A short while ago I found a few pairs of shoes my size at the local Payless Shoe Source. This was in itself a small victory as I mustered the courage to go into the store in “boy mode”, try on several pairs, and purchase them all at the encouragement of my online counselor, and as an important first step in my transition plan. One of the pairs of shoes I purchased was a white woven sling. Flat and simple. Honestly, the kind of shoe that my wife would prefer to run around in if she could stand buckling and unbuckling them.
I was so proud of my shopping success (and minor personal courage) that I rolled up my jeans and wore them for my commute home, which while it is a short 45 miles from my place of work, often takes hours in the horrible Los Angeles traffic. I won’t claim that my drive was magical, but the effect it had on my demeanor was incredible. I was “cautiously” empowered, happy with the way my painted toes looked, proud of the steps I was taking towards my future self, and they were just damn cute as well.
I listened to my favorite music, didn’t mind the big trucks or big city bicycles that threatened to “discover” my semi-female state of dress. And it made me question a little how much anxiety I truly wrestle with under the surface by wearing my boy costume clothing to work every day, because even though it took more than two hours to get home. I was very much at peace when I finally got home.
Sometimes I think the little victories are the important ones, the small steps are the things we should treasure, and we should never underestimate the power of a cheap pair of sandals as we
walk drive the transition path.