Come Out of the Shadows

Crossdressers Come Out of the Shadows

In the last few years we’ve seen an unprecedented shift in public perception towards transgender men and women. This has been helped by the very public coming-out announcements by actresses and sports stars like Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox and the Wachowski Sisters Lilly and Lana. They have shown the world that being transgender can also mean being human, beautiful, genuine, talented and someone to be admired.

More conservative states have responded by writing ill-fated ‘Bathroom Bills’ that discriminate against transgender people by trying to make it illegal to use a bathroom that doesn’t correspond with the gender on your birth certificate. Yet these laws have been roundly criticized by everyone from rock stars to corporations. Bruce Springsteen and Pearl Jam cancelled concerts in North Carolina after the law passed, and Paypal scrapped plans to relocate their offices. The outcry from individuals and companies has been swift and devastating for those states who support discrimination. Estimates already put the losses to North Carolina’s economy in the tens of millions of dollars.

Who would ever have thought that the rich and powerful would be such fervent advocates for the transgender community?

Crossdresser Heaven - Find Your Tribe

Not So For Crossdressers

Crossdressers may have inherited some goodwill from visibility of transgender women, but many still live in shame, secrecy and judgement. It only takes a quick search for crossdresser on Bing to see the image still presented to the world about crossdressing. The first five search results contain 3 porn sites, some very racy images and a femininization makeover site.

The Related Searches are no better, and terms I would rather not repeat on Crossdresser Heaven.

Search for Crossdressers on Bing

Some members have asked why we have so many public programs and features on Crossdresser Heaven. From the articles we publish, forums about crossdressing, public chatrooms and the newly released crossdresser photo gallery. After all, these could easily be made private and member only to avoid the spam, lewd and offensive comments.

But I KNOW that our community here on Crossdresser Heaven can begin to foster a positive impression of crossdressers out in the world. It does our community tremendous good to portray crossdressers as classy, well dressed ladies; as reasonable thoughtful people who care, laugh and love; and as friends, fathers, mothers and sons.

I am confident that on Crossdresser Heaven will get bad photos we need to delete, obscene chatters to ban and nasty comments on articles to banish. I am also confident that together we can keep it wholesome, and keep reaching out to those who need a helping hand. And maybe, we can reach the better part of some people who think the only way to express their femininity is by being lewd and overly sexual. To give them the feminine gifts of grace, empathy and caring.

Imagine A Different World

For a moment, imagine the search results were different for crossdresser. The first link shared the supportive and encouraging articles here on Crossdresser Heaven. The images were of classy, well dressed ladies. And the remaining links led you to our community of forums and chatrooms that are moderated by our Ambassadors.

Imagine how the world’s perception of crossdressers would shift if this was what they saw. The shame and secrecy many in the community live in would lift, and many would be proud of who they are without needing years of struggle to accept themselves.

Share This With The World

You may feel powerless to change public perception alone, but together we can. Participate in our community, share your experiences on the forums and author a few articles. Tell the world about the beautiful, and loving, and human ladies who make up Crossdresser Heaven.

We have sharing links on each article, why not start by sharing this article with your social network. If you have a website, link to us.

Ladies, let the divine light within you shine for all the world to see!


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Dedicated to creating a safe, supportive and welcoming environment for everyone in the transgender community.

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  1. Roxanne Lanyon 4 weeks ago

    If I had ever known, . . . . . . It is amazing to remember the way it used to be, at least for me. Back then, there was no “Roxanne”, just a frightened little boy who sometimes snuck into his mother’s room and played with her slips, panties, skirts and hosiery, scared at every strange noise, and having to make sure everything was put back just like it was originally placed, and folded correctly! Remember those days? Now I am divorced, living on my own, quite a bit older, think of myself often as Roxanne (I even have a gold necklace that says “Roxanne”). At night, and when I get up in the morning I am wearing my violet, lacy nylon nightgown, ankle length, often with a kimono patterned housecoat, and “granny panties”, with navy blue slippers with cute little bows! This has become my routine! Quite a change from a frightened little boy! Yes, I have said it before, I love being Roxanne, even at 70 years old. I live alone in a nice little house, all my own, with just my books, fishing poles, and stuff I need to travel occasionally. Nothing else! Sometimes I adore being a sweet girl. The only thing I do not like now is the lonliness of it all. I keep hoping time will slip by, and the world will become even more tolerant of people like me, and I will not have to be quite so alone anymore. One day . . . . . Roxanne will truly be a happy girl!

    Roxanne Lanyon

  2. Roxanne Lanyon 4 weeks ago

    I adore the “Come Out Of The Shadows” article!! It really makes me feel OK as Roxanne. Yes, I remember, back in the ’60s, when I first became hooked by panties ans slips, how things were back then. Being in a skirt was almost criminal! My, how we have come along! Now I have even gone out to dinner in Atlanta in a pretty skirt and blouse, and felt right at home! No wonder I love being Roxanne so much, now! Of course, I live in a small town North of Atlanta, and there are just not many opportunities for a life as Roxanne, but, who knowa? Things do change! Being able to associate with others, in reality, while wearing my pretty dress would be wonderful! And to be able to come home to a sweet crossdresser partner, with hugs and kisses, would be simply devine! Wouldn’t life be grand then? And, marriage? Oh! Enough said!
    Sweet, Caring, Gentle Roxanne

  3. Dannie Engle 1 year ago

    Just trying to get over the fear of being found out has made my secret life a total struggle. Dressing up as a woman for years and I still can’t bring myself to that place and let the world know that I am a woman trapped in a male body. Now’s the time..

