With 2024 just beginning, I thought this would be a good time to write a short article. As you know from my profile, I am a long-time crossdresser, and have recently really ramped up my dressing. I have fantasized about living full time and changing my gender. But with a family, work and all my male friendships, this has just not been possible. But this past year something changed for me: turning 60 was one of them (shhhh! that’s supposed to be a secret, just like my weight LoL!) Another was my younger daughter finishing grad school and the older one becoming very successful in her career. With retirement now coming into view, I have given a lot of thought about what I would like my last few decades on this earth to look like, to feel like and cross dressing is definitely going to be a part of that.
With all the being said, in September of this year (right after my 60th birthday, I am a Virgo by the way), I decided to go on a testosterone blocker and it did something amazing. It really helped calm me down and changed my outlook to be more compassionate and patient. It also helped me to reserve a little corner of life for myself to compensate for putting up with a lot of #!@%&#! and stress in my daily life. I would like to continue my hormone therapy for at least one more year, and if it works for me, I have resolved to join Folx or see an endocrinologist about adding low-dose estrogen or progesterone. I don’t plan to transition fully or anything like that, but want to further the feeling of being a woman and maybe develop small breasts if it isn’t too late in my life to try to “grow a pair” .
This resolution doesn’t come easily. I have lived as a guy for 60 years, raised a family, had a fairly successful career as an engineer in the aerospace industry, made it as far as middle management, and enough success to retire in another few years (hopefully). It’s during retirement that I hope to have more opportunities to dress, go out en femme and meet others like me in person (one of the main reasons I joined CDH!) My only worry is how my family might react if I were to ever really come out to them. My wife knows that I have cross-dressed in the past. She discovered my things many years back, and flipped out. We went to marriage counseling, and I also went to personal therapy sessions which obviously didn’t “cure” my cross dressing habits. In fact, it reminded me that I am my own person. I have never been unfaithful to my wife (no sex with anyone else, either in male or female mode). I have met other crossdressers and exchanged air kisses, that’s about it. I do not really fantasize about having any sort of sexual relations with others… I just want to express myself and have adult, supportive conversations with other girls like me. Is this OK? Sometimes I still have feelings of shame, or embarrassment, that something is “wrong” with me, but since I have gone on the androgen blockers, these feelings have subsided.
Another huge factor recently was the support I got when I went to Dafni Girls in Madrid for my first-ever makeover and photo shoot…. the results were amazing, stunning to me even, and once I saw that indeed I could express my feminine side this way, I joined CDH and obviously many of you have seen the results in my photos. CDH has also been a blessing to me, with all the supportive comments from so many of you… thank you!
So finally, to wrap up, here are my resolutions for 2024:
1. Be nice to the people in my life, especially my family, and take care of my aging mom, who is now 93!
2. Go out to an event en femme (concert, opera etc). I’ve only done it twice, once in the 90’s and once last October, which I really enjoyed and boosted my confidence.
3. Attend a CDH group event…. perhaps something through SF Bay Area Girls or River City Gems (thanks Paulette for the tip!). Maybe a trip to the East Coast to meet some of the girls out in the mid-Atlantic region.
4. Start estrogen or other female hormone therapy sometime before the end of 2024. This is the biggie!
5. Keep posting pictures on CDH!
I’d love to hear from you about these and what you think! How has your experience been, coming out to family (or not), deciding to try hormone therapy (or not) ??
Your sister, Sheila