounter of some sort when going out, since it is encounters which lead to the most memorable, usually positive, experiences. The few times I have been clocked and felt there was an effort to let me know I was read were unpleasant but bearable. My greatest fear, I think, is causing a problem for someone with me who might face ridicule or criticism as a result of being seen with me or leading to recognition because those seeing her would expect me to be with her and see through my disguise. Being outed to one who is unaccepting and likely to relate the experience to others, particularly those who know and respect me and would think ill of me for dressing in public- especially business acquaintances who could cause embarrassment for me by relating the experience to others in a wide sphere, whose opinions of me would be negatively influenced as a result, would be unpleasant.

    • #594258

      This is why I do not go out in public. It would create way too much drama. And would create a lot of personal anxiety. 3 years off of anxiety meds now. And don’t want to go back to la la land.

    • #594674
      Anonymous

      My worst fear is of course somehow being identified (almost impossible, but still a fear) and / or being ridiculed.

      I just posted on another thread as I made my first nocturnal outdoor venture last night and overall, the experience was empowering, somewhat scary, but a huge ego boost too.

      The joy of being able to be seen, just as I feel inside when I’m padded, dressed, wigged and made-up was mind-blowing. I got some nice comments and several cheeky approaches/vulgarity – but that’s my bad for my choice of attire. Lesson learned and the black skin-tight pvc pants will not be on display again until NYE when I am planning my next outing. I figure most people will be party dressed so I wonlt be as stand-out.

      The thrill of being seen as a curvaceous female, wiggling my up and down the street in my heels, is as powerful a drug as you can get.

    • #601847
      Mia Mor’e
      Baroness

      I have two fears. First, being seen and outed by someone I know, which is a very real possibility.
      Second, being a victim of a hate crime, which is less likely, but still possible. For that reason I only go to CD/TS friendly places.

    • #602462

      My worst fear isn’t really being caught by someone I know, who doesn’t already know. When I decided to go out dressed up, I also decided to own whatever consequences came of it. Having said that, I still worry about what might happen.

      My biggest fear is that dressing up might somehow harm people I care about or have responsibility for. I am in an influential position in my church and in my family. Personally, I don’t feel any contradiction or problem with the way I dress up. I’ve resolved the issue for myself in my own mind. I worry, however, that it will hurt people who trust me as a leader or mentor. I can handle being embarrassed or laughed at, but what I do affects other people in too, and I worry about that the most.

      • #602533

        Agreed, Sweetie.  Which is why I still haven’t shared Julie with my 19 year old son.

    • #602735

      Yes, I agree my fear living i a small place is being recognized enfemme. Myfamily all know and have seen some of me dressed. When I have dressed in public, and just gone about my business, most people don’t care, as long as they are not impacted. Most women smile, look at your outfit, while men ignore you or stare.

      Jane

    • #618804

      For me there’s several things that cause me fear of being en femme in public, when I was about 17 I had a real unpleasant experience where I was outed, sexually harassed and publicly humiliated all at once, I fear the possibility of that happening again, however where that does intimidate me very much badly, now as a parent I fear ridicule, Embarrassment, bullying, and other forms of pain or strife for my family and loved ones, many of my friends have encouraged me to be myself regardless of what people may say, but my own family worries about being associated with this aspect of who I am, and do not condone my decisions to express my femininity, when I came out to them they told me I can do what I want to do but only when I’m at home, by myself, when no one was going to be home for several hours at a time and that all of my female related artifacts were to remain hidden in the back of the closet when not in use and to not post anything about it online, and that was unsettling to me because after telling me that they don’t approve of it, then that they are okay with me doing it in secret doesn’t feel validating of who I truly am.

      • #618808

        So naturally, I fear for my own well-being as to the safety and well-being of those I care about.

        • #619118
          Cassie Jayson
          Duchess

          Amellia, you echo the concern of so many of us here. How it would effect family if close friends found out. I was kind of suprised when my daughter who is on the dadt group told the friend of her’s who used to babysit my granddaughter. That friend who was at my house was VERY confirming of my new identity, asking me my feminine name and asking my pronouns. My only problem with that was my 15 yo granddaughter was standing right there with her boyfriend. I know I don’t want to be cause of exstream embarassment for my granddaughter or my daughter.

