I have learned so much from the forums and articles here at Crossdresser Heaven. Perhaps it is time to give back a little and share something that happened recently. It may not seem like much, but it was a huge step for me, and perhaps I can help someone else take that step too.
I have been dressing for years now, always in secret. Being raised in a strict Christian household taught me that this side of me was something to be discouraged, denied, and hated. Still, I could not deny who and what I am, and have continued to crossdress.
Recently, I had the time to indulge in a full dressing session including doing my makeup. It felt great, to say the least, as I’m sure so many of you can attest. In the past, I have always kept the blinds down and the curtains drawn, holding in my heart the fear that someone would see, would judge, would act to belittle me for what I am. I do not know what happened that day. Maybe I was just tired of being scared or maybe I tapped into the vein of rebelliousness that I have deep inside — I do not know. All I do know is that on this day I decided that I was not going to hide. The windows were wide open, and I moved about the house, doing my daily chores as Rachel. For the first time in my life, I no longer cared if I was seen. It did not seem to matter so much anymore. I knew I was not ready to announce myself to the world, or go to work as Rachel. But as if the clouds were suddenly scattered by a strong wind so the sun could beam through, I suddenly felt this part of me was okay. I no longer felt like there was something wrong with me, or that I had this dark, awful, shameful secret to keep hidden.
I was suddenly hit with a powerful urge to do something big. Without stopping to question it, I slipped into my closed-toe, low slung black pumps. Turning to the dog, I said, “Wanna go out?”. She knew what that meant and leaped excitedly for the door. I grabbed her leash, opened the door and out we went. I stood by the side of the house letting my dog sniff around. Every nerve in me was humming like a high-tension electric wire. It was like I was aware of everything around me. The breeze ruffled my skirt, and I felt the wind on my legs. The sun warmed my face, and I reveled in the exhilaration of being outside. It was like I was free!
We were only outside for a few minutes, but it felt like I was being born. I stood differently, I walked differently, and I held my arms differently. It was like I was really expressing Rachel for the first time. Going back inside, I was thrilled beyond expression.
I am not saying you need to do what I did. I am just saying that any step you take, no matter how small, is progress.
Check out the Beauty of a Simple Act as Rachel continues to share her personal and spiritual journey.
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Fren came out told be he cross dres but I can tell him I do for some resan
Rachel I have a VERY similar background to you! Thanks for taking the time to share! Angelique
That must of felt great to go out for the first time. I can relate to the felling of going out for the first time but my experience was on Halloween and it was not a big deal for that time of year. But on the inside I was a nervous wreck my heart was beating fast and I don’t know how I managed to follow through with it and I told myself that it’s not that big of a deal and just do this and off I went to a place that I have been going for physical therapy… Read more »
Nicely written! And good for you. The best line was ‘tired of being scared’…my first time out included that energy you wrote about. It was awesome. A little fear is healthy…but it all needs to be managed.
Hi Rachel As I was reading your post I couldn’t agree with you more about the way that it feels to try something new and different. Like you I used to stay in the privacy of a motel room spending time getting dressed with full makeup and then just staying inside afraid that if I were to go outside that I’d be looked at as though there was something wrong about the way that I looked. Then one day while I was fully dressed I ordered a pizza. Waiting for it to be delivered I was torn between staying dressed… Read more »
Hi Rachel, I had the same feeling one day like you. I dress in private normally. But i was away at my holiday home miles away from my where i normally live one wet weekend. i was bored so decided to dress fem so i got my things from the car, which is where I keep them for safety. I started doing the normal routine, bra, tights, corset, hair, breast forms, medium heels, and dress. Then eye makeup etc. i feel i would not pass as female to any one else really I then thought to my self like you,… Read more »
I have been going out dressed for years now and have only been read twice that I know of. Once by a group of teenagers at a mall entrance and once by a group of 20-25 year olds in walmart. I have been stopped twice in ride spot checks and it has never been a problem. All they are interested in is driver lic., ownership, and insurance. They did not care what I was wearing. They were polite and understanding. I was not the first cross dresser they had stopped over the years. At 65 I don’t care who knows… Read more »
Dani your right , were not criminals and shouldn’t be treated any different than a women wearing a flannel shirt and work boots.
What a wonderful story would love to chat with you sometime soon .please let me know if you want to chat I am the same as you and not scared anymore
Hi Gwen, I would love to chat with you anytime. What a great feeling to accept this side of myself!
Hi Gwen,
Yes I would love to chat with you!
Ladies i tried something that you may want to try if you want soft legs witch I do I put olive oil on my legs wow so soft now even put on my pantyhose legs feel so good it has vitamin E too good for Your skin not much smell it’s good for rashes too if you get from shaving love you all
What a beautiful empowering story! You so brave & strong. I Loved it