The world is a place full of expectations. From the moment we’re born we are molded by our families loving best intentions, by our friend’s awkward desire for us to fit in to their world, by school and college and work. We’re trained to be the same, to fit into a mold that society cast for us without our consent or intention.
It dawned on me today, as I was learning more about new technologies like earthing, and I considered my journey through alternative healing, that the slightest difference and deviation is shunned. Whether it’s barefoot long haired hippies trying desperately to share their earth wisdom, or the transgender woman trying to find her place in the world – it’s hard being different.
Being different was the inspiration for the Bohemian themed top I share with you today – not only is it different, but it’s fashionably so. It’s own uniqueness has become the quality which draws others too it. It’s not just a cute summer adornment, it’s a bold and courageous declaration of self expression.
Being different in a cisgender world
As a transgender woman, one of my earliest desires was to fit in – not just in society, but in my own skin. I wanted to be accepted for who I was, who I am – but everywhere I looked at the time I found people trying to change me. This was many years ago, before I had accepted myself. I clung desperately to the hope that by changing those people would accept me, would love me.
I learnt the hard way that the pastor who tries to change you does so not out of care, but out of a deep fear that you won’t fit into his world view. By fully expressing your light you’ll make him realize the selfish shadow he is casting on his congregation. So he wraps himself in faith and uses the sword of righteousness to cleave your soul in two.
The only defense is to embrace yourself, embrace your difference. I have the blessing these days to look in the mirror with love on the woman staring back at me. It’s a new experience for me – to gaze upon myself with such love and acceptance. To see the perfection of my failures and still smile.
So if your soul is wandering, and society seems hell bent on breaking you. STOP. Breathe. Look at yourself in the mirror. Gaze with love. Let acceptance well up inside for the person you are. Are you a man who dresses as a woman? A woman born as a man? Or anywhere in between – love yourself.
It’s hard. The hardest part of the journey. Let the spirit of grace and goodness pulse within you. It may be weak at first, but grows stronger each time you tap in to it. Yes, you’re different. That’s why you’re perfect.
With love and blessings,
Vanessa
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Vanessa, you are so right; and I do love being different. When I see and feel who I really am when dressed, I am at peace and comfortable. No two ways about it. But being different means I have to be different at different times. In a short while I must become a man because of family. I shall have a weekend retreat away on my own, hoping the others there will be accepting, because I shall take “tokens" with me, like painted nails and some beads. But I can’t be the femme me, because it’s dorm sharing, and where… Read more »
Well said Andie. I tend to think that those who are nastiest are either struggling deeply with their own gender identity or sexuality, or feel more threatened and insecure about our choice to live free as who we are.
So well said about how we are cast into a mold and everyone should follow suit. Ive struggled with this my entire life and became more of a loner than to be put into a catagory. You were at odds with who might accept you and who wouldnt.
Thanks hon – yes, this is such a tough place to be – but there are people out there who will love you just as you are. I’ve been surprised at how many of them there are actually…
I don’t know where I would be without your supportThank you again
Thanks Camile *hugs*
Well said hon!
Great article as usual. I can really see myself there. I spent 7yrs in couseling and know where your comming from. Thanks
Thanks love!
I realise this is most likely the wrong place to post this but i was trying to find a way to ask you a question. I am 20 and i have been secretly crossdressing for years but about a week ago my girlfriend of over a year thought it would be fun to dress me up and now loves having me dressed up and so i basically live as a girl when im at home, my main question is how to find shoes in my size im a size 12-13 mens but in a test i did with my gf… Read more »
Hi hon, try a few places listed here:
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/store/high-heels/
Payless shoes may also be a good bet for you.
Good luck!
GLAMOUR BOUTIQUE IN AUBURN, MASSACHUSETTS, THEY SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET TO ORDER FROM,JAYLA CHERI
Zappo’s.com is the most awsome ever. Another good one is shoebuy.com
They have all kinds of stuff on sale. I’m a size 12b and I have 22 pairs from these sites.
Mikala,
There are places out there that have your shoe size. Keep
checking the internet. Size 13US is not that hard to fit.
If in U.S. try a place called “Dreamshoes" in California.
You might even get into an eleven in a slingback.
Best wishes,
Catherine
I GUESS I AM THE FIRST TO REPLY TO YOUR WELL WRITTEN BLOG/MESSAGE….IT IS SAID THAT THE WORLD REALLY TRIES TO CHANGE YOU INTO SOMETHING YOUR NOT OR DESIRE TO BE IN ANY FASHION OF THE WORD….I HAVE BEEN A CD SINCE THE AGE OF NINE & MY PASTOR MADE ME THROW OUT ALL OF MY FEMININE CLOTHES & REALLY COULD USE A FEW THINGS IN A SIZE 28…..I FEEL PERHAPS CROSSDRESSERS CAN DO SOMETHING FOR US POOR CD’S OUT HERE BEGGING FOR CLOTHES THAT NOBODY IS GOING TO GIVE, I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARS & IT HAS BEEN… Read more »
It is amazing how much of a difference accepting yourself can make. That feeling when you can face the world proud of who you are and unafraid of what others will think. For me this made all the difference in the world. Unfortunately we will continue to deal with others who will not approve of our differences, or will try to mold us as you said into something that walks, talks and acts like them. What do we do about it? Well until we accept ourselves we hide in our houses (or bedrooms and bathrooms while we still live with… Read more »
Thanks Violette – what a beautifully eloquent comment – if you don’t mind,
I’d like to post your article to the main part of Crossdresser Heaven so
more people can see it – yours are really powerful words.
-Vanessa
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Of course you may. Although with comments like that I may just have to start a blog myself too.
We purge our clothes believing that without the means the temptation will go away. I had to deal with alcoholism and other things many years ago and am sober over 10 years now. I had quit CDing during that time and just recently started back up again last December. Going through rehabilitation years ago, I thought the cd part of me was just the other addictions. Over this last ten years, I can’t begin to count how many times I was somewhere and saw a woman standing there in heels or sandels and thinking to myself, “god I wish I… Read more »
I want to Thank You. Your words of encouragement have made it possible to be the woman I was meant and born to be. I may not look like it from the outside ( all the time), but now, because of your guidance, I now think as the woman I was born.. It has given me strength..Everyday I grow stronger as the woman I was meant to be. I hope someday to find a woman or women as friends. I’ll never be able to Thank You enough.
Hugs
Sharon
Wonderful to hear Sharon! Thanks for your kinds words dear.
Hugs,
Vanessa
HI SHARONMICHAELS,     MY NAME IS JAYLA CHERI AND I HAVE CROSSDRESSED SINCE THE AGE OF NINE, HAVE DONE 19 YEARS IN THE MILITARY AND I AM STILL HERE WITH MY SLIP SHOWING AS YOU SAY…. I AM PROUD TO BE A CROSSDRESSER, IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT THE GOOD LORD MADE A MISTAKE IN PUTTING ME IN THE WRONG BODY, WE HAVE TO STAY IN NUMBERS AND FIGHT FOR OUR RIGHTS FOR LARGER SIZES IN THE ARMS AND CUSTOM MADE DRESSES, SO WHAT IF WE GET A HARD ON DURING, IT JUST IS A FACT OF LIFE THAT YOU… Read more »
Dearest Vanessa, Thank you so much for your postings. I was able to come out to my wife a few years ago and I’m so glad that I did. I am able to dress as much or as little as I choose. We do have a young child in the home who just really would not understand why her daddy is wearing womens clothes, so I’ve learned to be discrete when and where I dress. Other than that, I am free to do as I feel. I wear panties 24/7, and will often wear eye shadow during the day. I… Read more »