How to tell your wife you crossdress

One of the most frequent questions I’m asked on comments at Crossdresser Heaven or through private email is:

How Do I Tell My Wife I Crossdress?

I can feel the fear and uncertainty as I read the words of husbands, some of whom are to the point of despair. How will my wife react when she finds out her husband is a crossdresser? Will she leave me? What’s the best way to tell her I crossdress?

When answering I try and share some advice based on my experience, the experience of others I know and from resources I’ve read. Unfortunately there is no “one size fits all” answer. Each person is unique, the dynamics of each couple are unique. When one wife hears of her husband’s crossdressing she may feel revolted, another may look forward to going out with her new girlfriend – and in case you feel I’m exaggerating on the latter point, I encourage you to read My Husband Betty.

All this is to say, I share this advice from my heart with the best intentions. I encourage you to carefully consider your unique relationship as you decide whether and how you will share your crossdressing with your wife.

Telling Your Wife You Crossdress – A Case Study

Peggy and Melanie (aka Mel) are probably the most famous crossdressing couple. Peggy’s book My Husband Wears My Clothes is one of the most well-known and widely read books on crossdressing from a wife’s perspective. I thought it might be valuable to start with how Mel first told Peggy that he was a crossdresser. Watch Peggy and Mel’s story in the video below:

Mel did a few things right when he told Peggy:

  • He was sincere and vulnerable. Mel poured his heart out, sharing his life story about how he’d been dealing with crossdressing since a young age. This is not the time to get defensive, to try and justify yourself or force your wife to understand.
  • He emphasized again that he loved her. When hearing their husband is a crossdresser many women wonder if they’re still loved – is he gay? Can he still love me and wear woman’s clothes?
  • He gave her time. Initially it was a few hours as Peggy read and digested his letter, but the journey to shared understanding happened over time without being rushed.
  • He shared what he knew about crossdressing. We’re more fortunate today, there are many resources to draw on, but even then many women – especially the older generation – have no understanding, or only a vague misunderstanding of crossdressing (read the myths of crossdressing).

I think part of the reason Peggy and Mel are still happily married is because he shared his secret in such a loving, vulnerable and caring way.

Peggy has commented that, “Crossdressers make really good husbands once you get past the shock of breaking away from the expected”

Telling Your Wife You’re a Crossdresser:

Vanessa Tells Her Wife She’s a Crossdresser

Telling my wife-to-be was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I feared that I would lose her, that the person I love most in the world would leave me and not look back. I had tried many times before then to quit crossdressing, each time without success. I knew that my desire to crossdress wouldn’t go away with the wedding vows, and that living a lie to save my marriage would eventually end up tearing me – tearing us – apart. Knowing didn’t make it any easier.

A few months before we were to get married I wrote my fiance a letter and laid my heart bare. I told her how much I loved her, how much I feared hurting her – losing her. I shared the agony of my decision to tell her, my experience since I was a young child. I shared my attempts to break free from crossdressing, my confusion, heartache and my eventual acceptance of who I was. I let her know that I love her, that we can talk through it at her pace, that this doesn’t change anything about how I feel about her. I told her that I wasn’t gay, that I had no desire for a sex change (completely true at the time). Along with the letter I enclosed a copy of Peggy’s book – My Husband Wears My Clothes.

Talking through it in the early days with my fiance was at many times an emotionally taxing experience. My wife and I still have long, sometimes passionate, sometimes difficult conversations about crossdressing. Yet I still consider that one of the great blessings in my life is the advice I got from friends to tell her before we were married. This gives her a chance to work through it in her own time, without feeling trapped by marriage, without resenting you for tricking her into marriage and then telling her you’re a crossdresser.

I’m almost certain that if I hadn’t told her then that we would no longer be together today. It’s still important for me to remember to go at her pace, not to rush her into it, and to respect her desire for some space and time to think.

Have you shared your crossdressing with those you love?

Please comment and let us know how you did it, what worked and what didn’t. I know that others who read this website will find your comments and thoughts a blessing.

