So, How Did It Go?

How did my transgender coming out go?

Over the last two weeks I shared a few intimate details about my coming out experience as a transgender woman. I started by my approach, and the email I sent to family and friends when coming out as transgendered. In that email I reference a document that provided some answers to the most frequently asked questions I’d received about gender transition. Then a few days ago I shared my experience coming out as transgendered at work.

So you may be asking… how did it go?

Truthfully, I’ve been overwhelmed by the acceptance I’ve received. My family has rallied around me in a way I could only dream about. My mom, my dad, my brothers, my cousins and uncles, even my dad’s girlfriend and her family have shown me love and support. if that was all I think I could be content, but it didn’t stop there.

Friends I had lost touch with took the time to write long and heartfelt notes. Back in college I was best man a good friend’s wedding. She said that people always questioned her about why she had a best man and not  bridesmaids, and now she had an answer for them – she did have a bridesmaid, they just didn’t know it 🙂

Another of my friends I’d known for years as an acquaintance has gone out of his way to meet with me, and shown care and concern for my well being throughout the transition process. Another friend I knew because her husband and I worked together. She made me feel loved, special and welcome in their home, and we’ve since become close friends, and spend at least every other weekend out shopping, chatting or just spending time together.

I told 350 of my former colleagues over email, and I’m humbled and blessed to have received almost 100 personal responses of support and well wishes. A former direct report got back in touch and we had lunch together. A former manager, who is a devout Christian, also got in touch to do lunch. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about his love and acceptance, even though he didn’t understand, and what I was doing went against what he believed – he saw beyond that to the person inside he’d grown to know.

Everything was not perfect, I lost a friend, and most heartbreakingly of all I am in the final steps of getting a divorce from my wife of seven years. But overall I don’t think I could have wished for a better transition so far.

The reactions from family, friends and coworkers has been near universally positive. I’ve been blessed beyond measure. Beyond what I could have hoped for. Beyond what I deserve.

So it is with humility and joy in my heart that I answer your question – ‘so, how did it go?’. As well as I could have wished, better than I dared dream and far beyond what I expected.

How did your coming out experience go? Please take a moment to share your trials and joys.

With love and blessings,
Vanessa

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Haley EvansLeslies Ann Gray GirlVanessa LawRaginaStepheniemace Recent comment authors
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Curt
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Curt

I share the joy of your celebrations and the grief of your of your losses as well.
Congratulations my friend.

Vanessa Law
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Vanessa Law

Thanks Curt! I appreciate it hon.

Curt Naeve
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Curt Naeve

I share the joy of your celebrations and the grief of your of your losses as well.
Congratulations my friend.

Vanessa Law
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Vanessa Law

Thanks Curt! I appreciate it hon.

Danielle
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Danielle

Hi Vanessa I was born intersexed and had already lived a life of gender confusion, always feeling a half frame out of step with the rest of the world. From an early age, without much of a language to explain even to myself, I’ve sifted and sorted and struggled to find a place where I belong. Not until I chose to live for myself did I find the peace I now live with. That couldn’t happen during the years I was willingly giving in to what I believed was expected of me by family and other cultural influences. I reached… Read more »

Vanessa Law
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Vanessa Law

What a wonderful story Danielle – slow, soft changes – a beautiful way to describe your blooming!

Stepheniemace
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Stepheniemace

Seriously, only one person in my building still talks to me now. I never really had a family so that is not an issue. Over the last 2 years [2 years in May] I have lost all my friends as well.

However I do want to say that I am very happy for you and anyone else that has managed to keep your friendships going 🙂

Stephenie 🙂

Vanessa Law
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Vanessa Law

Hi Stephanie, so sorry to hear love. I do know that there are many other wonderful friends out there waiting to be discovered, but it can be hard depending on where you live.

Best wishes that others will see your true beauty and love you for it!

Stepheniemace
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Stepheniemace

Thank you Vanessa. It has been two years but yeah. One day 🙂

Ragina
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Ragina

Dear Vanessa, I’m so glad to hear that your transition has been going so well. The only sadness is that you cannot stay with the person that you love. I hope that you can remain close in some way.

Vanessa Law
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Vanessa Law

Thanks on!

Ragina
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Ragina

Dear Vanessa, I’m so glad to hear that your transition has been going so well. The only sadness is that you cannot stay with the person that you love. I hope that you can remain close in some way.

Vanessa Law
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Vanessa Law

Thanks on!

Leslies Ann Gray Girl
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Hi everyone, Danielle what a lovely way for things to turn out. I would love to come out, dress as Leslie all the time. I have a friend and he has made it clear he’ll not put up with anyone bad mouthing anyone gay or trans , i would and have though about coming out to him , but i’am still a little scared to do so. I don’t think he is gay because he has been married,and has told me he [after his divorce] dates. I envy anyone who has and has been accepted.I’am in my late 60’s and… Read more »

Haley Evans
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Haley Evans

Honestly.. It sucked. My mom couldn’t really understand what I was trying to tell her. She wasn’t mean about it but she wasn’t very understanding about it either. She purged my room in order to create “spiritual safeguards”. I came out, but I still feel like I’m in hiding.

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