          . ./.Cassie

      • #758568
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual

        Amilah,
        I think your family is validating/accepting of you, but they have their separate concerns about the impact it might have on their friends so feel a need to be protective of both you and them. We all have our own borders. A concern about telling children often is not that they would not themselves accept, but that it transfers the monkey off our own backs to them, to deal with an issue they might prefer not to know or have to field. It is little relief to feel we have unburdened ourselves if all we are doing is transferring an uncomfortable issue to others for whom it should not have to be an issue. I don’t think we can fault them for wanting the secret to go no further, to have to decide whether to keep the secret, tell others, swear them to secrecy, or whatever. If you have things lying around anyone might discover it and say something to family members, forcing them to make decisions about what to say, not say, deny, defend, etc. I think they are justified in asking you to keep things hidden, and that should not be taken as lack of acceptance of you by them. If they did not accept you they would probably tell you not to reveal it at all to them. That does not seem to be the case from what you have said, so I think you should be thankful for their acceptance, at least and don’t expect more than they are comfortable offering. You might even express your gratitude for their acceptance and let them know you appreciate their concerns and don’t intend to cause them any issues. In fact, their reluctance to have you outed should be viewed as a positive… a concern by them for your own protection and right to privacy. It might be worth discussing this matter with them so as to better understand their concerns and be sure they know you are appreicative for their acceptance of you and willingness to guard you from those who might not understand or cause issues for you or them.

    • #618823
      Becka
      Lady

      same here, running into someone I know. But I’m not full on dressed. Women’s pants, shoes, and underwear of course. Tights or some sort of hose. In the summertime I wear capri length pants.

    • #618845

      Hola, mi mayor miedo al travestirme era que me viera mi padre usando ropa de mujer y me paso cuando era adolescente, afortunadamente en ese momento pude justificarlo y no paso a mayores, pero si fue una experiencia sumamente angustiante; actualmente si me preocupa al salir que alguien se de cuenta que soy hombre y pueda terminar en una situacion vergonzosa, incluso hasta peligrosa, por eso trato de hacer mi mejor esfuerzo por pasar, aunque curiosamente cuando me relajo y no pienso en ello es cuando lo hago mejor.
      Saludos

    • #618910
      Anonymous
      Lady

      I don’t go out fully dressed very often but I do underdress daily in a sort of androgynous style which my wife knows and has said “Don’t embarrass me!” So far when I’ve gotten a negative reaction she hasn’t been with me.

      There certainly are some relatives and friends I wouldn’t want to run into when out so I keep my eyes peeled and if I see someone I go the opposite way or leave the store. Once I walked into a bank wearing a pink fem blouse, bra with small forms under a light jacket, panties of course, pantyhose under some fem jeans, and black flats with my hair in a ponytail. I was standing there behind a guy in line and suddenly realized the guy in front of me was a conservative friend I hadn’t seen since I let my hair grow out. I was shocked but luckily he hadn’t seen me so I turned and quickly walked out. If I had gone in a few minutes earlier he would have been behind me… close call.

    • #618963
      Terri
      Duchess

      I have been going out enfemme on and off over 40 yrs. I have had most of the experiences that some of you have feared. Each time everything worked out. One of my biggest fears is my children finding out, which is also my wife’s biggest fear. I am careful but I think if they found out I would tell them that I will always be their father and I will always be there for them. A few years ago I had planned to tell them all about Terri. It was the December before the pandemic. I couldn’t tell them. Im glad I didn’t because in these crazy times.

    • #661535
      Davina
      Lady

      My biggest fear is hurting a loved one (my kids or grandkids). My wife knows, but she is the only one and has accepted it, although very reluctantly. The few times I have gone out in public, people have not given me any problems, although there have been stares. I don’t really care what the public thinks, I just don’t want to embarrass my family. I wish I was able to tell them all, but not there yet. I envy those on CDH who can freely go out as they desire. God bless you!

