It’s interesting how long it takes some people to discover what kind of human they are. Some people just seem to know what they want to do at each phase of their life. Take my brother for example: from as far back as I could remember he wanted to be a pilot and fly big planes or fighter jets. Nothing deterred him from reaching his dream of becoming an airline pilot; after years of hard work and several detours, he became a pilot with a major airline. Back problems forced an early retirement, so he didn’t reach the pinnacle but he did fly Boeing 767s before he was forced to quit on disability about 20 years ago.I, on the other hand, wasn’t driven to a career goal, but just fell into engineering after an aborted attempt at Architecture school. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. I did have a goal in life that I didn’t feel would ever be in reach. As a preschooler, I learned that I wanted to be a girl. My body indicated otherwise, but I felt down deep that I should have been born a girl. Growing up in the late 50s and early 60s in a small town and in a very religious household, telling my three older siblings, or worse my parents, that I was not sure I really should be a boy wasn’t something I felt I could do.So, I secretly dressed in my sisters’ old dance costumes that had been stored in the attic, then later in their clothes left behind when they were at college or moved out, along with some of my mother’s lingerie. I had several close calls but was never caught or found out. In high school and college, I played a lot of intramural sports and enjoyed some of what being a guy offered, but never felt like I fit in at all. I kept people at arm’s length so they wouldn’t get close enough to discover the real me. The crossdressing was very limited during those years, but not at all the feelings of being in the wrong body by some cruel twist of fate.When I dropped out of college, it took a while, but eventually I was able to get my own place near Emory University in Atlanta, GA. I had also fallen in love with a wonderful woman (not from Atlanta) I met by chance and who somehow agreed to marry me 40 years ago. The apartment I had in Atlanta allowed me to fully dress for the first time, including makeup a wig, and heels. But I was still petrified of telling anyone or going out, and I was afraid to shave off any body hair.

I’m ashamed to say I never told my wife about my wanting to express a feminine side or felt like I would make a better woman than the man I was trying so hard to be. Our careers took us to Houston, Texas eventually where I went back to college to get an engineering degree while I was working full-time. I had some opportunities to dress off and on during those years. Fast forward to 2015, when we lived in South Carolina and I had an opportunity to dress nights and weekends for several months when my wife went to help family in her home area in South Louisiana. I tried breast forms and butt/hip padding along with all the other clothes, shapewear, shoes, wig, etc. I was so hooked on transforming myself into a passable woman that it scared me. I abruptly purged everything one night and determined that I couldn’t continue, or I would not be able to stop, even for work or my wife’s sake.

That purge lasted for 6 years. Finally, at the beginning of 2021, I just as abruptly began purchasing everything I had before and then some. We had relocated to the Pittsburgh metro area, and the pandemic forced me to work from home, but my wife was working outside the home and sometimes gone for 12–13 hours. I would get myself dolled up before my workday started and clean everything up before my wife got back home. I knew if she had something that caused her to come home early, there would be no possible way to hide this from her. However, I felt like if she did learn about it, I would at least be able to stop hiding half of myself from her. I realized this time around what I had been denying for so many years. I didn’t know what to call it back then besides crossdressing. I now knew I had been suffering from gender dysphoria for more than 6 decades! I realized whether there was a way to “fix” it or not, I owed it to my wife to come out to her.

We had “the talk” in July 2021, then through discussions and therapy, I had to tell her that I couldn’t remain a part-time closeted crossdresser anymore. The feminine urges were genetic and ingrained and I needed to start HRT and at a minimum socially transition.

We had other issues somewhat unrelated (although I think most of my problems interacting with others stemmed from my discomfort being male) and we will be physically separate this summer. We love each other and she is supportive, however, she needs her own space to figure out what she wants and needs. She isn’t physically attracted to other women so it’s doubtful we’ll cohabitate in future.

