A short while ago I found a few pairs of shoes my size at the local Payless Shoe Source.  This was in itself a small victory as I mustered the courage to go into the store in “boy mode”, try on several pairs, and purchase them all at the encouragement of my online counselor, and as an important first step in my transition plan.  One of the pairs of shoes I purchased was a white woven sling.  Flat and simple.  Honestly, the kind of shoe that my wife would prefer to run around in if she could stand buckling and unbuckling them.

I was so proud of my shopping success (and minor personal courage) that I rolled up my jeans and wore them for my commute home, which while it is a short 45 miles from my place of work, often takes hours in the horrible Los Angeles traffic.  I won’t claim that my drive was magical, but the effect it had on my demeanor was incredible.   I was “cautiously” empowered, happy with the way my painted toes looked, proud of the steps I was taking towards my future self, and they were just damn cute as well.

I listened to my favorite music, didn’t mind the big trucks or big city bicycles that threatened to “discover” my semi-female state of dress.  And it made me question a little how much anxiety I truly wrestle with under the surface by wearing my boy costume clothing to work every day, because even though it took more than two hours to get home.  I was very much at peace when I finally got home.

Sometimes I think the little victories are the important ones, the small steps are the things we should treasure, and we should never underestimate the power of a cheap pair of sandals as we walk drive the transition path.

 

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Vicki T.

46 year old "new born" to transitioning. I'm finally coming out of the box I kept my true-self in for so long, and though it's not always easy, its definitely more the real me every day. I'm looking to make new close friends. I have so much to learn and I can use all the help and support I can get.

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  1. debbie 1 year ago

    Good for you Vicki . It is the little things that mean so much like just driving about. I first came out in public by driving around at first and then took baby steps by stopping for gas or buy cigs. Eventually then I started going into goodwill thrift shops totally en femme till I was comfortable enough to go mostly anywhere as debbie

  2. Petra Jonson 1 year ago

    I work until 11 pm tomorrow. After leaving work, I will slip into a dress and stockings, take a 45 minute drive to a popular gay bar and introduce myself to the most stunning tgirl and ask her to show me the ropes, i.e., how to apply makeup, where to shop, etc.

  3. skippy1965(Cynthia) 1 year ago

    I love it Vicki! I wear women’s shoes and lip gloss every day on my commute to and from work-taking them off before going into the office and putting them on as soon as I hit my car in the evening!. AS you noted-a little thing but makes he drive so much more pleasant!. And ONE DAY, I won;t be aking them off when I get to the office! 🙂

    Cyn

  4. Breeann Jacobs 1 year ago

    Congrats Vicki those small steps lead up to us having courage in ourselves that we need to be complete. Btw I love those shoes maybe I’ll have to do that one of these days

  5. Lynn 1 year ago

    So cute….looove the flats. Driving is what did it for me too!…..your lucky you have a dependable car that doesn’t stall or takes forever to start….gets more interesting then for sure…..

  6. JaneS 1 year ago

    Well done Vicki. Any step forward is a good step, but you know, a step backwards isn’t all that bad either because it lets you take a slightly wider view of a situation.

    Maybe Vicki needs to do more of the driving, no matter what costume she’s wearing. 🙂

  7. Samantha G..... 1 year ago

    Congrats on the little victory Vicki.
    Small steps but you are still moving forward.

    Hugs…

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