      • #758558
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual

        So heartwarming! It is always a pleasure to hear stories of understanding/accepting shop-owners or girlfriends!! We all need to be thankful for such people!

    • #661555
      Jasmine
      Lady

      I guess for me one of my biggest fears I actually conquered years back I think I was about 17 or 18 and we have been living together for about 3 years and she already knew she found out so her birthday was coming up and she said she wanted to have a girls night in and I was like what is your birthday so what would you like and she told me she wanted me to be completely dressed and she was going to do my makeup and she also said she wanted me to also have forms. Now what now at this time I had not gotten any forms out of fear of having to go into the store to even get them but for her I would have done anything so I looked around to see where I can find to get them and there was a boutique in my town so I came up with a plan I would go in there and tell the owner that I was playing a practical joke and they weren’t for me. Needless to say that plan didn’t work out didn’t help that I was shaking so bad that I could barely even stand so she figured I was going on she was like no you need to get fitted and then we can go from there and I remember taking my shirt off and being mortified and she was like don’t worry it’s okay I have plenty of friends like you she made me feel realities I spent about 2 hours in there she got me fitted got me a bra got me everything I needed to make my girlfriend’s birthday special and to this day I’m still friends with the owner of that boutique so that took care of the fear of people finding out cuz up until then I was just run into the store see something grab it and run out.

      • #661985

        Goodmorning Jasmine, a resl snse of unease comes over us when we walk down our innate journey. For me it has always been.
        So Jasmine, I understand your fears, but thanks too a lovely lady at the boutique, you now realize that if we need help to become enfemme, we should ask.
        Spesk to the owner etc, and they will help.
        If not try elsewhere.
        Your date must have been sensational, congratulations. Now coffee sates, a weekend enfemme girls trip.
        I wish you every happiness.
        Jane

        • #661995
          Jasmine
          Lady

          Thank you so much and it was definitely an exquisite evening we stayed up until the sun came up just talking laughing and just enjoying ourselves it was a once in a lifetime experience

    • #661619
      Anonymous
      Lady

      For me, I being confronted while dressed.l is a secondary concern. My worry is someone seeing me and saying nothing but starting a whisper campaign in which I would not only be outed, but embellished with whatever the whisperer wants to hurt me with.  The more allegedly prominent you are, the more prone you are to this insidious whisper attack.  That’s why I’ll be glad when I’m retired. At that point, who cares if a former so-and-so is a Crossdresser?

      • #703541

        I was at lunch with a friend at someplace I thought was safe and someone from my work happened to be there and overheard me speaking to my friend.  The rumor mill began.  Several people stopped talking and began avoiding me.  One individual tried to “out” me to a friend (her daughter is a lesbian) in front of me.  She had enough integrity to immediately shut him down.   While I am in no means in the Executive Suite, I have a high profile in my Company.  Also too, I am active my small, rural community.   I was sent unflattering pictures of crossdressers to my corporate email.  I believe this was caught by IT and it went away very quickly after that.

        Pre-pandemic, I went out often to gay clubs and to friends’ houses.  Now, I do not dress as much now or speak about my feelings to anyone, effectively back in the closet   I am soon to be retired from all work and community responsibilities and hope to come out once more.

        • #711046
          Anonymous

          Sorry to hear that a whispering campaign was launched against you. I hope that you can reemerge from the closet after retirement and enjoy your full self.

        • #758556
          Rhonda Lee
          Baroness - Annual

          So sorry! I have experienced similar issues. I hope to see the day when this is more broadly accepted as normal behavior, or at least people will have the good sense not to shame others. By now, I think most should know better, but I think few are truly knowledgable enough to understand. As a community of crossdressers I think we need to do more to educate the general public to dispel fear and misunderstanding of what is normal and innocuous behavior, something I feel we have no choice but to accept ourselves, and others should realize it is not beneficial to disparage anyone for what who they are. Most seem to accept those who have Alzheimers, an amputated leg, palsy, polio, physical disability, or other things one might consider abnormal, but know better than to mock them or expect them to change or feel guilty. Who is to be pitied most?… those who are “abnormal” but have no choice about who they are or those who cannot accept those who don’t meet their criteria of “acceptable”?

