The old Chinese proverbs talk about the yin and the yang. We are all possessed with both the yin and the yang, or the female and the male. It is when we are born that one of them dominates and that is what our outward appearance is going to be. But that is not to say the one that is not the dominant trait will not come alive at one time or another. And it all depends on how we acknowledge that fact as to how we wish to live our lives.
I grew up in a house with four sisters and my mom and they all had an influence on me, whether I admitted it to them or not. From around my early teenage years, I remember being somewhat jealous of all of them because of all the pretty clothes they got while I was getting the usual boy things. I was happy that they were so happy but deep down I wished that some of them were mine. When I got to be 15 I knew that I had to see for myself just how they looked on me. So when I had time to myself I took a few things out the see how they looked. It was so wonderful to see how they fit and how they felt. After that, any chance I got I wanted to try things on, making sure that I only took things that looked like they would fit me, considering that all of my sisters were different heights.
There were a few times that I almost got caught wearing something, and even though it scared the daylights out of me, I couldn’t seem to help myself. As they all got older, (considering that I was the oldest) their tastes began to change and that only gave me more options to try on. Whether it was dresses, skirts, blouses, or lingerie, there always seemed to be something to try on and indulge my fantasies. And even when going out with girls, I always seemed to compliment them on what they were wearing, which made them feel good. I guessed then that making women feel that someone was paying attention to their appearance made them feel good about themselves.
Time marched on and I got married and stopped dressing up, but I still paid attention to clothes. About 10 years ago the urges started to come back. But now since I had a good job, I was able to start to create my own little wardrobe. Just a few things at first, all the while getting stares from sales girls when I went in to buy lingerie or looking at racks of clothes. I was a little timid at first but now I feel so comfortable shopping for myself that I just smile back at them.
Meanwhile, I feel the genes that have been passed down from my mom make me feel so happy about the choices I have made for myself. And to slide on, whenever I can, those Gloria Vanderbilt jeans lets me feel that the women in my life are so lucky to put these on anytime they want. I don’t go out in them but I feel like a woman when they are on. That’s when I know that the yin is coming to the forefront. And that’s OK by me.
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