My first time in women’s clothes came to me at the age of five. I didn’t know how fortunate I would be to experience such a thrilling moment at such a developmental time for me. My sister who was seven at the time brought me into her room and opened her closet. I remember I had black and white horizontal leggings on with a denim skirt on over it, then I had a cute white shirt on. I was embarrassed but at the same time I had never felt this fuzzyness going on in my chest. I became addicted to this feeling and would constantly be trying to put myself in a situation where my sister, a friends sister, or anyone would dress me up. I remember I would always hit in our shoe room and wear my moms boots or hold her handbag. I never knew what this would mean.

In middle school, when my parents would trust me with the house alone when they would go out, I would find myself in my mother’s closet. I loved running my hands through her hanging clothes. First, I would always find my favorite pair of her panties, which was a pink g-string with a little pompom on the butt that my dad got her for Easter one year. I’d but that on and look at myself thinking that I looked good. Next I’d put on a black bra, followed usually by a black skirt. At this age I didn’t have a clue about fashion so next I’d put on a pink sleeveless golf top. Next came my favorite part, picking the jewelry. I discovered that I loved women’s watches (still do). I would wear a gold watch, gold bracelets, and a gold necklace. Then the moment I will never forget was the first time I looked in a mirror all dressed up how I wanted to be. I was mesmerized. I felt so comfortable and relaxed, I remember my face was just glowing with how comfortable and natural I was. I just looked at myself touching the necklace for what seemed like hours.

Today I am 20 years old and I don’t know what I am. Am I gay? Am I straight? Crossdresser or transgender? I told myself I was gay but I still didn’t feel right. I told myself that I was none of the above, yet I kept coming back to dressing.

So I started going online and creating profiles to chat with others about crossdressing and ultimately found myself on a porn site talking to men who were interested in girls like myself. I would get such a rush from it that I now know what I am. But before I tell you that, I need to tell you how I discovered my new identity.

I was talking to a man, and I brought up names and he suggested Ruby, because I love jewelry and diamonds make jewelry twinkle. So I took on that name and I still felt a little off. I was in another chat with a guy and told him that I’m Ruby so we talked for a but, then he mistakenly called me Rose. And that was it. Rose is my name.

So hello world, my name is Rose and I’m not gay, I’m a transgender who is attracted to men!

 

 

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Hello, I am Rose Strayed. I am 20 am a closet crossdresser without much experience. I like to keep up to date in the fashion world with my dressing desires. I love love love all jewelry especially wearing watches. I want to be a feminized woman. Once dressed, I feel like the beautiful woman I was meant to be. I want a husband and a man to provide for me and please. I've never been with a man, but when Rose comes out, that's all she wants.
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  1. Profile photo of
    Robin Twain 4 months ago

    Rose and Simone Thank You so much for your observations. It helps others too you know, At 53 I finally decided I was bi and I’m not saying I’m sorry. When I was 20 Rose I had some God awful experiences mixing Robin with alcohol (alot of alcohol) but through those experiences 35 years ago there were some enjoyable experiences with guys, and at 53 I can say “great”. I’m married with three kids, and only accepting Robin have I accepted my past. I tell my kids (who are 18,22 and 26) to have sex, but don’t include booze and/or drugs. If it’s going to happen be under control of your senses and enjoy it. Thanks again Rose.

  2. Profile photo of stacey  s
    stacey s 4 months ago

    Thank you Rose and all the others with there comments and little replies also I have been a crossdresser for many years now since I am alone and enjoy the company of mostly men who are gentlemen and women who understand me But I must say I enjoy the company of a man more and I am gay and found out that through many years of therapy. Most do not know this in my family either and when the time is right they will know. I can go further but realizing this is also family related site i will not. God Bless all you for your stories and post.

  3. lorrain 11 months ago

    hi rose loved your storey love dressing find hard to lave the house i would like to travel were i would not be known good luck

  4. Profile photo of
    Rosaliy Lynne 11 months ago

    thank you for sharing how Rose came to be Rose.
    I love the story. I had a somewhat similar start with clothes except
    that I didn’t have access to my sister’s clothes. I was in high school and had to get my clothes other ways. Being dressed as a girl felt right and even looked right. Today I am the lovely trans woman I discovered back then. My marriages didn’t work out but I am ok with that now. I am lucky though that my gf is also my bf.

  5. Profile photo of Jessica Hiver
    Jessica Hiver 11 months ago

    Hi, Rose. Thank you for your honesty! I know the fuzzy feeling in the chest moment. What a lovely description. Best to you. Jess

  6. Profile photo of skippy1965(Cynthia)
    skippy1965(Cynthia) 11 months ago

    Rose,
    Thanks you so much for sharing our story! As someone who had thought for years that they were only A CD, the discovery recently that I have TG feelings as well is both terrifying and exciting. Terrifying because of he many potentially life changing decisions/events that may be coming but exciting in that I may finally be discovering who I am at age 51. I still am not certain where my life will lead but I am going to enjoy the journey and try to be who I truly am-no matter who that turns out to be!

    Cyn

  7. Profile photo of Simone
    Simone 11 months ago

    Rose, I found this a very sweet story, and I hope it will have a happy ending for you someday. I have shared your confusion for many years and still do. I seem to see-saw back and forth between being attracted to men and being repulsed by them. I love women, but don’t seem to be attracted to them sexually anymore. I try not to think in society’s labels anymore– LGBT, straight– and just think I have my own unique sexuality. Actually I think everyone does. They might not be brave enough to explore it. All the best on your journey of discovery.

  8. Profile photo of Jennifergordon
    Jennifergordon 11 months ago

    Hi Mackenzie! Yes it is very hard to understand the whole thing. I have fought it for years to no avail. I finally realized I had to accept it. You are not alone. We are special believe me. Contact me anytime sweetie! Luv ya.

  9. Profile photo of Claire Renee Howard
    Claire Renee Howard 11 months ago

    I so identify. When I was your age over 40 years ago it was very difficult to find information and I was decades figuring out the difference between being gay and being transgender.

  10. Profile photo of MacKenzie Alexandra
    MacKenzie Alexandra 11 months ago

    Thanx for sharing your journey to date. I can understand how difficult it can be to make sense of such feelings. I have struggled with my feelings about who I am for almost twenty years. Though the support of my wife, I am finally beginning to get a handle on them, but I am far from saying that I have a clear comprehension.

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