Ladies – has your husband shared his crossdressing with you? What did he do well and where did he totally blow it?

If you’re here to learn more about crossdressing – perhaps your husband or boyfriend is a crossdresser – I wrote an article a few months ago entitled “I married a crossdresser“. Perhaps with time, love and understanding from your husband you may realize as Peggy did, “I realized that, perhaps it was the feminine side I’d fallen in love with anyway”.

EDITOR NOTE: Crossdresser Heaven has a program exclusively for Significant Others. You’ll be able to discuss issues in private with other SOs. Explore our Significant Other Program and contact JaneS if you are interested or would like further information. We would love to welcome you.

Explore the Significant Other Program
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42 Comments
  1. Joanna Maguire 9 years ago

    How to tell your wife ? She has discovered you are a CD She is perplexed or horrfied. A good idea might be for u the CD is to write down what you do as a CD and how you feel about feminism include your sexual needs But only ones that involve your wife if you are hetro. Show your wife all your feminine clothing If you want to wear a nighty to bed ? Buy her a nice expensive one Make love and tell her u love her ? It will take time for her acceptance or understanding Understand what she is feeling Pay attention to her reactions. Maybe she should write her feelings down ? Talk about what you both have written. If you go out enfemme. Take her out to dinner and visit a CD club Not a gay nightclub.
    It wont be easy The results or consequences are uncertain It had to eventualy happen. Better its out in the open to maybe? help your fearns nervousness etc She may accept it She may leave or send you on your way
    Best of luck
    Joanna

  2. Joanna Marie Phipps 9 years ago

    Dear Vanessa,
    The more I read your tips for cross dressing husbands the more I realize that they are the same things that those of us who are gender dysphoric need to do.

    However our journey to acceptance can be made infinately harder by our need to eventually transition to being a woman. This will place intense strain on a relationship and many will not survive it. The hardest time I had in coming out was to my wife, I had a fear that she would either chuck me out, or leave herself (luckily neither happened), I was ready for the fight (which did happen) but then I was at a loss as to what to say. I had just pulled the rug out from under her, upset everything she thought she knew about me and she wasted no time in letting me know it.

  3. ChrisD 7 years ago

    My husband told me tonight that he cross dresses only because I saw a Victoria Secret charge on his credit card and asked him about it. It took him a great deal of time but he eventually told me. Am I in shock? Oh yeah! I was calm, and supportive and told him I love him but wanted to undertand why. He said it started when he was young and when his mother found out, it was a very detremental time in his life. Very damaging as she couldn't handle it. He would never have told me if I hadn't seen that charge. I'm confused and hurt. I don't know how to handle it. I don't think it's the end of the world and told him there are worse things in life than CD. Where do I go for support? He's been through a tough family upbringing and I just want his adult life to be a safe, loving and happy…. He's afraind I'll leave him because that's the usually outcome. I'm rambling now, and I think it's the shock. Any help out there?

    • Lyta Darling 7 years ago

      Now it's been 5 weeks and probably you have spent a lot of energy on this already! If you haven't found them already, two resources I can recommend is the Yahoo Group "A Crossdressers Secret Garden", and the http://www.crossdressers.com forum. There must be a thousand more out there but these two I know of.
      I recognize myself in your description of your hubby, and believe me I know how hard it is to feel forced to have that secret even from the most loved ones. For me, being outed (yes, I never found the courage to tell her before she accidentally found out) was a relief on a scale I can barely begin to describe. Hope it works out as well for you as it did for my wife and me.

      • Prissyri 7 years ago

        These “support” groups just condemn those of us who tell our “husband” to leave if he is going to do it. As a wife who will not tolerate it–especially since I have been deceived my entire marriage–I find no support anywhere.

  4. avalana 7 years ago

    my s.o. was aghast! she said stop it or get out! but then she saw the cool clothes i had, and since we were close to the same size,started commandeering my prettiest skirts,and has mellowed a little.she still can't get with it though.over time? perhaps, but all bets are off,sorry to say. because i still love her.

