Transgender canvas with a smile

Dear readers,

In a few days I’ll embark on the next phase of my journey to let my true self shine for all to see. There have been many milestones along the way. Some have been relatively easy such as starting hormones. Others have been a momentous emotional occasion, like legally changing my name, and yet others have been filled with fear and trepidation as I went full time so many months ago.

The next milestone awaiting me promises to be be a physically challenging endeavor laced with emotional upheaval. A life changing surgery awaits me, in hours so short I can count them. Facial feminization surgery will be the first surgery of any kind that I’ve had, and the prospect looms even larger in front of me because of this.

Exceptional Voice

Make no mistake, I’ve pondered long and hard the need for this surgery. I’m blessed that the ravages of testosterone on my body have left my face remarkably untouched. I have not needed to struggle as hard as some to blend in. While SRS is a non-negotiable necessity, some may view facial feminization surgery (FFS) as a narcissistic luxury. Yet those who would only be looking on the surface, and counting what their eyes can see not what their heart cannot hear.

For the first time in my life, I look in the mirror with love for the person staring back at me. Yet even amidst this love my soul harbors a deep disquiet. As if a past before memory calls out to me in a mocking tone, reminding me of all the ways I’m not complete. It’s like looking into the cool oasis waters and seeing a mirage of yourself, wondering whether the real person exists.

As many times as I ask myself, my answer is always, “Yes, I need this to be whole. To be who I am.”.

So, to the lovely ladies of Crossdresser Heaven, I ask for your love, prayers and thoughts of care at this time. You may not hear from me for a while as I recover unless the writing inspiration strikes me with force and I can schedule a few articles in advance.


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9 years ago

M thoughts and my prayers are with you Vanessa. May you have no pain, and my the outcome help to bring out more of your beauty.

9 years ago

A lot of love, Vanessa, and the best prayers and wishes for YOU…
I hope to read your posts very soon…!

Vanessa Law
9 years ago

Thanks Christina and Alicia!

9 years ago

Vanessa, you are wonderful to share with all your sisters. . . .  Thanks for speaking from your heart. . . 

Kathleen Rose
9 years ago

Hi Vanessa,  as a TS who transitioned a month ago, I know that my journey is far from complete.  I’ve heard it said that it takes 5 years, and in many ways it’s never complete.  One of those things that may be the hardest to do is to integrate your past and your present.  I wish you well on your journey.

9 years ago

All i can dois pray you get everything you want, Iwish you well in your change rebeccalynn

Joseph Nolan
9 years ago

I’m a 74 yr old married male who has always wished to be a girl but afraid of what my wife, family, friends & others would say or think. Every year this urge gets stronger & stronger until this past year when I finally Came Out to my wife who wears the same size clothing as I. She gave me permission to wear most of her clothes. I now buy her new clothes that we both share. Now I need a wig and a more revealing bra (Which is my biggest challenge). I now have a counselor who helps &… Read more »

9 years ago

Welcome on board Joseph Nolan. Acceptance is our bigest herdle. Once you accept your self as havining a fem side its easey for others to also accept that part of you. The more I go out the moer Fun I have. Im surprised atthe acceptance I get everywhere I go. I guess its true that once you accept your self. its easer for others to accept you as well. Education is also a big part of understanding our CD. Peggy Rudd has exclent books out that help with the process. Crossdressing with Diginity – more for the CD. and My… Read more »

9 years ago

Hi Vanessa

The only problem I see often with FFS is that after the sugery some of us still see the ‘other’ person even though we have changed. It is my hope that you will only see the new you and like it.

Congrats on getting it. Should I ever win a lottery [even a small one] I plan on a couple smallish procedures myself 🙂

Enjoy it.

Stephenie  🙂

9 years ago

Good luck  !

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