Jane’s Crossdressing Success Story – In The Middle

Comments: 6 Comments
Published on: May 15, 2012

Dear Readers,

Today’s crossdressing success story comes from a lady who is caught between a life with a loving wife of many years, and her deepest longings. My heart goes out to her, that she may find a tranquil agreement that allows both her and her wife to be who they are. If you’d like to contribute your own crossdressing success story send your humorous, emotional, joyful, courageous and heartfelt stories to vanessalaw1@gmail.com and I’ll share them with our community.

My Story,

Sometimes beginning at the middle is a good place to start because that is where most stories are composed.
I am where I am, I do not know where I will be in the future. I have some recollection of where I have been – you know how it is as you get older!

My cross-dressing story has been evolving recently. I recently went to see a GP, then a Sex counselor then a psychiatrist. Interesting discussion; however, I really got nowhere with understanding why or what to do?

I am married with a wife who is aware of my need; but is not  accepting. We have been together for over 30 years. I only told her about my need  2 years ago. I have been lucky to the extent that she has not left me; however while she accepts the situation she is very emotionally against it!  Sexual relations have been difficult since my revelation. We have 2 children both of whom have left home. As far as I am aware I do not believe any of my friends or relations, apart from my wife, are aware of my dressing crossing.

We have agreed that given the time we have been together and the difficulties in getting another partner, staying together even with ‘issues’ is better than not. We have a session with my psychiatrist planned in a few weeks. We would like to explore where we might go with our relationship which we are keen to develop further rather than just let it lax.

Each week I have a day off from work while my wife is off with her work. I am Jane then. I dress, put on makeup and go out. Shopping for clothes, makeup, to the movies, the art gallery or just a coffee is my day out as Jane once a week. I would like more; but given work and other commitments it is difficult. Sometimes if I am away with work intercity I have opportunities to dress.

I look forward to ‘my day’ as Jane and see it as an opportunity to throw off my male shackles and immerse myself as a woman. It is a wonderful feeling that is hard to explain; but I have come to accept that this what I need to do and continue to explore and develop….the story continues.

Gathering the courage to crossdress for the first time

Categories: Crossdresser Support
Comments: 24 Comments
Published on: May 7, 2012

You’ve been telling yourself for weeks that you’re going to do this. Debating with yourself, arguing with yourself, justifying why you didn’t go this weekend. Every time it ends with a promise that next time, next week, next month will be different. Yet somehow things don’t seem to change. You find that wearing your feminine finery at home doesn’t seem to satisfy a deeper longing inside you anymore. For a brief moment you wonder, “Am I cured?” Of course, you already know the answer to that question.

What stops you from crossdressing?

What stops you from crossdressing?

What stops you from crossdressing?

I don’t mean just crossdressing within the safe confines of your own home. I mean going out crossdressed for the first time. I mean gathering up all your self confidence and strutting out the door looking the best you ever have. Boldly going where very few other men have gone before.

Today I’m going to share a few reasons why you might be putting off such an important step, and how you can overcome your barriers to crossdressing.

You have nowhere to go: This is probably the number one reason why people don’t go out crossdressed – because you don’t think that you have anywhere to go, somewhere that is safe, where you won’t be recognized, and someplace that you can enjoy. Just before my transition I used to spend every weekend in a park just round the corner from my house. It was my sanctuary. I was able to be myself for a few hours, enjoy the sunshine with little fear of being outed. It was a safe place for me, and helped me build my confidence to go other places. You might find a local transgender meeting group (also a safe place), or a transgender friendly club or restaurant (your local transgender organization will know of a few) or if you’re fortunate enough – with a group of your friends who are accepting.

You’re afraid: Fear comes in many forms. Fear that you’ll make a fool of yourself, fear that someone will recognize you, fear that you won’t pass and get into trouble. Since I have readers from all over the world it’s worth noting that you should take the time to understand local laws. Generally across the US, Europe and Australia it is not illegal to crossdress. The biggest antidote to fear is experience. Do it a few times and you’ll gain confidence. Spend a few hours en femme and you’ll build the habits and mannerisms that serve you well as you venture further out. Most importantly, start with a place that feels safe to you. Take baby steps.

You look horrific: Honestly sweetie, you don’t look that bad. This is a legitimate worry, since learning to be feminine takes time and practice. Even then many ladies aren’t blessed with the figure to pass there are still things you can do to improve your chances of passing in public. I’ve known many wonderful ladies who didn’t pass, but held their heads high and walked down the street like they belonged. Confidence is the difference between someone pointing and laughing, or someone coming over to chat with you because they find you generally intriguing.

So what stops you from crossdressing?

Hopefully with the few examples I’ve given you, you can see that it’s not the world that stops you from crossdressing, but yourself. Take a moment to think about what’s been holding you back, perhaps this weekend will be different…

Are there other reasons I missed? Please comment and let me know what has held you back, and how you overcame it. This will be a blessing to others just starting out!


P.S. Thank you to all the ladies who responded with their crossdressing success stories! I received them, I’ll reply individually soon. If you’d like to share, please submit your crossdressing success story.

Crossdresser Success Stories are starting back up!

Comments: 14 Comments
Published on: May 3, 2012

Dear Readers,

Over the last few months I’ll admit to being remiss when it comes to sharing the latest tips, tricks and advice for navigating through life as a woman – whether it be part time for full time. With all my surgeries, I’ve had a lot going on, and finding time to write and answer email has been difficult.

Today I’m excited to announce that I’ll be starting the much loved Crossdresser Success Stories back up. For those who are new, these are real stories from real women about a success they had crossdressing. It can be a small success, such as buying your first feminine piece, or a large success such as going out en femme for the first time, or sharing your secret with someone you love.

