A true story by Paulette Parfois
Having lived on this planet for 70+ years I continue to marvel over how life teaches us lessons when we least expect it. One of the most life changing moments in my life occurred several years ago when my wife and I were waiting to board an overnight flight (a ‘red eye’ to us Road Warriors) from Denver to Miami.
We were sitting in the embarkation area waiting to board our flight. A young woman came and sat across from us. It was readily apparent she was either a crossdresser or transsexual and she was not ‘passing’ very well.
At the time, I was a senior executive for a major US cable television company and to be honest I was ‘full of myself’. To make matters worse, I was in a particular ‘snarky’ mood that night and began texting unflattering comments about her to my wife. I was impressed by my ‘witty’ and acerbic commentary and was quietly chuckling to myself.
The time came to board and since we had early boarding we were some of the first to get on the plane. We sat down across the isle from one another (my wife and I both prefer aisle seats). Shortly thereafter general boarding began, and I noticed the young woman coming down the aisle. I texted to my wife “just my luck she sits next to me”. Just as I hit the ‘send’ button a masculine sounding voice said, “Pardon me I think I have the seat next to you”. Yes, it was her!
As she settled into her seat we exchanged polite pleasantries as airline passengers tend to do. She told me her name was Anna. Since I was looking forward to some sleep and was more than slightly annoyed she was sitting next to me, I tried my best to keep my replies short. However, she was so pleasant and engaging I could not help but to respond.
She told me she was an archaeologist and taught at one the universities in the Denver area. My wife, who has a passion for archaeology, heard her and perked up from her light dozing. After some discussion about archeology, and my wife’s experiences as an amateur archaeologist, the subject changed to Anna’s transition.
Anna told us how she had only recently completed transitioning and that she was returning to her hometown for her twentieth high school reunion. She said she was from Belle Glade, a small town on the southern shore of Lake Okeechobee. Having lived in Florida about the time Anna was in high school I recalled Belle Glade had a reputation of being kind of a ‘deep-in-the-swamp’ town and not too receptive to those different from them.
Anna told us she had not been back home for several years and that her family had not seen her since her transition. She was more than a little apprehensive about the welcome she was going to receive. As she told her story about her struggles and with coming to terms with her gender identity I found myself enthralled by her courage and determination. I also was thinking about what kind of reception she was going to receive back in Belle Glade.
To make a long story short, the three of us talked and laughed the whole flight (I am sure much to the annoyance of fellow passengers trying to get some sleep).
When the plane arrived in Miami I found myself wishing the flight would be longer. As we started to embark I reached over and hugged Anna and told her she would be in our prayers in the coming days. She sweetly smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I almost broke down and cried. We promised to ‘keep in touch’, (as passengers on long flights tend to do) but we never did. However, she has remained in my thoughts for all these years. I hope it worked out for her and she is comfortable with her new life. I have silently thanked her many times over the years for bringing me from being opinioned and bigoted to becoming compassionate and understanding.
As I said life has a way of teaching us lessons we never expected to learn. When I began my adventure crossdressing as Paulette Anna’s example of fortitude and courage allowed me to fully appreciate the diversity and beauty in people. So, thank you Anna from the bottom of my heart. You are and will always be a bright beacon in my journey as Paulette. Life is good and its lessons are lasting!
Thank you girls for taking the time to read my article. Feel free to respond to my article or one of more of the questions I’ve posed to you below:
- Have you ever had a preconceived opinion of someone appearing very different from you on the outside later to find out what a wonderful person he/she was after you got to know he/she better in short order?
- Do you plan on transitioning further in the near future and if so, how far will you go with your transition?
- What percent of all cross dressers do you think appear as 100% passable as a girl while out in public?
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all,
With much love, Paulette
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A good article and thanks. Two things came to mind as I was reading your article. I remember reading an article years ago about how when you meet a stranger in a room, at a dinner party, etc your brain has made up its mind as to whether it likes/fancies the person within the first 7 seconds. I make a point of fighting this inner demon. Also years ago I read Harris’ “I’m OK – You’re OK" book on transactional analysis. Basically the idea can be broken down into 4 key categories: 1) I’m not OK – You’re OK –>… Read more »
Hi Julia, When I was studying to be a clinical psychologists “I’m OK-You’re OK" was required reading (even though many academics had problems with it- but they never agree on anything!). I am a total believer that we form impressions almost at first glance (as I did in Anna’s case). (I remember one of my wife’s best friends who is a ‘Mary Kay’ lady says Mary Kay’s mantra is “A First Impression is a Lasting One"! More than once I have had to go back and ‘reset’ my impressions of someone after I gotten know them better, and I am… Read more »
Hi Paulette.. Seems Anna provided such a wonderful “life lesson", unexpected yet so Heart touching for you… Thank You… Transitioning.. Would like to have 10-12 years ago had I had the confidence that CDH is giving me.. Passable.. I’m moving into the position that if our Hearts & Mind are right… We all can be, no matter what we look like on the outside.. Repeated Lesson.. “can’t judge a book by it’s cover"!!