  5. Fiona 7 years ago

    This is my story. I started crossdressing when I was 12/13 yrs old. During that time, my mum found out many times and she couldnt accept it. I also got bi curious and eventually lost my virginity to a guy. Since that day, I've loved wearing girl's clothes, fantasizing about guys, and even slept with some. I wanted to settle down with a girlfriend but I never really met any potential girlfriends. There was an ex girlfriend who allowed me to dress up but after a while, she couldnt accept it. Anyways, after her I realised that I guess I should get a boyfriend instead. But, I had a boyfriend although it wasnt for that long. During that time, I realised how much I enjoyed physical and oral sex with guys more than with girls.

  6. Fiona 7 years ago

    Then, we got married in February this year and I thought all the problems are over. I realised a few years ago, that I will always be a crossdresser and that I'll always prefer men to women.
    Part of the reason why I got myself a girlfriend and got married is to make my family and her family (I have a Thai mum and Thai wife) happy. However, I was happy for a while and now it's starting to fade away just because I miss crossdressing and having fun with guys alot.
    Just recently, I've started taking up crossdressing again. If and when my wife finds out again this time, I will be prepared for the consequences.
    I just wish I can be married and wear girl's clothes from time to time…happily.
    By the way, I believe that from my own experience, it is a myth that Thai people especially families, can accept people like us.
    Any advice?

    Hugs, Fiona

  7. Scott F 7 years ago

    I feel that after reading these on here i am a lucky one, when i first met my wife to be years back now, i told her when we started going steady, that i liked to CD and she wanted to see so i showed her though she never wore skirts or dresses so used her panties jeans ect and it made her laugh ect.

    Though as time went on we both got married and she was fine with me walking around the house with one of my skirts on tights ect she knows that i love her ect and i think at the end of the day i was lucky that i was open and honest from telling her at an early stage, though at times she does ask me to stop ect she come to accept the fact that of what i do i cant/ wont stop and have been with her now married for 18 years, so yes i am lucky, and to the fact now she even will help me with putting on things i cant do myself 😛

  8. Eva 7 years ago

    Hi this site is very helpful. I have been on my journey through life as a crossdresser and it has not been an easy one. I told friends, and loved ones. Some were accepting some were not. I live as a closet cd’er now. I am fine with it. I have had many girlfriends, and I have told the ones that i loved very much of my crossdressing. Women today seem more accepting of it. I think they really want to be with a good man. the question always pops up, Are you gay, out of the 5 I have told, all of them asked this question first. When they realize it is just a personal desire, they know they still have they have someone they trust and care for. I ended breaking up with them for other reasons, whether it be financial, moving on in the relationship or other matters. Cross dressing was not the problem. I used to feel ashamed when I was younger, as if this was not the life I should be experiencing. But today, I feel comfortable with who I am and embrace the femme side in me. I do not dress every day. I used too, I even used to go out with my gf dressed. Now it is just a past time like watching baseball on Sunday afternoon. Life is full of challenges and compromises. There are people that are more accepting though than you would think. Especially the ones that love you. Happiness starts with you first, then you can begin to share your self and hope your partner will be understanding and loving too.

  9. Prissyri 7 years ago

    Caught my hubby after 30+ years. I look at our wedding pictures and now feel I am married to a stranger. Our entire marriage has been a lie. I will probably end up leaving him but haven’t yet because I don’t want our adult kids to have to deal with it. I should have been told before the wedding!

  10. Lstimes 7 years ago

    I’m a cross dresser and love to cr4oss dress in front of my wife. She dosent like it but tolerates it.
    When I,m cross dressed I want to do any thing possible to please my wife. She dosent realise this but seems to enjoy the attention she gets when I am crossed dressed. I love wearing her nities and waking up in one, it is so pleasent, I wear her nities most nights because she is more comfortable with this than when I am in a dress. Wearing a dress is a different sensation a little scary and very exciting. I also like to wear one outside but take care not to be seen. My wife tells me how silly I look. I love to stand in front of her in a dress or nitie. Most times she just igmors it. our love has grown stronger despite her hating my cross dressing

