With 2024 just beginning, I thought this would be a good time to write a short article. As you know from my profile, I am a long-time crossdresser, and have recently really ramped up my dressing. I have fantasized about living full time and changing my gender. But with a family, work and all my male friendships, this has just not been possible. But this past year something changed for me: turning 60 was one of them (shhhh! that’s supposed to be a secret, just like my weight LoL!) Another was my younger daughter finishing grad school and the older one becoming very successful in her career. With retirement now coming into view, I have given a lot of thought about what I would like my last few decades on this earth to look like, to feel like and cross dressing is definitely going to be a part of that.
With all the being said, in September of this year (right after my 60th birthday, I am a Virgo by the way), I decided to go on a testosterone blocker and it did something amazing. It really helped calm me down and changed my outlook to be more compassionate and patient. It also helped me to reserve a little corner of life for myself to compensate for putting up with a lot of #!@%&#! and stress in my daily life. I would like to continue my hormone therapy for at least one more year, and if it works for me, I have resolved to join Folx or see an endocrinologist about adding low-dose estrogen or progesterone. I don’t plan to transition fully or anything like that, but want to further the feeling of being a woman and maybe develop small breasts if it isn’t too late in my life to try to “grow a pair” .
This resolution doesn’t come easily. I have lived as a guy for 60 years, raised a family, had a fairly successful career as an engineer in the aerospace industry, made it as far as middle management, and enough success to retire in another few years (hopefully). It’s during retirement that I hope to have more opportunities to dress, go out en femme and meet others like me in person (one of the main reasons I joined CDH!) My only worry is how my family might react if I were to ever really come out to them. My wife knows that I have cross-dressed in the past. She discovered my things many years back, and flipped out. We went to marriage counseling, and I also went to personal therapy sessions which obviously didn’t “cure” my cross dressing habits. In fact, it reminded me that I am my own person. I have never been unfaithful to my wife (no sex with anyone else, either in male or female mode). I have met other crossdressers and exchanged air kisses, that’s about it. I do not really fantasize about having any sort of sexual relations with others… I just want to express myself and have adult, supportive conversations with other girls like me. Is this OK? Sometimes I still have feelings of shame, or embarrassment, that something is “wrong” with me, but since I have gone on the androgen blockers, these feelings have subsided.
Another huge factor recently was the support I got when I went to Dafni Girls in Madrid for my first-ever makeover and photo shoot…. the results were amazing, stunning to me even, and once I saw that indeed I could express my feminine side this way, I joined CDH and obviously many of you have seen the results in my photos. CDH has also been a blessing to me, with all the supportive comments from so many of you… thank you!
So finally, to wrap up, here are my resolutions for 2024:
1. Be nice to the people in my life, especially my family, and take care of my aging mom, who is now 93!
2. Go out to an event en femme (concert, opera etc). I’ve only done it twice, once in the 90’s and once last October, which I really enjoyed and boosted my confidence.
3. Attend a CDH group event…. perhaps something through SF Bay Area Girls or River City Gems (thanks Paulette for the tip!). Maybe a trip to the East Coast to meet some of the girls out in the mid-Atlantic region.
4. Start estrogen or other female hormone therapy sometime before the end of 2024. This is the biggie!
5. Keep posting pictures on CDH!
I’d love to hear from you about these and what you think! How has your experience been, coming out to family (or not), deciding to try hormone therapy (or not) ??
Your sister, Sheila
@Sheila Roberts hi I’m 60 and have been out for a couple of years now. I have no urge to use hormones or grow a pair but wont your wife notice your hormone usage? Lower sex drive, and eventually the breasts? There is a point where we need to be honest, I had a couple of heart attacks, I realised that I wasn’t immortal and that the years I had left needed to be cherished and used to fullfill my wishes. I live my life how I feel, in the moment. I get out of bed and feel like putting… Read more »
Thank you Helene for sharing your perspective and also your comments. I’m glad you survived your heart attacks and can experience life and all it has to offer, both to Phil in guy mode and to you Helene! I expect there will be a day of reckoning but as I said I’m actually a bit more energized and sensitive now, which actually has spiced things up in bed a bit with my spouse. So far so good but who knows what the remainder of the year will bring. So like you, I’m trying to stay in the moment, enjoy my… Read more »
Hi Sheila! I loved your article, it resonated so much with where I am. I recently came out as trans and started both the T blocker and Estradiol patch. I’m enjoying being out and about en femme, going to a “gay” club, and generally enjoying being my true self. I’ve even started performing in drag! What fun!! Be as up front with your SO as you can be when you can. Explain how the T blocker has had a positive impact on you, and be careful if you do get to “grow a pair”. When they start, they tend to… Read more »
Thank you Regina for sharing your story a bit, I’m glad you enjoyed my first little article! Thanks also for the tip about wearing a padded bra, I have to share a funny story: about a month ago I was reaching into the washing machine to retrieve the laundry- when I leaned in and put my upper body and chest into the edge of the tub, I suddenly felt a pretty sharp pain in me left pectoral muscle, and then when I touched my chest in that spot, I realized there was more fleshy tissue and directly underneath my nipple… Read more »
My sentiments exactly. Thank you for putting into words what I have also felt.
You might consider going to Keystone Conference in PA, this March.
Thanks Roberta, I’m happy you liked my article ! And yes I’ve been made aware of the Keystone conference, I think I’d like to go in another year or two. It would be a big trip across the country and right now I’m trying to stay close to my aging mom out here in Northern California. Hugs, Sheila
I’ll look forward to seeing you then.
Great article Sheila! Now we need to make Resolution Number 2 a reality by seeing you at La Bella in April! You already have an elegant formal, so you are one step ahead of me! Hugs, Paulette
❤️ Thanks Paulette!
Hi Sheila Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I am now 59, in my second marriage, met my current wife 6 years ago and told her straight away. She was amazing and simply said so what. I can dress etc whenever I want and love being Steph so much. Same as you and others who have replied, the older I am getting the more I want to be Steph. Several friends know along with my daughters and brother etc who again have all been amazing. Why was I worried so much in earlier years about what people would… Read more »
Thank you Sheila for writing an article that resonated so strongly. I(also just turned 60) am in the same place as you. Married, children, semi successful. I have been a crossdresser since I was 13 on and off. Finally at the age of 55, I started Estradiol pills and Spironolactone(which as it turns out, I’m allergic to) so I was switched to Finasteride. My success has been very slow. Minimal breast growth. No real fat redistribution. my skin is smoother and thinner though. I wish I was able to go to a CDH event but it’s not in my cards.… Read more »
Good on Ya. I use progesterone topical cream at nightime and estrogen topical cream in the am. Results after almost 3 years are nice breasts (I want them bigger yet) and very strong erections (after bordering on ED) from the progesterone. Absolutely no semen anymore which does affect the quality of orgasms. The breasts are nice especially when I’m lying on my side but of course, I want them to be DD cups. I still wear breast forms to CD. When I put them on I have quite the chest. Not transgendering just CD.
Thanks for sharing your experience with breast creams BriannaLeah! I’ve heard about the potential loss of function with spironolactone, but so far this hasn’t been a problem although at this point I’m only about 4 months in. Which brand of topical cream do you use, and did you need a prescription?