Hi Jillian, It is lesson I will never forget and has helped me so much over the years. I suspect part of my reaction had to with my repressed feelings about myself. I had not crossdressed for many years but the urge was always there in the back of my mind. What has happened to me is, as I have gotten older, I have come to realize the Shakespeare line “To Thine Own-Self Be True" is so relevant. Too often I have cared more about what others think of me to the detriment of what I have thought of myself.… Read more »
Thank You Paulette, I am still that “Work in Progress" But so much better & headed in the right direction… Thanks to the Friends on here Like You!! Big Hugs to You and Have a Wonderful Holiday Season!! Jill
An excellent article, showing an open scorn for Anna, and dread that they may sit next to each other. But the miracle of life is fate. The gentleman was changed, enriched, and enjoyed his flight. My wife and I had a further experience. Last week. A Seahorse club Christmas party in Sydney, gave my wife the chance to speak too, and hear from on life from their experience. A great night out. We are planning a Princess week holiday, to some gala horse-racing in Melbourne next year. A transformation. Love and life. Best wishes to you all from Jane Stewart… Read more »
Dear Jane,
It was indeed a life changing experience for me. In retrospect I suspect a large part of it was I was in denial. Paulette has always been there in the background yearning to be released, I jut didn’t want to admit it (or be reminded of it)
By the way, my son worked for Network 7 for several years and we frequently visited him in Sydney. I wanted to make it to Tasmania, but as things tend to go never made it- yet!
My best wishes to you at Christmas. A Big Hug from Arizona (USA)! Paulette
well written!
Thank you so much Dani. By the way, I have been able to track ‘Anna’ down. She has become a well-known lecturer and is looking beautiful these days. What a Christmas present for me to see some closure with a very nice outcome for a very special lady! Take care, Hugs, Paulette
It’s a great story and memory.
I see that you went from “why?” to “why not?” in short order.
We are all books…
❤️
You certainly have that right! And I feel so many people tend to close their books way too early. I like to think I still have several chapters to go- even at my age! Much love, Paulette
Paulette though you shared this story with me personally I enjoyed reading it again. I believe everything we do is for a reason and what we experience has so much to do with who we really are and this incident was for a very significant reason in itself. Almost as if some higher power sent Anna to you for you to acknowledge your inner self and remind you of the person you long to be and are. Your story is powerful and meaningful and I believe it’s one hell of a message for so many people hoping they experience what… Read more »
Thank you so much my Dear Friend, You know very well how much your love, encouragement and support means to me! You are the BEST! Hoping this Christmas season brings EVERYTHING you are wishing for. Much Love, Paulette
What a well written article. I know myself that I tend to set a first impression. But thru the years I have learned to set back and see what happens. And because I have done this, I have made some good friends and have learned not to lock people in certain ways. Thank you for this article!
Hi Padgette, It was perhaps the most eye opening experience I have ever had. I had always fancied myself to be a “live and let live" person, but then secretly I was much more bigoted than I wanted to admit. Anna not only opened my eyes, she opened my heart! As my wife, who has come to fully accept Paulette has said, “If Paulette is the reason you have become a much more attentive and loving husband, then I’ll keep buying you dresses!" Much love, Paulette
Good story Paulette. About 3 years before I started back down the CD road again my nephew came out as trans and changed his name from Ben to Harmony. For the longest time I nor anyone else in the family said anything to her. I had no idea what to say. She is living with my brother her father and since I’ve come out to my brothers I have seen her and talked to her 3 times the last 18 months, while I was dressed in fem. I feel so bad for her because she has sooo much social anxiety,… Read more »
Oh Cassie, My heart goes out to you and Harmony. I think in some way we who ‘femulate’ (to use Stana Horzepa’s term) have it easier than people who are truly transsexual. Granted, many of us have problems with acceptance by our SO and families, and the fear of ‘passing’, but it is nothing like what these folks go through feeling so strongly they were born in the wrong body. I was a member of a transsexual support group for a time and had to pull away from it because being an empath by nature I just could not handle… Read more »
Just read your story Paulette and it was so inspiring. You are a gem among us dear. I was also happy to read that you had tracked down Anna and she was doing so well. I have always tried to read the person first regardless of what is on the outside but we just can’t avoid our learned prejudices. Thank you for enlightening all of us.
I think we all have “life changing" experiences, and sometimes they come from way out in left field (or like in my case hit you in the face like a fast ball)!. I is also apparent to me (now) that a large part of my prejudice was denial (kind of like how many trans people overcompensate with sports and the military).