    • #661942
      Anonymous

      These days, my fear is a the slim prospect of a random act of violence.

      • #757190

        I also consider a random act of violence the deepest fear, especially in a relatively small town that is not Progressive or liberal. I dare say equality
        is not on a lot of people’s goal list here in Florida.
        Recently read a story here in my area where a gay businessman said he would not walk down the street with his husband holding hand fear that he could be killed for that! That resonates with me as being a real possibility here.

        • This reply was modified 10 months ago by Stephanie Browne. Reason: Telling true fear
        • #757198
          Frenlee
          Duchess

          Hi all I feel the same way.Iam always fear that people don’t understand us and if you need a toilet which there is not a lot way i live its men or women , what do you do??? I usually want till I get home, and if you’re older end we need toilet more .any way that’s is my worry . take care every one sophie. x

    • #662235

      My greatest fear is also that I would hurt of complicate loved ones lives. Personally I think at some level I would like to be completely outed. I seem to take way to many chances when dressed. Then there would be little to stop me from dressing whenever I felt like it. My wife children and grandchildren would spend much of their lives answering question about me or responding to rude comments.

    • #701729
      Erika Henderson
      Duchess - Annual

      I share many of the fears mentioned here, being recognized, outed, hurting the ones I love and even risking my marriage.

    • #703573

      I’m most afraid of being recognized by someone I know who wouldn’t understand and would treat me unkindly. Fortunately that’s a short list in my neck of the woods. I’m a little afraid of being harassed by garden variety transphobes, but that’s pretty unlikely in Seattle. Being out en femme is still new enough to me that when I do something for the first time, like going to the grocery store, I have to screw up my courage a little, but then it’s “head high, eyes up, chest out, back straight” and I find my confidence.

      I’m fortunate to live in a progressive and tolerant community where I don’t have fears for my personal safety. I take normal, appropriate precautions, and I’m aware of my surroundings. The same applies en homme.

    • #716644

      Business owner here in a small town.. being recognized, etc. and honestly, my CD is not something I wanna share with just any Ol person either. I like conversing with a couple of my female family members and the wonderful ladies on here.. but not everyone lol

    • #716655

      Since I started 3 years ago, I’ve gradually eased my entire world into my androgynous look. Long hair (excuse was it started due to Covid), a little bit of eyeliner (excuse was due to wanting to look better in my online presentations), and wearing skinny jeans (no excuse other than everybody already knows I’m into style, but has progressed recently to women’s skinny jeans because they’re tighter), unisex bracelets and necklaces (this is very normal for me to wear anyway since high school), and working out a different way to enhance a more feminine body (every body knows I like being trim and fit anyway).

      HOWEVER, being Carmen is a completely different animal and is clear and distinct from my Andro world. She has her own life, her own style, her own clothes, her own jewelry, her own car, her own shopping venues, her own “areas” in town to hang out at.

      Because of that, my biggest fear at this point, because Carmen is always out there socially doing something in her world, is to be some witness to some event that I’d have to be interviewed on the news or something publicly while dressed. HOWEVER, that fear is even subsiding a little because if my Andro world recognizes me, at this point they’d probably just say “hmmmm, I’ve been wondering that.” Mainly, this fear is compounded because of how Carmen dresses. I’m not just a crossdresser, I go full tilt trying to look sexy. LOL.

      • #716670

        …and you realise that look very well!

      • #757232

        Full Tilt trying to act dress 6 sexy,? What does the idea do for you to say how important is it to dress age appropriate? I myself like to wear sexy little short skirts and I might say to dress brazenly, however it would attract unwanted attention that I fear needs to be managed or controlled Within Myself. What do you think about that? Stephanie

    • #757199

      My biggest fear is being harassed either verbally or physically.   My goal is to just blend in as a female and not to stand out.   Being clocked isn’t a big issue for me since it is generally more of a transient thing.  Once you’re past someone who clocks you, it’s all over and you’ll probably never see that person again.

