Teenage crossdressers

Every few weeks I get an email from a teenager who is struggling with crossdressing. They’re looking for advice, sometimes sure of their transgender identity, other times coming to terms with the alien desire to wear clothes of the opposite sex. I think it’s wonderful that the Internet allows us to explore the transgender demons inside us without letting on that we’re anything but normal. Yet in many ways I’m conflicted about replying, because being a teenager and knowing about crossdressing is not something I can relate to.

Even though I’ve had the strange desire to wear woman’s clothes since I was four years old, I didn’t have a name or anyone to reach out to when I was a teenager. So I have limited experience in receiving advice early on in life, and then looking retrospectively to see how helpful that advice was.

I’ll share some of my thoughts on the most common questions I’ve received from teenage crossdressers, and I encourage you to review the excellent resources provided for transgender youth by tsroadmap.com

I like to wear woman’s clothes, am I a crossdresser? Maybe, maybe not. During the teenage years there is a lot going on as our bodies change and mature. Hormones are raging, as we begin to fully form our identity separate from our parents and family. During this stage of life things which seem vitally important today may not seem so important three years from now. We go through phases that seem to leave as quickly as they came.

By no means am I saying that your desire to wear woman’s clothing, or your perceived identity as a member of the fairer sex is just a phase. Rather, you need to carefully examine your own feelings in light of the dramatic changes happening in your life. It may very well be that you are a crossdresser, and have been blessed to realize this so early in life. Only you know for certain whether you’re a crossdresser, and it’s okay to take a few months to figure it out.

Should I tell me parents? That’s a tricky one. I haven’t told my parents yet, even though I suspect my mom knew all along. There are few people in the world who care more about you than your parents. They want what is best for you, and can be your greatest allies as you explore your feminine side. Your parents could also end up harming your path to self discovery – a well intentioned parent may seek to cure you for fear of your future, or may have religious or moral objections to who you are that lends itself to destructive behavior. My advice would be to find another adult you feel safe confiding in. Perhaps it’s an aunt you have a good relationship with, or a school counselor – someone who is able to place your needs ahead of the need to tell your parents without your consent. There is no guarantee that this person will have all the answers, or even any good answers, but talking with someone will help you figure out things for yourself as well.

Am I gay? Maybe, maybe not. Just because you enjoy wearing woman’s clothes does not mean you’re gay. Sexual preference (do you like boys or girls) and gender identity (do I identify as a boy or girl) are separate. In fact many crossdressers are heterosexual men who identify as male, but enjoy wearing woman’s clothes on occasion.

How can I look better as a woman? If you’re friends with a girl you trust, a great way to perfect your look is to practice and get her feedback. She’s learning just like you are, and it can be a fun way to bond with someone. You’ll also find many crossdressing tips right here on Crossdresser Heaven.

Where do you hide your feminine things? It’s hard to find a place at home that is truly private. Even seemingly safe hiding places such as under your bed, in a suitcase full of regular clothes at the bottom of your closet are susceptible to accidental discovery (the day your mom decides to do laundry and turn over your bed, or go through old clothes looking for something to give to goodwill). The best hiding place is out in the open after your parents know, but this isn’t always an option. A pile of ‘your stuff’ is usually a great hiding place – the box that holds your CD collection, or in a cupboard behind school text books. Look for a place that someone else is unlikely to have reason to go.

How can I remove makeup before my parents get home? I remember the first time I tried on my mother’s lipstick I spent 30 minutes furiously scrubbing to try and get it off before she got back home. All the furious scrubbing made blood rush to my lips, so they looked red even though the lipstick was long gone. The best way to remove makeup is with makeup remover. Your mom probably has some, but if you’re unsure you can buy eye makeup remover at any drug store. This will remove eye shadow, mascara, and can even be used to take off lipstick. Most blush and foundation should come off with a good face wash.

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Dedicated to creating a safe, supportive and welcoming environment for everyone in the transgender community.

