Okay, here’s the question I pose to all the girls here and everywhere: why do we do this? “This” being dressed as a woman and being in public. I know there are as many answers as there are CDers and TG girls.

What precipitated this was a conversation I had with my wife last night. We had just spent 6 hours in a big mall in Boca Raton, FL with me en femme and were driving home. The backstory is I came out to her on Halloween night (see my story “The Night I Lost My Monster”) and since then we’ve gone out a number of times as girlfriends. She is so very supportive and mentors me (“don’t walk like a football player, you’re a lady” “ladies don’t order that,” “remember in the ladies’ room, toes forward!”). But she caught me by total surprise on the road with the question, “Why do you feel the need to be dressed as Kathryn and be in public? What drives you to do this?”

Whoa! What a question to be asked…especially on a crowded highway in a rainstorm! I couldn’t provide a coherent answer! I really don’t know why! I love dressing up and being as female as I can be, but I do not want to transition, I like being a man, I don’t want to be a woman 24/7. So, why do I feel compelled to dress and go out as Kathryn? I’ve been grappling with this for 60+ years. I’ve read scientific literature studies, lay articles, been part of CD groups, been in chat rooms…I don’t think anyone really knows where this “thing” comes from.

So, I tried to provide some context to my compulsion and failed miserably. I told her that no CDer I’ve communicated with could answer that question. I explained to her that for me, it is a need…a need that I can’t rationalize or understand. I simply need to do it. I am not looking for attention (or at least not that I’m aware of), I try to blend in as best I can. I think I’ve been okay with this; everywhere we’ve gone, I’ve been addressed as “ma’am or lady or girl.”

Nature Day 3

I guess I’ve become comfortable with being out as Kathryn and it just feels natural. I know it’s still me behind the makeup and clothing. But there is a difference in attitudes or interactions when you are en femme versus being a guy. People are a bit more pleasant, or so it seems.

In closing, all I can say to provide my own answer is that having suppressed my urges for decades, the freedom that came Halloween Night is amazing! I love being Kathryn, and Kathryn loves being out and about as an older woman without hang-ups. I guess the need to be me in all my aspects of life is strong now that I am older. For me, life is good!


For all of you girls out there in Crossdresser Heaven land, I have a few simple questions I would like to ask each one of you directly, so here they are:

  • Can you explain to me what drives your need to go out in public while you’ve got your total girl on?
  • What are the reasons, if you haven’t been out in public as a girl, which are keeping you from going out in public as a girl for the very first time?
  • If you have been out in public as a girl, what was your experience like on your very first time out in total femme mode? And was it a positive or negative experience for you?
  • Would you like to tell me what outfit you chose to wear from top to bottom on your first public appearance out as a girl? And did you feel awkward or comfortable in the outfit you chose to wear on that very first night out?

Thank you for taking the time to read my article and for possibly having an answer to one or more of the questions posed above!

Sincerely, Kathryn


More Articles by Kathryn Lynn Peters

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Kathryn Lynn Peters

I am a long-time CDer. Living the dream!

Latest posts by Kathryn Lynn Peters (see all)

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3 years ago

1.) Can you explain to me what drives your need to go out in public while you’ve got your total girl on? I feel caged and limited remaining indoors while dressed. Their is an innate need to non-verbally say, “I’ve done nothing wrong and I am tired of being ashamed of a very natural part of my identity.” 2.) What are the reasons, if you haven’t been out in public as a girl, which are keeping you from going out in public as a girl for the very first time? Well, I been out but always have to consider where… Read more »

Active Member
3 years ago
Reply to  Kira

Great response

Stephanie Kennedy
Active Member
3 years ago

Hi Kathryn Thank you for your Article Great questions. 1. The first question is simple I just wanted to be looked at and be accepted as a woman and when i got that affirmation it was so wonderful its a real natural high. Adrenalin rush. Stephanie was no longer just in my mind she became real. That is what we all want just to be accepted. What was always in our mind becomes real. 2. There were so many reasons not to go out in public First and foremost I was just scared. I did not want to look weird… Read more »

Active Member
3 years ago

Great thoughts!

Active Member
3 years ago

I recently had my first interaction while dressed. I went to a late night convenience store and bought a Diet Coke. The clerk wasn’t at his post as I entered, but was there when I came to pay. He was taken aback briefly. The thought I came away with after the fact was that my need to go out had an impact on this person as well. Overall the experience was neutral. That same weekend I got locked out of my motel room while en femme. I let the person in the office that I had lost my key and… Read more »

Patricia Marie Allen
Active Member
3 years ago

Speaking for myself, I think what drives me is the need for acceptance. The need to know that others see me as just another person and not a freak. To that end, I’ve decided that passing is not the goal. I much prefer that people I encounter recognize me as trans and treat me as they would any other person. Likewise I feel the need to have those I love treat me the same and appear with me in public to show that acceptance. I’ve been successful in being in public and being accepted, but not so much with my… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
3 years ago

Kathryn, thanks for a great rticle. or me I think this rticle that I wrote back in 2018 explains it best


It is allowing the part me that was hidden in the shadows for far too long to step out and be seen. Allowed me to accept myself as a human being instead of a freak.


Deborah Sullivan
Trusted Member
3 years ago

Good question too. I suppose the first urges were that I was bored just dressing about the house and wanted to experience what it was like to be treated as a girl and see the world through the eyes of debbie. There is a real excitement and thrill to it and the way people react to you

Active Member
3 years ago

It was a long time ago. It feels like a different lifetime now. I was living in Washington DC and had seen Mistress Brianna a few times. She would do an amazing job in the transition from timid male to confident, bold woman. I spent the first few sessions staying in her dungeon allowing her to use me and bind me in many different and exquisite ways. My sessions went from 1 hour, to 2, to 4 to overnight. That included, at my request, an evening out. Mistress Brianna once again worked a miracle in transitioning me into Diana. I… Read more »

2 years ago

It seems many of us do not have a good idea of how to vocalize why we do what we do, because of its departure from current societal norms. (…by “current” I mean, think of it: we know from HISTORY that instead of pants, men used to wear tights, much like generally only women THESE DAYS wear leggings.) I like to think of this as a sort of corollary to Gödel’s incompleteness theorems. Briefly, they assert that there may be many mathematical theories that we instinctively believe to be true but cannot prove them to be true. Can you explain… Read more »

Last edited 2 years ago by MaryJo
Holly Morris
Holly Morris
1 year ago

Kathryn, what great questions! To answer your first question (Can you explain to me what drives your need to go out in public while you’ve got your total girl on?), for me it is not just one thing, it is a combination of many things. Let me try to enumerate: 1) When I am Holly, I am not pretending to be a woman. In my eyes, I truly become a woman, so I want to be able to go out in public and do things, just as any real GG would. 2) If I’m honest, it provides a sense of… Read more »

Joanne Watters
1 year ago

My very first time out in public was when I was 17 & got my drivers license, I mean, I used to get dressed after my family went to bed & walk around the block but when I could drive, my first outing was to a small gas station where I pulled up to the air pump & got out & acted like I was putting air in my tires, there were no cars there & the two guys working there were in their kiosk watching me, I made it a point to flash them plenty of leg. After I… Read more »

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