We may elect to stay married for some of the financial benefits. As for me, I have come out to almost all of my medical team. I’ve been on spironolactone since late November and estradiol since early March. Even a few months ago, my wife saying she needs to move out would have driven me into a spiral of guilt and depression. While I am not happy with the situation, I know we both need this space and time. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or just personal growth but I am resigned to the changes and just as determined that nothing will interfere with my need to transition.

So, at 66 years of age, I finally know what I want to be when I grow up — a confident, contented transwoman!

Thank you for taking time to read my article and I look forward to hear your responses.

Exceptional Voice

Sincerely, Brielle

 

 

More Articles by Brielle

View all articles by BrielleTags:
4 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
69 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Julie Soft
Member
5 months ago

Yes, so so good for you!

Carla
Active Member
5 months ago

Brielle,
It’s heartwarming to know you will now be your tue self. I came out to my wife 2 years ago and I’m now 60. I would take hormones and transition tomorrow but I love my wife too much. I’ve therefore decided to live two lives. It’s hard sometimes but my wife want to be married to a man. Best wishes for the future and trust you will be fulfilled x

Arlene Monroe
Active Member
5 months ago

I am 72 now myself and have been through a similar situation including a 6-year purge beginning at age 64. I continue to only dress at home alone, and now own only a few pairs of shoes and stockings. Not easy, but I want to keep our 49 year marriage together. We recently moved to be near our daughter and grandson and out here I finally at least made personal contact with a few girls out here for lunch. Very exciting to at least be recognized by a group of lovely trans women who go out in public. You, on… Read more »

ɛƖąıŋɛ ą
Member
ɛƖąıŋɛ ą
5 months ago

Dear Brielle ,     I’m close to you in age , I love my wife and not hurting her feelings is very important to me so I have to keep my deep trans-feminine dressing desires throttled down to just help Elaine feel OK . I guess if I were all alone the sky would be the limit in my getting all dolled up totally dressed to pass the very best I could , so I guess it’s good I have a roadblock on my desires to keep me from going in so very deep which I probably could . OH My Gosh ! There… Read more »

ɛƖąıŋɛ ą
Member
ɛƖąıŋɛ ą
5 months ago
Reply to  Brielle Ross

I wish you the best and I understand .

Jo Jo Sweet
Member
5 months ago

Hi Brielle
Just a quick note to say you look great and more importantly, happy, in your photo. It would be good if you could show your wife that the woman inside you will always love and respect her and there are benefits to loving someone who just happens to have a softer gentler and more loving side rather than just think of you as changing.
Love and best wishes to you.
JoJo

Kerri Smith' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
Member
Kerri Smith
5 months ago

Brielle,
I am so happy that you have the courage to transition. My wife recently left me, not because I am a cd but for other reasons. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to take hormones and grow breasts of my own. But I guess living as a man for so long has made me too masculine. Also, my family would never get used to me living as a woman. For now I am content with cross dressing occasionally.

Kerri

Tamara
Member
4 months ago

I came out gay at 60 I just started living as a woman 24 7 at 61 . I had fought myself sense I was 7 or 8. I would have been my best friends boy or girl friend. In 1965-66 they would have locked me up in the state hospital. I knew that I was different from other boys. I wanted to look good for him and loved to be the girl. I fought myself I was attracted to other boys. As a male I over acted the worst male acts and was not a nice person. Now I… Read more »

Hope Roberts
Baroness
Active Member
4 months ago

Brielle,

Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate in many ways. To answer your question I was 60 when I finally understood I am trans. I would rather be a woman and long for HRT but my family responsibilities require my male self. But I have been building my wardrobe for 2 years now and am never turning back. One heeled step forward at all times

Thea
Member
3 months ago

Thank you so much for your wonderful and moving account! I had no idea (until I joined CDH) there were other people at my age going through similar things! So much of your account fits with my own experiences, though I am still at a very early stage of the journey. Thanks again for sharing and giving me hope!
Gabby

Trisha Rave
Member
2 months ago

Brielle, just so nice to read your background and also your pics so womanly, Love from Trisha

69
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

If you don't see the captcha above please disable ad and tracking blockers and reload the page.