Latest posts by Vanessa Law (see all)

  1. Shannon Fox 8 months ago

    Hi everybody I started crossdressing when I was 13 I still crossdress still
    Having told my parents I think my mum might but if she does she never brought it up. But it is hard trying to find what going on only when I was 19 did I figure ok am a heterosexual crossdresser and sometimes till this day sometimes is that right but we get on with ir

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  3. Jesse 5 years ago

    I am 14 years old and I have had this desire to crossdress for 2 years. The only reason I haven’t is because I don’t have any women’s clothing, my moms clothes don’t fit me and she doesn’t wear make up (plus I think it would violate her in a way) and I am to scared to tell anyone, but I want to know what it’s like to crossdress. I don’t know where to start so any help is appreciated

    • Kitty222 2 years ago

      Here is something complicated
      I am a 13 year old who has been crossdreseing for about 7 months.And there are different types if mothers that will help you, agree whit you or try to destroy your feminine side in different ways.
      1:The first type of mother is the normal one that she will most likely not have a problem if she finds out you are a crossdresser however she will not help you either.Those types of mom’s are usually old and wear not so great clothes for a 12-14 to wear.
      2:The second is the “fun” mother.This type of mother is younger and you will probaly come to a conclusion that she has more sex time and nights whit your dad ussualy concluded by many “Don’t open the door unless it’s very important” or in my case a durex box on their table.This mother will definitely let you be a crossdresser if you want and she will help you whitout yoy knowing so.When she will leave out with your dad she will leave her “sexy” clothing on the thing thing that makes clothes not wet anymore (i forgot how is it called in English beacuse i am from Romania)as a way to help you.Also I don’t mean to be a pervert but for 12-14 boys who crossdress sexy and tight clothing is the best.Also while they are gone deep in her closet you might find her “fun time clothes”if you know what I mean wich are very satisfying in my opinion.
      3:Here your crossdresser life goes into a hole od death with the “Religious Unsocial really Bad for Mind mother”If you have this type if mother and you still want to crossdress there are 2 options:
      1:If you are a crossdresser who has a really good friend relationship whit a girl that girl might help you of you tell her your problems.So girls will understand so well that they will let you dress up whit them and try her clothes.She will also give you a lot of good tips.BUT BE CAREFULL.The girl you want to tell about your crossdreseing must be a very good well hearthed friend but NOT your girlfriend.
      2:Be extremely secretly.This types of mother rarely leave the house whir your dad and they will have clothes unfit four our crossdreseing age.The only option is to “transform some of your clothes into girl clothes”.Search a tutorial in this subject.

  4. unkown 6 years ago

    I have been crossdressing when sense I was 15, I first started by trying on mom’s bra’s & panties and later developed growing my experience. I tried everything I could get my hands on. Nobody knows my secret life but me. In private i fully dress up, but i wear my normal clothes & just wear panties underneath when i leave the house on my own. I still wear panties till this day. Thanks for reading.

  5. CATCHERSTAR15 7 years ago

    i have just came out, being a crossdresser and also being gay

  6. rya 7 years ago

    im 189 and have been doing it off and on for about 3 years and im just getting big into it and i want help with it 🙁 like person to person nut i cant tell anit one that knows me

    • Alexis 7 years ago

      It's pretty hard to go through life knowing if someone will judge you. I lived for nearly 16 years in fear because my mother said they kill people like me off. I have a wife who knows my situation and I must say she thinks I look better as a woman, (I am 26 now), than a man. I even look good in skinny jeans and a nice blouse top. I wear turtlenecks, mini skirts, flare and bootleg jeans, you can even wear "club-wear", but be careful to not get the really low necklines as to fear of exposing breast forms. However, I am experimenting with some make-up techniques so u can expose your breast forms but appear as real breasts. It can get expensive but well worth it. Since your young you might not find too many options on your budget. Find tasteful size breast forms proportionate to your shoulders and chest. There are a bunch in eBay, but be careful each cup size varies on the band size so check your chest circumference and I suggest oval shape plus 3M super 77 adhesive to put on breast forms( found at craft stores) and goo gone as adhesive remover which for both is like 15 dollars total compared to the 60 dollar primaries. As for hiding your "manhood" wear a Gaff, they run from 15-20 dollars. As for hair removal, get Revitol, yes it is expensive but for men who have thick hair follicles, and we all do have it ,this does the trick for like a month. Nair and veet just act like foamy razors. In your budget go eBay and buy breast forms(janetsclosetstore or stephaniesbosombuddies2009 I trust), revitol, Gaff, full wigs (please be tasteful) and Tamera pantyhose (if u have a tan or dark skinned) the reason for the hose is it is cheaper alternative to revitol, just shave your legs and wear them it hides the shaved hairs and razor bumps. Clothes and other stuff can be found at discount clothing stores and craft/hardware stores. This took years of trial and error but that is the way you learn and I am happy

