Okay, here’s the question I pose to all the girls here and everywhere: why do we do this? “This” being dressed as a woman and being in public. I know there are as many answers as there are CDers and TG girls.
What precipitated this was a conversation I had with my wife last night. We had just spent 6 hours in a big mall in Boca Raton, FL with me en femme and were driving home. The backstory is I came out to her on Halloween night (see my story “The Night I Lost My Monster”) and since then we’ve gone out a number of times as girlfriends. She is so very supportive and mentors me (“don’t walk like a football player, you’re a lady” “ladies don’t order that,” “remember in the ladies’ room, toes forward!”). But she caught me by total surprise on the road with the question, “Why do you feel the need to be dressed as Kathryn and be in public? What drives you to do this?”
Whoa! What a question to be asked…especially on a crowded highway in a rainstorm! I couldn’t provide a coherent answer! I really don’t know why! I love dressing up and being as female as I can be, but I do not want to transition, I like being a man, I don’t want to be a woman 24/7. So, why do I feel compelled to dress and go out as Kathryn? I’ve been grappling with this for 60+ years. I’ve read scientific literature studies, lay articles, been part of CD groups, been in chat rooms…I don’t think anyone really knows where this “thing” comes from.
So, I tried to provide some context to my compulsion and failed miserably. I told her that no CDer I’ve communicated with could answer that question. I explained to her that for me, it is a need…a need that I can’t rationalize or understand. I simply need to do it. I am not looking for attention (or at least not that I’m aware of), I try to blend in as best I can. I think I’ve been okay with this; everywhere we’ve gone, I’ve been addressed as “ma’am or lady or girl.”
I guess I’ve become comfortable with being out as Kathryn and it just feels natural. I know it’s still me behind the makeup and clothing. But there is a difference in attitudes or interactions when you are en femme versus being a guy. People are a bit more pleasant, or so it seems.
In closing, all I can say to provide my own answer is that having suppressed my urges for decades, the freedom that came Halloween Night is amazing! I love being Kathryn, and Kathryn loves being out and about as an older woman without hang-ups. I guess the need to be me in all my aspects of life is strong now that I am older. For me, life is good!
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For all of you girls out there in Crossdresser Heaven land, I have a few simple questions I would like to ask each one of you directly, so here they are:
- Can you explain to me what drives your need to go out in public while you’ve got your total girl on?
- What are the reasons, if you haven’t been out in public as a girl, which are keeping you from going out in public as a girl for the very first time?
- If you have been out in public as a girl, what was your experience like on your very first time out in total femme mode? And was it a positive or negative experience for you?
- Would you like to tell me what outfit you chose to wear from top to bottom on your first public appearance out as a girl? And did you feel awkward or comfortable in the outfit you chose to wear on that very first night out?
Thank you for taking the time to read my article and for possibly having an answer to one or more of the questions posed above!
Sincerely, Kathryn
Such a wonderful story and experience, thanks for sharing. I recall my first time buying something feminine with such clarity. It was a thrill, I was on a high. First high heels I bought, wow. That feeling has continued to build. I may throw on a corset with a bra filled with size D breast forms, a dress, high heel boots, a wig some lipstick and sunglasses and go for a walk or into a store. Each time, the thrill of being there in high heels, focused on how I stand or walk, it is a thrill I can’t explain.… Read more »
Hi Kathryn. The first thing I want to say is that I absolutely love the name that you choose. I think that its a very feminine name Now to answer your question. The first time I went out in public was the most terrifying time of my life. I had always been a closet crossdresser and was satisfied with dressing in the privacy of a motel room. In the many times I did this each time I did a little more to make myself look more feminine. When I started using makeup and style my hair, I got good at… Read more »
Kathryn, I loved the story about the shopping with your wife; mine is supportive, but won’t do that with me, yet. My first mall trip was alone, and following my first makeover at Ulta. Both were fun, and I was surprised at how much at-ease I felt for such a first-time experience. After suppressing the desire for some 50-odd years since I was a teen, I resumed dressing (privately) a bit over 3 years ago. I believe the urge was driven by hormonal shifts caused by aging and medications. I loved the look and feel of ladies’ jeans and tees,… Read more »
Excellent question, I just don’t know. After some thought I guess it’s sort of a validation that we are good enough at it that we don’t cause any sort of ruckus. I guess I’m from the old school, if it’s worth doing, do it right! I’ve spent years (60+) trying to figure out how I got this way. In my mind it’s a birth defect. Looking at it in that way I finally accepted who I am. Don’t get me started on gender benders. In my humble opinion they do us more harm then good. What I wore the first… Read more »
Joan darling, it’s not a defect – that’s why it feels good and right, because it is right for you (and me!). I felt the exact same confusions when I was 13, but that was because there was absolutely no information about cross dressing back in the 1970s, just widespread public opinions and depictions in movies and television shows. The internet is a game changer. There’s still a lot of badly informed opinion out there, as with any topic. The scientific research is generally positive though – cross dressing is a harmless means of self expression. It’s acceptable in women,… Read more »
nature loves diversity ! its all good and simply how you got made. Its far worse to live in conflict with your inner self, at least in this time and place. enjoy your freedom to be yourself.
Great write up. For me, it’s about validation. Before Covid times, I would go out a lot. I generally found three types of reactions. Didn’t even notice or absence of attention. Looks without any reaction. And the last one, which is my favorite, people being way ok with me as a woman. The later including small smiles , compliments, flirting…. in my years of going out, I have only had one minor negative response. Z
Great story Kathryn….thank you so much for sharing it with us. You provide a very insightful and articulate description of our endless search for an answer to the “why do I do this" question.
Hi Kathryn, Great subject and nicely written article. I have to say I mimic your feelings and the uncertainly of Why??? Can you explain to me what drives your need to go out in public while you’ve got your total girl on? I don’t feel I can explain what drives the need but I have always had this feeling. When I’m out it seems 100% natural. At first, I was worried but before long I felt “This is Me” and kept expanding and pushing what and where I went. I spent a substantial amount of time trying to figure out… Read more »
Hi Kathryn, Quite a question there and one that is likely to have quite a few varied and different answers. To answer your first question, why? I feel that I am drawn to crossdressing and presenting as a female because in me there are feminine needs that are probably stronger than in some other males. By this I mean the traits that are generally aligned with girls seem to emerge from me from time to time and demand that I deal with them. As Gail I enjoy going out dressing up to look attractive to other women and other men.… Read more »
Hi, for me going out in public is to be accepted and treated as a woman. It fills me with thrills and each time enjoyment being treated “madame". I travel (usually by car), go shopping; try in ladies fitting room and love a good meal with a glass of wine!
The way I see it, i’s the same reason that women go out in public dressed like that.
It’s a part of who we are.
It could be 100% or 5%, but it’s still a part.
Love Laura