      I have generally found that most people are so into their own thing that they hardly ever notice those around them.  Once I realized this, it became much easier for me to go out in public and be seen.   I also tend to go out in areas that are more open minded and that helps too.

      • #759037
        Harriette
        Lady

        Crowds let you hide better – just another tree in the forest. Alone on a street, we get more focused attention.

        With my martial arts training, I hope that I wouldn’t get into too much trouble physically. 👠 can be useful. 😉

    • #758562
      Anonymous

      Exactly as you put it, only not being able to say “That never happened”. I feel it WILL happen, and the Genie is out of the bottle…Now, assuming one is ready for the world to know, that would not be a major problem, but for someone not ready or wanting to fully embrace 100% “out there”, that could be, and probably would be, devastating.

    • #758575

      My fear would be someone(anybody) recognizing me as male in women’s clothing and having any sort of violent reaction. My second fear would be running into someone I know and having that cause some tension or friction

    • #758642

      My biggest fears are being recognized and not being able to blend in and being harassed.  I have recently started going out wearing panties which I realize unless I wind up in an emergency room isn’t that big of a deal.  My wife gave me a couple pair of shorts that no longer fit her and I have worn them out a few times (with her knowledge).  I’m not worried about wearing them out as the only way to notice they are women’s shorts is to look at the left opening zipper, and if you notice that then there are other issues.  I recently got some booties that my wife has said I may be able to wear out in drab, but it’s not boot season yet so that will have to wait.

      XOXO
      Suzanne

      • #758676
        Rhonda Lee
        Baroness - Annual

        My partner bought me shorts thinking they were for men but it turns out they were placed in the wrong department. We both like them so I wear them regularly. The only objection is mine, not others. They have no pockets! I guess women are innovative and stuff things in their bras so I will have to adapt.

        • #758704

          Yes Rhonda, i miss pockets too.

          • #758778
            Rhonda Lee
            Baroness - Annual

            Women compensate by carrying purses or finding a man who will let carry their stuff while they are just arm candy. You need a graduate degree to figure how to organize everything efficiently in a way you can remember it all, be sure keys are always at the ready so you don’t fumble around like an old lady while someone attacks you. Women go to college to get their MRS degree, and that includes learning all this stuff I think… master magicians, able to hide everything. It’s all I can do to hide the bulge in my crotch.

    • #758646

      Recognition, the subsequent smalltown gossip, and word getting back to my children

      • #767276

        Trace,

        I really had to laugh when I read your post. I used to model for life drawing classes. Posing nude for 3 hours a session in front of many groups of artists.

        The nudity actually becomes a non-issue. That’s what everyone expects to be there.

        I started cross dressing during that time and it was so weird. Just like you, I was more afraid going out in public cross dressed than I was being naked in front of a roomful of strangers. In the class, everyone stared at me. Cross dressed, I was afraid of being stared at.

        I modeled for 10 years and finally had to stop due to an injury which made it impossible to hold a standing pose for 25 minutes.
        However, I do know that the confidence I gained from modeling has transferred to my cross dressing. I do pass and I’m comfortable about people looking/staring/wondering about me.

        BTY, I have also frequented nudist colonies.

    • #758656
      Hope Rose
      Lady

      I think my worst fear is that I wouldn’t be accepted. Which is probably all my own
      propagated fear. I have been to a nude beach, and I was accepted there.

      • #758789

        I’ve been to a nude beach and a nude campground many times. I do not have a great-looking body — I’m overweight, not well-endowed, and have an asymmetrical, unattractive body, but have had only positive experiences. Yet I have less fear of going to a nude beach than I do going out crossdressed! My biggest fear is being recognized or outed by someone who doesn’t accept crossdressers or transgender folks and making a stink about it with co-workers or friends who don’t know. Most of my immediate family knows I crossdress, and my SO is very supportive of my crossdressing at home, but still, I’m not out. I will never pass, so I don’t think it’s a fear I’ll ever overcome.