  11. Ks2003 7 years ago

    Not all crossdressers are the same even though we share the same hobby. Certainly not all wives are the same and the vast majority seem to be uncomfortable with cross dressing and dont consider their wearing of slacks and jeans as cross dressing. I love my wife and know her likes and moods and know she would react extreemly badly if told I had been cross dressing all our married lives, and it would be the end of our happiness together. Maybe I should have told her before marrage but I didnt now have to address the current situation, as I have finally accepted that I probably will never stop cross dressing. I dont believe telling your wife you cross dress is mandantory. If you enjoy cross dressing and can do it in secret continue to do so. If she catches you follow the advice on this site, but if your know your wife and are careful and dont let your compulsion make you take risks she will never find out. There may be many cross dressers that find this advice uncomfortable then tell her if you must, for those who really dont want to and just want to continue to cross dress in secret then it is OK and do so. Enjoy your hobby without the feelings of guilt some cross dressers try to thrust upon you. I now cross dress in front of my wife as I am now retired and it is the only opportunity I get. She hates it and only reluctantly just tollerates it. If I had told her when we were younger she would have left me and we would have missed out on a wonderful life together. I have not admitted to cross dressing all my life just recentlky doing it. This is a white lie but it works for us and is no different from other white lies told to spare peoples feelings. I would like to cross dress more than I do but limit it as I love my wife as much as I love cross dressing and love my life with her

  12. Aexis 7 years ago

    i told my wife about my crossdressing on dec 3 2010. it has been a month and a half now and my marriage is in shambles she says she cant accept it. and that she needs time. we have been married for 3 yrs and together for six. she hates me right now both for lying about it and not being up front. i have told her that i was afraid to lose her and that is true i love her with all my heart and. as of right now im am away from home and it did not come out like i’d planned. nor was it the reaction i wanted. i need advice on how to help her come to grips with it. she says i am not the man she married. and she only sees me as a woman, although she has never seen a picture or any of my clothing. how do i help her understand. she says i am being too pushy. i am almost certain that my marriage will end due to her knowing about crossdressing…

    • Vanessa Law 7 years ago

      I’m so sorry to hear love. Given my pending divorce I don’t feel in much of a position to give advice, but I’ll share some thoughts which may help. Give her time, try to understand her point of view. Let her vent, and cry and shout. Feel her pain for a while. This time now is about her. It may be that the trauma will slowly pass for her and you can have longer discussions about how to move forward. It may be that this is the end.

      All I can say is to approach this time with love in your heart for her, even when she hurts you.

      Best wishes,
      Vanessa

  13. terri 6 years ago

    I have been married for 30 years raised 3 good kids into adulthood.Have had a tremendusly loving marriage but for a few quirks.I love my wife and kids but if they found out I cross dress and love being with men it would be over.There has been a lot of relatives in the family that turned gay or died of aids and some girls act as if boys I say do what makes you happy and have a good relation ship with your mate.My wife found in the back seet of my pickup a small carry case with stockings panties mini skirt and slip on shoes and bra.She totally came apart and thot i was seeing another woman or wanted to know if I cross dressed I told her they were left in the truck from a co. workr I had given a ride to it settled her down but she still has suspicious thoughts she had asked if they were mine but I said what I did because of the heteralsexual aspect of it and how the world portraies male life.At a young age I was sexually molested by my brother and sister and cousins all of the time after I got older molestation just found me and I just went along with what ever the person wanted to do to me.I had freinds in school,at jobs,met at stores,truck drivers ,farmers you name it it happened to me. the wife and I went to see a sycologist but O never let out what or how I really would like to be only because my wife sayes it makes her sick to her stomache as she is a christian and I don’t think she would accept me am very afraid of losing everything. By the way I consider my self as being a transexual ,long hair , shaven and support a32c cup bra.My wife sees this and say’s well older men develope breasts for I am 60 yo and my wife is 8 yrs. younger I really don’t know what to do may be just keep on living a lie to my self and keep punishing my self .terriannlucher@rocketmail.com

