woman_coffee_deck

Last time, I shared the experience of taking my dog out while dressed.  It was frightening and exhilarating all at once.   After that, I found the idea of being outside as Rachel, even if only briefly, was not as scary anymore.  I wasn’t ready to go downtown or anything yet, but something inside me said I wanted to take it to the next step.

Circumstances gave me a day off, home alone, on the same day the garbage and recycling collectors would be coming around.  A mad boldness seized me, and I quickly changing into my body shaper, bra, black legging, and a hot pink top.  Donning makeup and my blond wig, I went downstairs, and poured myself a cup of coffee.  Putting on my sunglasses, I went out onto the back porch. I sat down, crossed my legs, and waited.

My heart was beating faster with every moment.  I knew where I was — the sanitary workers could not help, but see me.   I kept thinking about what these men’s reactions to me would be.  Would they realize I was actually a man? What would they do?  I started thinking it was a bad idea, and considered going back inside. Then I heard it; the garbage truck was coming down the alley.  It was time to make a choice — do I stay and be seen, or do I play it safe and rush inside?

I made my choice.  Maybe I was not ready to announce this side of myself to the world, but no one was going to chase me off my own deck.  I sat, sipping my coffee, and enjoying the warm morning sunshine as the truck drew closer. After what seemed like an hour, the truck pulled up behind my house.  The men got out to grab the garbage.  I held my breath as one glanced up at me.  He looked at me momentarily . . . then nodded politely, grabbed the garbage, and tossed it into the back of the truck.  The truck and men soon drove off.  No one gave any sign that he thought I was anything other than a woman enjoying her morning coffee outside.

I sat there with my mind reeling at what had just happened before going inside.  That man had give me only a brief glance.  Yet, his lack of a reaction was thrilling; I could not have felt better.  I still have a ways to go to be passable, but this was a big step for me.

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Rachel Chapman

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  1. Profile photo of maddie whitman
    maddie whitman 1 month ago

    Good for you Rachel, baby steps hon, each one adds up to great things . One foot in front of the other. good luck to you on your journey and safe travels . hugs, Maddie

  2. Profile photo of Leonara
    Leonara 1 month ago

    Thank you Rachel for sharing your experience and anxiety in announcing your alter ego to the public .

  3. Profile photo of Kara Kelly
    Kara Kelly 1 month ago

    Way to go Rachel !

  4. Profile photo of Krista
    Krista 1 month ago

    Hi Rachel, a great story, Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed reading it.
    Don’t you just love those “mad boldness” moments? Another step along the path in your journey.
    Way to Go!!!!
    Looking forward to your next story.
    Hugs, Krista

  5. Profile photo of April (Pacific Princess)

    Rachel – Perfect description of the small steps needed to eventually venture out into the world. We all need to go at our own pace and just take little risks every now and then to expand our comfort zone. I have found out that it’s not so much being “passable” that eventually gives us confidence to go out into the world (because let’s face it – few of us are actually passable upon close inspection), but rather a confidence and a joy that comes from knowing who and what we are and taking pleasure in it.

    It also gives me a bit of “armor”, because I know I’m not passable so I don’t fear being read so much. I am sure I am read often, probably most of the time, but I still go about my time out with confidence and a smile, and I’ve learned that people tend to smile back a lot too.

    Hugs,
    April

    • Profile photo of Leonara
      Leonara 1 month ago

      Very well said…Thank you April.

    • Profile photo of Amanda Patrick
      Amanda Patrick 1 month ago

      Hi April,

      You are right its that confidence that helps. The last time I was out I was walking along the street and I spotted A few gentleman Coming towards me. I was nervous but determined. One gentleman bumped in to me as we past each other on the side walk and he said oh excuse me I am sorry. I answered that’s ok and we all just kept on going to our dentations. yes that confidence really helps. takes awhile but it does come.

  6. Profile photo of Amanda Patrick
    Amanda Patrick 1 month ago

    Hi Rachel,

    So very proud of you for taking that step. You will gain confidence and accept your self for who you really are also.

    Amanda

  7. Profile photo of Katie Jean (wicked boston girl)

    I hope you continue having these good moments, enjoy them all.

    Xoxox
    Katie

  8. Profile photo of skippy1965(Cynthia)
    skippy1965(Cynthia) 1 month ago

    Every baby step is a giant leap! If you ever get a chance , sign up for one of the CD/TGconferences. Spending a week en femme is an amazing experience and will do wonders for your confidence!
    Cyn

    • Jennie Jaye 4 weeks ago

      I hope to do that with my gurlfriend soon!

  9. Profile photo of Kayla Jameson
    Kayla Jameson 1 month ago

    I loved your article. It gave me a peaceful feeling. Love and hugs. And thank you for sharing.

  10. Profile photo of Janine Milburn
    Janine Milburn 1 month ago

    I did it too, I went out in broad daylight. I drove in my car completely dressed in tight leggings, bra top, red t-shirt, a wig, jewellery and black heels. I didn’t get caught people saw me and they didn’t realise. When i realised i started to feel amazing and so sexy. I then drove to a park and walked around. I walked past a couple and they greeted me. Wow what a feeling. To be honest i got pretty turned on and i liked it. go to my profile pic to see what i wore.

  11. Profile photo of debbie
    debbie 4 weeks ago

    Good for you Rachel. These little moments will long be remembered and yet so satisfying. Few people outside our group here would really understand what we are thinking and experiencing but we know sis. congrats

  12. Profile photo of Wanda Shirkey
    Wanda Shirkey 4 weeks ago

    Rachel, Thank you for sharing. That is very bold of you. I came out to my wife that I am trans. I have started seeing a therapist. I go to the therapist dressed the way I feel comfortable. I don’t care who is in the waiting room with me. This is who I am am and I can’t help who I am and I am not hiding it anymore.

