So I’m a long time crossdresser who has decided to come out to his wife after 23 years of marriage. So why now you might ask. There are two reasons, the first being me going through a health scare which caused me to accept my mortality and the second being that I retired early and now have the time I never had to explore being Carole. Prior to that Carole was only able to come out on a very sporadic basis.
As a result of my renewed desire to be Carole I have gotten a therapist and also have explored CDH to a much greater degree than when I joined a while back. I have made some great friends for which one has become a closer friend than most of my male persona friends I have known in person for decades. I am able to share who I am with her and she has been so great with her friendship, her ear to listen to me and her advice and counsel. Other friends on CDH have been so kind and caring, the network is unbelievable! Then add the Chat feature where you can talk to so many girls that share their experiences, dreams and advice. We even had an online bachelorette party for one of the girls one time! To all of my friends, whether I talk to you everyday or once in a while, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Lastly the articles and forums provide an unfathomable amount of information. I never realized what was at my fingertips until I needed it Thank you to all of those that make CDH what it is!
My fourth visit to my therapist is in a few days. I had gone to her for one visit a few years ago and told her it was all about work stress and that I needed her help but bailed on going to see her after my wife saw the remaining bill from our insurance company. So going back to her, she was ready to follow up on the stress conversation until a few minutes in I blurted out that I was a crossdresser. I remember thinking as she was talking to me, should I tell her or not tell her but I am so glad that I did. Through our conversations I have discovered a few things.
The first being that I have had deep feelings of being ashamed and embarrassed of my other which resulted in me being aggressive in other behaviors such as being more masculine, not showing my feelings, and being right in everything. Being right meant that I would debate with my wife as I had to be right on any issue small or large. I now realize that it was my insecurities about who I was that caused me to over compensate. This led to me writing an apology letter to her and to also do it in person. I cried writing the note as I felt so bad but also because it was such a release of my feelings. The second revelation is that I realized that I have been alone my whole life with regards to being Carole but that meant I could never share my whole self with anyone I had to hide and not let people know that feminine side of me. The realization of the weight of carrying that secret of mine finally came to light. It was immense once I reflected on its toll it had taken on me.
So that brings me to today. My plan is to tell my wife about me and about that other side of me in the next 45 or so days. My therapist has been very helpful with helping me plan it out. Maybe not plan but more so to put some structure around it. Everyone’s situation is different so you don’t know what the reaction will be. My normal type of person wants to follow a playbook that will lead to success. That’s not me anymore though. Everything can’t be planned out. I’m going to tell her, I owe her that much and then she can make the decision. The advice from those that have done it is the same…go slow, communicate and give her time. All of which is great advice!
I’m more scared than anytime in my whole life. My life will change for sure and it could be changed quite dramatically. However, in the end, my hope is the value of the weight being off my back will offset the pain I will cause. When we’ve had “The Talk” and when that conversation is over, my hope is my wife and I will be in better places … hopefully together!
Wish me luck ☘️ Sincerely, Carole
- Have you had “The Talk” with your wife and how did it go?
- Did your wife have a pile of questions after you detailed your thrill of cross dressing dating back to when you were a young boy?
- When you had “The Talk” with your wife, did you tell her everything or hold back some information and if so, what didn’t you tell her?
Thank you girls so very much for taking the time to read my article and please take a moment to leave a response to my article or to one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you above.
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- My journey to telling my wife and not being alone anymore - August 8, 2021