Last time, I shared the experience of taking my dog out while dressed. It was frightening and exhilarating all at once. After that, I found the idea of being outside as Rachel, even if only briefly, was not as scary anymore. I wasn’t ready to go downtown or anything yet, but something inside me said I wanted to take it to the next step.
Circumstances gave me a day off, home alone, on the same day the garbage and recycling collectors would be coming around. A mad boldness seized me, and I quickly changing into my body shaper, bra, black legging, and a hot pink top. Donning makeup and my blond wig, I went downstairs, and poured myself a cup of coffee. Putting on my sunglasses, I went out onto the back porch. I sat down, crossed my legs, and waited.
My heart was beating faster with every moment. I knew where I was — the sanitary workers could not help, but see me. I kept thinking about what these men’s reactions to me would be. Would they realize I was actually a man? What would they do? I started thinking it was a bad idea, and considered going back inside. Then I heard it; the garbage truck was coming down the alley. It was time to make a choice — do I stay and be seen, or do I play it safe and rush inside?
I made my choice. Maybe I was not ready to announce this side of myself to the world, but no one was going to chase me off my own deck. I sat, sipping my coffee, and enjoying the warm morning sunshine as the truck drew closer. After what seemed like an hour, the truck pulled up behind my house. The men got out to grab the garbage. I held my breath as one glanced up at me. He looked at me momentarily . . . then nodded politely, grabbed the garbage, and tossed it into the back of the truck. The truck and men soon drove off. No one gave any sign that he thought I was anything other than a woman enjoying her morning coffee outside.
I sat there with my mind reeling at what had just happened before going inside. That man had give me only a brief glance. Yet, his lack of a reaction was thrilling; I could not have felt better. I still have a ways to go to be passable, but this was a big step for me.