I have been thinking about writing an article for some time now but going back and forth about a subject. I guess during these troubling times of a pandemic and self- isolation and self-reflection, the topic now seems appropriate.
Like other girls I started my fascination with cross dressing at an early age. I would wear my older sister’s clothes and dream about being a girl. I was almost found out by my father and was petrified with fear but actually exposed myself to my sister while wearing some of her clothes. She was taken back by my appearance, and that was not the response I was hoping for so I played it off as a joke. That turned me off for quite some time. I was in my early teens and I put my fantasy out of my mind. I felt I was the only person who did such a thing. High school, college and the service followed and my embarrassment and fascination with dressing disappeared. Along with marriage, children, buying and taking care of a house, a 40-hour work week and even a part time job to make ends meet. I was too busy and poor to think about dressing, let alone buy feminine clothes.
As a health care professional, I worked nights so with my wife at work and my children at school, I was home alone and my availability and desire to dress increased. I accumulated some things when I had the courage to go shopping and started purchasing things online. Of course, I couldn’t have them delivered to my house, so I obtained a P.O. box. I stored them in large plastic bins in my garage and crawl space, always afraid someone would find them. When I wasn’t exhausted from work I would bring some items in the house and enjoy being Jenna even for a short time. Guilt would set in and on some of my feminine things mold grew and I took that as a sign to purge my items. Of course, I missed dressing, and would purchase other things from time to time. Life went on, my kids grew up, they got married and we now have grandchildren and within the last few years. Both my wife and I retired!
I know this is a story that is most likely a carbon copy of many girls here, however, this is where my story has a twist that I haven’t read from others on this site. I am bisexual! My wife does not know of my desire to cross dress and in addition have an attraction to men when I’m dressed as Jenna. I know a lot of you would say I should come clean to my wife but I don’t think she would handle this bombshell very well. No matter how I try to curb both my crossdressing and my attraction towards men, I always get drawn back into the dressing, back into that attraction to other men!
Thank You for taking the time to read my story! Hope we all can have an exchange of thoughts and ideas! Please feel free to answer one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you below.
- Have you ever felt the urge to be with a man or even fantasized about being with a man when you are dressed en femme?
- Have you been living in secret like me and can’t bring yourself to come clean with your wife or significant other?
- Did you totally lose the desire to cross dress after getting married, working a full-time job, raising children, and just not seeming to have the time to cross dress during that particular time of your life?
Hugs to you all! Jenna