I’m ashamed to say I never told my wife about my wanting to express a feminine side or felt like I would make a better woman than the man I was trying so hard to be. Our careers took us to Houston, Texas eventually where I went back to college to get an engineering degree while I was working full-time. I had some opportunities to dress off and on during those years. Fast forward to 2015, when we lived in South Carolina and I had an opportunity to dress nights and weekends for several months when my wife went to help family in her home area in South Louisiana. I tried breast forms and butt/hip padding along with all the other clothes, shapewear, shoes, wig, etc. I was so hooked on transforming myself into a passable woman that it scared me. I abruptly purged everything one night and determined that I couldn’t continue, or I would not be able to stop, even for work or my wife’s sake.
That purge lasted for 6 years. Finally, at the beginning of 2021, I just as abruptly began purchasing everything I had before and then some. We had relocated to the Pittsburgh metro area, and the pandemic forced me to work from home, but my wife was working outside the home and sometimes gone for 12–13 hours. I would get myself dolled up before my workday started and clean everything up before my wife got back home. I knew if she had something that caused her to come home early, there would be no possible way to hide this from her. However, I felt like if she did learn about it, I would at least be able to stop hiding half of myself from her. I realized this time around what I had been denying for so many years. I didn’t know what to call it back then besides crossdressing. I now knew I had been suffering from gender dysphoria for more than 6 decades! I realized whether there was a way to “fix” it or not, I owed it to my wife to come out to her.
We had “the talk” in July 2021, then through discussions and therapy, I had to tell her that I couldn’t remain a part-time closeted crossdresser anymore. The feminine urges were genetic and ingrained and I needed to start HRT and at a minimum socially transition.
We had other issues somewhat unrelated (although I think most of my problems interacting with others stemmed from my discomfort being male) and we will be physically separate this summer. We love each other and she is supportive, however, she needs her own space to figure out what she wants and needs. She isn’t physically attracted to other women so it’s doubtful we’ll cohabitate in future.
We may elect to stay married for some of the financial benefits. As for me, I have come out to almost all of my medical team. I’ve been on spironolactone since late November and estradiol since early March. Even a few months ago, my wife saying she needs to move out would have driven me into a spiral of guilt and depression. While I am not happy with the situation, I know we both need this space and time. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or just personal growth but I am resigned to the changes and just as determined that nothing will interfere with my need to transition.
So, at 66 years of age, I finally know what I want to be when I grow up — a confident, contented transwoman!
Thank you for taking time to read my article and I look forward to hear your responses.
More Articles by Brielle
- My New Name
- Pittsburgh Trans Pride Swim Party
- MY WEEK AT THE 2022 KEYSTONE CONFERENCE
- Coming Out to My Daughter as Trans
- First Time Out in Public!
Latest posts by Brielle (see all)
- My New Name - January 5, 2023
- Pittsburgh Trans Pride Swim Party - August 22, 2022
- I Found Myself at 66 Years of Age - June 11, 2022
- MY WEEK AT THE 2022 KEYSTONE CONFERENCE - May 29, 2022
- Coming Out to My Daughter as Trans - March 17, 2022
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Yes, so so good for you!
It’s heartwarming to know you will now be your tue self. I came out to my wife 2 years ago and I’m now 60. I would take hormones and transition tomorrow but I love my wife too much. I’ve therefore decided to live two lives. It’s hard sometimes but my wife want to be married to a man. Best wishes for the future and trust you will be fulfilled x
Hi Carla, thanks for the sweet message. I want to stay married and live as a couple as well. I wish I could split my mind and attention and stay her man, but I believe the dysphoria has led me to be somewhat unkind and withdrawn a lot in our marriage, which led us to separating this month. It’s not a “legal” separation, just separate apartments so she can have space to figure out what HER needs are. We still love each other and want to support each other, but she just isn’t comfortable Brielle, and soon my changes will… Read more »
I am 72 now myself and have been through a similar situation including a 6-year purge beginning at age 64. I continue to only dress at home alone, and now own only a few pairs of shoes and stockings. Not easy, but I want to keep our 49 year marriage together. We recently moved to be near our daughter and grandson and out here I finally at least made personal contact with a few girls out here for lunch. Very exciting to at least be recognized by a group of lovely trans women who go out in public. You, on… Read more »
Thank you, GF! Nice that you have been able to meet and socialize with other like-minded people, if only for a short time.
