Hi Girls! Mitzi here!
I haven’t been on CDH much as of late. There are other sites I’m a member of which I haven’t spent much time on either. I haven’t been dressing much, as well.
So many things are shifting and changing here at home. While I don’t want to get into the details, since they involve stories that are not mine to tell, I will just say that me and mine have been through the damn wringer a time or two more than we’d have liked during this past winter. However, winter is over, and things are shifting toward that springtime cycle of growth and renewal. Finally!
I’m getting my groove back and just recently I’ve been having an opportunity to dress up and get my girl on more often. I’ve been under dressed every day for the last two weeks and gone full Mitzi three times in the last seven days!
I’ve even had meetings with two other cross dressers I’ve met online and had lovely conversations with both. Through those conversations and my own musings in between them, I’ve learned a few things about myself and how deeply my need to feminize myself goes. These are probably old hat to anyone who’s been doing this a while, but they did hit me hard.
The first insight I was gifted with through these girlfriends is that I need to embrace, discover and truly become the best girl I can be. And not to be afraid of being imperfect. It’s easy to get taken aback by all the gorgeous girls here and wonder if I’ll ever look that good – which isn’t always the most productive or supportive way to look at what we do. It was pointed out to me that thinking that way is keeping the girl inside of me way too on the surface and focused too much on appearances. So maybe while I’ve embraced this, have I really taken the path of embodying her? Really being her and being the total me?
Probably not as much as I’d like to think I have. However, exploring the feminine side of me takes a huge amount of work! I’ve realized that part of my shying away from dressing and going out has been as a result of the tremendous amount of work involved in getting totally prepared as a girl.
It’s not just dressing and getting my makeup just right in order to pass as a girl while out in public. There’s so much more work that’s associated with the art and thrill of cross dressing. The list is exhausting just putting it together! A partial list is as follows: Shopping and accumulating your wardrobe (which can be expensive and extremely time consuming); working on your physicality by taking time to eat right and exercise; putting on your makeup (which takes a ton of study and trial and error with a variety of products and application tools); figuring what style of clothing is best for your femme look based on your body shape and what your shape wear can improve and not improve; putting on the shape wear and silicone breasts and bras; choosing just the right wig which completes your total femme appearance; working on your walk and voice if you plan on making regular public appearances en femme; working on your mind (learning how to think like a girl and learning how difficult and interesting it is to be a girl); and working on your soul (becoming her – truly!). All these things that go into forming the girl who puts on the clothes and makeup and steps out of her front door ready to roll as full on Mitzi.
It’s intimidating and at sometimes completely overwhelming! Much of the time, for the last month or two, I’ve looked at other girls on here and sites elsewhere and said: “I’ll never be that pretty”, “I’ll never be passable like her”, “I’ll never look good in a dress”, and more. However, my talks with other girls this past week have convinced me there’s no point in being negative about this and its way past time to stop making excuses for myself and just try to be the best girl I can be!
This thrill of cross dressing of mine is supposed to be fun and fulfilling despite all the hard work it takes to get my total girl on. As a result, I’ve determined I’m in it to win it now! It’s far more productive to accept the fact that while this thrill of cross dressing is going to take a lot of work, it will be worth the effort in the end.
The second insight that came to me from conversing with these girls is the fact that I’m not alone regarding this dilemma on any level. I don’t get to visit with other girls in the flesh as much as I’d like to, but I still have that opportunity when I’m willing to be patient and work to make the meetings happen. And even if I can’t meet up in person with the girls, I can still come here or to any of the other sites I’m active on and find other ladies to talk to for support and encouragement and acceptance. Or just read about their experiences and check out their pictures and share in the feeling of community that comes with being a member of a site like this. It gives me a sense of belonging with others that I’ve needed for so long. We never had access to a feeling of acceptance like this before the internet came along. We are all so fortunate to have sites like this one where we can interact with others who share the thrill of cross dressing.
When I have that online support system, even being alone hasn’t been so difficult. I’ve started to dress on my own for myself and work on my makeup and other parts of my girl nature. Sometimes I’ll dress and sit and just read, or watch a movie or an opera, or do something else relatively quiet and relaxing while dressed. I’m learning to be with myself and feel more comfortable being her, because I’m never alone.
Now, even when in male mode, I’m starting to feel the same way – more comfortable being alone and more comfortable with accepting the feminine side of me regardless of my own personal limitations. He (the male mode of me) has a long way to go, but he’s willing to listen to me now and start making some changes in how he treats the body we share. We’re learning to be together and find the things we both want to live for starting with art and beauty.
That’s where he and I are starting, and that’s where I’ll end this. I’m feeling more optimistic about all of this and looking forward to taking it as far as I can go. I’ve learned a few important things this past week and they have really inspired and motivated me. I’m ready to grow and change in all the ways I need to change!
I even have a mantra now: “I am a girl, and I will be the best girl I can be. I will settle for nothing less than that.”
I wish you all well and thank you for reading.
Now girls, feel free to drop me a note responding to my article.
Many of you girls have cut back or totally stopped experiencing your thrill of cross dressing because of your own physical limitations or age. Or if you simply feel like you’re just not pretty enough or measure up with some of the other girls you think are prettier than you are when dressed.
If you’ve done just that and shut the feminine side of your life down and you’re starting to feel a need to get back to becoming the best possible girl you can be regardless of your limitations, do like I’ve done and start getting your girl back on!
Get back to cross dressing even if you don’t look like a darn model or a beauty queen or even as pretty you think some other girls you see online at CDH look. Just get back into becoming the best girl you can be and don’t worry about anything else!
Learn to accept the feminine side of you while either dressed as a girl or while being in male mode. Settle for nothing less and learn how to totally accept and enjoy the feminine side of you!
Once again, Sincerely, Mitzi
Tags: accepting yourself the work associated with cross dressing you are enough