  7. Lisa Kaufmann 7 years ago

    To all the fellow struggling "women" out there regarding of age, but especially those in the more earlier years of their life, hang in there, find a true friend to trust, and learn about yourself as you experiment in growing up.
    Like many others have already said, "It does get better." I grew up as a child of the 50's & 60's shortly after Christine Jorgenson came out. At least I then found out there were others who might be like me. A close buddy of mine at the time & I did some experimenting and I really found out who I wanted to be. He & I did do some boyfriend/girlfriend stuff for a while until he went off to college. Then I, like so many others, went back & hid in the closet only occassionally to venture out. Always on the look out for something that might give my inner most thoughts away. Now that I am much older and have grown more mature, I do know that "Yes, it does get better." So hang in there, be yourself and do not listen to others who only think they know.

  8. Chris 8 years ago

    On the topic of hiding, when I was in junior high and high school, I used the space below the bottom drawer of my night stand. That lasted quite some time until my older sister went into my room to look for something in my closet and used my nightstand for a stool. when she moved it, all my stuff was left in the middle of the floor.

    Today as I am older, I have two places – one for regular wear and one for special occasions. I don't go out in public so regular wear is stuff I wear in the car to and from work and/or under my clothes. I keep this stuff in the back of my masculine pick-up truck.

    Special occasion wear is what I pull out when my wife and kids are out of town. I keep this stuff in a cupboard in my masculine garage. I say this knowing how heurotic it sounds but justifying it all the same…:)

    • Vanessa Law 8 years ago

      Thanks for sharing a few hiding places Chris – and for warning about how even the best hiding places can be discovered 🙂


  9. Robert 8 years ago

    Sorry I forgot to click follow-ups

  10. Robert 8 years ago

    Todays youth has it easier with crossdressing then what I had to do as a boy. Except for dresses primarily, boys skirts are readily available to every male in America. Even in anime there are hundreds of sites that offer crossdressing boys. In 1961 , at 11 yrs of age, I started crossdressing. I did not have to sneak around. My mother thought that all boys should wear dresses. She dress myself as well as my two brothers. I took to them like a duck to water, my brothers did not. by the time I was 16 yrs of age I had a closet full of dresses and skirts.
    Although today most boys, according to two different websites, will in fact wear them, they don’t know how to wear them properly. The boys usually wind up exposing themselves (under garments) or wear their shorts under them. If boys are going to wear dresses or skirts then mothers, sisters and girlfriends need to teach them. Dresses require slips and panties, not shorts and tighty-whiteys. Skirts sometimes require halfslips as well. Boys need to be taught how to wear and put on bras too.

  11. Emily 8 years ago

    I’m quite lucky, having started cross dressing when I was 17, however due to doing my computer studies which occupied most of the time, I’d put it on the ‘back burner’ so to speak, do I regret it? no not at all because their was other things that I was doing, like going out with friends and enjoying being young. I’d figured back then that you’re only young once and that their was plenty of time to dress when I wasn’t out and about. (was still in the closet then).
    The other thing I realized was the importance of having a good circle of friends you can trust.

    Now I’m 24 years old, having well and truly finished my studies and in work. I still enjoy what I was doing in my late teens but also spend more time dressed, since coming out of the closet it’s made life that little bit more easier and ultimately more fulfilling.

  12. Ronnie 8 years ago

    Yes, I also wish I would have dressed as the girl I was as a teenager,but I/we can not go back.
    Lets all look foward in what ever “stage” we are in. Lets laugh,sing,dance,wear heels (LOL) and be happy… it’s about time.

    God bless, Ronnie

  13. gail 8 years ago

    One of my biggest regrets is never cross dressing as a teenager.
    I distinctly remember, as a 12 or 13 year old, wondering what I would look like as a girl, and of being told by young girls that with my slight frame, bright blue eyes, and long eye lashes looked like one.
    I had two girl friends around this time spending lots of time with them, and more then once they offered, or maybe threatened, to give me what would now amount to a transformation. I think they meant it as dig, or possibly even an insult but, they were also quite serious about it, and although outwardly embarrassed, inwardly I was always flattered.
    They never did “transform” me. I wish they would have.
    Looking back I can’t help thinking it would have brought my desires into sharper focus, and helped me see a clearer picture of myself, perhaps saving many wasted years.
    Not to mention I miss having a physical picture to combine with the mental picture I have of myself as a young girl.

