I’m sorry you’re going through the issue with your wife. It is a delicate and fine line; everyone is different in where they’re at in accepting something like our dressing feminine. My marriage didn’t work out, but that’s very okay because I am much happier being able to be my true self than in an unhappy marriage. Financially, it is always a consideration to many as well; divorce can cost us more than just money, and it isn’t worth it to many. Again I was lucky.
Purging sucks because you can’t keep much of what you want without having to hide it etc. The fine line appears as each relationship is different. Do you slowly press the dressing issue a little at a time until, hopefully, like most things these days she becomes accepting, or will it cause devastation not only in the marriage but for you because it’s not what you really want.
I think that for me it worked out well, and I have no regrets. I was able to do a little here and there while married and raising kids. I bought her things I’d like to wear (minus shoes/boots because we were 4 sizes off, lol. I didn’t go out at that time, so it didn’t matter. By the time the kids were out on their own, I was already divorced and on my own. With each paycheck, I bought myself 2 or 3 outfits and 2-3 makeup items. In months I had started to gather a great collection of clothing. The thrill of shopping for intimates, dresses, skirt outfits, shoes, boots, and coats is a huge adrenaline rush, and being out on the prowl shopping are highs I never had in marriage.
Don’t get me wrong; there are days I just want to relax in guy mode, but the days I can dress are the most relaxing days I have. I feel the blood pressure and anxiety of everyday life subside! I am my most healthy when I can dress and get out. I am NOT saying to follow what I’ve done, just that everyone is different and sometimes it takes time, or that other things are more important in one’s life than the urge to be feminine and live that life.
Do I have regrets about not doing this more in my younger years when I was actually skinnier and more passable (I have to work for it now!), yes, absolutely. I am at a point in life where I have reflected and know I made the right choices during that time of raising kids and having a family.  The purging and buying the ex-wife things I could wear, dresses, skirt outfits, and lingerie when I found alone time got me by. That’s the time I could practice my femininity/makeup and all of it helped along the way. Also, today the internet and social media help (whether for good or bad) because it wasn’t like it is today when I started and was well into my journey because I went from having nobody to having a slew of people and articles at my fingertips. Now, you can take away a few things (because there are bad advice tips out there and some really great ones) that apply to your life. In the thousands of articles you read, hopefully, you can find your path and comfort zone, even though all your decisions won’t be right, you will learn from them, and it helps make you who you are.
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That’s a very thoughtful article Jessica and snapshot of a life being a crossdresser.
@Angela Booth Thank you, once I started writing it, it just flowed out, first time I ever went in depth even though it’s condensed and it was theraputic for me and felt really good. Thank you for dropping a note! -Jessica
That’s a very well spoken, rational understanding of your self-acceptance of being transgendered. I too juggled my gender needs with having children, maintaining a marriage and career. Truly threading a needle until now, later in life coming to full acceptance and living my true self. Best to you in the future!
Robyn
@Robyn Scott Congratulations, it sounds like we had a similar path, definitely would be fun to talk with you sometime. And I hope your more content now AND healthier!
Jessica, I appreciate the article. As I have mentioned before I did tell my wife of 21 years on January 1st this year. It was with the encouragement of people here that I was able to come out of the closet and tell her. I felt relieved. She was somewhat accepting but also processing. The following days came with many questions and one blow up, venting. We are working through it and both seeing counselors. I love my wife. I am close to retirement and want to spend the rest of my life with my wife. I also enjoy dressing.… Read more »
@Traci Green Sorry to hear the issues you are having! It’s easy for people to give advice, but I love how your handling it, to try be happy who you really are and pray it works out for you and that your wife accepts who you ARE, b/c it’s hard to explain who you are and how you feel after being with someone so long. As long as your not pressing her and giving her time to make a decision, but I do know, at this point in YOUR life it’s absolutely the financial thing, and extremely scary, the thought… Read more »
Jessica
Thanks this was a very good article, I feel like I am not to far behind you. I have a lot of decisions to make in the coming months, my wife has said she will have nothing to do with my dressing, I am think and feeling this may be more than just dressing sometimes I am leaning towards full-time. But at my age can I really do that.
Thanks
Rebecca
@Rebecca Leeann Allen Your welcome. It was originally a response to a friend on here and was noticed by management here, to become an article. I just wanted to give a glimpse of my journey to try and help (if even a little), that decisions have to be made every day (figuratively), it is hard in the cases where others mainly family members are involved, and I loathe the people with the advice well just do it, pull the band-aid off. That may help in some cases, but a greater majority is finding a therapist, put it out there either… Read more »
Such a great article and I am appreciative that you took the time to craft an important message and covered a very important theme — while there are similarities with each of us, there are so many individual outcomes that fit one person but may not fit another. Those of us who are married may have come to understand what our relationship to gender is at different times — which is and has been the case in my circumstance. Being in a relationship with ones-self is the first hurdle and when one is uncertain of who he/she is at the… Read more »
Thank you for the nice words, and thanks for taking your time to write this. Hopefully it helps others that are beginning or into their journey.
TY Jessica good read and thoughts. I
m fortunately to have had 2 accepting wives. I know were all a bit diff in our corner of LGBQT+ and all, but its wonderful it seems a lot of us Gals get to a place which really works well for us.Hi Jessica, Great article, it’s so wonderful hearing about the heartfelt journeys of others like us. As you say, every one is different, we all have different circumstances and obstacles that we have to deal with, but also, we also all have such similarities. When it boils down to it though, we all have to weigh our options and make our own choices. But I love the way you wrapped it up: “, even though all your decisions won’t be right, you will learn from them, and it helps make you who you are." Indeed, we are who we are… Read more »
Yes, and it’s to bad we can’t be born with that wisdom. I shutter to think how easy this life would’ve been in my early teens through present day, creating the life that I want decades later, lol. But I’m here and I am very happy.
What a well written article. I could most definitely relate to every thing you said
Thanks for sharing your experience because we always feel we are so totally alone in our experience
Thank you! Yes agreed, so few have the resources, counseling or help needed. And really social media doesn’t do any good because people are a mess at trying and their personal stories often are incorrect since everyone is in different place in their journeys and are not professionals. So few are lucky to go through this by themselves and feel successful the first time through.
Thank you for sharing and caring enough to write to help others along their journey. My first marriage ended after many years of being accepted and encouraged. It was not because of my cross dressing, wanting to live life in different places and people. It was at the time a great disappointment, but ultimately a great gift, one which has allowed me to move from occasional dressing to fully embracing my feminine personna with an accepting female partner.
Sometimes accepting was appears to be the worst, provide an Avenue we had seen before.
Carla
are there any crossdressers near shelton?