  4. Stef Smith 1 year ago

    great article great site
    as for clean sites HWP he wears panties is clean i m a member there very supportive site
    for me this site gives me a great outlet and support as i struggle with my new openess with my wife. i ahve conquered my own self esteem guilt issues with crossdressing as it is called.

    i do not have gender issues and love my gender and body and maleness. in my ideal world we could all wear whatever we wanted. i wish i could wear heels when i wanted and nice top with colors and soft fabrics but i have a job and children and a wife so that has to be restricted

    i wonder how many of us just like the clothes and blending the male female styles and clothing WITHOUT any make up or wig?

    thats me , i dont want to look like a woman i just want to wear what i want to cause it makes me feels good

    i love pedicures and pretty polish, nice undergarments and pretty bras and panties
    i love stretch jeans that fit and look good on me. i love a sexy pair of hi heels with my pretty toes showing and a white oxford shirt and a pair of nice jeans

    i love beautiful soft sensual pieces to sleep in

    in any event thats me i love this site it has helped me so much with self acceptance

    keep it going and lets all keep it clean

    • Terrisa Washbourne 1 year ago

      Hey Stef, I know this post is oldish but I am new and that beats it out. I just wanted to say I agree with you and people should be able to wear whatever they want. It sucks that males are shamed if they wear women’s clothes but nothing really happens when women wear men’s clothes anymore. Is this a social bias? Wear what you want it’s your life not theirs. So easy to say I know but there will come the day when no one will care as long as you are wearing clothes.

  5. Jaimelynn Nissen 2 years ago

    Great article Vanessa…lot of great points…thanks!

    You and the ambassadors do a great job keeping this site clean, positive, and upbeat…that is a nice atmosphere. I have noticed the same holds true in any company you work in or any organization for that matter…if the attitude at the top is demeaning, degrading, and hateful it filters down. And when it is positive and does not tolerate an intolerant attitude it creates a warm and friendly atmosphere folks enjoy working and being in.

    Liked your comment on ‘Not so for Crossdressers’ proven by google places you are taken to and get the bad public image.

    This reminds me of the Jerry Springer approach…he will not invite a classy successful cross dresser on his show but he will bring in some desperate and pathetic looking like a loser crossdresser…for 15 minutes of tv fame while the audience gets a chance to hurl insults and feel better about themselves.

    In contrast I saw a Montel Williams show where he had pageant beauty queens in standard competition gowns and bathing suits…and the audience had to guess who was born a woman and who was born a man. The audience was truly amazed they could not get it right and Montel William’s lady guests got to maintain their dignity because that was Montel’s approach as opposed to Jerry’s approach.

    As a crossdresser MTF if I had to pick a role model for crossdressing to be in public it would probably be Dustin Hoffman in prep work done for Tootsie. He spent a year before doing the movie getting cross dressing down and a lot of time on the streets of New York just to make sure he would pass as a classy lady dressed appropriately for age and respective fashion. Unlike anyone in CDH he also got the private tutoring from a hollywood actress can’t remember her name…and trying to find it after the fact he does not give her the credit she deserves…she gave Tootsie a great feminine voice that could bounce in and out of female to male voice in seconds. Tootise even took his kids to school and had his kids introduce him to their teachers as their aunt staying at their home for a visit. Dustin Hoffman is a perfectionist in that regards and during the movie shoots also had his own professional team to do the daily makeover and makeup for the daily shoots…not something the average CDH crossdresser has the luxury or opportunity for. But the end result for Dustin Hoffman was he was disappointed he could not be the sexy lady he wanted to be and had to end up with reality of being a plain jane that was accepted as a lady but did not turn heads. He could only end up with what he had to work with…himself…it is what it is. And that would be my goal if I felt the need to be in public (which I don’t) just blend in and go unnoticed as an old but classy lady.

    We are all at different phases and experience levels at CDH and for myself just getting started…committed and in it to stay put this time, for the first time in my life…taking it slow and ensuring my goals make room for the needs of my wife…family…and friends. For now…it is only my wife and I and there is where we both plan on keeping it for now. Tolerated but out of sight. If your own personal happiness can include others and their needs as well as your own…it has a better chance for survival.

    Thanks again for the great job you all do in policing the CDH site to make it a respectful site with resources, friends, and shared experiences to help folks know we are not crazy, it can be sorted out, and it is not as bad as it may seem at times.

  6. Dianne Baldwin 2 years ago

    Great article

  7. Dot (Donna B) 3 years ago

    Vanessa a very nice article and a great idea. CDH is a wonderful and very positive site. If this concept grabs hold it can’t help but change the mainstream misconceptions in the world of our community. Thank you for being a force for change!!

