Iâm ashamed to say I never told my wife about my wanting to express a feminine side or felt like I would make a better woman than the man I was trying so hard to be. Our careers took us to Houston, Texas eventually where I went back to college to get an engineering degree while I was working full-time. I had some opportunities to dress off and on during those years. Fast forward to 2015, when we lived in South Carolina and I had an opportunity to dress nights and weekends for several months when my wife went to help family in her home area in South Louisiana. I tried breast forms and butt/hip padding along with all the other clothes, shapewear, shoes, wig, etc. I was so hooked on transforming myself into a passable woman that it scared me. I abruptly purged everything one night and determined that I couldnât continue, or I would not be able to stop, even for work or my wifeâs sake.
That purge lasted for 6 years. Finally, at the beginning of 2021, I just as abruptly began purchasing everything I had before and then some. We had relocated to the Pittsburgh metro area, and the pandemic forced me to work from home, but my wife was working outside the home and sometimes gone for 12â13 hours. I would get myself dolled up before my workday started and clean everything up before my wife got back home. I knew if she had something that caused her to come home early, there would be no possible way to hide this from her. However, I felt like if she did learn about it, I would at least be able to stop hiding half of myself from her. I realized this time around what I had been denying for so many years. I didnât know what to call it back then besides crossdressing. I now knew I had been suffering from gender dysphoria for more than 6 decades! I realized whether there was a way to âfixâ it or not, I owed it to my wife to come out to her.
We had âthe talkâ in July 2021, then through discussions and therapy, I had to tell her that I couldnât remain a part-time closeted crossdresser anymore. The feminine urges were genetic and ingrained and I needed to start HRT and at a minimum socially transition.
We had other issues somewhat unrelated (although I think most of my problems interacting with others stemmed from my discomfort being male) and we will be physically separate this summer. We love each other and she is supportive, however, she needs her own space to figure out what she wants and needs. She isnât physically attracted to other women so itâs doubtful weâll cohabitate in future.
We may elect to stay married for some of the financial benefits. As for me, I have come out to almost all of my medical team. Iâve been on spironolactone since late November and estradiol since early March. Even a few months ago, my wife saying she needs to move out would have driven me into a spiral of guilt and depression. While I am not happy with the situation, I know we both need this space and time. I donât know if itâs the hormones or just personal growth but I am resigned to the changes and just as determined that nothing will interfere with my need to transition.
So, at 66 years of age, I finally know what I want to be when I grow up â a confident, contented transwoman!
Thank you for taking time to read my article and I look forward to hear your responses.
Sincerely, Brielle
Yes, so so good for you!
Thanks, Julie!
Brielle,
Itâs heartwarming to know you will now be your tue self. I came out to my wife 2 years ago and Iâm now 60. I would take hormones and transition tomorrow but I love my wife too much. Iâve therefore decided to live two lives. Itâs hard sometimes but my wife want to be married to a man. Best wishes for the future and trust you will be fulfilled x
Hi Carla, thanks for the sweet message. I want to stay married and live as a couple as well. I wish I could split my mind and attention and stay her man, but I believe the dysphoria has led me to be somewhat unkind and withdrawn a lot in our marriage, which led us to separating this month. It’s not a “legal” separation, just separate apartments so she can have space to figure out what HER needs are. We still love each other and want to support each other, but she just isn’t comfortable Brielle, and soon my changes will… Read more Âğ
I am 72 now myself and have been through a similar situation including a 6-year purge beginning at age 64. I continue to only dress at home alone, and now own only a few pairs of shoes and stockings. Not easy, but I want to keep our 49 year marriage together. We recently moved to be near our daughter and grandson and out here I finally at least made personal contact with a few girls out here for lunch. Very exciting to at least be recognized by a group of lovely trans women who go out in public. You, on… Read more Âğ
Thank you, GF! Nice that you have been able to meet and socialize with other like-minded people, if only for a short time.
Hugs,
Brie
Dear Brielle , I’m close to you in age , I love my wife and not hurting her feelings is very important to me so I have to keep my deep trans-feminine dressing desires throttled down to just help Elaine feel OK . I guess if I were all alone the sky would be the limit in my getting all dolled up totally dressed to pass the very best I could , so I guess it’s good I have a roadblock on my desires to keep me from going in so very deep which I probably could . OH My Gosh ! There… Read more Âğ
Hi Elaine, sorry for the delayed reply. I’ve been moving to my own place this last week or two while my wife just moved to hers – not just from the transitioning, but largely. I had vowed to take my secrets of CD and wanting to live as a woman to my grave. I figured if either one of us had to be miserable it would be me. Great idea in theory, but I was making us both miserable anyway, and I had to close myself off so rigidly I was mostly unavailable for more than a superficial relationship. We… Read more Âğ
I wish you the best and I understand .
Hi Brielle
Just a quick note to say you look great and more importantly, happy, in your photo. It would be good if you could show your wife that the woman inside you will always love and respect her and there are benefits to loving someone who just happens to have a softer gentler and more loving side rather than just think of you as changing.
Love and best wishes to you.
JoJo
Hi Jo Jo, I was pretty happy at the time that phoito was taken. Lately, not so much. If you read some of my replies above, we are physically separating this month. Still besties, but first time apart like this in 41 years!
I can only do my best to show my wife the better side of me and she can (maybe) fall in love, or at least “like” with Brielle in time.
Thanks for your sweet reply!
Hugs,
Brie
Brielle,
I am so happy that you have the courage to transition. My wife recently left me, not because I am a cd but for other reasons. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to take hormones and grow breasts of my own. But I guess living as a man for so long has made me too masculine. Also, my family would never get used to me living as a woman. For now I am content with cross dressing occasionally.
Kerri
Hi Kerri, as did my wife. She moved into her own place two weeks ago, and I moved into my own last week. I feel totally verklempt and a little lost right now. Part of the problem is I couldn’t take off any vacation days from work so my new place is piled up with boxes and tubs, and I have about 2 square feet of kitchen counter space to prep food. Not that I’ve had time to cook anything that takes any prep, mind you! I’m happy with my transition, but that’s about the only thing going well at… Read more Âğ