    • #758677
      Anonymous

      My biggest fear is being recognised by people I work or have worked with and being outed. I’ve worked in mining for around 12yrs at multiple sites and one thing that’s common is everyone knows everyone. I can go to a new site and if I don’t know at least one person as soon as you mention where you’ve worked someone will know people that are or were there. Add to that it being a majority fly in fly out life with people living all over the state you can’t even go 2 towns over and feel safe. Maybe one day I’ll be a brave little princess, toughen up and stop caring what others think. But for now I’ll stick to dressing at home.
      Cassie.
      💋

    • #758817

      Ending up in a violent situation. I am out and regularly get read. No big deal really. It’s either a smile or a confused look that I get. So far so good that the punks out there have ignored me. The fear of someone pulling off my wig is my other fear. Embarrassing to say the least if it were to happen.

    • #758859
      Anonymous

      I think my worst fear is being recognized and having it ultimately hurting my family and the people I love. So I do not go out publicly where I live … only in other cities. My favorite public outing is a road trip where I dress and drive a long distance. Stop for gas and lunch on the way. I do not care about others questioning me. The other concern is safety. But if I am alone, I feel I can handle most situations unless a weapon is involved. I dont care about cat calls and I’ve found most people just ignore you, particularly other women. I have stayed in hotels in other cities and gone to breakfast dressed and never found that to be an issue.

    • #759038
      Harriette
      Lady

      My worst fear is my wife’s fear. She doesn’t want me to get clocked by people we know.

      I have had a few close calls during the day while close to home because we don’t use a car.

    • #759062

      Being recognized by neighbors. I live in a very secluded neighborhood with lots of woods around us all. I do have a tendency to dress and go out on the deck to relax or even work in the yard en-femme when the SO is away. Lucky that no one can really see the back yard and deck.

      Lisa

    • #759211
      Natalie Dane
      Duchess

      I have several anxieties about going out, none of which I’m truly fearful of.
      -Being spotted by the politically or culturally conservative neighbors in our high-density suburban townhome association. (Either leaving or returning from home).
      -Being stared at for sticking out above everyone else (I’m 6’4″ and get stared at for simply existing).
      -Being harassed.

      To a lesser extent which restrooms to use? Not really a fear in California as lot of public restrooms are gender neutral. Or in some places gender inclusive!

      -Natalie

      • #759237
        Connie Wittnee
        Baroness - Annual

        Natalie, I do emphasize with some of your… situations. I too live in suburban townhouses. I’m tall, close to 6’3″. High heels?
        May as well shine a spotlight. Actually, my low heel black pumps serve well inside and out in public.I have one pair of flats. It’s about the walk,confidence, head up,chest out, etc.

        🌹Connie

      • #760828

        …..and I worry about wearing heels at 6′ 0″…….

        • #760833

          Well there’s two ways of looking at standing out of the crowd one is because you’re too tall and the other is because you want to be seen and you are showing all the confidence that you have and how you’re dressed. Dress for you walk into the club and take over the room! That should be a rush hey!

    • #760303

      Hi, I was fearful of being seen by someone I know, but last time I went out as full on Katie, I got a bit tipsy and by the end of the night I didn’t care. I had been out walking in the dark alone all night, but it got so late that it actually started to get light. By then I didn’t give a hoot who saw me and just walked back home and there were definitely people up and about. It’s been a few weeks since this happened and none of the neighbours have said anything. Either they don’t want to bring it up or I wasn’t spotted, but I actually don’t care either way, I’m not hurting anyone.

      • #760354

        Dear Katie dont care”, exactly, you’re not hurting anyone accept yourself in your wanting to be free to express the feminine part of you.
        So, you go girl !
        Stand tall, head up,and express the prettiest part of YOU.
        HUGS.

      • #760827

        Not caring is the best place you can be!

