I suppose there comes a time in all Transgender lives, where we pass the baton of ownership and responsibility from our previous self, to our genuine true self, the new self.
I’ve heard a lot of different thoughts about this from other Transgender ladies in group therapy. Some are adamant that they feel somehow slighted when they are misgendered or misnamed by old friends and acquaintances. Personally I don’t really yet understand this. I’ve heard some of them use the word Dysphoria.. as a reason…but I just don’t get it.
I’ve been David for 53 years. While I am sad that it took this long to grasp the reality of what was happening to me all those years, I have no ill will toward David. He did his very best to try and make it. It was his daunting task to try and understand the world around him, and where he fit in it. The pressures were all on him. The punishments were all on him. The pain, was all on him. He carried me miraculously to this point.
He woke up, and saw the light, and cleaned my body for me. He quit smoking for me and started a health routine and eating organic. He detoxifies my body and prepared a temple within it for me. I can see that David knows that I am the queen of this body and he has graciously handed me a beautiful and clean palace in which to carry out my life.
I am ever grateful for that, for him. I weep for him for the pain he has endured, and the humility he withstands as he hands me off into the world, to be free at last. To soar as a graceful being among the others. I am honored. And he is slipping away, slowly disappearing into the mist of time, waving farewell and smiling fully at me in my glory, for he live on inside of me even as I take the helm.
All he has known has been passed to me as a gift, to carry me through this world. A gift that is like a dowry of sorts, full of wisdom and treasures, gifts of courage, of abilities and understanding, patience and persistence. So many gifts he has laid at my feet, I am forever grateful.
This is how I see it. And if I am honored to have him remembered in the eyes of those that loved him, I’ll accept his tributes over and over. For, he is me, in all ways, but he lives inside of my spirit now. I am Danielle, that is clear, but, David is always ever near.
Best, Dani
What a lovely story! I was deeeply moved by it and would like to commend you for putting pen to paper………..I would like to quote your words in one of my sermons if you give me permission.No names no source but only your words to encourage my young congregation in their search to find their true self!!!!!!!!!1Many thanks…Stephanie
Stephanie what a blessing to your congregation. @daniellemilejevich I’ll let you respond to Stephanie’s request to use your words in one of her sermons. I think it would be such a blessing.
Stephanie, I would love to have an article on Crossdresser Heaven from a pastor – please let me know if you’re interested in joining our author program by clicking the ‘contact’ link at the bottom of the page.
Dani, how beautifully you write and how wonderful that you are at ease with yourself! God bless you and thank you so much for your lovely post.
Hugs
Andrea
Thank you Dani
I read this article last night and cried so much i couldn’t write this till today . You have open my eyes and showed me just how much Steven (my male half ) really means to me. While he has not done everything your David did He is still helping me through my transition. Like you I owe him so much for all the pain and suffering he went through and now I thank him for what he has done.
Thank you so much for opening my eyes.
I love this story. Great strength you have found. Inspirational.
I am 65 Dani and looking to change my lifestyle. I feel more like a woman than a man. I hope I can find a partner who will help me change
Dani thank you for your wonderful story. As I read with wet eye’s
It was such a blessing. Love & Hugs xx
Sounds just like me Dani.
wow…lots to think about now…never gave that much thought..
Hugs, Morgan
Will I, or not? Only time will tell. I adore being Roxanne, but, well, will ir be enough. There has to be a lot of thinking, yet. So much more . . . . .
Roxanne “in her dream world . . . ."
I can’t say good but to that guy. Even though I have completely changed. I need to use him or what is left of him. He’s not the same. I and everyone else knows s it but no one speaks of it. I work in construction because I need to make a living. I’m good at what I do. I hate myself sometimes I don’t have the strength I used to have. I will never go back I cant Iv come past the point of return. It feels right but I sometimes think it was wrong. I get rude comments.… Read more »