    Hugs,

    Wanda

  13. Willa Patryn 4 weeks ago

    Good for me to see and read this morning, that others experience the same feelings as I do. I have need to come out of my self imposed 61 year imprisonment in the male persona. I have need to go to the store, but don’t want to change into drab, and was just thinking of doing it as dressed now. Thanks for sharing!

  14. DAWN 459 4 weeks ago

    Great story Stephanie : My first
    Trip out was in my backyard
    Fullydressed withbwig&makeup for a picture session that lesliemary
    &I done after shopping in
    Drab mode with bra&panties
    At a local thrift store.

  15. Profile photo of Gracie Garcia
    Gracie Garcia 4 weeks ago

    A wonderful article and one that I can relate too. I started by driving out in public. The first time I had to stop to put gas was so scary. I imagined police cars coming at me from all sides, traffic pulling off the freeway to point their fingers. In reality I walked out pumped gas paid at the pump and climbed back in my car with my heart pumping out of my chest. Since I have gone walking, shopping and dating as Gracie and never yet encountered any bad incidents.

    • Profile photo of Lisbeth Lacy
      Lisbeth Lacy 4 weeks ago

      Gracie, honey you are so brave taking your first step. I can so so relate to your fear and imagining the worst. The reality is unless you are dressed so sexy that you are drawing attention to yourself or behaving strange most people don’t notice you. They really don’t care. June 3rd I have a ticket to go to the opera. The Opera is about a transgender woman. I will be attending as Lisbeth.

  16. Janine 4 weeks ago

    Hi Rachel
    Great story.
    It must have been so invigorating for you to sit there outside knowing that the men who picked up the garbage would have to notice you.
    I’m sure that you had mixed emotions about what they were going to think when they saw you
    Congratulations on taking the first step of coming out
    Every journey begins with the first step.
    Next time will be easier but just as a satisfying
    Soon you will get the confidence to go further in your journey to be seen as a female.
    Good luck with your coming out
    Hugs
    Janine

  17. Emma Sweet 4 weeks ago

    Good for you, Rachel!

    I’ve also started going out a bit. About a week ago I went to dinner with TG friends at a restaurant in Portland, OR. I was apprehensive at first but, like you, threw caution to the wind, and was glad I did. My voice obviously tipped all off, but so did everyone’s in our group, and the waitstaff could not have been more accommodating.

    Later this week I’m going to be riding my motorcycle into Seattle for a meeting with a gender therapist, and later, for another meeting. I decided that I’m going to wear a pair of skinny jeans, and maybe, a tunic top. No wig, breast forms, and all that, since I’ll be on the bike. But they are just pants after all and look like jeans albeit form fitting.

    What I’m learning is that, like you, I just want to be free to be me. Thus the reason to see the gender therapist is to talk about what her evaluation for starting HRT entails. I wish to start hormones to experience what comes up for me long before any permanent changes emerge. If it all goes as I expect I see myself following through on transition.

  18. Profile photo of susieque
    susieque 4 weeks ago

    Congratulations, Rachel!!

    My wife and I moved into a new neighborhood in our town 3 years ago and I decided that I will do things in SusieQue mode as often as I can. I mow our yard and the common area across the street in shorts and a camisole, I love the spaghetti strap tan lines. I have also walked the 2 blocks to the neighborhood mail box pedistall in a dress and hose, but then, I wear pantyhose every day anywhere in our town. In the past 3 years, I have had only one somewhat negative comment about my pantyhose. I was going into our Kroger store one day last summer with the temp in the mid 90’s and met a very well dressed lady coming out of the store. She looked at me and said, “don’t you just hate pantyhose on a hot day?” as I whiped the sweat from my face she grinned and told me that I should try a skirt or dress because they were much cooler when wearing hose, than even shorts which I had on. I thanked her and replied, I don’t think our town is ready to see a man running around in a skirt or dress. she laughed and replied, “you just might be surprised by the response. I haven’t tried her suggestion yet, but did start to go into our neighborhood grocery store for milk and donuts Sunday morning while wearing my nightshirt, which is like a knee length t-shirt. maybe next weekend.

  19. bizarresuzanne 4 weeks ago

    Interesting experience…I have always wanted to be seen in public but at the same time, terrified. I have dressed and gone out on my sidewalk LATE AT NIGHT, went out on my back porch also late at night…and so very briefly, stepped out on my front porch dressed during the evening thrilled and terrified at the same instant…wanting to be seen and accepted…but dreading being “outed” if “caught” by someone who knows me (sighs). I have also dressed, made up, and gone to a S&M Niteclub…tho that was accepted there…still thrilled by that experience!

  20. Profile photo of Lady Veronica Graunwolf

    Rachel. The journey of a thousand miles has just begun with that first step. Congratulations….my heart sings for you. The thrill of seeing one of my babies take that first step is always thrilling. May the sun be always on your face and the wind be at your back! Lady Veronica

  21. Profile photo of
    rikki james 1 week ago

    My heart pounded as i read your story.

  22. Joanna 1 week ago

    Hi Rachael,
    Your story is very similar to mine, I was staying in Harrogate with friends when it was suggested we walk around town and have a coffee break. Well walking down the hotel drive into the Main Street felt to me like jumping off the high diving board then realising you can’t swim. I was terrified. Everyone must be looking at me. They all know I’m a man in women’s clothes.
    But nothing happened. No remarks even though I know I was read.
    Eventually I ended up in Debenhams cafe thoroughly enjoying my new found freedom.
    Your lovely article brought it all back, thank you Rachael.
    Joanna. xx

  23. pau 5 days ago

    idrove fromreading in uk to London and then went to night club and loved it

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