    • #760377
      Anonymous

      All of my fears revolve around being seen by someone I know. I was out recently dressed in my leggings and sports top. I was hiking with my wife. The trail had some people on it. I did get some funny looks but no negative comments. We create these fears from years of hiding and fear of rejection. It’s a challenging world out there for a cross-dresser. Stay your course, move at your speed, and keep making positive self-goals with your dressing, and it will come together for you and how you want it.

    • #760516
      Janet Woodham
      Duchess - Annual

      Thank you for this post Vanessa. Like so many this is a very real fear for me. I simply can’t risk losing family and friends and yet the urge to go grows and I have been out a couple of times and loved it.

    • #760522
      Ilona
      Lady

      I have been wearing a skirt and leggings in my voluntary job for 2 years. Most people don’t seem bothered

      Last week, a young boy tried to lift up my skirt. I stopped him. I didn’t mention the incident to his guardians as I was worried about possible transphobic abuse.

      After I left the centre and walked back to the station, I walked past a family and heard a girl asking “Why is that man wearing a skirt?”

      While most people don’t seem too bothered about cross-dressers, some are curious and this can be disconcerting

    • #760731

      Aggressive people.

    • #760826

      I’ll let you know on Sunday. I’m going to a drag show at an LBTGQ bar tomorrow night…….shirt, forms, heels, nylons and denim mini skirt. I’m very optimistic, but you never know what’ll happen as departure time gets closer. Drive there or Uber?

    • #760831

      [postquote quote=760826]
      Bravo Frederica,go for it and let me know love to know.
      Stephanie

      • #761834

        I’m back from my first trip to an LBGTQ bar for a drag night, and can happily add a new fear to our growing list.

        I went with the young lady to Freddy’s in Crystal City near the Pentagon. We Ubered and I wore a male shirt, blue denim miniskirt, pantyhose and red heels. The theory on the P/H was if someone decided to put their hand up my skirt I had a solid line of defence.

        I walked from the house to the Uber, about 25 yards, and the driver stared the whole way, then a bit more as I got into the car. We arrived are Freddy’s, and of course I had the longest walk to the bar…..50 yards.It was fine, and I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of my nlons and skirt, and focussed on keeping my knees together.

        After a few minutes at the check-in desk we were shown to our table, which was more walking fun and apparently a large black crossdresser watched me all the way to the table we had next to him. No biggie, and he certainly wasn’t passing. Large muscles, blonde wig, but well done him for not caring. He was also at a table full of women.

        The evening was a lot of fun; the young lady got hit on (hilarious, hoping that would happen) went for a wee (had to stand up, take everything down) and thoroughly enjoyed everything because no-one cared.

        Here’s the problem. For the last hour we were there, two blokes, who’d basically been fiddling with each others dicks all evening would not take their eyes off me. It became very uncomfortable to the point that we left after over 3 hours.

        Back in an Uber, having stood outside the bar waiting for it to arrive while feeling the breeze wafting around my nyloned thighs, and all was great fun, apart from the two blokes. The Uber driver said before he dropped us off that he’d enjoyed every second of our conversation as we chatted about the evening on the drive back.

    • #760845
      Liz K
      Managing Ambassador

      My biggest fear?  Being physically attacked.

      /EA

      • #760876

        Emily,

      • Fact: crime is up in the country. About 20 % in certain categories. True.
        Why not gather data about physicalattacts on
        CD mtf people? Where why how? What ” contributing” factors. Daylight, darkness, malls,or public streets or bars, restaraunts??, were present in those attacks? Use the research data to minimize anything like that where and how you decide to master your fear?
        “Systematic desensensition”
        Or allow your fear to rule your decisions? It is a choice.
        Today, i was in a dress, flat open toed shoes painted red toes, bra panties, short wig and purse,pearls round my neck,⁹ to a doctors appointment, had an EKG performed and a blood test; pumped gas at gas station, shopped @ local mega grocery store, used ladies room @ the store and checked out in line with other cis women. Not alook, not a tell,nothing fearful happened. Had i visited the local “biker bar”, well. Id be afraid to do that in femme so i dont! Choose Emily!
        Love ya
        Stephanie

  • #760881

    That my children would see me.  It would be the end of my marriage.  I only got out 1500 miles from home.   My wife accepts this,

  • #761696

    I’m back from my first trip to an LBGTQ bar for a drag night, and can happily add a new fear to our growing list.

