To the lovely members of Crossdresser Heaven, and readers who have found us just for a time,
I founded Crossdresser Heaven 8 years ago hoping that through writing I could discover who I was, and praying that with words I could heal the deviance inside of me. Through the years I explored many aspects of my journey, sharing my first times pondering whether I was transsexual, beginning to take hormones, and sharing some of my thoughts after my transition.
Along the way I came to realize that there was nothing deviant inside me, except the normal human variation. I learned to step out of guilt and shame, and to embrace my woman inside. I met some wonderful people in my journey, and endured some hardships and broken relationships as well. I shared the pain of my last Christmas before divorce with you here, along with many others trying times and joyful celebrations. I poured my heart out on Crossdresser Heaven (read my complete transgender journey), and came upon a moment of decision.
My journey had brought me to a life I could only ever have dreamed of. A family who loves me, a world who only ever sees the true me, gender doubts and surgeries behind me and only the promise of living life ahead. In the words of the wise Pumba, I was eager to put my behind in my past. And from 2013 to 2015 Crossdresser Heaven lay dormant.
Why Am I Still Here?
In the middle of 2015 I was searching for my unique gift, the talent I could give that could bring a small light to the world. In despair I wondered whether my life could possibly ever count for anything – the promise of living life had become the business of surviving. I still had a lovely family, lived in a beautiful area, a good job, and all the trappings that should qualify me for happiness. But I wasn’t. Something was missing. The flame of my talent had been doused by the comforts of the world.
In June of last year I made a big decision – not only to resurrect Crossdresser Heaven, but to create a place where every transgender person and their loved ones could feel safe, welcome and supported. I realized that I had a gift to share, a gift of empathy, compassion tempered with a (still developing) technical ability and love of words. A gift that very few were willing to give our community.
And the journey of Crossdresser Heaven continued. It has been expensive, time consuming, emotionally draining and exhausting. But it has also been fulfilling, heart warming and joyful. There are so many moments I could share with you, but one from just a few days ago touched my heart and made every moment of doubt and frustration seem worthwhile.
Shining the Light
On Friday morning a guest joined our chat room and said she had just discovered her husband crossdressing. She was confused, hurt and looking for advice. And she found the beautiful spirits of the ladies of Crossdresser Heaven – Joanna, Amber, Rachel, Jessica and many more were there for her. To offer her advice, and counsel. To share their stories and lend their support. To provide her options for the future, and to cover her in a loving embrace.
On that morning a guest named Sara came in pain, and found the most beautiful and caring community on the Internet. She found us. She found hope.
When Joanna shared the story with me my heart rose in joy. I was so proud of our ladies and so grateful for their loving care.
Again I realized why I’m still here – to offer a home where you can find hope, make a friend and discover yourself.
If you are already a member of Crossdresser Heaven, thank you for being the beautiful, loving and caring person who makes our community what it is. If you have not yet joined, it only takes a few seconds to join Crossdresser Heaven, and you could make a friend for life.
More Articles by The Author
- I Want to Live Like That
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness
- Scholar Program – Transwomen’s Social Support for Medication Adherence
- Crossdresser Heaven Site Updates for January 2019
- You Are Enough
Latest posts by Vanessa Law (see all)
- I Want to Live Like That - August 29, 2020
- Hope in Despair, Light through the Darkness - March 22, 2020
- Scholar Program – Transwomen’s Social Support for Medication Adherence - April 6, 2019
- Crossdresser Heaven Site Updates for January 2019 - January 28, 2019
- You Are Enough - March 5, 2017