  14. Millie Robertson 6 years ago

    between the age of 13 to 15 a family friend molested me, at times he would dress me as a little girl. And i would wear my Mom’s clothes off and on after. When I got married i would wear my wife’s clothes when she was out, One day after being married for about 4 yrs out of the blue she said “I’d like to dress you as a girl”, I thought I died and gone to heaven. She proceeded to have me shave, and dressed me top to bottom, makeup and all. It lasted about a year then life got in the way, For years I would still dress when she was gone, until last year, I asked her to be my Mistress and make me her fem sissy, after giving it some thought she agreed and we have been doing so ever since. I am now en femme 3-4 days a week, serving her and have become her housewife, she buys me clothes, as I am to dress a certain way, and has taken the male role and i the female role in all aspects from housework to bedroom. We live far enough out that I can go outside fem and work. Every morning she lays out my clothes for the day and I dress as she likes. We have been married 40 yrs and are closer now than at ant other time and she enjoys having Millie around, At the 90 day mark we had a commitment ceremony, where she gave me a woman’s ring, ankle bracelet, and a white leather lace trimmed w/ pink roses collar, as I pledged my servitude to her. It has been wonderful be her little housewife and taking care of her.

    • Camile 6 years ago

      I loved this story

  15. terriann 6 years ago

    I got a whole lot out of this mainly that I should be bold and tell my wife of 30 some years that I consider myself to be a woman and love to cross dress in long drives and have been out in public with a skirt on.The thing stopping me is the fact is she doesn’t like anything to do with gay lesbian transsexual or any thing like that say’s it is discusting I do love her and she found a bag of womans cloths once in my pickup but i said they weren’t mine.Allthough I believe she suspects as long as I keep it a secret I am fine I don’t know

  16. Tom 6 years ago

    My wife knows that I like wearing lingerie for erotic fun. We’ve had fun in the past a couple of times and she’s assured me that she’s open to it and willing to participate but I seem to be resisting the opportunity, which is frustrating for us both.
    I can’t seem to get past the fear that she is just tolerating this fetish and that I will look rediculous in her eyes or something.
    I’m trying to think of a way to make it fun – for us both – and haven’t come up with a great plan yet. We have played at bondage a little and get each other off very well. I just have to come up with a plan rather than just jump out in a kinky outfit and say lets do it.
    Open to hear any thoughts. Feel rather stupid having the opportunity and being afraid to jump on it. I really don’t want to be anything but a plus in her life.

    • Tanya 2 years ago

      Hi Tom. I am the partner to Maxine Doos. If your wife has said that she’s open to the opportunity and willing to participate then you should relax and accept her giving you the opportunity. As a woman and what has been great fun for Maxine & I is that we do lots of shopping together. We compliment and know each others tastes well. Suggest a shopping experience, buy one another kinky outfits, the rest will come naturally. I hope this helps you feel more relaxed.

  17. Paul Duane 5 years ago

    This is a really tough spot. I was in an extremely similar situation. Married to an active Mormon woman, I had a secret pantyhose fetish that I’d harbored since I was a kid. I tried bringing it up to her once, and it was difficult. I’ve since then had a lot of success with opening up about it, though. I have written about it more: http://www.HowDoITellMyWife.com Good luck, my friends!

  18. Staci 5 years ago

    I told my wife that I crossdress when I first met her. She seemed kind of into it then. She even let me dress for her once or twice. But then things changed and she no longer wanted me to crossdress ever again. I was confused, and had no idea what to do. So I secretly started to wear panties, and when she caught me I told her it was because I ran out of male underwear. She didn’t like it, but also didn’t tell me to stop. How can I tell her that crossdressing is who I am, and that I can’t just stop. If anyone else has any experience like this let me know how I should proceed.

    • FNewt 5 years ago

      Yeah that’s kind of strange on her end why she stopped becoming accepting of it out of nowhere. You have to let her know that CD is apart of your life and she’s gonna have to accept it. What you can do is just push the envelope a bit and stop hiding it from her and just start CDing regularly around her where it forces her to become accepting of it. I can’t speak on the state of your marriage but since CDing is a huge part of your life it could be a deal breaker in the long-term. If you’re satisfied with your wife with every other issue in your life then that’s obviously not necessary but she its her duty to more than it is yours to start accepting what you do.