    • Vanessa Law 8 years ago

      Indeed – perhaps they saw something inside you, and knew that you would flourish as a girl if given the chance…

  14. Ragina 8 years ago

    So true,so true. How I wish that there was someone to guide me along the way when I first figured out that I was a crossdresser. Now we who have been there MUST help the ones who are now just begining to realize themselves. To all our young sisters, please do all you can to learn about being transgendered. This is a wonderful place to begin. I’m sure that if you post on any comment here, you will find someone to talk with and help you. Most of all, dear ones, love yourselves first. That is the most important thing. Next, find a person that you can trust completly to help you along. Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you are wrong, that you are sick or a pervert, or any such thing, because it’s not true. You are a person of worth and value. Just because you present yourself in a different wrapper than what others expect, does not make you a bad person. Trust your heart, and your faith and then be beautiful as you are.
    Love to all, Ragina

  15. Ronnie 8 years ago

    Vicki, you are right we need to listen if when we do not have answers.
    I wish I would have someone to listen to me when I was young.
    I also feel very much like a teenager now that I’m honest with my self and starting to live my life more openly. I have been blessed with a very supportive wife.
    The “tg” community needs to be more visible with positive role models
    so lets be our selfs (as much as our “lifes” allows us to be) and beautiful girls and woman.
    Stay safe,stay pretty, God bless… Ronnie

  16. Vicki 8 years ago

    This is not so much for the teenagers out there as it is for us girls who have walked this path already. If you are like me, there was no one to go to when I was a young adolescent grappling with these mysteries. Vanessa, I agree, this is a tricky area to get into. But the least we can do is be there just to listen, to empathize where the stories intersect, to know when to admit we don’t have answers when we don’t.
    I feel at times at 54, I am still a “teenager” when it comes to emerging as my true self. My skin just sags a little more, but in a sense so many of us are new to the possibilities. Still, there has to be a time when TG comes to a more full acceptance and understanding for the general populace. Maybe we can walk with these youngsters out a little bit more, being positive and affirming role models for them, just by being willing to risk ourselves. How can they know it will turn out ok, unless we show them that, yes it CAN turn out ok, and here I’m living proof.

  17. Ronnie 8 years ago

    My teenage sister, the advise that I can give is that be true to your self.
    The feeling of “cross dressing” or in my case of being a girl/woman will most likely never leave you. I know this to be true for me. I’m 44 years old now and ONLY in the last few months been true , honest with my self,that is to say come to terms the I’ve been a woman all of my life.

    If I would have had the resources like the internet I beleave I would have come out to my self first anf then my parents. I have been “dressing” has my true self in one way or another since I was 7-8 years old. I would hide clothes and shoes (which I love) behind my dresser (which I moved into my closet…much safer that way) my mother never found my clothes. She did find some nail polish and a pair of panties. She later told me that she thought it belonged to a girlfriend. I just came out to my mom right before Christmas.

    One very important thing is,don’t think because you feel female or simply enjoy wearing female clothing that you are gay.
    I had many male sexual partners in my younger years. Looking back now it was not because I was gay, but rather because I was trying to find someone who would like my fem side and that my teenage sister is very dangerous.
    I’m now happy and married to a very loving and supportive wife.I now understand more than ever that I identify as a woman but never emotionally connected with a man. I love woman,but yes I’m a woman.
    That is not to say there is anything wrong with being gay but PLEASE take your time. Make one special freind that you can share your feelings with and build trust. Be honest with your self and find the right moment to share thoughts and desires with your mom or dad or both.

    Stay safe,stay pretty…and if at all possible think in pink… LOL
    God bless… Ronnie
    just came back from shopping wearing my new heels and outfit..wow what a great feeling to be me!!

  18. Lynn Jones 8 years ago

    practice and get her feedback

    Practice, practice, pracice 🙂 Magazines – and obviously – the Internet are great sources of information.

    If I may, I’d like to add something about judgement. 🙂 Don’t judge yourself too harshly and try to avoid comparing yourself to those airbrushed faux women you see in the media. Most women I know, don’t look like that and neither do most of us trannys either. 🙂

    I know it’s tough and confusing, but try to think about the good stuff you have going on. Try not to worry about the future – if you think you are CD – so much, it’s funny in that lots of things kinda take care of themselves as you get older.

  19. MELONY 8 years ago

    When i was younger {12} i put on my mothers makeup sometimes, to experiment, even though she would put it on me for dance recitals, and i learned from her to use noxema skin cream that always seemed to work to remove makeup, hugs melony..

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