If you are here and reading this article, I can safely assume like myself, you are enamored with dressing in clothes and accessories traditionally associated with women.
We are all at various stages on this journey. Some of us have recently discovered our feminine traits and are deeply troubled by them. Others have cracked open the door to this wonderful world of femme a little bit, but long for more.
Others have had more experience and perhaps with the help of a mentor or two have gained the confidence to go out and explore the world en femme. Still others are now living their lives as women 24/7.
It doesn’t matter where you are, most if not all started out being very scared of whatever it is inside which draws us towards femininity, because as boys we were conditioned that we don’t do things like that, and were often punished if caught in the process of cross dressing as a result.
Due to the stigma usually associated with crossdressing, and this seems to be specifically men dressing as women, the other way around doesn’t ever seem to cause nearly as much fuss!
Eventually we manage to break through the conditioning and start to express our femme self. Though as we all know, there is usually still a lot of breaking through to do with wives, girlfriends, parents and other family members, not to mention friends, employers, etc., can take a very dim view of a man trying to pass as a woman. As a result, we continue to keep this side of us hidden and sometimes totally hidden. Other crossdressers are able to let a select few know about this amazing secret we have.
Most of us are trying to look like GG’s, or natural women, but it is difficult as our bodies aren’t shaped quite like women’s bodies. We also have never learned all those tricks of femininity that girls start to learn from a young age. So we put ourselves on something like a crash course, but it isn’t easy! Fortunately, the resources here at CDH will help one to show the world the woman you can be on the outside, not just on the inside.
It doesn’t take much looking anywhere these days to discover there are a large number of businesses who specialize in providing the products we need to look our feminine best. In fact, it was that discovery I made just a few years ago, while looking for something else which set the stage for me to become much more serious about expressing my feminine side.
It might sound naive, but I had no idea there was such a large number of products and retailers dedicated to crossdressing and transgender folks.
I am one of those who have bought breast forms, waist cinchers, pads for hips and bums, plus makeup so I can look like a nice middle aged woman – not too old, but not too young either. Well it would be nice to look young, but at nearly 67, that’s not going to happen!
However, I have this nutty idea that we shouldn’t necessarily pass or at least hide our other sides as much. How much do we really need to? There is no easy answer to that one either. The better we are able to disguise ourselves as GG’s, the more hidden we are.
To be sure, there are many who enjoy a fetish aspect to this and there certainly is nothing wrong with that either. If that’s what you want go ahead and enjoy, however, it isn’t anything we should share publicly.
However this is not what I’m talking about, as that is naturally in the realm of individual privacy amongst consenting adults.
Then the only thing the general public usually knows about crossdressing is through how the media portrays us. It is usually for comedy, perhaps the highly stylized world of drag, as outright gay, or worse than anything, as some kind of perverted person.
Fortunately gender identity issues are more out in the open than ever before and there is a slow awakening going on in many areas.
Popular shows like “Drag Race” does bring the subject more into the open and creates discussion which isn’t a bad thing, though it does give the impression of a rather different world than the reality of what most of us do. Drag might be fun, but it’s entertainment and really isn’t in the crossdresser world so many of us long to join.
This is where I return to the idea that the more people know what we are and the fact we aren’t a threat to them or their children, the better it will be for all of us. This kind of public education takes time and there is always the reality of an adverse reaction, though adverse reactions seem to be much less frequent than they once were.
Then there is the tender issue of how well do you pass? Likely not as well as you’d like, however, how much does it really matter? We all have different body types and facial features, some of which lend themselves much better to become feminine looking, and it takes a lot of self-education.
We each have different means, as it can be a bit costly to get all the right clothes, foundation garments, and makeup, and learn how to use everything to the best advantage. This all can be a bit of a waste of money as you learn what works and what doesn’t. Not everyone can afford this outlay either.
Alright, so what if you’re not perfect, perhaps not even nearly so. That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t go out into the public world if that’s what you desire.
Remember, GG’s come in all shapes and sizes too and many don’t fit into anything close to an ideal size or shape, but they can all be lovely.
That is just as it is with us. We have to learn and accept our diversity and show it to others. Perhaps in time, this can become as acceptable as anything else in society.
Naturally one has to temper this with a measure of caution as some areas are much more accepting than others. However, even traditionally conservative areas are becoming more accepting of gender fluid individuals all the time.
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- Do you go out en femme and if so what has been the reaction from others you’ve encountered?
- If you had to assign a percentage number on how well you pass as a women when you are at your best level of cross dressing, from 0 to 100%, what percentage would you assign your ability to pass as a woman?
- Do you feel that this need to be able to pass is very overrated?
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Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to read my article. Please feel free to send in a response to my article or an answer to one of more of the questions I’ve posed to you above.
Sincerely, Amy Myers
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Amy Myers
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Christina and Amy are both correct here…even if you’re not the most “blendable” looking girl, if you have confidence and you’re enjoying yourself – then go out and have at it. After all, it’s a free country.
Just realize that not everyone is going to buy into it. You cannot force them to either. They live in the same free country as you.
