My first time in women’s clothes came to me at the age of five. I didn’t know how fortunate I would be to experience such a thrilling moment at such a developmental time for me. My sister who was seven at the time brought me into her room and opened her closet. I remember I had black and white horizontal leggings on with a denim skirt on over it, then I had a cute white shirt on. I was embarrassed but at the same time I had never felt this fuzzyness going on in my chest. I became addicted to this feeling and would constantly be trying to put myself in a situation where my sister, a friends sister, or anyone would dress me up. I remember I would always hit in our shoe room and wear my moms boots or hold her handbag. I never knew what this would mean.
In middle school, when my parents would trust me with the house alone when they would go out, I would find myself in my mother’s closet. I loved running my hands through her hanging clothes. First, I would always find my favorite pair of her panties, which was a pink g-string with a little pompom on the butt that my dad got her for Easter one year. I’d but that on and look at myself thinking that I looked good. Next I’d put on a black bra, followed usually by a black skirt. At this age I didn’t have a clue about fashion so next I’d put on a pink sleeveless golf top. Next came my favorite part, picking the jewelry. I discovered that I loved women’s watches (still do). I would wear a gold watch, gold bracelets, and a gold necklace. Then the moment I will never forget was the first time I looked in a mirror all dressed up how I wanted to be. I was mesmerized. I felt so comfortable and relaxed, I remember my face was just glowing with how comfortable and natural I was. I just looked at myself touching the necklace for what seemed like hours.
Today I am 20 years old and I don’t know what I am. Am I gay? Am I straight? Crossdresser or transgender? I told myself I was gay but I still didn’t feel right. I told myself that I was none of the above, yet I kept coming back to dressing.
So I started going online and creating profiles to chat with others about crossdressing and ultimately found myself on a porn site talking to men who were interested in girls like myself. I would get such a rush from it that I now know what I am. But before I tell you that, I need to tell you how I discovered my new identity.
I was talking to a man, and I brought up names and he suggested Ruby, because I love jewelry and diamonds make jewelry twinkle. So I took on that name and I still felt a little off. I was in another chat with a guy and told him that I’m Ruby so we talked for a but, then he mistakenly called me Rose. And that was it. Rose is my name.
So hello world, my name is Rose and I’m not gay, I’m a transgender who is attracted to men!