To get started, I’d like to ask you to share your crossdressing success story with me by email at vanessalaw1@gmail.com – You don’t need to be a writer to share, just take a few moments to tell me your story. Ideally submissions are between 500-700 words, and include a photo. But don’t feel shy – if you’d rather not include a photo and use a pseudonym, that’s okay too!

I look forward to hearing your stories, and celebrating with you in your moments of triumph!

Blessings,
Vanessa

How to tame the tangle of long hair

Comments: 6 Comments
Published on: April 29, 2012

For the last three years I’ve been growing out my hair. My regular trips to the salon include color, highlights and getting my split ends taken care of. Slowly and steadily my hair has grown, from just below my chin, to my shoulders and now three inches down my back. As much as I enjoy my long flowing locks, I have just begun to realize that hair is like a pet, and requires care and feeding to be happy and healthy. It can also get underfoot and trip you if you’re not careful.

The travails of long hair

Learn how to handle beautiful long hair

Learn how to handle beautiful long hair

I bet many of you reading this are rolling your eyes at me right now – maybe you’re not able to grow your hair long or have challenges with a receding hairline. You’re probably wondering what I could possibly have to complain about, right? I’ll admit that I am blessed to have a full head of my own hair. But it’s not all sunshine and roses here! There are very real and pressing issues that need to be discussed!

Food and hair don’t mix: My favorite food is Vietnamese noodles. I absolutely love pho, and eat a vegetable pho with fresh tofu just about every week at my favorite pho place just down the road. As my hair has grown I’ve noticed that the tenuous balance between eating pho without spilling it everywhere, and keeping the broth out of my hair has been disrupted. It is genuinely difficult to keep my hair pho free, while at the same time leaning far enough over the bowl to avoid splashing down my shirt as the noodles dance towards my mouth.

Lather, rinse – phew too tired to repeat: Washing my hair has become an event unto itself, that I try to do as infrequently as my personal hygiene standards will allow. It’s not just that I go through shampoo and conditioner like hot dog buns at an all you can eat convention. Washing takes time and energy. Even once it is clean and conditioned, the fun begins. I now need to dry my hair and detangle it. All told it adds an extra 30 minutes to my morning routine.

Color grows out: I think there is a plot amongst colorists. They know that it will be impossible for you to look in the mirror at your faded roots without thinking about giving them a call. It’s like an ad built right in to your body – it’s genius! If I get my hair colored I’m then a slave to the salon every 6 weeks for touch ups.

Hair gets everywhere: On the floor, in the shower, in the sink, on the chair. Strands of my hair make it everywhere. It’s not that I shed at any prolific rate, just that a few strands together seem like a lot more. And vacuum cleaners have a much harder time picking up the hair – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to unclog my machine because of immense hair build up.

It’s not good to dwell too long on the challenges, so getting right to some advice for how to tame your tangle of long hair.

Hair Advice for Crossdressers

Buy a good hairbrush, and use it often: A good hairbrush will glide smoothly through your hair, and feel nourishing and invigorating when you brush your hair. I use a boar hair brush, because it doesn’t get tangled in my hair as easily. I try to give my hair a good brush every night, this helps release the natural oils and distribute them in your hair to make it strong and healthy.

Use conditioner – lots of it: Conditioner is your best friend – it helps to seal in moisture in your hair, and revitalize it after too many weeks of a harsh hairdryer’s heat. I personally prefer to use organic conditioner, such as Avalon organics, because I try to treat my hair with the same respect I treat the rest of my body. I don’t like pesticides and chemicals to be part of my life journey.

Brush from bottom to top: Brushing from bottom to top protects your hair, because you get all the snacks on the ends out before brushing from the top. This means there is less pressure and yanking on your scalp. This women demonstrates how she brushes her gorgeously long hair.

Don’t be afraid to experiment: Hair is one of the most versatile fashion accessories. We can wear it up or down, curled or straight. We can change the color and texture, add highlights or lowlights. We can pin it or tie it in ribbons, and it always looks sexy when we toss back our head and laugh with joy.

What are your favorite tips for dealing with long hair?

If you’re not fortunate enough to have your own hair, I recommend a human hair wig. Human hair tends to fall more naturally, and be easier to keep clean and styled.

 

The Long Road Back

Comments: 5 Comments
Published on: April 23, 2012

Dear Readers,

It has been a long time since I wrote to you – I have so much to say, but first I want to apologize. Some of you may have received an email from me with a very old article. The last few days I’ve been working to move Crossdresser Heaven over to a more stable server, and I must have done something that sent out the email. Quite what I’m not sure – computers can be like that sometimes, can’t they? :) [Thanks to all of you who emailed me confused as to why I was sending out such an old email!]

I believe, and hope and pray, that all my surgeries are now over. Last year I had facial feminization surgery, as well as a vaginoplasty. A few weeks ago I had a labiaplasty and breast augmentation. My body has been contoured and cut, moved, shaped and stitched back together. The pain has not only been physical, but emotional as well. It has been a long road back to full health, and I’ve still got a few weeks yet before I’m there.

I did have a breakthrough this weekend, when I realized that I am not ashamed. I had been steadily beating my shame back, and every time it would find a cunning way to ensnare me. I believe, and hope, that I have purged the last of my transgender shame. Take a moment to click on the link above to read my full story – I’d love to hear your experiences overcoming shame.

It has been a long road back, but the further I travel the more I notice how colorful the flowers along the roadside are, the more I appreciate the caring smiles of those I hold dear.

May your week be a blessed one!

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