  8. muskan 3 years ago

    Great affort

  9. Krista 3 years ago

    Thanks for the great article Vanessa. I am so happy to read that your intent is to keep Crossdresser Heaven as a supportive and classy website. I had been on another crossdresser website; I only lasted a couple of weeks there. The photos on that site were lewd and I kept getting messages from men asking me to go out on dates even though I made it quite clear in my profile that I am married and not interested in cheating on my wife. I quit that site; took down my profile yet still receive the occasional email from it. I am so appreciative of the fabulous quality of CDH. Thank You Vanessa for all of your work and your vision for the site. All the best, have a wonderful weekend!!!!

    • Author
      Vanessa Law 3 years ago

      @kscerbak thank you for the kind words dear. I’m sorry about your experience on the other site. I think there is a need for what we provide here, and that many in the community long to be treated as ladies, not objectified or pursued by men.

      I’m glad you’re here, please reach out to me or our Ambassadors if there is anything we can do to improve your experience on Crossdresser Heaven!

  10. JaneS 3 years ago

    At least the first search result on Google is the Wikipedia entry, but sadly four of the next six entries are those negative-type entries.

    As it is with genetic women, the only way we will ever gain the respect of general society is to have respect for ourselves and each other.

    We all have a right to express our individuality though we also need to keep in mind that in doing so we do not have a right to ignore the sensitivities and concerns of those we wish to accept us as we are.

    The world Vanessa speaks of is coming, as long as we play our own part in helping to make it so.

  11. Jessica 3 years ago

    Thank you Vanessa. Lately I have been saying thank you over and over again. When people say things like you have said here with true conviction and passion it just helps open my heart. I am so so emotional lately as I become a little more open I just feel so much gratitude towards people. I feel like I am starting to care more about orhers as well as myself and care more for myself. But I am also so sad. O don’t know what I am. I have tried to think what term Rita me the best, crossdresser, transgender. I don’t know. I think I used to feel guilty because sexually I always took more feminine roles. Now I am kind of asexual so I don’t have to worry about that. But I am older and discovering that when people call me Jessica and I can start to relate to people as a woman I feel so happy. Maybe this is too much to say right here. The problem is I can’t just go through the whole process to physically change. I can’t because I won’t have time to recuperate. I don’t have the money. No one will support me. The funny thing is I don’t even care if I pass if women and men can feel comfortable with me. I don’t want to say I am just a man in a dress becau i have never felt like the typical version of a man; moreover I don’t like things that are traditionally male. I never have. So I am very very confused. I am also starting to hate my male side. I don’t like what it represents. O also don’t like it physically. I don’t like my voice, I don’t like body hair and I don’t like having a penis. Anyway I feel like the more we talk and discuss this stuff. It can only get better. WhenI was little I always got upset when people said J was a girl. Now when people start to call me by female pronouns I feel proud. Thank you for your article. I am going to try. Not social media yet but I’m trying.

  12. Sallysim 3 years ago

    Great article Vanessa, it’s so true the public perception of both crossdressers and transgendered is changing for the better. But we as individuals must help ourselves. I see all too many dressed inappropriately walking the streets, ok they may feel comfortable in themselves, but stand out and look trashy to be honest. If we dressed appropriately for our age and aim to blend in we are accepted more easily by society. Don’t get me wrong we all have a right to be who we want to be and nobody could support and fight for our rights in society more than me, but let’s all work together to forward our cause.
    Sally xxx

  13. Samantha G..... 3 years ago

    Thanks Vanessa. Great article and great website you started here.

  14. Tiffany Anne 3 years ago

    Thank you Vanessa for creating this supportive, informative safe haven that is CDH. And thank you to all the ambassadors for helping to maintain that positive atmosphere.

    I do hope the world view of crossdressers and transgendered will continue to evolve to be more accepting and understanding. This wonderful site and its many members can certainly help with that if we do what you suggested – If you want to be a woman or look/present as a woman occasionally, then do so representing the best of femininity with beauty, grace, class and style.

  15. *skippy1965(Cynthia) 3 years ago


    What a great article!! As you know I am still on my journey of exploring my gender identity and trying to figure out f I am a TS ha will end up transitioning (with or without HRT and /or SRS) or whether I am A CD who just needs to get out of her home and into the wide world. But no matter which my path, this site has been the catalyst for me to accept myself as a person whose life is worth something despite the world’s antipathy! Crossdressing i part of what makes me the person I am and I LIKE that person-better than I did the person who was ashamed of myself for having these feelings for so many years. Thank you for providing us a safe haven and the courage to share ourselves with society with our heads held high and be able to say :Yes I AM a crossdresser and I am not ashamed of it!. I am a good person BECAUSE of ALL that I am!


    • Author
      Vanessa Law 3 years ago

      Thanks you @skippy1965! And so well said – you are a good person because of EVERY part of you. I’m glad you found us, and I’m thankful for all that you’re doing to give back to the community as an Ambassador!

      Big hugs!

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