      Just push the envelope and start CDing more often around her forcing her to accept it.

  19. michelle 4 years ago

    My wife has known about my crossdressing since before we were married, but then and now, she does not participate in my dressing, and does not encourage me in any manner. I would even be willing to her seeing other men, if that was a need she desired. She just has totally lost interest in sex altogether, so I get my thrills on my own. I have a strong nylon clad foot and shoe fetish, but my wife doesn’t have a clue. One of my biggest fantasies is for her to come home from work after a long day on her feet. She would order me to slip off her shoes, and message, kiss, and smell her warm smelly nylon clad feet. As an afterthought; she’d order me to kiss and smell the inside of her well worn smelly shoes. Thus; my submissive nature! Anyone with thoughts, comments, or especially suggestions are welcome to reply! Sincerel

    y; “Michelle”

  20. wilma 3 years ago

    I have been dressing since I was around 6. It has always been taboo in my family. Men are men women are women. any deviation is a sin. So I dressed when I could, with what I could. After my years in service I could no longer deny who I truly was. a mans man, that loved to dress and became a total fem when I did so. I did the whole mans man thing. Wife, kids, oilfield work. But I had to tell my wife. I began by “playing around one day and in front of her put on a pair of her panties. I acted like I was surprised that they felt so good, and actually held me better than men underwear. within a few months I had her buying me my own panties. then when it was really cold in the house one day I grabbed a pair of her nylons, and told her they were very warm. I wore nylons the rest of the winter. Finally after a year of open nylon and panty wearing, while we were laying in bed “after I had been drinking heavily” but was truly sober. I told her that I enjoyed wearing women’s clothes. I told her how long I had done it and that I had tried my whole life to deny it to no avail. She told me she had a slight idea that I did. Finally she told me she didn’t care what I wore as long as its not in front of her. she said she married a man and wants a man. I’m still slowly integrating her. she knows that if she leaves me alone at home for more than an hour she should call me at least 15 minutes before she gets home because I am probably dressed. she barrowed some make up yesterday. I hope that within a year she will be dressing me. Wish me luck

  21. krnharris 3 years ago

    I am so sorry that I have never had the “nerve” to tell my wife. We are now in our early seventies, which means that we probably don’t have many years ahead of us.

    I have “hinted” that I like wearing panties and she comes back with….”oh, don’t be silly” or something to that effect. I commented one day that I am not joking, I really DO love wearing panties and she just dismissed it as me just joking.

    We are both from the days that “men are men and women are women” and that’s all there is to it. Even in our church in those days, it was NEVER mentioned, but if it did come up, it was of the DEVIL causing these thoughts and or desires. If we allowed these thoughts to continue, we wouldn’t be Christians anymore and probably go to Hell.

    But I am hear to tell everyone (mostly men) that if you haven’t told your wife yet…PLEASE do it. One day you won’t be so young anymore.

    Thank you
    Karen

    • Author
      Vanessa Law 3 years ago

      Thank you for the encouragement to others hon. It’s such a true statement, one that could change the course of your life – please all share your intimate desires with the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with. You owe it to her, and you owe it to yourself!

  22. Mogget 3 years ago

    Ha – My husband won’t tell me.I always thought he was just prudish about sex, because he would never talk about sexual things with me. Then I found his bras accidentally, I found feminine underwear in his trousers, and asked him if he wanted to talk to me about it and he’s all “I don’t know whose those are, I don’t know how they got there”. I’m working up the courage to have a big talk with him no matter how firmly he puts his hands over his ears – say something like I’m fine with this as a solo activity, but you know, I think if you let me get involved we can have some fun and at the very least you could stop all this secrecy and treating me like an idiot. I’m expecting him to be a big coward about it and pretend I don’t know what I’m talking about – and that is a lot more more irritating to me than what knickers he choses to wear.

