1. Tvjade 8 years ago

    Hmmm. I set up a femme identity on facebook and the facebook people sent me a message saying they believed it was a false account and so would I verify it. Its currently locked and I can’t get them to unlock it. facebook sucks!

    • Vanessa Law 8 years ago

      Arg! I know that sometimes Facebook will catch names they don’t believe the
      name is real. I’d recommend trying a name more common to US/UK culture. It’s
      a real challenge to find support when you aren’t able to use your femme name
      on Facebook to connect with others.

      • Susan 8 years ago

        Hi Vanessa dear,

        This is Susan Veronica and I moved to Seattle. Drop me a line, I have much to talk.

  2. Ralph Kramden 8 years ago


    When I wanted to use FB to connect with other crossdressers a couple of years ago, I did all of those things and one more: I created a secondary logon account on my computer.  That way there is *never* a chance of my CD activity leaking from one browser to another, because all data is stored in an entirely separate logon account that my “regular” logon can’t even see.  When I want to surf crossdressing material, I log on with the secondary account and go to town.  Oh, and the one other layer of misdirection I used was when I set up the Gmail account, I first used one of those disposable anonymous accounts so when Google asked me for my current address for confirmation purposes, I was able to use the junk address.  That way there are two degrees of separation, not one, between Ralph’s gmail and my real account.

    This isn’t to hide anything from my family, but I’ll spare you my three-hour sermon on openness and trust in marriages 🙂  Rather it’s to avoid any inadvertent overlap from my alternate life into forums and social networks where my other friends and relatives might see and make the connection.

    Of course, all that cloak-and-dagger care is for naught if anyone ever took the time to track incoming IP addresses. And because my IP address pinpoints me geographically, it’s a little unnerving on Facebook (and, in fact, most ad-supported websites) to see ads targeted to my hometown.

    Now having said all THAT, I’ll add that I eventually dropped my Facebook account. What I had hoped would be a way to connect with other heterosexual, non-transition, preferably married and/or Christian crossdressers (how small a demographic is that, I wonder?) instead turned up nothing but endless discussions on the fetish aspect. Not, as I always say, that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s just not my cup of crinoline. I want to talk about style preferences and great finds on ebay and deeper issues of acceptance, not what color panties are you wearing today.

    • Vanessa Law 8 years ago

      Good job on taking a robust set of precautions dear! It’s best that you’re
      in control of who and how finds out about this part of your life.


  3. loni 6 years ago

    best way to keep facebook and others out of your life is just to have nothing to do with a web site that snoopes into your hard drive.


  4. samantha 6 years ago

    Thanks for these suggestions. I don’t click like anymore, because I know friends will see it, and I don’t want everyone knowing my secret yet. It is good to know about that other way of posting comments that are only on the site, I’ll remember that.

  5. Jennifer Leigh Jones 6 years ago

    Couldn’t agree more with what @Loni said. If you’re on Facebook or use Google, there is NO privacy, only an illusion of it, pretty much no matter what you do. I refuse to even have a Facebook account or use Internet Explorer. I use all kinds of blocking and privacy add-ons for Firefox (Better Privacy, Ghostery, Self-Destructing Cookies, etc.) and opt out of Google ads, etc. Even at that, I know there is no such thing as Internet privacy, but these steps at least make it harder for a casual snoop.

  6. Jennifer Leigh 6 years ago

    @Ralph Cramden – That is a pretty small demographic, but one that I’m in so there are at least two of us (except I’m no longer married after 18 happy years with the love of my life). I’d actually love to be transitional, but unfortunately was born 30 years too early and probably a foot too tall! So I made the best of the plumbing I had, tried to be ‘normal’ and to all appearances, live a ‘normal’ life. All I have to show for it at this point is old age, loneliness, unhappiness and regret. At least I have the peace and solitude to dress anytime I like (which is often) in my own home.

  7. Michelle 6 years ago

    My genes make it unlikely that I will ever be able to walk in public as a passable woman, but going back to a young age I remember liking the feel of wearing pantyhose, or random female acquaintance panties, and even dating a few girls that liked to dress me up in their clothes while I protested so they wouldn’t know how much I liked it.

    I’ve just started crossdressing, I don’t have anything more than a few pieces of lingerie right now. I’m hoping that as I meet people in similar situations that I’ll be more comfortable in my own skin, and maybe one day ‘come out’ publicly.

    I’ve chatted with a few local crossdressers and maybe after a lot more discussion I’d be willing to meet them in person, but that adds a whole new aspect to the situation. Am I gay? I experimented years ago, but I still have a mighty powerful attraction to women. Does that make me bi, even if it’s been years, or would I be bi-curious? And even when I do find myself attracted to a male, it’s almost always a effeminate man that acts more ladylike than most women. And probably more important, why do those labels need to be used? Sure would be nice if our society were a little more…. mature. Why can’t I be attracted to who I am attracted to, wearing whatever clothes make me feel natural, in whatever setting I desire without having to worry about how others are going to react?

    Thanks for putting this blog up, and thanks for all the tips in this post about keeping my alter identity secret. I doubt I’d have difficulties with others if my desires became known, as I’ve got a supportive, loving circle of family and friends, but I think there’s a big wall of shame, embarassment, and self doubt that I need to overcome before I can even consider making my true self known.

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