GP
@Amy Myers Amy, I used to go out en femme, but that was after many years of being in the closet, but desperately wanting to be out in public as Genivieve. Once I overcame my fears, and started going out, I found that day or night, as long as I acted like I belonged where I happened to be, no one gave me a sideways look. I went out evenings to clubs and restaurants, visited nail and cosmetic studios during daytime hours, shopped for everything from lingerie to shoes, and even dated. Not once did I ever have a negative… Read more »
Do you mean you don’t go out en femme still?
My experience going out for about 6 years mirror yours, some funny looks at times but nothing bad has ever happened, and in fact those who did spot me usually asked polite questions and compliments too.
Thanks for your reply.
@Amy Myers I don’t yet go out en femme but I can see it happening in the next 12 months. Learning takes time – to learn all the things any woman must learn in order to present in an attractive manner. After researching images of middle-age women, I will be getting my first wig this month. I plan to wear it around the house 100% of the time. I want to become completely accustomed to it. Next will come makeup. Just as any woman would do. I want to be able to get all ready, with no wig, and due… Read more »
Dani, well I hope you do come out and enjoy the wide world fully femme!
Thanks for the reply!
Amy
Dani, If I may offer you a bit of advice. Girl, if you want to go out. Go Out! Please don’t let your fears keep you from doing something you really want to do. I wanted to experience being out and about en femme for most of my life! However, life circumstances prevented me from dressing often…but fears kept me in my hotel room alone! My fears weren’t real and not a single one of them ever came to pass! Once I stepped past the hotel room door, (thanks to another tgirl friend) I came to realize how foolish it… Read more »
That is very good advice, as I too wasted too much time hiding myself from the world.
Hi ladies, It took a couple hours but I made it all the way from the beginning to the final post of this topic on passing. I must count myself as being very fortunate and blessed, I do pass, and have transitioned to living as a woman. I always knew I was feminine and came to the realization that I am transgender, last year I found out I am intersex, actually considered a biologic female. I am only 5’6″ and 170 lbs, can actually wear petite sized women’s wear. Puberty endowed me with a mix of physical features that have… Read more »
Lauren;
This has got to be a rather long thread now, and Kudos to you for going through it all!
So thank you very much for your wonderful reply and that you are able to live as your true self now.
Amy
I just logged in and took a scroll to find an interesting subject. This is something I have been thinking about quite quickly after realising I wanted to try going out in daylight post makeover by an expert. And I feel this is a very crucial part of what we should consider! My journey is fairly early on. I will be honest and say I was stuck on the fetish aspect for years, it is what it is, I had a fix and put the thoughts out of my head. But, reaching my 40s I found myself looking increasingly at… Read more »
Thanks for your reply Sarah. You touch on many things and since this article was published here about 4 years ago now I have grown a great deal since I wrote it. You touch on many important parts of the MtF experience, whether it’s mostly the fetish side of things (which I’ve enjoyed too at times) as well as simply the feeling of being female, even if we aren’t quite there. As well as the sometimes complex sexuality this involves for some of us too. Now I’m so much less afraid to show that I’m on the trans side and… Read more »
@Amy Myers It is a big subject and nice to talk to anybody else about their experiences. There will always be a spectrum of us and them (the average males and females, and their opinions). I know myself I am still shocked when I detect a man dressed as a woman, why, because it is rare! Sadly. I want to look unflinching to check them out. I want to see how they do their cosmetics, hair and clothes, everything. I’m rarely alone in the situation and I am shy but part of me wants to go over and have a… Read more »
I currently don’t feel a great urge to go out as Sarah my adopted female ultra ego as a reality. I need to try it and perhaps meet others who do out there. There are bound to be a number of other CDs in your neighbourhood because there are a few CDing services near you. They exist because there is a need for their services. You could contact them for recommendations for CD groups or other organisations where you could meet other CDs safely. You could make use of their services yourself, too. Once you realise that you can go… Read more »
I have made an approach about a makeover. Wish me luck.
GOOD LUCK Sarah! I’m sure you will do well, just stay the course and do the makeover I know how scary it is!
The other thing that Harriette touched on, is other CD’s, there is very likely some social groups like the one Harriette and I are members of which gives you friendship and a secure group to explore the world with.
Amy
@Amy Myers I will and thanks for the support to go and try this!
Thank you so much for that lovely compliment Sarah! I’m not sure I deserve it, but thank you.
Once again I agree with you if I was younger in the current gender environment here in Canada where we seem to have high acceptance I suspect I would have come out much sooner and perhaps gone way further.
At least I’m glad I’m where I am now.
Amy
Lovely article and completely understandable unfortunately for myself I have never been out of the closet nor do I plane to leave to much anxiety and fear possibly a safe convention would be considered but no trips to the local Walmart as fare as percentages go I say 25 I would have a lot of work to do to make myself passable must say my own opinion to enter the world I feel better if I was at least 75 percent passable to blend in with everyone instead of being an eye catcher
@erinb
Erin, thanks for your reply and the compliment I greatly appreciate it! See how the CD life evolves for you as there is nothing wrong with being in the closet either, we are all different and what works for one, doesn’t for another.
Amy
Understand so true thank you