    • Author
      Vanessa Law 2 years ago

      You’re a brave and loving women Mogget!
      I suspect his male stubborness will kick in. Perhaps sharing a resource like this article with him, and showing encouragement will help him slowly open up.

      Please write back, I’d love to hear how you two are doing, and whether you were able to get him to open up. I’m sure many women could make good use of anything you’ve learned in that regard 🙂

  23. Erica 2 years ago

    Over the weekend (11/29/2015) I shaved legs,chest,and arms. I have been struggling for months to tell my wife (I’m 59 and married for 31 years) and while in bed my wife noticed and asked me why. Of course I “chickened ” out. I told her I saw a lot of men in magazines do it..ugh.

    I am thinking about writing a letter to tell her instead of a face to face encounter. I have gone out in public a few times in the last couple months and really can’t fight my feelings anymore. I have definitely come to terms with who I am and have embraced who I am but I am fearful of how she will react. I don’t know if a letter is the way to go but I feel it’s the only way for me to do it.

    I have tried and tried and get the courage to tell her but when the time comes I can’t.

    Erica

  24. […] or for those who are depend on someone else such as teenagers. Crossdressers should read How To Tell Your Wife You Crossdress, and teenagers should look at Teenage […]

  25. Suzanne Jeffries 2 years ago

    Like a lot of us gurls I have been a crossdresser at heart for most of my life but only seriously for about the last 10 years. I came out to my wife about 4 years ago. To my suprise she tolerated it from the start and within about a year came to embrace it. We shop for clothes and makeup, etc… together often and I dress about once a week. I sleep in a night gown and panties every night. Even before coming out I did all of the house work but I guess now it is officially my responsibility. Telling my wife worked out wonderfully in my case but remember there is no one size fits all solution when it comes to coming out.
    Huggs,
    Suzanne

  26. lorraine 2 years ago

    single have not told anybody love to talk to shy

  27. Wanda Shirkey 2 years ago

    My wife knows I wear panties and bras as well as women’s jeans and some tops. She does not know about Wanda and that I like to dress up nor does she know that I would possibly go to the next step of transitioning. I chicken out every time I want to tell her. I try to tell her things like “I am really stressed out” and she will say “yeah, me to” and I don’t say anymore. I feel bad because she did not know of my cross dressing until after we were married for about a year. I wanted to tell her before but I was afraid she would not want to marry me. I really love her very much but it is driving me crazy keeping Wanda under wraps.

  28. Chrissy Will 5 months ago

    Like so many others ( how many times do you hear that one? ) I am somewhat caught up in that “twilight zone” of how do you tell your wife your secret of all secrets. I’ve been cross dressing on and off since I was 7-9 years old and here I am now 60. I’ve purged many a time, saying to myself, never again, but…I’ve been married to my wife since 1992 and haven’t dressed in that period since two years ago. The dearest thing to my heart ended his life on Black Friday, 2012 at the age of 17. After spending a lot of time racking my brains out trying to figure out why and what, I as a parent, may have done wrong, I realized I would never know those answers in this life time. His action also brought it home that your life can change in a second, so I started dressing again. He never knew of my cross dressing ( sure he probably does now ). One morning while I was showering, my wife came into the bathroom and discovered a pair of my panties sitting there. I got the drill, “who’s are these and what are they doing in here”. I knew this day was bound to happen so I calmly stated that they were mine and that I’d been wearing panties for some time, explaining that I’d had done so since childhood. She said no way and left the room, didn’t say anything else about it, so I didn’t push it. About three weeks ago, my wife ( she likes to “pick” at long eyebrows, long ear hairs and my cuticles ) when she noticed on my one toe a speck of nail polish I must have missed. So again the drill. I calmly stated to her that I cross dress and have done so on and off for years. She asked if I ever went out publicly at which I stated no. I told her that I would never place her in an embarrassing situation and asked that she keep this between us. Haven’t heard her since on what or how she feels and I’m torn, do I open the door again or keep it closed. I’ve continued to wear my bra and panties everyday, do my eyes lightly before work, polish my toes and every chance I get, go to my “happy” place dressing. Not sure where the road will take me, but try to stay positive, knowing in my heart of hearts that I should have been a woman….Thanks for reading this!!!