Dear Brielle , I’m close to you in age , I love my wife and not hurting her feelings is very important to me so I have to keep my deep trans-feminine dressing desires throttled down to just help Elaine feel OK . I guess if I were all alone the sky would be the limit in my getting all dolled up totally dressed to pass the very best I could , so I guess it’s good I have a roadblock on my desires to keep me from going in so very deep which I probably could . OH My Gosh ! There… Read more »
Hi Elaine, sorry for the delayed reply. I’ve been moving to my own place this last week or two while my wife just moved to hers – not just from the transitioning, but largely. I had vowed to take my secrets of CD and wanting to live as a woman to my grave. I figured if either one of us had to be miserable it would be me. Great idea in theory, but I was making us both miserable anyway, and I had to close myself off so rigidly I was mostly unavailable for more than a superficial relationship. We… Read more »
I wish you the best and I understand .
Just a quick note to say you look great and more importantly, happy, in your photo. It would be good if you could show your wife that the woman inside you will always love and respect her and there are benefits to loving someone who just happens to have a softer gentler and more loving side rather than just think of you as changing.
Love and best wishes to you.
Hi Jo Jo, I was pretty happy at the time that phoito was taken. Lately, not so much. If you read some of my replies above, we are physically separating this month. Still besties, but first time apart like this in 41 years!
I can only do my best to show my wife the better side of me and she can (maybe) fall in love, or at least “like” with Brielle in time.
Thanks for your sweet reply!
I am so happy that you have the courage to transition. My wife recently left me, not because I am a cd but for other reasons. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to take hormones and grow breasts of my own. But I guess living as a man for so long has made me too masculine. Also, my family would never get used to me living as a woman. For now I am content with cross dressing occasionally.
Hi Kerri, as did my wife. She moved into her own place two weeks ago, and I moved into my own last week. I feel totally verklempt and a little lost right now. Part of the problem is I couldn’t take off any vacation days from work so my new place is piled up with boxes and tubs, and I have about 2 square feet of kitchen counter space to prep food. Not that I’ve had time to cook anything that takes any prep, mind you! I’m happy with my transition, but that’s about the only thing going well at… Read more »
I came out gay at 60 I just started living as a woman 24 7 at 61 . I had fought myself sense I was 7 or 8. I would have been my best friends boy or girl friend. In 1965-66 they would have locked me up in the state hospital. I knew that I was different from other boys. I wanted to look good for him and loved to be the girl. I fought myself I was attracted to other boys. As a male I over acted the worst male acts and was not a nice person. Now I… Read more »
Hi Tamara, thank you for the kind words! Things have settled down a bit for me in the last 3 weeks. Today (Saturday July 23) is my birthday, but it was a little bittersweet. I mailed letters to my three older siblings and my wife’s three older surviving siblings on Monday the 18th. Two of my siblings, that at least do texts, texted me happy birthday. My brother (closest to in age and we hung out together a lot before marriage, etc.) and his wife are 100% supportive and actually thanked me for trusting them with such personal imformation. The… Read more »
Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate in many ways. To answer your question I was 60 when I finally understood I am trans. I would rather be a woman and long for HRT but my family responsibilities require my male self. But I have been building my wardrobe for 2 years now and am never turning back. One heeled step forward at all times
Hope, thank you for your reply! I think I seriously suspected as far back as 2015, but I buried my feelings (again) and plodded along until last Spring (2021). So was 60 that year as well. Of course, I felt it way back probably in HS, but we couldn’t even discuss it, let alone pursue it, could we? Just do what you need to do, GF! Honestly, if I could go back in the “way back machine” I’d have told someone in my 20s, even if transitioning wasn’t in the cards. I definitely would have told my wife before we… Read more »
Thank you so much for your wonderful and moving account! I had no idea (until I joined CDH) there were other people at my age going through similar things! So much of your account fits with my own experiences, though I am still at a very early stage of the journey. Thanks again for sharing and giving me hope!
Hi Gabby, when I first joined, it was just to see if my experiences were similar to anyone else’s or if I even could find a place to fit in and be myself. After coming out as trans, I realized I have a desire to give back, lend my voice, and lend support to those in our community who are struggling or just need that bit of encouragement. Thanks for your kind reply to the article!
Brielle, just so nice to read your background and also your pics so womanly, Love from Trisha