    I went with the young lady to Freddy’s in Crystal City near the Pentagon. We Ubered and I wore a male shirt, blue denim miniskirt, pantyhose and red heels. The theory on the P/H was if someone decided to put their hand up my skirt I had a solid line of defence.

    I walked from the house to the Uber, about 25 yards, and the driver stared the whole way, then a bit more as I got into the car. We arrived are Freddy’s, and of course I had the longest walk to the bar…..50 yards.It was fine, and I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of my nlons and skirt, and focussed on keeping my knees together.

    After a few minutes at the check-in desk we were shown to our table, which was more walking fun and apparently a large black crossdresser watched me all the way to the table we had next to him. No biggie, and he certainly wasn’t passing. Large muscles, blonde wig, but well done him for not caring. He was also at a table full of women.

    The evening was a lot of fun; the young lady got hit on (hilarious, hoping that would happen) went for a wee (had to stand up, take everything down) and thoroughly enjoyed everything because no-one cared.

    Here’s the problem. For the last hour we were there, two blokes, who’d basically been fiddling with each others dicks all evening would not take their eyes off me. It became very uncomfortable to the point that we left after over 3 hours.

    Back in an Uber, having stood outside the bar waiting for it to arrive while feeling the breeze wafting around my nyloned thighs, and all was great fun, apart from the two blokes. The Uber driver said before he dropped us off that he’d enjoyed every second of our conversation as we chatted about the evening on the drive back.

  • #767859

    That my wife will feel somehow judged by the people who see me.

    • This reply was modified 9 months ago by Mariana S..
  • #768936
    Anonymous

    Well i agree i was afraid someone i know would see me, but as i embraced my femininity more and began to realize i was transgender i wanted them to see me.

  • #92370
    Leonara
    Ambassador

    Great story Paige…..inspirational for all of us thank you for sharing

  • #100871
    Ilona
    Lady

    Thanks Hananiah. Your information is the saddest I’ve read on Crossdresser Heaven. A doctor said that if I wore a dress in my local area, I would be at risk. I don’t want to be beaten up, but the idea of being killed for wearing a dress is frightening. I hope you keep safe and can wear whatever clothes you want.

  • #145388

    Bobbie omg I have had car troubles in okc while out in the town.  I was soooo scared but the cop and tow truck driver was so nice!  Got me.out of the road and the tow truck driver carried my stuff from the car to my room.  The people making funny of me at the hotel didnt bother me as much as being starnded!

     

  • #152157
    April (Pacific Princess)
    Ambassador - Editor

    I understand your fears Stephanie.  My children are all grown and out of the house, but I was still scared to death before telling them.  However, my worst fears never came to pass.  Maybe it’s because my children were raised in an open, fairly liberal environment, or that a close childhood and college friend of my son’s came out as trans a few years ago, but all three of my children have accepted April, and my youngest daughter actually goes out with me (although it is odd having her call me “dad” at times when I’m dressed 😉 )

    Even my wife is slowly coming around.  At first she couldn’t stand seeing me dressed, but after 3 years she doesn’t mind and actually has gone out with me once when I was dressed and shopped with me.

    I would never pretend to know your own family enough to anticipate how they would take your revelation, but perhaps it might be better to open up to them while you have a chance to tell them on your own terms and in your own way.

    I hope it works out for you.

  • #153277
    skippy1965 Cynthia
    Ambassador

    Stephanie-even if you never decide to tell them in person, if you are truly worried about discovery after death, you might try writing a note to them explaining everything and reassuring them of your love and keep it with your things.. That way if/when it does happen, at least you will have explained it and who knows-writing it all down might eventually lead you to share it wit them in person before then. Just my thoughts!
    Cyn

  • #592544

    Exactly this, Steph.

    I’ve had best results from people aged between 25-60 – although some are evergreen, like my dear friend, Hilda Ruth.

    Love Laura

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