Our paths converge here, but they did not begin here.
Each of us has taken a different path to reach the place we are now. Every journey is different. We converge at the points where our stories are similar, but not one of us here has traveled the same road as another. It just isn’t possible.
The realization that strikes for many is the realization that this is not the end of the journey. That point is never reached, for there is always a road ahead. There are an infinite number of struggles past, present, and future. If you reject the struggle or denounce it, then it owns you. You have to own it and become its master.
Those who have gathered here together on this website have all struggled with their identity. We have struggled to come to terms with who we are and that we are different from what the mainstream generally expects from us. The old saying about toughening up and “be a man” is a curse that haunts many here. And some here are still haunted by expectations, realities, and the nature of understanding who they truly are as a human being. For some, revealing their identity as a crossdresser or transgendered person to family and loved ones is a huge step on the road to self-realization. For some, the quest to transition into what they know is their true female physical form is a giant leap forward.
Every quest is different. Every journey differs in some way and some journeys are unlike what is expected. We find pieces of ourselves along the way and sometimes those pieces don’t fit what we thought we’d find when we uncovered ourselves from the sheet thrown over us by society. We want to be who we are. We have a right to be who we are. We have a right to go on a journey of self-discovery.
So many came to this website to share themselves, to find encouragement to come out, and to find the support needed to make decisions about who they are. Some struggles are unique. I am a very part time crossdresser who likes dressing like a pirate and my life’s struggles are much bigger than that. Captain Sally is a small part of who I am. What brought me here was the ability to be this part of me somewhere that I felt safe and comfortable.
Gender issues are not always physical. Sometimes they are emotional. Like the ancient “stand up and BE A MAN” strikes like a spear through many of our hearts, for some the struggle to “be a man” goes deeper than the physical. A man doesn’t cry. A man doesn’t express emotions openly. A man is tough and strong and fights bears. All that ancient rubbish stays with us and becomes part of us. And to be who we are challenges that.
And it should be challenged. One doesn’t embrace the feminine because one thinks it would be “cool.” One does it because we are all a combination of masculine and feminine elements. And those elements vary in all people, regardless of their physical sex.
Who you are is who you are, but there is more to discover. If you treat life like an ongoing journey without a set destination, it all becomes clearer. There are mile markers, to be sure, and many here are striving towards them or have reached them. Going out dressed for the first time is a huge mile marker for many. Transitioning is a major milestone for some. Just being able to speak about this side of you is, for some, bigger than either of those is for others. Each step in the journey has a different impact on different people. For some just signing on here is a gargantuan step, and coming into chat and saying “My name is…” can be a death-defying leap. For others it is easy. The journey is different for each of us.
To feel is to be alive. To know yourself is a worthy quest. I have always been emotionally more female than male, and in many ways I pursued crossdressing as a way to experience those emotions more clearly. At first I was afraid, but I am no longer.
I love deeply. I feel things deeply. I am not afraid to express myself.
It would be a lie to say this was always true.
More Articles by Dionysus (Captain Di) The Corsair
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Dionysus (Captain Di) The Corsair
Latest posts by Dionysus (Captain Di) The Corsair (see all)
- Your Resume - January 27, 2019
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Aye, Sally!
Well said! The best part of this site is the uniqueness in our stories and the commonalities in all of us. Your comment about our makeup being both male and female is spot on and yet, the saddest truth that most try to deny. There really isn’t a blueprint that can be used to distinguish all the possible combinations of what makes all of us, us. The sooner the world comes to terms with the realization that we are all some degree female and male, the better the world will be.
Brina
Well said article gives all of us a lot to think about.
Cap’n,
So many truths in what you wrote. I remember my first forum post(this was pre-chat days on the site:
August 24, 2015 at 9:47 pm #4001 CLOSE | STICK (TO FRONT) | TRASH | SPAM
Profile photo of skippy1965(Cynthia)
skippy1965(Cynthia)
Just putting my toes in the water (with pink nail poilsh )
That was a HUGE step for me as it was the first time I really and truly “exposed" my secret to “the world"!
Cyn
Your eloquence with the written form is wonderful Cap. You have beautifully described the multitude of feelings, emotions and expectations we all face. I was one of those who thought “being a man" would in itself cure me of my desire for feminine expression. At best it suppressed it for many years but like an ink stain in a closed book, the longer time went on the further the stain spread until it had to be acknowledged. I was able to acknowledge the stain and open it to the light, only to discover that it’s not a stain at all,… Read more »
There is so much wisdom in your words, Sally. That we are all different and on different paths is theme that gives this site incredible value for me. We all struggle with identity–not just us, but all human beings. In so many ways, a self-identity that is not absolute is the truest self-identity of all. I have in the past described myself as “sometimes male, sometimes female;" but who else, besides my colleagues here, could possibly understand that? Tomorrow I may have to fight a bear and I will do so like the man I am perceived to be. But… Read more »