  29. Michelle 1 month ago

    My lovely wife knows of my crossdressing fetish, but does not participate or encourage me in any way.

  30. FNewt 5 years ago

    This is not a healthy relationship, your CDing is a deal breaker and if she’s not accepting of it then this relationship needed to end a long time ago, you should’ve gotten out of it and went with your ladyboy. You’re not going to stop CDing so its going to be impossible for her not live with it.

    The only thing that I agree with is not wearing feminine clothing when company is around b/c I do the same but when company is not around you should be able to CD with no problems.

  31. Annonomous 7 years ago

    Hopefully Time will heal all. Im guessing she’s sad, scared and fells betrayed. My advice would be to reassure her of your love. Send her flowers, give her some romatic gestures so she is sure of your love. She maybe confused about your sexuality so telling her you love her and that shes beautiful may make her fell more secure in your relationship. I wouldnt bring up crossdressing, she knows about it now give her time to digest it. Im no therapist so this may all be a load of crap but Im thinking anything you can do to let her know you love her and shes desirable to you wouldnt hurt, what woman doesnt want to get flowers and be told shes beautiful?

  32. Ks2003 7 years ago

    Hi ChrisD
    Your post was 3 months ago and I hope you are still with your husband.
    I am a cross dresser and look at it as a pleasent hobby, not a sleasy sexual fettish, although it is a compulsion.
    As you can see from the information on this site he wont stop.
    You seem to love him more than you hate his cross dressing so please dont leave him, and allow him to indulge in his hobby. However when he finds out you will allow him to and not leave him he probably go overboard and cross dress most of the time.
    If this makes you uncomfortable you need to set realistic boundaries that will suit the two of you.
    He may want to go ouside cross dressed and maybe risk take about being seen, as it is a rush for us cross dressers, this seems to be embarrassing and uncomfortable to many wives so don’t allow it. Just being able to cross dress in the privacy of your own home should be enough for him to persue his compulsion. If he needs to take his cross dressing further then let him get more and different woman’s clothing. Keep it secret and let him cross dress and it will strenthen his love for you, and in strengthening his love, then hopefully strengthing your love for him and you can have a happy life together.

  33. Fiona 7 years ago

    Nearly 5 years ago, I met my soulmate who is now my wife. When we first met, I told her that I like to crossdress and that I'm bisexual. She told me to choose…either we become a couple or just stay as friends. And so, we became a couple. We bought some sex toys but I used them alot more than her and she used them on me. Until this day, our sex life is not too good, because I always want her to start first.
    During the time, we have been together, she has caught me crossdressing, and I've tried to promise her that I won't do it again.
    Just before we got married, I cheated on her. I was seeing one of my colleagues and then after that a ladyboy who I fell in love with cos' she gave me the freedom to crossdress. When my wife found out, I thought it would be best for us to break up. We didn't. For some time, she gave me the freedom to dress up only when her family and her weren't around. Then, she changed her mind as it was hurting her a lot.

  34. Norma Dolan 7 years ago

    I was married to a wonderful woman for 12 years. I have cross dressed since I was 5 but always in the closet. Near the end of my marriage my wife discovered that I cross dressed. That part was a relief to me but devastating to her. I decided to get some transgender therapy. I spent hours with discussions and a series of tests. I begged my wife to attend a couple of these sessions and she did. During this time I was diagnosed as transgendered. It was a joy to me to get this news but the combination of my therapist and I talking to my wife, just could not get her past my diagnosis. As a result we got divorced. We were in love but it was time to go our seperate ways. Subsequently I got more therapy from two additional physchiatrists who specialized in transsexual therapy. This resulted in legally changing my name and telling my family who, thankfully, were more understanding. I am generally at peace now but I would love to find either a transsexual or super understanding female to relate with and hopefully marry. That would complete me.

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