I used to go to my aunt’s house every Thanksgiving. Those days have passed as she, my mother, and their brother have all moved on to the fabulous banquets above. I went as a kid, an adult, with my children, and then as a grandfather. As my parents aged, we used to go to Village Inn on Thanksgiving and then to a movie. Now, I spend Thanksgiving with my youngest daughter and her family. My world is shrinking. Gone are many of the festivities and family relationships. Some of the blame can rest on me; I am a deep introvert who needs a reason to get out. If I didn’t bowl, golf, or belong to a service club, I would be perfectly happy staying at home, albeit in my dress and accessories. What would my world be like if I integrated the two? How would my daughter react if Brina showed up this year at Thanksgiving?
I wouldn’t do that to her… or me. I run from conflict not create it. It would need to be discussed first and agreed on, and something for down the road possibly. I know that for some of us, being out in the open is the most important thing. It doesn’t matter if we blend in, but more so in letting it be our way of acceptance. Those, like me, instead look for self-acceptance and the most required sense of peace. It would be a super Thanksgiving to me if I had another individual to share my deepest and most intimate side with. This big house (although I love the quiet) isn’t the same as it was when my parents were quibbling upstairs or my mother making some of her favorite casseroles—a real midwestern church lady through and through. It would be great to share my true self with another.
The holidays sans Halloween can be tough for many individuals, especially crossdressers. I so envy the beautiful dresses at parties on the women who take pride in their presentation. I admit, as a kid, I never wanted to be in the kitchen with the women—give me the football on TV. Today, I’d be joined by my daughter and all of her children as we all share the love of sports (even the awful Hawkeye offense!) We do have Caitlyn Clark and women’s basketball to look forward to, and for that, I’m extremely Thankful! I get to a football game once a year—my daughter is now my season ticket holder. We’ve been going to games together for over 30 years. I would love to dress as she does and as many of the other women at the games (it’s no longer old fat guys that go but full of kids and females) do! This is what I have noticed in myself over the last few years and now recognize as glaring signs throughout my life. I don’t just admire women but wish to emulate their spark! It is one thing to dress like the woman I wish I were and a completely different thing to truly walk in their shoes.
The more I put into my dressing the more I am Thankful to be around women. They deserve more than our adoration. I think that only a crossdresser or one who is transgendered, maybe the occasional empathetic male can understand the sacrifice, courage, and determination that rests within most women. What looks so easy for them—is but a dream desire for us to replicate. They would scoff at us for wanting to be them… many do. As Betty once said to me, “You only want to replicate the glamorous parts and ignore the rest.” She’s right. We should be Thankful that we can take off the presumption of womanhood and revert to our “Man State” to mix back out in the world. Maybe we truly have the best of both worlds.
Someday, hopefully, before I become unable to do so, I am going to find a way to encompass my love of service to others with my state of being (whatever that may end up being) and be a more positive role model in the world that is becoming ever more cynical. A Crossdresser’s Thanksgiving meal at the local Food Bank or church. How about a Christmas giveaway of slightly worn Crossdresser clothing to those in need—I could fill it by myself. I’m sure a few of them would love to have our dresses, wigs, jewelry, shoes… I know we are so ready to do it, but… I know… the world for the most part isn’t. Yes, it could happen within the confines of an LGBTQ promotion in certain areas, but I want it to happen and be accepted (or tolerated) by those in my area. As a writer, I’ve shied away from editorializing in my local paper or doing a blog, sticking to my novels and poetry. It could be my way to combat inequitable thinking, provide another and hopefully sane rationale for being better individuals, and dispense with groups and labeling.
So… I am thankful to have this platform and be a vital part of this wonderful site. I have been here for more than 10 years, many in the role of Managing Editor. You might wonder how I got this gig. A very wise individual, the Captain, asked me if I’d be interested in being an editor after I penned my second article. I said, no, they persisted, and here we are. I am so thankful that I said yes. What I share in my words and with all those whose articles I’ve helped along the way, have given me more meaning to my life. I encourage you all to find some small way to say thanks for the gift that we have all received in becoming who we really are. It is most assuredly a gift and one that I will forever be thankful for.
Until next time…
Be happy in the moments that you share with family this Thanksgiving Holiday. Hug a coworker, acquaintance, or friend, and give them a smile that offers reassurance, even if you have your own issues that you are dealing with. We know what stress and worries are, so much more compounded by what we face internally and externally at who we are. The act of giving a smile and hug can be so impactful—for all of us!
More Articles by Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish
- Where has My Woman gone?
- To Be or Not (No, it’s to be!)
- Farmer’s Tan
- Changing it Up!
- What’s next is Here