I have been living this forced life for good 44 years. Being Mona is only a fraction of it and it distresses me every day I open my wardrobe and get ready for work. I see all those beautiful dresses hanging in there but I force myself to go for that boring work suit and get ready for work. Then I open my shoe rack and am so tempted to put on those sexy high heel pumps or sandals. Again I restrict myself to those boring black men shoes. Just to reconcile with myself, I would put on a pair of sexy Stockings and Lace Panties underneath that keeps me going through the day.
I get to work, dressed in the drab look “they” call power suits then get busy with the emails and meetings. Then I lift my head in my office and fire up my browser, all my favorites have one common theme “Make up, Shopping, Fashion and women.” I browse for any new dresses available on my favorite online store or on tips on how to apply makeup. It would refresh me before I am alerted by my secretary about the next meeting. I eventually finish the better part of the day to get back home and spend the remainder of the day with my family.
It would be like that until I would break this routine and take a day off to be myself. The evening prior, I would shower, scrub my body, shave my legs, underarms, arms and get rid of whatever little hairs I have remaining on my body. I would take out the nail color I have in mind and paint my toes to perfection. I would get a nice body lotion and shave any stubble I may have grown during my sleep. I would take out the best or the latest lingerie and put on the heels, apply basic makeup, and roam around the house such to enjoy my reflection in various mirrors around the house. I would put on the dress I have chosen for the day and finish my makeup with all the accessories. For me make up is like painting a canvas. After that, I would get back to my living room and remove all curtains, ready my camera and start shooting. I would take pictures, then while sipping some nice sparkling wine, I would touch up the photos. After lunch it would be time to say good bye to Monika as the kids would he home soon. Dress goes off first, makeup second, and last to go would be the lingerie and shoes. I would hate to revert back in my male mode but those few hours of pure bliss being Mona are so important to me, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
Is this the routine I want to live for the rest of my life? No. I want to be able to chose any clothing when I get ready for work, be it that beautiful dress with nice soft and silky materials or maybe the regular suit for a change. When I open my shoe drawer, I want to chose those sexy heeled shoes before I touch up my makeup and spray that lovely Chanel perfume.
I dream of having my own fashion clothing store that has beautiful dresses, lingerie and shoes for sale. It would be a place where everyone is welcome to try things on, take photos, and buy if they like what they see. No one would be asked “Is it for your wife or girlfriend?” At my store the staff dresses in their best and favorite outfit without judgment. I would be sitting pretty in my back office, making rounds of the store to interact with customers to check if they love what they see. Later, I would go to the bar in the wearing a nice dress and sip nice wine and have my dinner, chat with friends, and then retire in silky soft satin nightie or Pajamas.
Do I deserve such a life? Yes I do. Can I have it? Maybe. And then I go back to work, hoping and wishing I will be able to live it one day… Some day.